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I love all of you, having a hard time again....


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#1 Opalguy

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 02:25 PM

First, just let me thank all of you who are really into mushrooms and all mushroom related things. I am still finding zero joy, happiness, contentment with anything. I do not have an explanation. Nothing I used to like...or consider myself actively interested in gives me any pleasure anymore. I hate my work... that is unusual, I have always fell in love with any menial drudgery I happen to be engaged in. I have never felt this flat before..... Do not think I am interested or even entertaining self harmful behavior....not possible,I am here for a reason and I need to figure this out. When you feel like this....and do not lie, everyone feels like this, tell me what you do. I am open to all suggestions, but  right now, I am just so not down...not up. Just flat. I need that to stop. Tripping usually helps. I seemingly cannot eat enough shrooms to even make that happen.....Just....clueless right now.



#2 Teonanacatl38

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 03:02 PM

Are you feeling negative emotion, or lack  of emotion?



#3 Myc

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 03:47 PM

I can relate to the "flatness". I seem to go through quite often unless I'm busy with a project.

 

That being said, I find it easy to ramp-up the momentum by starting a project.

Some of the easiest ones are cleanup projects. Clothes organization - cull unworn items and donate. Tool organization - sharpen blades, service and maintenance. Car care - etc. 

 

Plan this year's garden layout? 


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#4 archersmark

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 04:13 PM

I was in exactly the same "flat" place exactly a year ago, except I called it a "funk".  I wasn't excited or interested in anything, I wasn't passionate, I could think of many reasons not to start a new hobby or projects because I knew of how they would fail in advance.  I ended up needing to see a shrink for a bit, and up my anti-depressant, and work through some job shiite that had left me emotionally wounded (I got layed off after working 80+ hour weeks for 9 months and felt really unappreciated at the end and felt like a failure).  During the same time I was trying to not drink, went cold-turkey, which didn't help as I had no outlet when I needed a night off.  I started turning things around when my therapist had me start thinking about small things I was grateful for each day, and write them down.  For me it started with being thankful for my silly dogs who just love me unconditionally and don't care what I'm going through, they just want to be held and scratched and walked.  From there, each day it grew to my kids, my family, my situation etc.  Then I was able to be thankful for getting fired because I really didn't like that job and it was a blessing to get away from people I was trying to prove myself to who would never see it.  From this position of gratitude for so many small yet foundational things in my life, was able to look at the projects/hobbies/issues that were causing me to feel bad about myself, and figure out why, and in small steps start fixing them.  I'm not there yet with being 100% zen and content, but just that first step of finding things I'm grateful for and writing it down, everything turned around for me.


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#5 Arathu

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 04:16 PM

It's a flat/resting/gestation time of year right now................. this might sound strange but y'all are used to that from me by now hopefully. I made the effort to place significant amount of my energy into valuing the Sun, the Earth, the Moon, the wind, fire, water of the streams and rains.....the list goes on and on...... Seriously I placed great personal values there and no matter where I am or what's going on I always have something to be happy about. It helps me....................I'm grateful that I have these things...........

 

 

A


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#6 MrBiscuits

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 04:17 PM

Personally, I exercise.

In a sense, I kind of elaborate it to..... you might be running from something... be it yourself... be it the world. So...go on and run away from it. Try as hard as you can to get it off your tail. Exhaust yourself. I'll tell you now... whatever you're running from catches up with you each and every attempt. But it's what it says to you in that vulnerable state of exhaustion that makes the biggest impact.

 

I abstain.

Substances beyond whole foods go out the window. No cigarettes, no coffee (maybe teas), no marijuana, no hallucinogens, no highly processed or refined food. This is me time. Time for me to access and let rest parts of my body.

 

I ask my memories.

What did I do as a child innately? I never recall thinking about it, just... what did I do?

I messed about in streams. I skateboarded. I lit fires. I built tree forts.

Water is the essence of life...we can all use some time to admire it, it's physical state, it's integral nature, its aquatic inhabitants. Fishing, swimming, boating, wading, or just simply sensing it. I'm older and my bones are creakier and somewhat arthritic (thanks, Lyme disease!), but I still ride a wooden toy. I frequently hurt myself on it, but man is it the best time. I'm more cautious and less of a pyromaniac now, but I still light fires, I see gazing into a fire as meeting your maker. Everything is a result of, or a carefully controlled series of combustions...how cool is it to have the ability to just create one for you own pleasure? I don't have trees in my backyard, but I force nails through planks and (try to) make rewarding constructs.

These things set me at ease and simultaneously stimulate me and my natural dopamine excretion.

 

And, as Myc said, I, too, tidy my habitat. I think what was said there was just right.

 

I have the burden of latent, but mostly controlled, bipolarism. So, I can safely say that it takes the dull to make the bright.

 

Best of wishes and health to you!


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#7 August West

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 04:34 PM

Brazilian jiu-jitsu. If you're flat in your rolls, you risk "losing" a joint, a bone a ligament or consciousness. Hence, you won't be flat anymore...even if just during sparring.


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#8 Opalguy

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 12:51 AM

Are you feeling negative emotion, or lack  of emotion?

Wow, I believe both. Times of nothing and there are times of just.....yeah negative sums it up.  More nothing.



#9 Opalguy

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 12:58 AM

I can relate to the "flatness". I seem to go through quite often unless I'm busy with a project.

 

That being said, I find it easy to ramp-up the momentum by starting a project.

Some of the easiest ones are cleanup projects. Clothes organization - cull unworn items and donate. Tool organization - sharpen blades, service and maintenance. Car care - etc. 

 

Plan this year's garden layout? 

My wife helps me with that sort of stuff, but it just seems like i run short of time, just as I really start getting  into something.....gotta go to work, or something else demands my time. I am clearly just not the master of my own resources. Things I nomally look forward to are just a black hole of negative projection on my part. I just cannot get over the hump this year. 



#10 Opalguy

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 01:08 AM

Personally, I exercise.

In a sense, I kind of elaborate it to..... you might be running from something... be it yourself... be it the world. So...go on and run away from it. Try as hard as you can to get it off your tail. Exhaust yourself. I'll tell you now... whatever you're running from catches up with you each and every attempt. But it's what it says to you in that vulnerable state of exhaustion that makes the biggest impact.

 

I abstain.

Substances beyond whole foods go out the window. No cigarettes, no coffee (maybe teas), no marijuana, no hallucinogens, no highly processed or refined food. This is me time. Time for me to access and let rest parts of my body.

 

I ask my memories.

What did I do as a child innately? I never recall thinking about it, just... what did I do?

I messed about in streams. I skateboarded. I lit fires. I built tree forts.

Water is the essence of life...we can all use some time to admire it, it's physical state, it's integral nature, its aquatic inhabitants. Fishing, swimming, boating, wading, or just simply sensing it. I'm older and my bones are creakier and somewhat arthritic (thanks, Lyme disease!), but I still ride a wooden toy. I frequently hurt myself on it, but man is it the best time. I'm more cautious and less of a pyromaniac now, but I still light fires, I see gazing into a fire as meeting your maker. Everything is a result of, or a carefully controlled series of combustions...how cool is it to have the ability to just create one for you own pleasure? I don't have trees in my backyard, but I force nails through planks and (try to) make rewarding constructs.

These things set me at ease and simultaneously stimulate me and my natural dopamine excretion.

 

And, as Myc said, I, too, tidy my habitat. I think what was said there was just right.

 

I have the burden of latent, but mostly controlled, bipolarism. So, I can safely say that it takes the dull to make the bright.

 

Best of wishes and health to you!

This is what I was hoping for, not necessarily what I SHOULD do......but what gets you all through the crap times. Many times I realize that it isn't necessarily what I think that matters, but how I think. I believe all the encouragement may bear some fruit. I will make a conscious effort to think better, and I am certain this will help. I expect no miracles.....this has been a lifetime for me. But thanks to all!


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#11 Gnomesayin

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 01:21 AM

[Direct Link]

 

This is one of my favorite ted talks and short videos.

 

I watch it often when I'm feeling dull about things. It's a beautiful reminder of all the blessings we have in life.

 

Everyone has these times of dullness, flatness, that feeling of there's something more or better. It's especially prominent this time of year. Good ol winter blues.

 

I have to agree, and believe you ought to try and write down some things your grateful for. And when you have that overwhelming flatness washing over you, think back on those things.

 

Let gratefullness overflow into blessing all around you, Then it will really be a good day.


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#12 August West

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 01:32 AM

My wife helps me with that sort of stuff, but it just seems like i run short of time, just as I really start getting  into something.....gotta go to work, or something else demands my time. I am clearly just not the master of my own resources. Things I nomally look forward to are just a black hole of negative projection on my part. I just cannot get over the hump this year. 

 

I've been working hard (for years) to realize that, the time most of us spend doing this or that, at least those with access to this forum (as in, by having the option of "spare time" by accident of our birth - participation in this forum being an indicator of that), is dictated by our decisions, not because we are "not the master of our resources". If you prioritize a project that you "start getting into" over something else, or a handful of somethings, you may be able to see that project through. Nobody can accomplish everything. That's where learning to set and prioritize goals and time management come into play (where the hell were those subjects in government school?). I have several things I could be doing other than writing this response but I weighed the pros and cons (no matter how insignificant) and decided I had the time to do it. And, since I went through that process, recognizing that I made choices, as opposed to them being made for me or, believing I just "ran short of time" to do something else I had on my list, I shift control of my time and resources to me, not some esoteric "something else". And so, instead of "not having time" (which of course nobody ever has enough of), you decided to manage your time to prioritize this as opposed to that  :deadhorse:

 

Obviously, there is more freedom to choose some things over others. But I firmly believe (for most of the people who have time to spend on the internet at least) that if you realize that life is a series of decisions and the consequences of those decisions, you will begin to have a lighter outlook, feel more in control and realize that life is literally, in a lot of small ways at least, the cliche of, "what you make it".


Edited by August West, 07 February 2017 - 01:47 AM.

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#13 MrBiscuits

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 08:21 AM

 

I can relate to the "flatness". I seem to go through quite often unless I'm busy with a project.

 

That being said, I find it easy to ramp-up the momentum by starting a project.

Some of the easiest ones are cleanup projects. Clothes organization - cull unworn items and donate. Tool organization - sharpen blades, service and maintenance. Car care - etc. 

 

Plan this year's garden layout? 

My wife helps me with that sort of stuff, but it just seems like i run short of time, just as I really start getting  into something.....gotta go to work, or something else demands my time. I am clearly just not the master of my own resources. Things I nomally look forward to are just a black hole of negative projection on my part. I just cannot get over the hump this year. 

 

I think an important thing to believe here is that you are the master of your own resources.

Your impulses are yours. Your activities are yours. Your routines are yours.

Maybe you can take a different route to work, even if just one different interconnecting road.. Maybe you have a bag that you always set in your front passenger seat, set it in your back seat. Maybe, if applicable, change up your music, radio, audiobooks, or podcasts.  I'm sure this sounds really inane, but, I've personally noticed that little tiny refinements to the monotonous aspects of your life make you feel like you're not just a cog in the wheel. And, personally, when I make those little changes, I tend to be more able to dissect the mundane and find nuggets of appreciation, even in things I kind of dread doing that I've done five days a week, in the same time slot, for years and years. My girlfriend says to me a lot, of monotonous things that I lack motivation for : "Think of that as the Buddhist monk smacking you on the back with a stick while you're trying to meditate." It's a silly, practical way of relating Zen or Tao practices to even the most modern nuisance.


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#14 Neptunechild

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 09:32 AM

Namaste

 

Well I'm glad that you know that you are here for a reason and you try to find it out. I lost more than half of my family and everyone I grew up with in times of war in the mid 90s and I think I was too young to lose all my hope. I did realise that big changes are coming and that I will probably never see my home again. I had to turn about 18 or something to really understand that my life and my opportunities don't lie in the past, but in the present. My ignorance and hate for the united states & many other countries started to losen up with time as I started to learn and accept that I am not the victim. No one is.

 

I have to thank Jiggu Krishnamurti, DMT, LSD, Shrooms and my mother for who and what I am right now.

 

I have felt neglected and misunderstood my entire childhood and never knew why I am in this foreign country..growing up with kids I don't understand. Culture and religion totally different to mine..Food that tastes like shit. Media that only serves the corrupt master of puppets. Pharmacy that doesn't really help and the unbelivable pleasure people get by wasting money, emotions, time and food. The western world sickened me for a long time and it still does. But I have found my place in this world.

 

And it will take a lifetime or even more to trully understand "what am I doing here?"

I know nothing except for that I am.

 

Unfortunately I have no advice to help you with your misery. I keep myself happy by gardening, tripping and making music & art!


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#15 Opalguy

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 10:05 AM

Namaste

 

Well I'm glad that you know that you are here for a reason and you try to find it out. I lost more than half of my family and everyone I grew up with in times of war in the mid 90s and I think I was too young to lose all my hope. I did realise that big changes are coming and that I will probably never see my home again. I had to turn about 18 or something to really understand that my life and my opportunities don't lie in the past, but in the present. My ignorance and hate for the united states & many other countries started to losen up with time as I started to learn and accept that I am not the victim. No one is.

 

I have to thank Jiggu Krishnamurti, DMT, LSD, Shrooms and my mother for who and what I am right now.

 

I have felt neglected and misunderstood my entire childhood and never knew why I am in this foreign country..growing up with kids I don't understand. Culture and religion totally different to mine..Food that tastes like shit. Media that only serves the corrupt master of puppets. Pharmacy that doesn't really help and the unbelivable pleasure people get by wasting money, emotions, time and food. The western world sickened me for a long time and it still does. But I have found my place in this world.

 

And it will take a lifetime or even more to trully understand "what am I doing here?"

I know nothing except for that I am.

 

Unfortunately I have no advice to help you with your misery. I keep myself happy by gardening, tripping and making music & art!

Thanks for your insights. I usually keep myself happy in a bunch of ways. What it seems to all be boiling down to is this. I am working a shift I have never worked before, doing work I have never done before. I never feel rested as my sleep schedule is just such a mess. I have to be up early to help with the family business and have to get to work later in the day. The work I am now doing is neither mentally or physically challenging, very restrictive in nature and I am missing a lot of family time. I think it is just getting to a point where decisions need to be made, and I just don't feel as though there are many choices available. Until I put on my big boy pants and make a move, I think this is my new normal.


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#16 Neptunechild

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 11:40 AM

 

Namaste

 

Well I'm glad that you know that you are here for a reason and you try to find it out. I lost more than half of my family and everyone I grew up with in times of war in the mid 90s and I think I was too young to lose all my hope. I did realise that big changes are coming and that I will probably never see my home again. I had to turn about 18 or something to really understand that my life and my opportunities don't lie in the past, but in the present. My ignorance and hate for the united states & many other countries started to losen up with time as I started to learn and accept that I am not the victim. No one is.

 

I have to thank Jiggu Krishnamurti, DMT, LSD, Shrooms and my mother for who and what I am right now.

 

I have felt neglected and misunderstood my entire childhood and never knew why I am in this foreign country..growing up with kids I don't understand. Culture and religion totally different to mine..Food that tastes like shit. Media that only serves the corrupt master of puppets. Pharmacy that doesn't really help and the unbelivable pleasure people get by wasting money, emotions, time and food. The western world sickened me for a long time and it still does. But I have found my place in this world.

 

And it will take a lifetime or even more to trully understand "what am I doing here?"

I know nothing except for that I am.

 

Unfortunately I have no advice to help you with your misery. I keep myself happy by gardening, tripping and making music & art!

Thanks for your insights. I usually keep myself happy in a bunch of ways. What it seems to all be boiling down to is this. I am working a shift I have never worked before, doing work I have never done before. I never feel rested as my sleep schedule is just such a mess. I have to be up early to help with the family business and have to get to work later in the day. The work I am now doing is neither mentally or physically challenging, very restrictive in nature and I am missing a lot of family time. I think it is just getting to a point where decisions need to be made, and I just don't feel as though there are many choices available. Until I put on my big boy pants and make a move, I think this is my new normal.

 

You say it's not mentally or physcially challenging, very restrictive in nature and you are missing a lot of family time.

So seriously, fuck your work. I know it sounds very easy and utopiate, but it seems like you already made your decision.

 

I know it's very hard to just break free out of something...I was Chef in 5* hotels and gourmet restaurants for several years, but then I reached the same point like you and I told them all to fuck off.

 

I'm still finding my way..I have no family or kids to take care of, so yes it is easy for me because I have to only feed my belly and pay my bills.

 

But I trust in the universe.

And since my prayers go to the universe and I try to stay optimistic, I get answers.

 

You will to. Trust me. No matter how complicated or esoteric it might sound or get in the near future for you, it's gonna be good if you trust in it.

 

It is that simple.

 

Turn on your lovelight and let it shine soulmate!

 

Peace to you


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#17 Alder Logs

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 11:58 AM

"It takes nothing to be happy. It takes something to be sad."

~Papaji


If Sri Poonjaji is correct, perhaps what we're looking for in the happiness department is the base state. Talk about priorities... What do we indulge to the degree of causing ourselves to believe we are not happy? We identify our loved and preferred state of being with objects, situations. Are we doing it backwards? We make deals for our happiness for happenings that don't give a shit about that, that are neutral as to us, as we think we are. The happenings are just happening as they will, and we bet the farm on them.

What is that glow in the chest area that feels to make you smile? Ever just smile and feel kind of dumb, doing it? That good ol' shit-eating grin. Feeling good when you aren't supposed to; what voice is telling us that bullshit? Our inner critic? What does that absent minded smile have to tell us?

Shit we don't want to happen will happen, and being present, we will be with what's happening. But, we make deals for our happiness. The unfulfilled contracts we entered into don't make our happiness stop being, they just let it hide it behind our reason.


Edited by Alder Logs, 07 February 2017 - 12:03 PM.

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#18 Neptunechild

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 12:06 PM

Alder if I ever end up in the US for a travel or so I'm gonna visit you :).


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#19 CatsAndBats

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 12:12 PM

Alder if I ever end up in the US for a travel or so I'm gonna visit you :).

 

 

Watch out for the attack cats. I hear "gorilla" took out a bear.

 

 

 

@opalguy In what context are you tripping? I find that if one trips with intent and purpose that our fungi friends will answer the call. Not quantity but quality if you will.

 

We love you too.


Edited by catattack, 07 February 2017 - 12:13 PM.

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#20 Alder Logs

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 12:23 PM

Alder if I ever end up in the US for a travel or so I'm gonna visit you :).

That would probably bring me joy.  Could splatter any expectations right up against the wall, though.  :-)  


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