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Cooking Disasters.


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#1 OnyxObelisk

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Posted 14 March 2017 - 09:22 PM

When in doubt trust your intuitions and instincts. I am constantly reminding myself that I need to be more grounded and aware while cooking, baking, or the like. Have any of you ever made a disastrous mistake while cooking that resulted in an accident or an inedible meal?

Today I decided to make homemade minestrone soup. I did not feel like I required a true recipe as this is a pretty basic dish that most novice chefs can recreate with the idea of simple ingredients and tools. I didn't make the mistake by not aqcuiring a recipe however. Oh no, not I. Rather, I made the fault by using a Crockpot to craft the soup.

The Crock pot, or slow cooker is an item that many people use for cooking very easy meals for their household. They are not hard to use (unless you are me) and have no really preferred skill set. But, every damn time I try to utilize one of these hellacious stewpots they ruin my dishes and create an abysmal mess.

Enter here, pasty pasta peril. Now the given name for my congealed concoction of a soup. Everything was great, initially I cut all the correct vegetables, added the beans, and spiced the very beginnings of my home crafted soup to perfection. The Crockpot was full and the kitchen was even more full of wonderful scents bubbling and wafting from the pot. Two hours in, I gave my soup a taste. It was good, I felt like I would add the shell noodles I bought just for this dish. This is where I made one more mistake...I really had considered adding the noodles last, boiling them separately and allowing people to add them to the soup as they wanted. But for some reason, my idea of seeing this pot of prematurely beautiful soup without the noodles added was a slight eyesore. I channeled my inner Martha Stewart and into the Crockpot the shells went.

Forty minutes passed and I thought to myself that I might want to wander into the kitchen to check on the soup and take some photos for my Instagram. It didn't take much for me to realize that the slow cooker gods had conspired against me again. All it took was looking into that pot and seeing no red broth, rather a glutenous congealed mess that was more like a vegetable glue. My brain scanned all possibilities; Did I not add enough stock?, Too many veggies? Then it dawned on me... Pasta has a melting point. The pasta must have gotten to hot and started to unbind.

So I guess long story short, soups not on.
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#2 Juthro

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Posted 14 March 2017 - 09:50 PM

LOL! Bless you, my child....

Noodles and a slow cooker do not play well together :) You can use them, but you have to add them at the end and once they are done (generally 1/2hr or less) you have to turn the heat off.

Don't give up, with a little practice crock pots can be an amazing tool. One of my favorites is a vegetable beef and barley soup. A great treat during fishing season to come back to when you've been fishing all day, and are cold, wet and hungry.
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#3 Redneckdork

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Posted 15 March 2017 - 08:45 PM

After dateing my second wife for a few months we decided it was time to meet her two kids. I asked my girlfriend what food her kids really liked, she said to make my homemade teriyaki sauce and BBQ up some chicken.

Now most people loved me being the one on the grill at parties, not this night! I made the sauce and never tasted it before putting it on the chicken. My sauce uses 1/4 tsp of ginger and 5 tsps of brown sugar. You guessed it I used way too much ginger and very little brown sugar.

I made the salad and the potatoe salad everything was going great till her daughter took a bite of chicken. We ate the salad and the tater salad. The kids called my teriyaki chicken, terribly yucky chicken.

I tried to give it to my dog he licked it looked at me with a what the fuck did I do wrong look and went over to the neighbors house for the night.
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#4 OnyxObelisk

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Posted 31 March 2017 - 12:23 AM

My mom used to tell a story about how her father once made fried chicken that the dog wouldn't even eat. My grandfather had accidently used powdered sugar in the place of the flour to batter the bird and fried it without realizing. He was a pretty strict man, and didn't let them waste any food that was set out on the dinner table. My mom said she tasted the chicken first and it was the most disgusting bite of poultry that she ever had. She spit it out and said, I cannot eat this. I guess he got pretty upset, and offefended that she refused his food, and told her that she would shut up and eat the entire plate in front of her. My mother actually started crying because it was so disgusting and the thought of having to eat another bite. He took a bite to prove her wrong and spit it out. It was only then that he realized he had fried it using the powdered sugar instead of flour.
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#5 Juthro

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Posted 31 March 2017 - 02:05 PM

Alright, I'll share one. My father in law once tried to make sourdough pancakes with straight sourdough starter. As in he served his wife, and mine (I was working out of town at the time) fried sourdough starter with butter and syrup, lol.

As you can imagine, it wasn't a real big hit ;)
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#6 wildedibles

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Posted 31 March 2017 - 08:12 PM

lol I guess Im not the only one that needs to throw out experimental meals from time to time ;)

Try sour dough gluten free bread the first time I tried to make gluten free bread for stuffing the turkey it was thanks giving and well the stuffing had to be thrown out and even the crows were laughing at me
"im not eaating that" ..... I had to laugh at myself at that point ;) I felt better even tho I tried really hard to put it all together ;)
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#7 FluffyPowerSmurf

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Posted 12 December 2017 - 02:19 AM

After dateing my second wife for a few months we decided it was time to meet her two kids. I asked my girlfriend what food her kids really liked, she said to make my homemade teriyaki sauce and BBQ up some chicken.

Now most people loved me being the one on the grill at parties, not this night! I made the sauce and never tasted it before putting it on the chicken. My sauce uses 1/4 tsp of ginger and 5 tsps of brown sugar. You guessed it I used way too much ginger and very little brown sugar.

I made the salad and the potatoe salad everything was going great till her daughter took a bite of chicken. We ate the salad and the tater salad. The kids called my teriyaki chicken, terribly yucky chicken.

I tried to give it to my dog he licked it looked at me with a what the fuck did I do wrong look and went over to the neighbors house for the night.

Still trying to clean chunks of food out of my nostrils after reading that last sentence and LMAO.

 

The last kitchen tragedy I remember was when I was 10, me and my cousin were cooking and if I recall correctly, it was waaaay too salty... but my uncle said "you have to eat your mistakes" so that was probably the last meal I fucked up.

 

Onyx, I know someone that put 2 minute-steaks in a slow-cooker, set for 8 hours so they'd be "ready" when they got home from work... No, it wasn't me...  Do not do that!



#8 MeadMaker

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Posted 30 April 2018 - 12:53 AM

My mother once tried cooking calamari.  She overcooked it, turning it to rubber.  My father made us all take one bite, then said "Now what are we going to eat?"






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