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Chocolates from hell, a cautionary tale.

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    puking unicorn

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Posted 12 April 2017 - 09:00 AM

It all started innocently enough over 8 years ago  some elves were busy making the psilos grow in abundance. 4 different varieties and a large one "just for shits and giggles" were thrown into the blender and ground into dust.

All in all each of these magical truffles had 3.5 grams in each one.  Black vulture was along for the ride to help out. He added his prayers to the magic that was brewing in the kitchen that day.


Into the blender went the 4 horsemen and ground to dust 84 dried grams.

The horsemen were:

Orissa, APE uncut, Penis envy, and malabar.


Then into a cauldron went 1/2 cup of peanut butter the "the creamy shit", 1/3 cup of ground graham cracker crumbs,  1/3 cup of honey and the dust of magic! It was mixed until a ball was formed and slightly more honey to give it a plastic consistency enough to be rolled into 24 1.5" balls. This went into the freezer of doom! till firm. Next chocolate of the darkest depths of hell was melted in a small crock pot slowly on low till smooth and then a few seed chips were added to temper it. Into a bowl was nuked till melted was white chocolate "after all we must have a balance between light and dark!


The truffles were pulled from the freezer with care in hopes someone screaming the back room "What the fuck are you doing!" soon would be there to help out with this endeavor. It was the Black vulture, breathing wisps of smoke from his beak. He then clawed at the truffles dipping them into the darkness and placing them carefully on the baking pan and then dipped his beak into the white and making striations them across the tops like a professional chocolateer. He grunted and groaned over them like Mako from Conan the Barbarian drawing mystical glyphs on his body as he applied the chocolate over the tops. I thought to myself this will be great!


They were then placed in the freezer to harden and then into little paper cups with care. A friend came over later that week to sample the wares, we each gleefully looked at these beauties and each popped one in our mouths expecting to be satisfied in our journey. The taste was excellent, Honey, peanut butter and a slight hint of earthiness. Wholesome goodness we thought... This will be fun we thought...


The ride went slowly as we put on some chill house music. Then it escalated higher and higher and higher, The walls melted the carpet marched, the heat waves from objects came into view all over everything, I then thought I have done it! I have killed myself! 9 hours of intense blastoff and then just an abrupt stop back into this plane of existence safe and sound with both of us in tears telling each other that "we will never do that again!" Nope their is no never, When you need your ass psychically handed to you these have the best kung fu around.


Black vulture laughed at us the entire time and grunted his blessings and curses...

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