So it begins. The call that brought me to this point has become obvious. I started at a Reiki class where "mycelium running" (Peter Stamets) was suggested in the context that we magick people are all networked on another plane the way a forest and its trees are networked through the mycelium that runs through the ground, and to better understand that network then to read the book. I have always been intrigued with the idea of home growing some fungi. I seen some buckets sold at a booth a long time ago at a rainbow gathering that were put together for just such a purpose and heard about prints but never researched it to understand how it all worked. Anyways, I read the book. A great book and just my style. It put this hobby in perspective for me and I started some research. First finding a kit from m*dw*stgr*wkits for a lil more then hundred bux that I thought would serve me well. By the time I had cakes running i was already purchasing things i had researched to complete my automated grow tent, so i began bulk.( haven't gotten to a grow log yet but that's because this is my first time using a forum and i been a slow starter.) anyways.. now i got gt coming out my ears and recently started pe's. So i take my first real dose in years. 2.5 dry, lemon tek. its been since i was a kid that i've done more then just a hit of LSD or a few bits of mush. For a while i had giving up on mush because i didn't have the stomach for them. but the call.. it was strong. So like i say, i take the ride. A lot of discomfort. My wife watching the kids for me in the next room made this very uncomfortable, i tried to muscle through it and i stayed as positive as i could but the real mental rewards didn't come until the ride slowed down about four hours later well after the kids had gone to bed. During the peek hours i just layed in a pile of pillows and wondered through my mind with lots and lots of anxiety. Too reminded of my self. During the following hours i was able to organize thoughts and do some work toward making my family more united. And i was able to take that with me. it was good. so, looking back at the over all, i realize that i have a lot of fear in my life and a lot of hidden guilt and..... confusion, i guess. i think that my peak hours where so hard because i didn't cross the threshold of ego destruction so that i may exist as energy and find the answers i need. i also didn't go into this looking for answers or having any preparation. i thought i was in it... to have some fun maybe?? i think i thought i would be simply drunken like and giggly and good times. i hadn't prepared for the adult style of magick that i haven't used in years because of the guilt i have inside for the things I've hidden away. i wasn't in it for magick. because of the mental cobwebs and crap I've let accumulate and stuffed in to old boxes, i misunderstood the mushroom, or better yet, underestimated. Sooo, its time for some real work! I have been reading and reading more, mostly here, but in a few other places as well as i'm in a book called "journeys out of the body" by robert a. monroe, that i dont expect to finish before i take my trip to the other side, and i am ready. The two middle kids (i have two grown and three at home, but the youngest is five months) will be gone Tuesday night (yes the fourth) and the wife and baby will watch over my body while i go. I could go on and on, but the real reason i have come here to discuss this with you is that i have, like i said, Plenty of fruits, its just that... well i am considering the 111.9 grams wet i have in the fridge (picked this last weekend) lemon tequed, or maybe ten dry lemoned.. i have a weak stomach still so i want to do whats best for my gastro system which i think is definitely NOT just eating them dry alone(also would like to minimize body load if at all posible with this high a dose from fuits). and if i lemon tek them fresh is there any suggestion on how to go about that or is just maybe using a blender then after they steep in the lemon juice maybe making a giant cup of like, say iced chamomile tea with sugar out of the slurry?? would love to descuss the journey and definitely up for suggestions on proper dosing tek, though i think i'm pretty set on the size. thanks all for the time and the trusted environment to come to with these things. i really am a noob to this hobby but not to magick and meditation. but really out of practice because of loss causing me to temporarily give up on myself for some years. now its time to get back in the saddle so that i can be the shaman and healer i know i have in me. Again, Thank you.
Time to answer the call. I'm preparing for a full spectrum voyage.
Posted 03 July 2017 - 06:41 PM
I will be fasting, probably starting tonight at midnight. I hate being hungry....
Posted 03 July 2017 - 09:46 PM
May you feel the connection, and share the healing.
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Posted 03 July 2017 - 11:06 PM
cant figure out how to put this in paragraphs. sorry for it being hard on the eyes
Edited by HarryShroom, 04 July 2017 - 01:45 AM.
Posted 04 July 2017 - 01:52 AM
Good luck in your journey and I can't wait to read about it. Whatever method of ingestion you use I think it's important to ingest the fruits too. I have found tea teks to be not nearly as good as ingesting the fruit bodies. I suggest blending them thoroughly to make digesting the fibrous stems easier on the guts. Personally I would use Orange juice for the slurry rather than lemonade. Both have ascorbic acid and will help extract the goodies, but I find OJ a lot easier on the guts myself and it tastes better to me as well.
Peace and enjoy!
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Posted 04 July 2017 - 10:28 AM
Definitely not gonna waste the fruit bodies!! not trying to go halfway. matter of fact i'm already feeling the ego start to realize the coming of its death and it whispers to me of my insecurities. telling me that this is a bad idea, that i'm only torturing myself and setting myself up for pain and failure. a sure sign that i must be on the right path. lol! i have to keep fighting until i can get the teacher inside me and the choice is no longer my own. fight through not only the ego, but the hunger. i have talked myself out of this trip a few times by saying "oops, well now that I've eaten, i cant do that to my guts". i need to stop telling myself that i will be trapped and start reminding myself that i am freeing my spirit.
ive been seeing this in the fridge for few days now, telling myself on one side to be excited for this new birth. on the other hand the ego whispers who are you kidding.
Should i take a vitamin c 1000 with this as well? i have some vitamins with ginseng in them as well i think i will take one while the slurry steeps so it has time to do its thing.
I must admit it right out. i have fear. But the call.i think i have to do this.
Edited by HarryShroom, 04 July 2017 - 10:42 AM.
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Posted 04 July 2017 - 02:35 PM
I always have some fear before a big journey. The only thing that doesn't do that to me is LSD and that is because it is an old faithful friend who has never taken me down dark paths. With mushrooms I think going big as you are is going to ensure you will be ok. I have come to the belief as many others have that it is the mid range doses that get shadey on you and can throw you into the uncertain and scary places. Positive trip energy coming your way. May you be wrapped in love and light and experience the blissful peace of the music that is all around us. :)
Peace and good journeys to you...
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Posted 04 July 2017 - 11:18 PM
I think going big as you are is going to ensure you will be ok.
Peace and good journeys to you...
Thank you for this. I find it very reassuring and supportive.
the time is nearing. The kids have left for the evening. The sun is setting. Outside bombs burst in air. time to make my wife dinner and make sure the garden is good and the timers are good. then start my meditation. The calm before the storm. I still have fear, but it is quieting. the ego is still trying to convince me this is the wrong thing to do. but i have muffled it a bit and distanced myself from it some. the pre-meditation should taper more of it off. then i will take my ginseng and start my slurry. while it steeps i will prepare the bed. turn off the phone, and mentally buckle up for the ride. if there's any more advice now's the time.. i will check back while i choke down my slurry to say goodnight. and thanks again guys for all the support. keep the good vibes coming.
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Posted 04 July 2017 - 11:23 PM
gotta say though, despite the fears, i cant wait to have something in my stomach.. Fasting sux! though i just try to think of it as mandatory suffering towards my quest to enlightenment.
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Posted 05 July 2017 - 05:52 AM
Looking forward to reading about it. <3
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Posted 10 July 2017 - 12:36 PM
I was looking forward to reading the trip report on this one!
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Posted 14 July 2017 - 03:53 PM
i am so sorry that i haven't caught up with ya'll. this was a hard trip to digest and its, well its just hard. plus i got started on this trip report once to walk away from my computer for just a moment then to come back and have had all of it deleted because i had brushed my touch screen wrong... damnit. So, i blended 119.something grams of freshies with about quarter cup of lemon juice and let sit for twenty minutes then took my ginseng. I then mixed about two shots of this delicious super food juice called thia-go. It's got red grape, green tea, mangosteen, acai, pomegranate, goji, red raspberry,sea blackthorn, apple, blueberry, and concord grape in it. (don't even know what a few of those are, lol) also about 4 tablespoons sugar and another cup and a half water to the mix. blended super well and drank the whole lot down straight from the blender in one big chug. super tangy/sour.
I fear it wasn't enough.
let me start with a bit of history so as to explain some of how i learned what i have from this experience.
My biological father was literally, a drug dealing (mostly meth) pimp, all of his life. he was a man with a good heart that chose to side with evil thoughts, and submit to the darkness inside. the youngest brother to five sisters and his mothers' beloved baby through all his days no matter what. intelligent and educated. yet still able to choose what he thought was cool and powerful above what was, love and right. my mother chose to run away from him before i was even one. she saved us from the dark. i met him again when i was twelve and he became a friend, never really a dad. but a dear friend. i love them both very much.
my bio died in my early twenties from AIDS. and i didn't see him again for a few years. then i went to him in my dreams. he was sweaty and confused. Spun and lost. randomly screaming while trying to speak. hair disheveled. cloths tattered and half hanging from his emaciated body. Unable to complete thoughts and ideas. bouncing from one task to another, completing nothing.Trying to be busy when i just wanted him to calm down and communicate. Sometimes he was crying. i would find him in places that seemed familiar to where he would be living, but he always seemed so lost. I tried and tried for years to see him, but this wasn't how i wanted it. Finally i prayed to the gods that i wouldn't see my father any more. it was a hard and heartbreaking decision to make. but it made me sick to see him like that. and then he was gone. i would go to the places i felt he should be and it was lonely. like he had just been there, but wasn't coming back. i could feel his raging, burning confused energy. but he wasn't there, and i was saddened by this as well. though i knew, i had asked for this.
So! i took my slurry to the head. slightly sweet and tangy, thinner then i thought it would be, no pulp or chunks at all! Yay! my stomach is so weak these days i thought. i sat for a few minutes then started in with the jitters. muscle spasms in my thighs and hips. i got up to pace and in a few laps the view became slightly washed with colors of purple and green velvet. this was all about ten minutes into it. i sat for a bit to see if i could study the visuals. Then the nausea. I knew it would come, and phew! did it come. I walked again letting my wife know that if somehow i couldn't speak with my voice or mouth then through what ever means necessary, that once for yes and twice for no would be our go to. she chose to write that down, which i thought kinda silly for the simplicity of it but hey, whatever makes her feel better. The nausea continued to grow. I began to fear losing some of the mushroom to it, and, being stuck in a place where i wasn't far enough along to achieve my goals. i sat. My wife lay on the bed, i think facing away from me as she breast fed the baby. i got sick. there was only the mix in my stomach so it was not a bad sick, and i had a cleaned out ice cream bucket right there to get sick into so i didn't have to run or make a mess. After each convulsion i tried to stop myself from the next, so as to retain as much as possible, after about three of them i prevailed and sat the bucket on the floor next to the chair i was in. thoughts began to wander this way and that and i tried to quiet my mind. it occurred to me that even though i had not expelled much, that there really wasn't a lot in my stomach to expel. i picked the bucket back up and looked. Yeah, that was about what the amount had looked like in the blender. most of my journey was in the bucket still...
And this is where the work starts..
I had fasted for the last, about 22 hours except for water and one cup of coffee that morning. so the only thing in my stomach was that mix. and some fenugreek that made the bucket smell richly of maple syrup. (it was the strongest part of the supplement with the ginseng i took) and there was sooo much lemon juice in it. i drank hard for over twenty years everyday all day. i know what stomach acid tastes like. i knew, if there was only that mix in my stomach, with no chunks or foreign substances, that the lemon juice would cover the taste of stomach acids... but i couldn't let my wife see this. i picked up he bucket and walked, wobbly, to the back hall next to the bathroom. This was about a half hour in and things were already very intense. There was really only two off putting things to me about what i had to do that i hadn't expected. first the temperature. now that the mix had warmed it was hard to hide what i was doing from my mind. and every once in a while the texture would thicken where i had sucked my mouth clean and spit into the bucket in between convulsions. after the thick parts i would stop for a second and take a breath away from the bucket and remind myself that i had to do this to complete my work for the night. i finished it back and told myself if i could retain it for another hour then i would let myself get rid of what i had to after that, because nausea and body load are a real problem for me through out a trip.
from here till i made it to the other side put back together, things are very hard to recall in any order that makes sense so i will do my best. I remember laying next to my wife with only the tv light and no sounds. she was sitting up now, playing sims on the tv and i was on my side away from her in the dark. i remember the mental noise so loud and confusing. no control over thought process. just thought. and i tried once in a while to calm my mind but only for moments. meditation right then was just not happening. i wanted to tell her to turn off the tv as the light was really starting to become overwhelming. at a few points i couldn't tell what she was doing, i would look over my shoulder at her, but the visual input was about as noisy as my mind. i couldn't tell if she was looking at me, or facing the tv or the wall. I couldn't tell if the game was playing, or on pause, or if there was noise coming from anything at all. at some point i mustered up the courage to tell her the tv was too bright for me. she said that's alright and turned it off and lay down to go to sleep i assume. This small interaction helped for a bit to give me a baseline of reality and noise. but not for long. this was bout an hour and a half into things. soon the adventure.
but for a small time i must take a break.. I apologize for taking this long to get started on this trip report, but know that over time this is only one of many. i plan on making these voyages a lot and practicing my meditation along the way.. you see, i will point this out: do you see the parallel between the noisy uncontrollable thinking and the state my father was in when we did see each other in the place made for that? i don't want to be like that when i get to the other side. and see now that i have a way to practice and learn and grow so that when my time comes to thread the needle, my hand will be still. and there will be no camel. Thank you all and know i will not let this much time pass again.
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Posted 16 July 2017 - 12:45 PM
Soo, i lay on my side in the dark.. thought processes wild and noisy for the most part. Then once in a while the nausea would be overwhelming but i only coughed up a few small mouthfuls of anything. but here in lies the first fight with ego. Making a MESS. I became very worried that i might vomit on the bed or my nice body pillow, and really wanted to avoid that, and it became the first anchor for ego to grab onto. i worried too much about the location of my bucket to the bed, and the pillow to my mouth and then it grabbed me with what if i piss or crap myself. Yes this was ego fighting hard. my mattress sits on the floor so it was easy getting in and out of the bed, which didn't matter long since my war with control had me deciding to lay on the floor next to the bed so as not to make a body fluid mess on the bed. so i had to push the bucket along the floor with me, back and forth to the bathroom. sitting down to pee since there was no standing for me going on and the ability to aim at this point was ridiculous. i realized at some point that i was whispering to my self out loud that i would be ok and that i was alright. i had begun doing this to reassure my wife that no matter what she could see from the outside, i was still in there somewhere and to not overreact. she was sleeping at this point though and i feel more like this was also ego convincing me to reassure myself that i had taken too much.that some how i was different and that an overdose would take my mind from me if i didn't hold on to it tightly enough..
And then that thought crossed my mind..
What if she could see me as i did, what if she asked and i couldn't tell her i was ok? What if i ended up in the loony bin behind this one. i fought this. worked hard to resist it and collapsed somewhere in the hallway, i became folded and enveloped around and inside myself. the words "i'm alright, i'm okay. I'm gonna be okay." echoing through my head as my world tilted and swirled and ego screamed at me inside with a fierce roar of defiance and i was suddenly on all fours arching and nashing and sweaty. Neck writhing. as waves came blasting at me the chin would start to twitch up and down with the entire head and the transformation became that much more, just... more. I had gone primal and the beast was overcoming me. i feel as though my ego was trying to become something else so as to avoid detection. turning into some sort of dog like entity to convince me i had already let go. the mental noise was crushing and the hope somewhere inside that soon i would breakthrough this in to the bliss, was like a feather in a tornado. i just wouldn't let go. i fought to be powerful enough to let go of power but then there was these lingering thoughts of shitting myself or pissig and my wife finding me melted into my own excrement.. i didn't want to be descusting. body function was the ultimate anchor for ego. it had found its tool. itd weapon. and boy howdy did it fight like a beast, literately.
Even the fear of insanity was nothing compared to the thought of being gross. The insanity thing was already impossible to me so that was weak and i knew this.
Throughout the night the waves come again and again. in between was when i was confused and sweaty and lost. trying to find a spot to be comfortable. at one time i couldn't find my nightcap and had to quietly wake up my wife to help me find it and build my nest of pillows and blanket around me. she then git herself some ice water and made the baby a bottle which i couldn't take noise wise so i had to uproot the fresh nest and take it to the back room to lay on the floor. she was a lil confused but understood i was still putting in some work and returned herself to sleep.i look back and feel like my need for the physical things like my hat and blanky and even the quartz i grasped throughout a lot of the night were probably also anchors i really should have released. the insanity between the waves was unnerving. lost and confused and thoughts random and incomplete. i was not at the wheel and i want to at least hold on long enough to let go. which was also so confusing for me. was i in the abyss where were my answers? where was my bliss. why wasn't i energy yet. why cant i stop asking questions ad just quiet my mind and let go. then the chin would starts its slow jerk that quickly blasted off into another wave of ego fighting the blast off into eternity.
Then it happened.
There was an audible "bink" and i was there. psychedelic flowers flouted about me as i sat up and realized i was inn the dream. there was no breath. there was no physical, there was no more fear. i feel as though it was only moments before i felt ripped from it and swirled back into confusion. i fought to quiet the mind and the were only short periods when it worked and i could be clear and feel my magick again. i could manipulate the scene. i could change reality. i could bend time and be inside or outside of space. and if i could map how to get here, i could teach others to use just meditation to get here. guided at first. until they had their own map. this is the place for work. but i could never be there for more then a few moments and only a few times. and afterwards the comedown was pretty fast. there was this definite clarity that made me wonder for a bit if any of it had been real at all. had i really done mushrooms? usually when i come down there is an uneasy feeling until i eat something. only then do i feel baseline again. but it seemed as though the trip had never happened with as amazingly clear as i felt. it was almost five inn the morning and i took a 25mlg seroquel to knock me out and crashed until 11.
There were a few unimportant things i left out of the middle there, like how my bathroom felt like a room in hell for a few. but i didn't want to carry on.
I went into this trip looking for a way to overcome fear and be motivated despite it. confidence and strength. After seven days i remebered my father and i came to the thought that real hell lies inside of our inability to let go of ego for fear of hell. my father let his guilt from life keep him holding on to what he thought was control. if he let himself go then there would be a price to pay for the terrible things he had done. but the truth is we've suffered enough and learned what we were supposed to along the way. so if we can let go then the bliss on the other side will explain this to us and the lessons for that lifetime are complete, and we may choose to go back and learn more lessons, possibly, and probably even, able to choose the lessons to learn. like a college schedule. then wrap up those lessons by learning to let go of what we did or didn't have to do to learn them. our energy sheds this mortal coil but fear keeps it gathered, not like science says energy exists or cant exist, but in an explainable way were we can borrow ambient energy to become tangible sometimes even to the living (this is why a room or area may become cold in the presence of ghosts) until we realize that the only way to let go truly, is to stop being who we were and let that energy return to the universe to be a part of everything.
I put some work into this experience and fear i may need more of the mushroom if i am to be able to get to the other side with less ego. or maybe through this lesson i can tone it down to a smaller dose and still attain better results through meditation. i will be attending a meditation class this week to help me along. i am trained but still, new things and perspective are always good as well, i have gotten a lil rusty and unused. i'm fruiting p.e. right now and was thinking maybe just the same amount of that would be the way to go. but its from multi spore and i think imna have to clone and isolate to get better results cause it is so blobby and short. but that's a story for another spot.
for anyone who;s stuck around his long, thank you and again i apologize for the length of time its taken me to complete this project. i am still really new to forum life and this was a hard trip to articulate, so thanks for being patient.
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Posted 16 July 2017 - 07:13 PM
Great report...............very interesting work.......
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Posted 17 July 2017 - 12:09 AM
Thank you for sharing, that with us, as I know it was very personal. I am somehow very surprised that you could not breakthrough without all that hell to go through first. I will revisit this when my comp Is not updating. Makes it impossible to type.
Posted 17 July 2017 - 11:04 AM
Posted 17 July 2017 - 12:18 PM
There was an audible "bink" and i was there. psychedelic flowers flouted about me as i sat up and realized i was inn the dream
the misspelling of inn has triggered a curious but possibly useful thought
a songwriter or poet could make use of the words "I had arrived at the Inn of Dreams"
carry on.... :)
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