We are awareness. The awareness is not limited by what we think we are. It is what It is, and It is not personal. Taking things personally is a divorce from the True. We have the chance to submit to impersonal being, and this uncolored being teaches us, whatever the particular initiator, whether it be dreams, Aya, or deep trance. Don't believe your personality's judgments about anything in experience. All of manifestation is there to serve Source. Find in your heart, a thank you, and come back to now. Drop expectations. There is no future, not even two seconds ahead. Now is the gift we all can share. Could there be a more important teaching?
Posted 05 November 2017 - 11:23 AM
I learned a lot. I studied up and did everything perfectly. I even took a much stronger dose.
I was just literally incapable of holding down the drink any longer.
I even took the Maoi half of the drink first. I didn't puke thencaapi. Held it down for 40 minutes. But the main break was rejecting immidiately. After I puked, I even drink my own vomit... I tried so hard. I'm trying to not be so unhappy.
But I'm really having trouble...
Aya was with me. I could feel her teaching me. But no DMT elements.....
YOWZA! All I can say is that with this kind of determination you WILL get where you want to go if you stay the course.
You're right to want to think this over for awhile. We can problem solve later.
BUT keep the chin up. No matter that it does not look like progress now, this IS progress and may be preparing you for a bigger and better experience when the time is right.
Until then - keep positive. Do you know how many billion people have come and gone from this earth and not had the experience you have? Patience, grasshopper, patience.
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Posted 05 November 2017 - 03:34 PM
I am glad that you felt she was with you, even if you never experienced the space travel. You know what, I had the same. This doesn't mean that it failed, or never worked, or were given some dodgy stuff.
And this is what I think it comes down to, let your self be loved. Your level of preparation, and wanting to do things "right" is admirable. But I think what happens, which we share in common, is we create this expectation of what it should be like, and when we are not given that we become disappointed, and start to think of it being a failure, and worse, us being a failure.
So, my message, let yourself be loved. I think I resisted during my time, wanting it to be something I imagined. But what I was being told was, "no, it is not that", "are you ready for what I want to show you?"
When I spoke about my experience with the group, one thing was said which was interesting, which was, that other people on their first time also never had break through, but also that the idea of being asked are you truly ready and willing to let go? Ok, so a second thing that was interesting was that the first time is maybe just correcting years of imbalance and the initial healing, helping you prepare for the next time and what is going to be shared.
Like I said before, she doesn't want to chase you away, and so, to throw you into warp speed like some interstellar movie may be a bit much.
btw, the movie, Interstellar, I reckon the similarities between it and aya trips is very uncanny.
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Posted 10 November 2017 - 01:30 PM
I think the MAOI is what causes the puking. Stimulates the vagus nerve or something nice like that. Could be better to take it at the same time. And you can always drink more... assuming you have more. No tolerance with Aya... which is nice. But, I have seen people drink large quantities, cup after cup, and remain unaffected. He was a bit an asshole though... I've thought of it as Aya deciding that he wasn't ready for it.
We drank 4 times in a week when I did it. Strangely, Aya seemed to affect me more with less as time went on. I drank one full (small) cup initially. But, the last time I was drinking half that and finding more intense effects. And I eventually stopped puking from it. I was also potentially and positively changed from it... perhaps a bit crazy. Much like this last summer.
I will love to do it again. Nothing beats seeing smiles in everyone, feeling perfectly well, feeling that the people around you are angels... Well for me. These we're the lingering perspectives and effects. And reality itself felt Godly...
Of course, I have very little experience. My reality it pretty damn stable. I've never smoked DMT. And I've been careful not to push things too far, despite trying a few times. But, maybe one day. :).
Edited by Guy1298, 10 November 2017 - 01:54 PM.
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