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#81 Alder Logs

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Posted 28 January 2018 - 08:43 PM

Mooji says that "what to do?," is, "the mantra of the mind." 

 

Let me start with, "I am not this."    In these human expressions we are all initially conditioned into an identity.    If and when this identity is seen to be made up of thought and belief, these out of memory and imagination of experiences, the story is there, even if it is a phantom.   In seeing that we are not the identity in our story, we can still see it all as a story.   We, as unidentified seeing, might have come to the point where we won't so easily be bullshitted by the conditioning.    This can free us of being slave to acting in character, which, as we can see in the life, some expressions will take a character to the point of being a danger to themselves and others.    Short of this extreme, seeing that no such identity actually exists as such, what Hedderman calls, "you travel lighter," becomes natural to the underlying prior clear seeing.   Okay?  

 

The body/mind identity remains, if only so I can be typing this out on this keyboard.     The personal identity is of the stuff it, and we all, are made of.   It's just a more limited expression of it.    We can see through the limited eye of our stories, but we can also be in and of the freedom of the prior awareness.    I say "prior" because I have seen that the seeing, the being, all of what I am is always first on the scene.   Only then can what I am not make something of it.    As identity, we make something of everything.    There has to be 'us and it' for us to stay being us, as a perception of a something.    But we never were that image of being we believe and think. That being is a virtual existence.  Awareness is first on the scene, before the scene is there.

 

The question, "am I aware," as I brought up above, is a great clue, as it shows us that awareness is what knows awareness, and we see it by being it, here and now.   No other place and time offers this vision.     For myself (so to speak), that being aware of being aware is a wonderful and great way to know knowing.    It takes me instantly beyond the limitation of the knowing of this and that, which are in time and always a remove away from being.   Here is where my divorce from conditioned identity finally starts to dawn.    There is no identification except as something that is separate from all that is.  So, I am not that identity, and this I can see, if honest about it.   This is where the doer fades away, yet in the play of it, it all gets done, and the traveling is so much lighter.  

 

I have never been one to be disciplined enough for most formal practices.   This is speaking as this, 'my' expression in the form.    If 'you' can know any encounter with seeing as awareness being only awareness, take that seeing into your practice, letting it be there without name or description.   Whatever rises in mind, watch it pass.   Everything in seeing comes and goes, except the seeing.  If the seeing seems punctuated, use your hindsight to see that even the seeming spaces in seeing are seen.   Don't worry if attention is not perfect.   Awareness is not our mind's attention.  Attention is there, high up in the mind's "what to do" list.   That can be seen too, in awareness, being there first, always.  

 

We might even endeavor to make something of awareness.   I know I can't say what it is.   It is what expresses in every form, and it holds infinity in reserve, should we try to nail it down, even to that.   

 

Tao Te Ching

Chapter 25

Something mysteriously formed,
Born before heaven and earth.
In the silence and the void,
Standing alone and unchanging,
Ever present and in motion.
Perhaps it is the mother of ten thousand things.
I do not know its name.
Call it Tao.
For lack of a better word, I call it great.


Edited by Alder Logs, 28 January 2018 - 09:24 PM.

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#82 Guy1298

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Posted 29 January 2018 - 01:18 AM

Thanks again. I do think that the clarity and reliableness of knowing not-self and/or awareness is increasing week to week. 

 

I suspect it will continue to increase. 


Edited by Guy1298, 29 January 2018 - 01:29 AM.

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#83 Guy1298

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Posted 05 February 2018 - 07:04 PM

A beautiful moment this morning. Woke up and was tiredly meditating. And for a moment, I fell out from view. It was a nice enough moment that the entire day was nice. 

 

As of late, I microdose on proper microdoses .03-.05g almost every other day (they are still not truly subperceptual though) ... They are a huge benefit, at this dose they even make paying attention and understanding my subject of study easier. This explains why I had such a hard time with .2-.3g. Lower doses are affecting me a lot more than they used to. So, I was fucking myself up and doing it daily. And, my relationship with mushrooms is one that likes to drag out the negative shit. So, I was driving myself emotionally odd back then. 

 

Still doing .5g every friday. It's a benefit even if it isn't a real trip. 


Edited by Guy1298, 05 February 2018 - 07:06 PM.


#84 Alder Logs

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Posted 05 February 2018 - 11:30 PM

 

(they are still not truly subperceptual though)

 

You know, not being a grower, now or even in my tripping years, I was a forager.   I swear, when I got into any pick of liberty caps or cyanescens, I always had the slightest perception of a mushroom high, even without any ingestion.  If I took a tiny nibble in the field or woods, that feeling increased immediately.   Makes me wonder now if I can't microdose my body/mind merely by just the suggestion?   Is this the way a contact high works as well?   Mushroom consciousness is an enhanced consciousness.   If consciousness is always prior, all states are available outside of time.   

 

Hmmm, just thinking out loud here.


Edited by Alder Logs, 05 February 2018 - 11:31 PM.

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#85 Guy1298

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Posted 05 February 2018 - 11:35 PM

Aside from that moment today in the morning, I noticed something interesting later in the day. I was in the thick of identifying with something that was stressful and I was trying to deal with it. Then, I noticed that my dealing with it was a part of the identifying with it. The mind appears to trick me by creating layers of identification disguised as letting go. What I realized when I noticed that was that the identification doesn't have anything to do with the content of the thought or the person in it trying to relieve himself of it. The identification is literally right here, taking place this very moment and disconnected from my supposed identity within thought. 

 

Was what I noticed today. 


Edited by Guy1298, 05 February 2018 - 11:38 PM.

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#86 Alder Logs

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Posted 05 February 2018 - 11:41 PM

That sounds like the process of inquiry has taken root in your seeing.    Or, the seeing, before identity.   Seeing that the seeing is there first is quite freeing.   It can dawn that the dealing with, as just coming up in awareness, can happen all by itself, without the identifying.  This is the doer not being there.   It is something felt in the heart; the true freedom.  

 

 

Funny, I just read about something like this yesterday on Wikipedia.   It was called, "wu wei," if I remember it right.


Edited by Alder Logs, 05 February 2018 - 11:46 PM.

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#87 Guy1298

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Posted 05 February 2018 - 11:43 PM

With regard to contact highs. I had a female friend who liked to trip very hard. I remember smoking weed with her and it being too intense. Her presence had an influence on the high, it was a trip, nothing like I normally feel from marijuana. 

 

Knowing the inexplicable nature of reality, I'd imagine anything is possible. 



#88 Guy1298

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Posted 12 February 2018 - 12:03 AM

This last week the clarity of seeing not-self has grown tremendously. I find myself laughing so much and so joyful.  :biggrin:


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#89 scott_1971_h

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Posted 12 February 2018 - 06:32 AM

No kidding. I often feel disconnected, like, in a "matrix" sort of way. Just feels like I am standing beside myself and seeing from both views at the same time. It often does feel like being mildly touched by insanity. And other times, it feels as though I am almost, almost, almost close to "getting it." LOL.. I am looking forward to reading more of your experiences with this. Best of luck!

Would you say you were dissociating? I sometimes still do... (once I took 100g wet and dissociated for most of the rest of the day...)


Edited by scott_1971_h, 12 February 2018 - 06:34 AM.


#90 Guy1298

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Posted 12 February 2018 - 08:24 PM

Night and day. From this perspective, it's obvious why I was so fucked earlier this year. I was identifying with everything that was remotely me. 

 

And I suppose I didn't realize the inherent immunity to the my story. I suppose it's as if I am jumping off a cliff from the past into the future, but I never realized that I am merely balancing on the edge, always balancing on the edge, never actually jumping! If I'm not jumping I have no reason to take the fear of falling seriously. I'll never fall, because I'm never jumping.  :tongue:

 

Or at least that's how I'm looking at it today.


Edited by Guy1298, 12 February 2018 - 08:40 PM.


#91 Guy1298

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Posted 17 February 2018 - 12:11 AM

The .5g tonight was extraordinary indeed.  :meditate:

 

Wasn't visual, but my mind was thrown for an incredible loop. The throwing was similar to what I'd find with much more, actually it was more complete this time than other times. 


Edited by Guy1298, 17 February 2018 - 12:14 AM.


#92 Guy1298

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Posted 17 February 2018 - 01:37 PM

I think, there is something deceptive in a mind that undergoes being thrown for that incredible loop.

 

It's seeing the complete absence of problems. Reality looks like God. Things make sense. A deep deep high begins in thought. Things that were terrible appear great, with perfect acceptance. Empathetic experiences ensue, where one feels like they are others.

 

It's a nice one. But, I think it is or can be deceptive. 

 

No changes here though.


Edited by Guy1298, 17 February 2018 - 01:40 PM.


#93 Alder Logs

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Posted 17 February 2018 - 01:49 PM

It's seeing the complete absence of problems. Reality looks like God. Things make sense. A deep deep high begins in thought. Things that were terrible appear great, with perfect acceptance. Empathetic experiences ensue, where one feels like they are others.

 

 

All problems are personal.

~Mooji



#94 Sweezi

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Posted 18 February 2018 - 05:35 PM

What's people's takes on the phrase "all is one and one is all"

Personally, I try to think in terms of higher dimensions (although i can't perceive it or prove it's existance) but if there's an infinite amount of parelel world's then every person has infinite timelines; some of which will consist of all the events leading to your present self. Therefore, we are all each other. But also alternate timelines whereby other species became dominant

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#95 Alder Logs

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Posted 18 February 2018 - 08:44 PM

What's people's takes on the phrase "all is one and one is all"

 

I would say it means very little until it is one's experience.   How to see it as what is?  Stop seeing what we are not.   It is in our beliefs where the separation lies.   We might have a momentarily passing experience of the One, but what's the gain if we forever keep leaving it behind for our old conditioned beliefs of 'me and thee?'  

 

 

The discovery of truth is in the discernment of the false.
You can know what is not. What is - you can only be.
~Nisargadatta Maharaj



#96 Guy1298

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Posted 22 February 2018 - 02:34 AM

Consistent insights of the not-self variety lately and it feels far easier to see through what's going on. 

 

Took a microdose today and was totally free. Could see it clearly. Everything that appears to be a burden is weightless. I even find myself encountering negative emotions and seeing an unreality to them, even as they happen!

 

It's strange. Could be dependent on the microdoses for now. If so, doesn't bother me. 0.05g every other day is a small price to pay for bliss. 

 

Will take .5g again Friday as usual. I think letting my mind be thrown for that incredible loop is good. I might have been hasty in suggesting it's deceptive.  :biggrin:


Edited by Guy1298, 22 February 2018 - 02:42 AM.


#97 Guy1298

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Posted 22 February 2018 - 02:45 AM

It's a strange perspective because it requires nothing.



#98 Guy1298

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Posted 23 February 2018 - 10:43 AM

I suppose this is a good end to this thread.

 

Alder, thanks for pointing me in the direction of Paul Hedderman and sharing your thoughts and opinions. It's been a deeply positive influence. I doubt I would have felt the relief I have without hearing it. 

 

I'm going to continue with these low doses for now and whatever habits I've had lately. Also, primarily in the last week, the world seems to feel more like I indicated, that it is unreal, subtle, but surprising, changes in the people around me. I'm closer to what I first discovered after my Ayahuasca ceremonies, then subsequently forgot. 

 

Everything is fine, it seems. No problems at all. Haha. 


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#99 Alder Logs

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Posted 23 February 2018 - 11:03 AM

Consistent insights of the not-self variety lately and it feels far easier to see through what's going on.

 

If your mind begins to create a story of this, remember the seeing and return to it.   That story creation is from the mental state, doing its thing in however subtle of a way it would need to to get its job done.   Remember, every action the mental state takes happens within the seeing, as nothing escapes it.   As the seeing, we are in our power, though not identified as our action figures.

 

 

It's a strange perspective because it requires nothing.

 

This is a powerful seeing.   Nothing (no thing) is what the mental state cannot use.   We can just pause for an instant in nothingness, no identity, and simply be it.   Such complete freedom is aways here in awareness.   It feels wonderful, but feeling wonderful does not describe it.   That would just be another feeling, passing by in awareness.

 

 

I suppose this is a good end to this thread.

 

Alder, thanks for pointing me in the direction of Paul Hedderman and sharing your thoughts and opinions. It's been a deeply positive influence. I doubt I would have felt the relief I have without hearing it. 

 

I'm going to continue with these low doses for now and whatever habits I've had lately. Also, primarily in the last week, the world seems to feel more like I indicated, that it is unreal, subtle, but surprising, changes in the people around me. I'm closer to what I first discovered after my Ayahuasca ceremonies, then subsequently forgot. 

 

Everything is fine, it seems. No problems at all. Haha. 

 

Just a little warning to not formulate plans for living.   As Mooji says, "life takes care of life."   If we make a formula out of what we see, we lose some connection with presence, and presence is the truest time and place, no matter how real the perceived world is or isn't.   It is the perceiving, the witnessing aspect, which is our umbilical connection to all that is, as we continue this human experience.   We don't just feel love, we are love. 

 

Namasté, brother. 


Edited by Alder Logs, 23 February 2018 - 11:12 AM.

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