These mushrooms, they do something to you. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what. I can only say that I am different. I am not what I once was. There are many things about them that can be defined, many changes that fit into our language. Those, I have no issue with. But its the ones that defy logic, defy explanation, that seem to bother me. There isn't really language for it. Or if there is, I've never heard it and don't know it. I know that you all know what I'm talking about, and you must have asked yourself this same question at some point in your long journey. The question of, What have I become? What has happened to me? I hope I don't sound overly dramatic, and I hope the meaning that I'm trying to convey is coming across.
I often feel half mad. Like some part of me is no longer sane. But that really can't be true, because I'm not in the mental hospital. And nobody even comes close to thinking that I should be. What is this? Could it have something to do with some kind of rapid expansion of consciousness? I don't think that covers it, but I think that it could be some part of it. I do have something of a lead, a hunch. There are song lyrics from Kenny Rogers (Just dropped in) that sort of.. give me a clue.
"... I saw so much, I broke my mind"
And it leads me to think about how I've never, until mushrooms, encountered anything that was bigger than I am. That's not arrogance, but a simple truth. Any average human being can with time, understand just about anything in the human realm. Just give it time and study, and they can understand and learn anything. Even the entire universe itself, will one day be understood completely by human beings. Someday. Which means we too could understand it given that we were able to study the proper material for the right amount of time. Doesn't matter if it took 30 years, we could do it if we lived in the correct time when the information is available. Those people from that time are the same as us, so we could do it.
But not this. This is bigger than that. So its bigger than I am. Could it be that running into that, is part of what I'm experiencing? Could it also be that I'm just doing what is known as... well walking the shamanic path? That is what they do after all. They take these plants and mushrooms. It may not be the whole thing, but its certainly a big part of shamanism. Are shamans half mad? Some would say yes, most certainly. But somehow, at the exact same time, they're the most sane human beings on the face of the earth. How can this be? I just can't understand it. And I've never run into something I can't understand when I really really try. My mind may not technically be broken, but its definitely hit a 1000 foot high wall that says "You shall not pass" in giant letters on it. And it has given up. When I contemplate on this huge mystery hard enough, I just get a big vision in my head that says "Does not compute".
Edited by bennylava, 22 December 2017 - 04:47 AM.