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#21 Guy1298

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Posted 24 March 2018 - 02:58 PM

The highs are incredible. Every time they come, they come with so much insight that I think I understand reality, filled with peace. But, the high wanes. 

 

In the summer, I remember trying to maintain it as well. I was trying to maintain it this time to. Through both periods. At this point, the highs and insight have come and gone three times. Often lasting for 5 days or so.  

 

I suppose this will be an issue as they come and go in the future, if they come and go. Best to get quiet next time I get that high. I don't really require understanding from other people, but the high is far out sometimes. I think I do a good job of making it reasonable though. 

 

It's the same sort of high and mental state that opens people up around you. People around you are smiling more, talking about themselves more, etc. I teach and the sense of the students that I teach is completely shifted. All on account of a shift in my mental state. 

 

There are also strange coincidences that make things feel a bit more out there. This is me making sense of it. I'd like it to be what I see at the peak of the high. But, right now it doesn't feel that way. How does someone make it reasonable? I doubt the highs will become reasonable, ever. But, it might be worth taking the magic out of its interpretation. Life is already magic. It must be something that is never lost. The highs are seemingly lost, so they aren't it. 



#22 Alder Logs

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Posted 24 March 2018 - 03:08 PM

Everything that is in time passes.  Something sees this.   Even a thing that wants some thing which has been sensed to sustain came into time and will go, the perfumes of the highs included.


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#23 Guy1298

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Posted 24 March 2018 - 05:06 PM

Alder, thanks again. 

 

I imagine seeing whatever is seen will become more refined in the coming weeks. These highs and insights have come with a clearer view of what's going on, less shakeable by any critical perspective. It's more obvious that it's a mystery, and a mystery is beyond criticism, it can only be acknowledged as what it is. The mystery is known in knowing that I am not what I appear to be.


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#24 Alder Logs

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Posted 24 March 2018 - 06:52 PM

What are these "coming weeks" that you speak of?   Talk about a mystery!


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#25 Guy1298

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Posted 25 March 2018 - 01:57 PM

Last night was interesting. 

 

It appears we can decide that we are not a part of this at all. I was laying in bed last night and just made a decision to discard my mind's connections to life, the sense of the future coming, the sense of the past, all responsibility, everything, gradually my body sensations mostly disappeared and I was just peacefully lying nowhere. Eventually, I opened my eyes and life is as it was. 

 

I do think that is just as much a part of the show as well. No different than a nice trip, I'd guess. But, it was pleasant for sure and didn't require mushrooms. It isn't even meditative concentration either. 

 

This perspective is a paradox. The turning away from what you think you know to be the case appears to be a turning away in time, but the perspective discards even time. And if I ask what to make of this, I don't ask as myself... Haha. In turning away from reality, it is seen that you are not in reality, then who's asking? Who's asking is just a case of me forgetting that I'm not something that asks. Because apparently, I am something that can take everything to be the case, even if it isn't. 

 

It's a damned shitty perspective for the ego. Trying to reject it at every turn.

 

Even if it is insane, which it is conventionally at least, its apparent effects are its measure. And the weight of life is off me. I'd imagine that's all we ever look for. 


Edited by Guy1298, 25 March 2018 - 02:13 PM.


#26 Guy1298

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Posted 25 March 2018 - 05:14 PM

From last night, it is maybe even clearer. There are thoughts and sayings that might lead one to not identify with oneself. But, not identifying with oneself is something that can occur without thoughts and saying. A mere recognition, no matter what is happening, I recognize I am not this. It's an immediate dropping of the imaginary weight. 


Edited by Guy1298, 25 March 2018 - 05:15 PM.


#27 Guy1298

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Posted 25 March 2018 - 05:22 PM

It was even being shown to me last night that physical pain is unreal in a way. Physical pain through the body, torturing the mind, but if I'm not the body or the mind, the pain is like nothing, even though it might appear to be incredibly terrible. But, even more so, what is tortured in the mind? The person existing in thought and concepts through time... the same person that is essentially non-existent. 

 

Strange, strange. This is where it seems a bit Mahayana Buddhist. It does seem that from this perspective a spontaneous love is usually the case. When you're not taking yourself seriously or your life seriously you're far more capable of feeling positive feelings for other people. All in the seemingly so, I guess. *shrug* Haha. 

 

You know, I might be going crazy. But, whatever crazy this is, it's good.  :biggrin:


Edited by Guy1298, 25 March 2018 - 05:23 PM.

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#28 Guy1298

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Posted 28 March 2018 - 11:43 PM

For some reason, I was hit with some pretty intense anxiety last weekend that in moments brought me out of wherever I believed myself to be. 

 

I saw myself in the present moment disconnected from time and so also from personality expressed in thought through time. The idea is so counterintuitive that in almost every moment I see myself thinking thoughts contrary to it. It does seem that thought is the thing that makes us feel as though we are where we aren't. 

 

It's interesting. I'm here. I can't do anything about the future. That's obvious enough. I definitely can't do anything about the past. But, I can think about what I'm going to do in the future, but at the expense of being happy now. That expense is too great. I think there are elements of mysticism in this, since I've felt them. But, barebones I think it is like that.

 

I really don't think it's different than a child crying. The child runs up to a parent and the parent just makes a funny face. And then, the child immediately smiles like nothing was happening. It doesn't take a parent making a funny face. It just takes a realization, I'm not what's apparently happening, I'm what's really happening.

 

Sitting in a room doing nothing, which I do a lot, might make certain distinctions more obvious. Like, I think "I'm what's really happening." Then, like I said before, there's a movement, "What to do?" Haha. But, I'm not in time. If I think "I want to do something fun." Who will do something fun? What fun is there for me? I'm here. It's counterintuitive as hell, that's why it looks crazy. And what isn't seen in "I want to do something fun," is that there is deep satisfaction in being here, but not being elsewhere through thought.

 

So, I think I'm getting at what it is. At least for me. Traveling lighter seems right. It's not believing something that's false, despite how counterintuitive that might seem for the mind and person expressed in thought. We aren't in time. Misidentification merely. 

 

Same time, I know that anyone in the thick of being what they think they are will not believe it. In fact, I don't even believe it! Haha. At least if I try to get at it through thought and not by just making the counterintuitive jump to see it here and now. *shrug* 

 

Seriously, in the time that I took to think about this and to see that this is the case, I've felt the welling up of pleasure in my chest and a light happiness as though there is nothing to do. Proof enough for me.  :tongue:


Edited by Guy1298, 28 March 2018 - 11:57 PM.


#29 Guy1298

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Posted 29 March 2018 - 12:17 AM

I'm giving this thread a rest. 


Edited by Guy1298, 29 March 2018 - 12:18 AM.


#30 Guy1298

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Posted 29 March 2018 - 10:47 AM

Chances are my attempt to understand it is its loss. Haha.  :tongue:

 

Happiness and pleasure for whom? Haha. This life is an odd trap. No escape. 

 

Thanks for listening. 


Edited by Guy1298, 29 March 2018 - 10:47 AM.


#31 Alder Logs

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Posted 29 March 2018 - 01:00 PM

 

Happiness and pleasure for whom?

 

It appears you have been applying the inquiry.   Mooji says of this:

 

"He who begins the inquiry will not end the inquiry, but will be ended by the inquiry."


Edited by Alder Logs, 29 March 2018 - 01:00 PM.


#32 Guy1298

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Posted 30 March 2018 - 03:30 PM

It seems my mind has come back from wherever it was. 

 

I think it arises with the help of a combination of microdosing and low dose trips, with the addition of making the jump in thinking that let's go of time, oneself, etc. From there, Advaita Vedanta, Zen, and whatever other spiritual perspectives are real. Reality shows itself to me differently. Thoughts around self seem to melt as I look at them, there is not a self for the thoughts to pertain to. It is beautifully mystical. 

 

It seems the microdoses and low dose trips are necessary for maintaining this perspective. Maybe at some later date it won't be the case, but for now, I think it's fine that that is the case. 

 

Anyway, I'll enjoy the perspective as it arises now and in the supposed future and see where it takes me. Thanks for being cool with listening to my apparent struggles to hold onto bliss and highs. :). 


Edited by Guy1298, 30 March 2018 - 03:49 PM.


#33 Alder Logs

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Posted 30 March 2018 - 08:01 PM

Who is it who struggles? 

 

Henh, there I go again.


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#34 Guy1298

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Posted 30 March 2018 - 10:47 PM

Good question. 

 

:deadhorse:

 

Couldn't tell you why I decided on this emoticon. 


Edited by Guy1298, 30 March 2018 - 10:51 PM.

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#35 Guy1298

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Posted 02 April 2018 - 02:33 PM

Seems it revived itself again.

 

It seems to be a simple recognition that I am not in time. In that, I am not what is thought of with regard to "I". And from there, there is peace. 

 

Did microdose again so it could play a part. But, I'm more convinced that it arises from a different approach to mind. Always being ready to question the appearance of oneself in time as it arises in thought, but with no reason to resist or deny from within it because you're not in it to begin with. The story moves forward frame by frame, you always just looking at a frame, but extrapolating a false self through time upon which every worry is made seemingly real to you. 

 

It is real enough in observable experience. Where am I? In a moment. Maybe not even there? The person in time is not real to me, aside from my making it real by assuming its real and misidentificating with it. 

 

It's incredibly obvious actually. It's the nature of time, maybe. But, totally untrue for the person that seemingly lives through time.

 

But, I'm keeping it simple from here on. I won't try to explain or understand it so fervently, in states of bliss and high. No use. It's just letting go. If I move to understand it, I move through something that isn't me and that me will create a world of wonder with it which will take me away from the peace of not moving.


Edited by Guy1298, 02 April 2018 - 02:46 PM.

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#36 Alder Logs

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Posted 02 April 2018 - 02:59 PM

I just wrote this in an email to the very friend who urged me for so many years to "stay as the witness:"

 

"I am not a player in all this, but I play one in this form."

 

We were discussing the videos that show that so many television stations are programmed with propagandist messages.   She's not so political, but this one got her going enough to send me a version of it.   Then, she got self-conscious about having done that.   I assured her it's just more clouds passing in a clear sky.   My action figure gets into the show of the many worlds, but it is all seen form the witness of both the seen world, and all the seeing in form, even the most subtle.    What is more subtle than anything grabbed by identification?   It is never not here.   This whole panorama will have its end.   I am not that.


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#37 Guy1298

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Posted 04 April 2018 - 12:11 PM

I suppose when it's seen that you're not in time, time is pretty weightless. Things happen naturally, as they always have.

 

Who is it that remembers that he isn't in time? Haha. Not me. 


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#38 Guy1298

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Posted 04 April 2018 - 12:21 PM

As for the topic of taking a large dose. It will probably happen. Quite curious, really. 



#39 Alder Logs

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Posted 04 April 2018 - 05:21 PM

Check out this PDF file called, The Ashtavakra Gita, and see what you think (or don't think). 

 

This is from the intro:

 

"...after the first salvo of wisdom from Ashtavakra, Janaka realizes his true Self, and from then on they get into an advaitic jam session of the highest sort."


Edited by Alder Logs, 04 April 2018 - 05:22 PM.

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#40 Guy1298

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Posted 04 April 2018 - 05:32 PM

Actually came across this awhile back, even mentioned it in this thread. When I was extremely high and blissful about a week or two ago I managed to have it close by and as I read it, I just thought, "Of course." It seemed to reflect exactly what I felt at the time. 

 

It reminded me some of a time right after my last Ayahuasca ceremony in Peru. Someone had a spiritual book and when I read it, I truly and really felt that I had written it. They were my words. Me writing them, me saying them, mine. But, just after that I thought I was Jesus and was being taken to be crucified. So... yep.  :tongue:


Edited by Guy1298, 04 April 2018 - 05:34 PM.





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