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#41 Alder Logs

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    ૐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ૐ

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Posted 04 April 2018 - 07:07 PM

Ha ha.   If I only had a short term memory.   I see you cited it as the Ashtavakra Samhita.  I see that is a 1940 translation, "word for word," Sanskrit to English, it says in Wikipedia.   You should read the author's notes at the start of the PDF.    I really am enjoying taking my time reading through it.   It feels to me a bit like the Tao Te  Ching



#42 Guy1298

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Posted 19 April 2018 - 12:17 AM

It's decided.

 

When I first started using mushrooms, I used large doses a lot and barely found anything I was looking for. One night, I even ate 10 grams and I didn't quite find what I was looking for either. Then, I did 7 grams a short time after that and got taken by the most incredible fear and resisted the experience at all costs. Those experiences weren't trips despite whatever I might've thought back then. Very deep experiences in their own way, ideologically, emotionally, etc. But not trips. I imagine when I first started my personality was entrenched in fear and that was a part of why things didn't open up. 

 

Mushrooms in particular still scare me. But, I think things have come full circle. I made a decision to eat 10 grams in almost suicidal fashion back then. That's how determined I was to change what was going on. I must have been a fucked up kid despite certain appearances. Those experiences led me to become a meditator, to loving-kindness meditation, to the careful use of low doses to pull me out of probable PTSD and to acceptance of certain perceptual changes what I considered HPPD at the time. 

 

It's been an interesting experience and for whatever reason psychedelics are still on my mind, obsessively so. The largest dose in recent times was 4g taken in a negative mindset in a relatively bad setting which led to a terrible experience. Terrible, but also very good in the sense that it was a good lesson, but still not really open. A shift occurred by switching to tripping in the dark and more seriously, better set. That shift was what led me to the small 2.5g trip this summer that left me positively psychotic for 10+ days, and positively changed for a few months after that. Then, there's the little trips I've had in these past few months which are colored by feelings of something godly. 1.5g taking me deeper than 7g did when I was first using. And .5g leading me into bliss, clear insights, trusting and full of love even as I feel I'm disappearing, etc. 

 

I'm not one of those that just jumped in and found God... not at fucking all. But, I'm beginning to find what I was looking for when I first started. I'm sure of it. I think I'm in a good place right now, well developed in the ways I need to be, despite obviously being a bit emotionally fucked earlier this year. So, it's decided. I'm graduating in few weeks. I'll be hiking in the mountains. I'll find a nice place, deep in wilderness, safe (aside from possibly bears). I'll meditate until I'm as clear-headed as I can be, wait until it's pitch-darkness, then I'll take anywhere from 5-6g. That's the plan. 

 

This is all said putting aside the Advaita Vedantic points of view from earlier in the thread.


Edited by Guy1298, 19 April 2018 - 12:21 AM.


#43 Guy1298

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Posted 19 April 2018 - 10:42 AM

It does seem that under the right mental circumstances, all I think about is using a larger dose. 

 

If anybody thinks it's a bad idea let me know. Otherwise, you can expect my next post/thread here to be a trip report. I think it's necessary. 


Edited by Guy1298, 19 April 2018 - 11:56 AM.





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