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Surviving Toxic Parents


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#1 darci

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 09:45 AM

Hello Topiates

 

So I'd like to discuss what mushrooms mean as a tool of understanding experience, thoughts, and life in general. Due to the circumstances of my early life I have had some difficulty adjusting myself psychologically and behaviorally toward a normal, relatively non-depressed and non-painful life.

 

When I take mushrooms, perhaps half of the time I spend is witnessing the universe through eyes that are not my own. This includes incredibly imaginative thoughts, ideas, visions, emotions, and experiences that seem sometimes beautiful, insane, alien, or even so funny they are side-splitting hilarious.

 

But the rest of the time I descend backwards through time to my past, to events and experiences that I was a part of when I was younger. Often this includes the heavy emotional weight that I have carried since then, due to the pain and long-term emotional impact those events had on me.

 

One of the heaviest has been my lifelong relationship with my mother. Of course, I am responsible for who I am and how I live my life, thought I would say that also our parents can leave us with a lot of baggage to sort out before we can begin to live the lives that feel like they are truly all our own.

 

To give you a sense of what my mom is like, I would use as an example a TV show I have known of but never actually watched until very recently: Arrested Development. Keeping in mind that so far I have only watched a few episodes and characters can change, nonetheless I have never seen such a good example of what it can be like trying to live in a healthy fashion inside of a family with severely dysfunctional behaviors. The person I'm thinking of is of course the mother on that show.

 

She is quite smart and keen, but uses those talents in completely manipulative, selfish, and immoral ways. She uses money as a weapon to get you to acquiesce to absurd ideas and plans, believes that she is somehow superior to other people yet consistently demonstrates either obviously immoral, childish, or selfish behavior. And worst of all, she demands attention and recognition for all these things as if their fictitious existence is evidence that she's nothing but a saint.

 

I've been the daughter of this person for 33 years, and feel like I've suffered terribly for it. She was never a role model for me, I never found her to be a loving or nurturing person, she has a cruel mouth that can tear into you so deeply and with such indifference to the pain she causes that I sometimes wonder if she has a human heart beating inside her chest at all.

 

I feel like much of what I do today - which is primarily talk to myself in my own head and try to remind myself to NOT BE LIKE HER - consumes a lot of my cognitive bandwidth that could be better spent on my work, my relationships, and my happiness. It's still a burden I bear constantly, and it's exhausting. By far the worst part about it is when I identify some behavior or attitude of my own that I know has its roots in my mother. It makes me cringe and it makes me look into the mirror and hate the person I see.

 

So without leaving too big of a pile of shit here to contemplate, I was wondering if anyone else out there has had similar problems and even if you don't have any advice, maybe there could be some alleviation of the negativity of it all just to know and hear of someone else with a similar story.

 

- Darci.


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#2 Alder Logs

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 11:35 AM

For some reason, Darci, it seems that what I have written in response to your posts in the past seems never to be touched in response from you.   It's been like standing on stage, playing to an empty house.   I don't know why this is, like I have always been speaking a different language.   But here I am, ready to offer something in response once more. 

 

For me, it was my father.   A short man with a tall ego.   I am certain he loved me, his second born problem child, coming after the straight A, athletic, popular older brother.   We were sixteen months apart, he born in October, me in February.   I was pushed up into the grade behind him, making me the youngest in my class.  For some unknown reason, my parents wanted us in consecutive grades.   I was always the second to smallest kid in the class, thanks to Russel Smith for saving me from being the smallest.   In first grade I started to find out that reading was very hard for me, and I was branded by my teacher, "slow motion."   With the way pecking orders arise, I was soon the best bully bait around.   Russel could at least read and such, and thereby could stay invisible.  I, on the other hand, was the prototype for what would later be called, "hyperactive," later, "hyper-kinetic," later yet, ADHD.    But back then, it was "problem child."

 

The ADHD kids are given speed of some form because it induces a stress level.   One thing found out about these kids is, they have a brain chemical that has its levels reversed from the "normal" population.   They can't concentrate when in a relaxed surrounding.   When everyone else is panicking, they come through and see and do what needs doing, because they can concentrate when in a stressful situation.   They obviously don't belong confined to a school desk, ordered to be still.  But anyway, I was in that institutionalized setting and judged for my inability to be there.   

 

My brother's report cards were top of the line, and mine, mostly straight Fs.   Dad didn't like that.   I got whipped for that, and lots of other stuff.   He probably didn't know he was whipping me for not being able to concentrate, and I would lose his tools only because I was just this body in motion with opposable thumbs.   I was in fights where I would inevitably be beaten up, only to get whipped for having been in a fight.   I literally could not win.  

 

My dad was a five foot seven man who thought he was Jack Webb combined with John Wayne.    My mom described him as someone who would argue with a signpost.   If you ever proved him wrong in an argument, where you actually had him seeing he'd gotten it wrong, you would see him stop and 'get it,' and the next thing he would say would be, "forget I said that."   He would forget he said that and resume his life of infallibility.    This way he could maintain his authoritarian role, commanding all within his sphere.  

 

I can only remember him beating my brother one time.   It was when he had a fight with a classmate, Rodney Scully, Jr.   It was a weird situation in the public sphere.  My dad was a teevee repairman, and Rodney Scully, Sr. was the other teevee repairman in town.   My brother told his story, and Rodney, Jr. told his.   Rodney, Sr. told our dad Jr.'s version and my dad punished my brother, in his style.  I, on the other hand, was whipped so often I can't even say how often it was.  I was always in trouble for something.   I was scared shitless of my dad much of the time.   The drunker he was (and there was always a little blood in his alcohol) the worse the whippings were.  "You don't apply yourself!"   WTF does that mean?   Whatever it meant, it meant I was getting whipped with his belt.  

 

The truly funny thing is, I stayed true to my dad like any whipped dog might.   My brother disowned him after we left him to live with our mom, after a particularly bad bender, brought on by anther bad divorce he went through that left our little one parent family broke.   His navy retirement check was most all going to alcohol at that time.  

 

So, through it all, you could say I came out of the schools and navy quite poorly socialized.   I thought I was stupid, while I was only learning impaired.   I was learning, but not in the standard ways.   And, I was doing it mostly on my own.   I didn't understand anything about relationship at all.   I had never had much in that line.   The ADHD thing meant that when I was uneasy with people, I was on my guard and concentrated.  If I thought someone liked me, I wasn't quite there and might say or do anything.   There was this repeating cycle of quickly making friends and just as quickly losing them.  I couldn't see what was happening until I was maybe in my fifties, and reflecting after many psychedelic experiences.   Acid and mushrooms really helped me see and reflect.   That, and just the weight of additive experience.   

 

I fought with a self image issue of being alone through so many years.   I wasn't conditioned to be with someone.  I had been conditioned to be alone.   I hated being alone only because it seemed adverse to the image I thought we were all to attain of the proper complete person.    I was totally taken by feminine beauty, and would fall in love at the drop of a hat.   I banged my head and heart against that image of soul mates and fell short of that image for decades on end.   It was my idea of something to be that drove me, and so long as that image was not met, I suffered greatly.   The scariest image was that I would be like my father.    I had anger issues just like his, at his inability to make the world within his sphere conform to his imagined self image, his John Wayne movie. 

 

My issue was that the world had to be perfect, and if it wasn't, it was something that I did, and probably needed to be whipped for it.   This made me highly manipulable by almost anyone.   So, when I tried relationship, it was never going to be on the level ground of mutual respect.   I was standing in a hole created by all that formative experience.    Today, I am truly happy for no reason.   If I looked for a reason, I don't think I'd have much luck.    I see that living up to ideas is not any path to peace.   It is serving false masters.   It's the con we are all taught to play on ourselves, whether it was taught us innocently or not.   We are not what we think, and whatever the history we believe in, this is the truth of it.  We are NOT what we think.   We are the pure and perfect seeing of What Is, and not what we make of it in our minds.  

 

How many lifetimes it takes to see it doesn't matter, once it's seen and grokked.   When this happens, all the water under the bridge that got us here is blessed, for how else could it have been for us? 

 

You surprised me, Darci, when you told me you are only 33 years old.   I thought you were much older for some reason.   I was still in so much pain of unmet expectations at 33.   Would I change anything now?  Not at all.   I really didn't have my breakthrough until I was 67.   I was certainly doing better than my younger years by then, but I was still carrying it all as cause-and-effect, still trying to be something to satisfy the conditioning.   Then, something pulled the rug out from under my personal identity and in a perceived crisis, I saw it was my idea of self that was in suffering, yet that seeing was not suffering.   The seeing showed that my identity was arbitrary, made up from story, and unreal.   From the perspective of impersonal seeing, there was only this life, here and now, that remains untouched.   Belief is no more than belief.   We are alive now, believe it or not.   We can wrap all our reasons and remembered experiences around our life and completely smother it, blind it to this breath, right now.   We can quit that any time we can be truthful with ourselves about what is known and what is only believed. 

 

So, you are young, and at any age, the possibilities of life are infinite.   It's never what we think.   Being stands alone, whatever we make of it in our mind's eye.   Being gives me all I could want, and life takes care of life.   The details don't matter, and what is born will die.   What started will end.   What is eternal is what sees it all come and go.   That is our seeing.   It has no name and no history, or maybe it's all history.    That seeing is there before any name is attached to it.   The person claims it, but that's the lie we tell ourselves as some little story of a person.  We are before it.  We are timeless awareness.   You have plenty of time to see the timeless.  Don't worry about it.   You can't miss.   All that is false must fall away.   What Is, is.


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#3 Oneyedraven

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 12:51 PM

Darci

Although I haven't got to sample my first grow, part of my motivation for doing so is to try and heal VERY similar wounds. I have heard PTSD described as having an encounter with pure evil. Whether it was evil that was done to us or by us- (against our moral judgment)
It still leaves a scar. Until the evil doer confronts the evil in their heart and makes amends we must walk away and refuse to expose our wound for additional injury. Although I have not had a true mushroom induced psychedelic experience. I have been working with a therapist doing EMDR for PTSD and recently tried holotropic breathing. I would like to share it if can help.. My intention going in was to repair and replace.
I had a beautiful vision of my father rocking me late at night as a newborn infant. I could feel his deep love and affection for me and I knew what my life has become was not what he had intended for his children. For all but a few I think this is at least 1 parents intent but thier ego and wounds get in the way as we grow up.
Envision the love that brought you into the world and rocked you to sleep as a baby...know you were once loved completely and to the core. Carry this with you in your heart ♥️
Peace to you ... I am at a similar place. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.

#4 darci

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 07:22 PM

Alder, it is not my intention to ignore you. Sincerely.

I have read your posts before, and they always gave me a lot to think about, but though sometimes I feel gifted with words, I more often than that cannot find the words to say. I feel like if I get started I might never finish.

I will say this. When you speak of your dad physically abusing you it makes my heart recoil in horror, if not because of the empathy I feel for you then perhaps only selfishly nearly in reflection of what my mom has done to me.

I was raped at a young age. The circumstances surrounding that event we're such that I had a somewhat normal teenage freak out episode, where I stole my mother's credit card took her Mercedes to the mall got a haircut bought new clothes and went out drinking. I met somebody I knew who I thought was friendly to me. Before I could even realize what was happening it was too late to stop it and that night happened and will forever be burned into my Consciousness and soul.

Before I even had time to process what happened or what I could possibly do about it, or if I needed to actually do anything, or if anyone would believe me, or how these choices might affect the lives of all who were involved, I was arrested for stealing my mother's car. I spent time in jail for that before my parents got me out.

As soon as we got home my dad had to go to work. He was in the Air Force and his schedule was never predictable. It seemed like the moment he left my mom descended on me like a vulture and hit me so hard I saw stars. She valued her Mercedes more than her daughter. Soon after that I was sent to a mental hospital where I was forced to stay for longer than I ever thought possible. And then finally came back home to resume the dysfunctional relationship I always dreaded and hated.

Making sense of all of this has been difficult for me in the extreme. I don't know what to say about your relationship with your father as he seems like a very different kind of man than the father I knew. I loved my dad, I always turned to him for rescue from my mom, but he was seldom there because of work.

I guess we both have been messed up my our relationships with our parents. I really don't know what else I can say other than platitudes and poems and bullshit from self-help books.

I think all I can really say or do is offer you a hug genuinely as a friend, for all that's worth.

- Darci
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#5 darci

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 07:48 PM

Oneyedraven,

I honestly can't say that I believe my mother was pure evil. But I will say wholeheartedly that she was the cause of what is for me and undiagnosed PTSD.

What I have been diagnosed with is schizophrenia, although I think that is kind of a pseudo-scientific catch-all for people who display symptoms that fit certain categories.

I find it interesting that there is data on the statistical frequency of schizophrenia in populations who differ significantly in culture and tradition. Those societies which do not subscribe to a winner-takes-all work ethic and War ethic have less abusive Tendencies, and I think it is in fact abuse or neglect which is the cause of many people displaying symptoms of schizophrenia.

I would never voice encouragement of the use of psychedelics to anyone, without a lengthy set of warnings. They are powerful tools, and like a chainsaw you can use it to build your house or you can cut off your arm. The difference comes with competence practice experience and someone to help teach you who is already experienced.

I can't speak for what they might do for you, but they have helped me enormously. Even though today I am a complete nutcase, I am remarkably more sane Than I Used to Be prior to psychedelics. They have helped me gain enormous Insight comprehension sympathy and understanding for what came before me in other words my mother. I Now understand her much better and it makes for giving her for the way she is much easier. And that has brought me a lot of relief.

Clearly there is more work to do, maybe I'll never finish. But at least I do find myself enjoying life from time to time much more than I ever thought I would.
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#6 onediadem

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 08:30 PM

All my hopes for peace and serenity. I grew up with a violent father. I know the inner damage is a struggle. You are worth the effort, and those whispering voices can be ignored.


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#7 OldBear

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 07:36 AM

Darci —

I went to bed last night after reading your post, and almost got up a couple times to respond. My last thoughts at the end of the day were focused on you. You were in my heart at sunrise & I’m still in my jammies typing this over coffee.

Topia is filled with damaged souls seeking their own healing. The spirits call to those that need their aid.

Welcome to the family.

Patterns of aberrant behavior are pepetuated from generation to generation in those without eyes to see. Your mom sounds like a tortured soul who can’t see the box she’s in & the patterns of negative behavior are perpetuated. This is a sadness.

But you see the box.
The box is not you.
And seeing the box, you can make the difficult climb to get outside & escape the trap.

The box does not define you.

The box does not own you.

Your first post in this thread noted that you see wonders through “eyes that are not my own.”
But they are your eyes.

It’s OK to define yourself as damaged soul on the road to healing. Imperfect but on the road to becoming something new & beautiful.
Your past is past, a part of you, but not all of you.

Who do you choose to be?

Speaking only for myself, I choose to be a positive force & to live in a world filled with love & healing magic. I look for the magic and it finds me.

It’s easy. Let me show you.

You'll get a present this Friday that will make you smile.
Look for it & you’ll find it.

Love ya sister!

OldBear


Edited by OldBear, 12 July 2018 - 08:01 AM.

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#8 Oneyedraven

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 07:59 AM

Old bear nice post! Kinda what I meant to say but just waay better
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#9 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:46 AM

 

 

I feel like much of what I do today - which is primarily talk to myself in my own head and try to remind myself to NOT BE LIKE HER - consumes a lot of my cognitive bandwidth that could be better spent on my work, my relationships, and my happiness. It's still a burden I bear constantly, and it's exhausting. By far the worst part about it is when I identify some behavior or attitude of my own that I know has its roots in my mother. It makes me cringe and it makes me look into the mirror and hate the person I see.

 

By focusing on "Not being something" you draw much closer to being just that very thing.  This is difficult for most (myself included) - the idea here is to BE and focus ON what you actually WANT TO BE.  And once your are focused on that thought, you are no longer thinking at all about "not being like something else".

 

We must always remember... Thoughts are things...in as much and "anything" can be a "thing".

 

That is why "think" and "thing" differ by only a letter (well... at least in English anyway!)  :dry:


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#10 Alder Logs

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 01:38 PM

Of course this thread was in my mind for the last 24 hours.    But right after I posted, the county road guy took out a telephone junction with the brush cutter and I and my neighbors were all cut off.    Lot's of time to ponder.   

 

Of course, my childhood and other events in life made me PTSD too (officially diagnosed by a real psychologist :-).    That seems to be gone now as well.   Being happy and wearing a skinny little old man suit makes me not draw so much flack as I once did.    I am not afraid, though my habit is still to not be out in the world much.   I live in a nice place and am good to stay home unless I need provisions. 

 

I like to drop the name, "Mooji," pretty often around here.  It was on this site where I first saw a video of him five or six years ago.    I immediately resonated with what I saw and heard.    But when I had that sudden loss of identity in seeing my persona for what it was, my personal story, I found that Mooji's words made clear what I had seen in very practical terms.   He's a guy who has had his own path through the conditioning of the world out there, and family tragedies, just the way shit seems to happen out there.   But, it's clear that though he has a story, he's not his story.   One thing he says is, "don't identify as a disease."   I see how for years I leaned on my story of ADHD and being "different."   The story is fine, so long as we don't let it define us forever.   There are stepping stones that get us to NOW.   They might not serve as well as bridges to a never to be future.   It's actually pretty hard to get beyond now, eh?

 

We take our histories and map fearful steps with them.   We try, if ineffectively, to plot what's coming.   This is living in fear.   Freedom lies in spontaneity.   That takes some trust in the unknown.   It's not like we're going to know anyway.   The way to free ourselves from our scary futures is to set ourselves free of our horrible pasts.   Everyone is the product of conditioning... until that conditioning is transcended.    We free our futures when we stop being our stories.   When we see our conditioning for what it is, we see we are all in the same boat, though our perspectives might vary greatly.   When we let ourselves off our own hooks, we must let everyone else off theirs.   It doesn't mean we don't have the lessons of all of it.   We just drop a load of positioning that's not needed anymore.   

 

Darci's mom sounds like a personality disorder, either narcissistic or histrionic, and what story stuff these can create.   My disorder was avoidance.  I lived in fear, while going on as if I were not afraid, as I could never see it that way.   The power of self image can be very blinding.    Everyone has their thing, until they don't have it.   We let ourselves out of our boxes.   That's how we get out of them.    It takes copping to the fact that we are not what we think we are.   It can be hard to say, "I don't know."    When we shed some part of conditioning, the conditioning is to replace it with a newer version.    We don't have to.  

 

Of course, no one is going to see what I've been on about until they do.    We can keep our stories as stories.  We don't have to stay in character for them forever.   We can let the whole of life unfold and not be caught up in every drama.   It's all in knowing who and what we are and are not.   We are that we are.   Anything added will just come and go.   We can say thanks for all of it when all of it finally has shown us the timeless truth of being.


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#11 pharmer

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 03:31 PM

Just recognizing that one has had toxic parents and has been shaped by them is the beginning of understanding.

 

Understanding can be the beginning of action. In this case reconditioning ourselves to be the person we want to be, and act the way we want to act.  Took me about 50 years to figure that out :(

 

Which is not to say I consider my folks toxic, only that there are things they did not teach me as a kid that I wish now they had. I can trace back to these things and draw a straight line to why I did not accomplish this or that with my lifetime. And this is not to say they didn't turn me into a decent, thinking, functioning adult. But we are the parts we are made of - until we make the changes.

 

And we must own our own lives - for better or for worse


Edited by pharmer, 12 July 2018 - 03:35 PM.

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#12 elfstone

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 06:53 PM

Most of us have the ability to be flexible in choosing from a range of responses to problems that arise in our relationships and also have an observing eye that enables us to learn from our mistakes and so grow. However, some people, about 15-19 percent of the population, have what we refer to as a personality disorder. These individuals have a limited range of responses to choose from and lack an observing eye, which leads them to inflexibly apply the same solutions to every problem. Thus, instead of resolving problems, they create problems, which we call drama triangles. In a drama triangle there are always three roles, Rescuer, Persecutor, and Victim. They start out in one role, say Persecutor, and then switch to another, Victim, and the drama just goes round and round. Whenever you feel you are one of these roles, your are entangled in a drama. If it’s a loved one, you cannot change them. You either learn to erect protective boundaries or remain entangled. These individuals are not reasonable, they lack insight, have erected defenses against seeing themselves, and always blame others. A good book on one of the 10 types, the borderline, is Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder


γνῶθι σεαυτόν
Gnôthi seautón
Know thyself

Edited by elfstone, 12 July 2018 - 07:00 PM.

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#13 pharmer

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 06:59 PM

[Direct Link]

 

this seems pertinent

 

I didn't figure this out until after Dad was gone

 

no need to make my mistakes for yourself  :)

 

people are complex. not all good or all bad


Edited by pharmer, 12 July 2018 - 07:00 PM.

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#14 wharfrat

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 10:37 PM

I'm not one for words so I rarely touch on these deep subjects. But I will tell you I am recovering from toxic parent syndrome. My father was both physically and mentally abusive to me and most my siblings. I always have hated him for it, but tried to get along with him then and later in life, because I felt bad because he is my father and I should keep in touch for, some reason I kept telling myself. Well he never really changed and I have, the last conversation I had with him I confronted him about the past abuse, he did not deny it, just defended his actions as if it was ok to beat the shit out of your kid as punishment, I guess his father did the same. Well I am getting to old to deal with people like him, there is no reason AT ALL I should feel bad by walking away from him and never looking back. That is for him to work on, in this life or the next, he chooses the next or several, I choose this life, I choose to be a better man, I choose not to abuse my kids. I walk on with my head high and my heart full by those who love and treat me with the respect I give them. Will I be sad when he dies (which will be soon)? probably, but I will not feel bad not being there to say 'I love you' on his death bed, to a man who has never said he loves me.


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#15 coorsmikey

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 12:35 AM

We have a good fraction of who I consider the big hitters (including Darci) the community as far as writing inspirational material. Everything I could say is being mentioned and in much better words than I could sit and write. Thank you all for being you and sharing the empathy. However I feel that this thread now and most likely where it continues to grow and help all that are participating, also for those looking in now, those that aren't ready to put their situation in words yet and those who will come later to benefit.
There has to be a more appropriate place for such a thread besides "Trash Talk", somewhere that others can continue to grow and take away some light from this no matter how unfortunate the subject at hand may be.

Edited by coorsmikey, 13 July 2018 - 12:38 AM.

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#16 onediadem

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 02:17 AM

When I was in my thirties, something just clicked inside of me that said enough.

 

I was done. I never called, never answered his calls, would not open the door when he showed up unannounced, and my life changed dramatically for the better. Just because people are family it does not give them carte blanche to be a destructive force in your life, and it also does not mean you have to accept it at all. When you can give yourself the gift of freedom from abusers, your inner child will rejoice and know a freedom she has never experienced before. It felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders. Guilt is a demon that will keep you under that weight of suffering, and a tool used by our abusers. You are a precious child of earth and deserve to shine like the sun, and grow under it's beautiful rays. One day, I hope this clarity comes to you and frees you from the bonds that hold you trapped in this torment.


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#17 pharmer

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 09:00 AM

I'm not doing a very good job of conveying a message. Thought about this overnight and came up with this

 

Separate yourself from toxic people if you must. Do what you gotta do to set yourself up for happiness. But do it, don't kvetch about it.

 

Try to exercise some empathy for even the worse of them, for they may not be as bad as they appear.

 

You'll likely never know what makes a toxic person toxic, what life circumstances have shaped them and their toxicity. The odds are very good they didn't wake up one day and decide to start shitting on people.

 

I have no doubt that the same people dumping on their own blood here have written hundreds of words elsewhere rationalizing the behavior of strangers and calling for empathy for them.

 

One should be able to extend the same empathy to someone near as someone far. That they have hurt you is important to you of course. But the strangers you're finding empathy for have undoubtedly lived lives less than saintly as well.  We have to try to shift the focus off ourselves and not dwell in toxins we can jettison if we want to.

 

That it hurts and costs to become better selves is the price of an honest happiness.

 

And when we have ourselves right we can help others, if that's what we want to do. An ever inward circling unhappiness doesn't help anyone.


Edited by pharmer, 13 July 2018 - 01:25 PM.

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#18 Juthro

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 12:36 PM

Forgive my lack of elegant words.  When it comes down to it, by the time any of us has run this far in our race we are damaged goods in some form or another. 

 

No one gets a free pass, and what you make of this is what will define you as being, at least in my humble opinion.  Other people don't make us who we are.  In the end we still get to choose our own path, and are responsible for our own well being, both physically and spiritually.

 

 

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#19 darci

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Posted 18 July 2018 - 09:54 PM

I just wanted to build a life with someone, but I think I'm too crazy.  The hardest part for me is I never thought of a plan B.



#20 coorsmikey

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Posted 18 July 2018 - 10:08 PM

All the most interesting people I know are also the craziest people I know, nothing wrong with crazy other than finding compatibility with another crazy ;)
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