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Best way to get out of bad relationship

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#1 Da-1



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Posted 07 August 2018 - 10:36 AM

Hi everyone


I have read a few threads here in this forum sub of Topia and it hurts me to hear of so many people in bad situations and I now find myself in a just over 1 year bad relationship, I don`t want to go into too much detail on the forum but I am looking for some advice on how to leave? do I just pack my things and go with out her knowing? do I make sure that I have friends here to help me as I don`t want confrontations? I also really care about her but the things I have been put through are really embarrassing and not good for my soul and my sanity, I sort of knew what I was getting into but I never thought it would get this extreme, I have a few options but not sure what would be the best approach and would really appreciate some advice, I don`t mind discussing in more detail in pm and will post rather what I feel more comfortable doing so here, I really wish I could post freely like other members but I am afraid of being judged, many thanks for your time.



Regards, Da-1




#2 onediadem


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Posted 07 August 2018 - 12:24 PM

My advice to anyone in an abusive relationship of any kind is to leave. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to do so. 

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#3 Juthro


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Posted 07 August 2018 - 01:25 PM

I agree with One, in that the sooner you end a bad relationship the better.   It's better for everyone that way.   If you expect a confrontation or a big 'scene' while your leaving I would definitely bring a friend or two (a.k.a. witnesses), or just get out while she is not at the home.


My other advice is if you know its an unhealthy relationship, and that the reality is its never going to be what you want, just break it clean and dont go back.   That advice is easier to give then to follow, but from an old guy who has been there, its the best thing for everyone.


I'm wishing all involved future happiness, and healing.

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#4 oldmushmellow



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Posted 07 August 2018 - 05:10 PM

I agree with juthro, as long as there are no children involved just break it off quickly and try to go easy on her. Try not to leave her in a bad situation financially if you can.

#5 drmcnasty


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Posted 07 August 2018 - 07:52 PM

I seriously doubt you will be judged. It it doesnt work then get out. That's my relationship advice. I can't keep a relationship together but I can damn sure end them. Ending it now will be easier than ending it in divorce
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#6 Da-1



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Posted 08 August 2018 - 06:24 AM

Hi to all
Sorry for the late reply, I did read the thread but could not reply as my lady was home from work.
Many thanks for the advice with your own experiences and I really do appreciate it and it does not help me to keep bottling it up and now talking about it here has let me have a good night sleep, 
the thing is and I think I should start from the beginning with as best I can with not reveling my identity.
When we me last year I was in a bad place after my 10 year marriage and she helped me over come a lot of issues as I was really lost and getting sick all the time from being in depression, so we started to help each other as she had her own set of problems that she came with that I can`t explain but know it`s bad, so after 3 months we moved in together due to reasons and things were looking good, fast forward a few months and she started to try control who I see and where I go, so I never thought much of it and then we had to move closer to her work to save on petrol and it`s not really where I wanted to move cause I am now away from friends and family and it`s a bit of a mission now to go see my child that I use to see weekly I now see 2 or 3 times a month and it`s hurting me a bit.
I also now don`t get to see my child as much as before cause the childs mother does not like the fact that I had moved on 6 months after we got divorced, my current lady likes my child and my child likes her too, but when I try make arrangements to see my child they always doing things and this is not easy to deal with but I am trying my best with that,
now the new thing with my lady is she thinks I am out roaming with friends and doing shady things but the best part is I have been at home doing my mycology work, I spend most of my time here on the forums, so her new thing is to try walk passed my pc and look what I am doing cause why am I not sitting watching netflix with her, but from where I sit I can do both so why not, I am not doing anything wrong but in her eyes I must be cause that had been done to her before and she compares me to that, then when I try sleep she will say lets talk and when I say but we have sat why only now she makes a big scene about it and that always leads to us arguing and I can`t take it anymore as now I feel lost and unproductive cause all I think is why this is happening and what I should do next and what has happened it`s crazy, it throws me off day`s and I can`t think straight , now for 2 day`s all is ok and it`s like nothing happened the other day but I can`t help but think that this is all escalating faster then I can control or even thought it could get,
now I know you must think I am crazy but I do still care about her and I want to try fix things but scared that this will never change but only get worse, but I also signed up for this so now do I just stick with it or do I cut my losses?
I have spoken to her while taking her to work today and asked if we could talk tomorrow as she will be off work and I think now will be the best time to bring up these points and maybe decide whats best for our future, as I feel now I would rather be alone and happy then to hold someone who treats me like this.
Many thanks for your time and I did not want to bring my problems to the board but I just need some outside advice from my myco-family on what should I do, I was thinking of taking a dmt trip and ask the mother molecule but I also don`t want a bad experience either so I decided to ask here and I really do appreciate everyones help, much love and respect brothers and sisters.
Regards, Da-1

Edited by Da-1, 08 August 2018 - 06:26 AM.

#7 Alder Logs

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Posted 08 August 2018 - 09:26 AM

Jealousy is a killer.  What would happen if you confronted her with the idea that she is jealous of your time, your thoughts, your private life?   Could you lay down the law that she has to just take you and your inner and separate life as it is and still be there in this relationship?  Can you be as you are and be accepted as what she wants in her partner?   If she demands it all (whether spoken or not, as her self image quite possibly may not let her see it clearly as it might be), it will be more than any partner can do.   If another puts us into an insoluble bind, there's only escape, the way I see it.  


I had only one relationship in my life, and it was with a jealous woman.  But I was only in my mid 20s with really no previous experience.   I didn't understand what the jealousy was.   It was so bad that I couldn't even have a private thread of creativity.  If I did something creative and was good at it, she took it up too.  She was that hard up for identity, possibly.    It got to where even if I talked to another woman there was friction with her.  She had to own my every second.   I had been trying to maintain the relationship out of my own insecurities, and things had to get pretty ridiculous before I snapped out of it, packed my seabag, and hitchhiked down the road.  I could only reflect on what my relationship was when I got off by myself long enough to start seeing the games that were being played, games of control.    That space had never been there when we were living together.


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Edited by Alder Logs, 08 August 2018 - 10:12 AM.

#8 Guy1298



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Posted 08 August 2018 - 11:03 AM

I would be very careful getting into any relationship at this point. And getting out, thank you God. 

#9 onediadem


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Posted 08 August 2018 - 11:51 AM

Yup, just ran from that myself last year. It will not get better, it will get worse. Control issues happen out of extreme insecurities and fear. Nothing you do will help the situation, it has to come from her. I only hope your situation does not get violent.

#10 av8or


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Posted 09 August 2018 - 01:27 AM

Have to agree, it's not going to get better or fix itself. Run like the wind....

#11 MsBehavin420



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Posted 09 August 2018 - 04:53 AM

Just a note for any of you who are in need of supervision while moving. You can always call the local police department and let them know that you would like someone to come watch. It's part of their job and they will send someone to assist you.
sometimes it's better to have the authorities there, so no more damage happens. Also it ensures you have an eye witness just incase the other party claims bad things went down or broken items.
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