I'll preface this by stating: I am on a journey.
My journey is simple. It's the means to help other human beings who are suffering. The problem is that I am torn and at odds with how to do that.
I have begun my own journey through the help of psilocybin. With my depression, anger, anxiety, and other ailments psilocybin seems to be the one constant that has allowed me to 'reboot' and go in a new or more imposing direction. Even my use of psilocybin has been an internal conflict for me. Growing up in a strict, religious household these 'bad' things were never something to even consider. Even now I am torn between my religious concerns and my ethical use of psilocybin.
However, I know my life's calling is to help other people. I changed careers many times just so I can hold a job and say, "I am making a difference." And I know I am. But currently, I am helping the body and the mind; not the soul.
This new conflict arose a few weeks ago at my physical therapy practice. I came out to speak to one of my patient's (a child) parent to provide an update. I saw a grimace on her face and quickly asked what was going on. In short, she needs to have a hysterectomy and is obviously saddened by the reality. Everything inside of me wanted to jump up and make them a concoction that I know has helped me come to terms with so much. I wanted to make something to ease the physical pain so she could work on her emotional pain. I wanted to be a guide of self-healing.
I took a step back mentally to reflect on what my intentions were and try to switch places. Obviously, I can't since I am incapable of carrying a child. So, I began to wonder how her husband must feel and what he might be going through emotionally. Sure, he would put up the 'tough guy' facade and be a great husband, protect his wife, and continue to provide for his family but the reality is: it doesn't mean he isn't emotionally suffering.
Everything in my being suddenly wants to reach out to help (not just these kind people) but many individuals who are suffering and need a guide. Those who have a lot to work through but not a single person can help them outside of themselves. And I am seriously torn on the legality of the helpful medicines that can ease mental suffering and anguish. This isn't medicine for the body or the mind; it's for the soul.
So, in short. Am I alone in this feeling? Am I sitting here thinking of how to help people using nature's resources and stuck between a conflicting legality and ethical concerns. Am I the only one compounding that by bringing in my own personal religious divisions? Seriously, am I alone?