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#1 Guy1298

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Posted 30 August 2018 - 09:50 AM

Making this topic as I'm in Lima, Peru.

Guess I'll be headed to drink Ayahuasca, though I don't really feel like it anymore. But, that might change as I hang out around the jungle.

What's up with this life? To seek godly highs brings one closer to abysmal mood swings. To dissect consensus reality leaves one holding onto nothing, but the person still looks on, and often conjures anxiety for the world it sees.

I'll enjoy my time here and have gratitude for being. What thoughts are held without question? Maybe the thought that this life is a trap?

I'll update this if I drink. Or if I'm feeling lonely and need to express something I couldnt otherwise. Thanks for the community. ;)
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#2 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 30 August 2018 - 10:09 AM

What is your personal purpose for delving into this? Not expecting an answer here, but you need to answer that for yourself.

Even if the answer is: "why am I here? Is there a why, or even a reason?"

Perhaps you will discover that you are the God you are looking for? Or that the purpose of life is the one you give it?

Or... That the dirty, almost opaque plastic film pulled over your eyes, placed there by tradition, religion, society, convienence, etc. To be ripped away so that once again you can see the wonderous world as a child does?

Only you know the answer to that, but you ought to think on these things before you do....
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#3 Coopdog

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Posted 30 August 2018 - 01:02 PM

Guy it seems you are bent on seeking until you find. I am not sure what it is that you are seeking going all the way around the world. If happiness is the goal, it cannot be found in any place, not through anyone else. The only place to find it is within yourself. I wish I was there to also go through that ritual, and I would love to see the mountain city Machu Pichu (For some reason that spelling does not look right?) some day, although I fear that the experience has been made into a tourist trap now. At any rate I hope that the drink gives you what you need. I feel a person out there who is desperately seeking something, and I am not sure the world can provide what it is you seek. I hope you tell us more about your journey as it has been interesting. Be safe in your travels man and always be wary of your surroundings with your wallet and money in a safe place on your person. 


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#4 PJammer24

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Posted 30 August 2018 - 03:08 PM

It is my humble opinion that finding "god" is an internal quest and not an external one. Discovering ones self or lack there of is akin to finding a connection with a higher power. The energy of the universe flows through everything and everyone and in finding peace within ones self you are gaining contact with that energy...

 

It seems like you may not have yet come to peace with your own energy so how can you expect to connect or be at peace with something greater.

 

Not stating that you are or are not taking medication, but be wary that depression meds can be dangerous with ayahuasca,

 

Also be aware that ingesting Ayahuasca is not always a pleasant experience. It can be hard on the body, and is not always pleasant.

 

There are different mixtures of Ayahuasca that serve different purposes. Maybe be aware of your goals and what mixture you are consuming.

 

They serve different purposes but I view similarly Ayahuasca and Iboga/Ibogaine. They are both powerful entheogens that can have health risks... The concern with Ibogaine is primarily the heart. With Ayahuasca deppression drugs... I am sure there are more risks for both.

 

 

I have a good friend, a former member of this forum, who did not have proper respect for Ibogaine. He eventually stopped his heart and though he survived, has suffered brain damage. One of the brightest minds I have known is now stuck in his own head, struggles to communicate, and can not walk on his own....  

 

Something like this should be given the utmost respect and warrants mental preparation and research.

 

ON A LIGHTER NOTE!!!

 

My sister was just in peru, she had an absolute blast!!!  Enjoy your trip! I am jealous and wish I was adventuring by your side!! Get us a photo of Machu Picchu and chew some coca for me!!


Edited by PJammer24, 30 August 2018 - 03:10 PM.

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#5 Guy1298

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Posted 31 August 2018 - 11:28 PM

Actually, I think I found nice enough answers in the Advaita Vedantic stuff I was doing. But, I wouldn't say they are the answers I wanted. And they have made me feel a little insane for awhile now.

I made the decision to give up Self-Enquiry when I noticed I was either encountering delirium or subtle acts of God. Dreams became edgy and weird like in the summer, scary. When things felt completely out of order, I gave up, prayed and then consciously abandoned Self-Enquiry. I've been riding bliss and mood swings ever since.

I'm returning to meditation to ground myself. I didn't find self-abidance, unless you believe self-abidance is always the case, no matter what. But I'm happier to be more stable right now. The highs lost their allure when I knew their cost.

When I write I don't feel like drinking Aya, I mean it. Advaita Vedanta provided me with something no psychedelic has. The highs are trips in themselves, every so often the world came alive with bliss in the ordinary, one would cry with happiness.

I give up. I'm going to seek conventional forms of happiness from here on. As I said to a friend, that which seeks doesn't have a life of its own. So even though I'm here, I'm finished and will be back in the states soon enough.
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#6 PJammer24

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Posted 01 September 2018 - 09:50 AM

From my experience, meditation is very effective in gaining oneness with the energies of the universe that surround us daily. As I am sure many of my fellow mycotopiates are aware, meditation is about opening ones self to everything as opposed to clearing it of everything. By opening ones self to everything, recognizing stimuli, and letting it pass without judgement, I have been able to absorb much more from the world around me than by trying to do it through targeted concentration and force of will.

 

Meditation is a fabulous tool that has helped to "ground" me by allowing me to be aware of many things at once and allow energies and stimuli to flow through me.... It has been a valuable tool in becoming comfortable in my own skin, has helped me to feel in harmony with the world around me, has aided me in my quest for spiritual fitness, and in being generally excited about and content with life!

 

Meditation may be a more valuable tool in gaining harmony with the energies of the universe than any entheogen... There is an argument to be made that if one is not spiritual fit and already in a state of harmony, the spiritual effect of entheogens is minimized.

 

I understand that you are no longer searching, but I think that meditation is the natural starting point on a quest of self realization... I think you will find that "self" is not reality. We are each one small cog in a very big interconnected wheel. We in a sense, all one.. As I came to these types of realizations, I realized they provided the answers to even more mysterious questions.

 

Find your connection and you will be on your way to gaining the harmony and understanding you seek.


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#7 Alder Logs

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Posted 01 September 2018 - 10:44 AM

Who is the meditator? 


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#8 PJammer24

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Posted 01 September 2018 - 11:14 AM

Who is the meditator? 

 

I practice mindfulness meditation... I've tried to work at walking meditations...

 

Guy said that he is going to practice some meditation to ground himself.

 

However there is a much more transcendent response to this question...

 

or

 

There could be separate answers to this question between eastern and western audiences...

 

sooo?


Edited by PJammer24, 01 September 2018 - 12:34 PM.


#9 Alder Logs

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Posted 01 September 2018 - 01:15 PM

It's just a good question to hold.   Holding questions, rather than answering them, can be beneficial.   We get to see how the answers can change.


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#10 PJammer24

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Posted 01 September 2018 - 01:19 PM

It's just a good question to hold.   Holding questions, rather than answering them, can be beneficial.   We get to see how the answers can change.

 

So it falls into the transcendent category...  If the path to enlightenment is through release of the concept of self then the meditator is everything or nothing... Or something much more abstract...

 

I attempt to hold on to nothing and expand awareness out from my center... Absorbing as much as possible without passing judgement or forming opinion of any type...

 

At this exact moment, however, I really want to be holding a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... 


Edited by PJammer24, 01 September 2018 - 01:22 PM.


#11 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 02 September 2018 - 09:32 PM

Always remember, that if you are going to to be fair in evaluating all viewpoints, you must then include, no matter how hard it is to do, the viewpoint that what you currently believe is bullshit.

Most people never consider this, and some would feel insulted if you suggested it.

I am not, of course saying that anyone's position is BS. I can only try to see where I believe something, and then question it. If it stands, then I can hold onto it...for now. If it falls, I don't need it anymore.
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#12 Alder Logs

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Posted 02 September 2018 - 11:58 PM

What is, is.  What I believe about it, not so much.


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#13 Guy1298

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Posted 03 September 2018 - 07:40 PM

I did give up, but it seems the desire to drink Aya hasn't completely disappeared. I was waiting for the moment when someone that I could trust appeared. He was someone I knew last time I was here drinking Aya. He hadn't drunk Ayahuasca when I first met him. Now he's drunk 10 times and I can see that he's different. He's going to show me to his shaman, and I may or may not drink.

I've at least got a handle on the highs and lows that were taking me for a ride before. I'm very settled now. I think I'm in a position for healing. I have lived behind layers of denial in many ways. If I remember correctly, there was something truly amazing in Ayahuasca, world-changing. True love. Anxiety melted away and a new way of life. We shall see.

Edited by Guy1298, 03 September 2018 - 07:43 PM.


#14 Guy1298

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Posted 03 September 2018 - 08:40 PM

This is how quickly things change. If I continue to feel good about it, then I will drink. If it comes time and I don't, then I won't.

#15 Guy1298

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Posted 03 September 2018 - 08:40 PM

The Advaita Vedantic insights are still here as well.

I also notice that a lot of people don't hear the things I'm saying. Some do, but they are deep into Ayahuasca or mushrooms. Sometimes with other people, I'll say something so important and the person won't hear it.

The more I see this I'm convinced that something blocks people. They don't even make a comment, like that was crazy or something, they go on as though I said nothing. Strange world.

Edited by Guy1298, 03 September 2018 - 08:47 PM.


#16 Alder Logs

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Posted 03 September 2018 - 09:39 PM

When a superior man hears of the Tao,
he immediately begins to embody it.
When an average man hears of the Tao,
he half believes it, half doubts it.
When a foolish man hears of the Tao,
he laughs out loud.
If he did not laugh,
it would not be the Tao.


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#17 Guy1298

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Posted 18 September 2018 - 03:21 PM

Well, Ayahuasca is something very very special. I've got a feeling that I'll be fine here, despite the many alarm bells, especially the ones that cry out and crave running away out of utter fear. The void presents an end of me and a birth of groundless necessary trust.

Edited by Guy1298, 18 September 2018 - 03:25 PM.


#18 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 18 September 2018 - 08:53 PM

When a superior man hears of the Tao,
he immediately begins to embody it.
When an average man hears of the Tao,
he half believes it, half doubts it.
When a foolish man hears of the Tao,
he laughs out loud.
If he did not laugh,
it would not be the Tao.

 

Ha! Haaaaaa!

 

And the man who already laughs at life?

 

He doesn't need the Tao.


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#19 Guy1298

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Posted 23 September 2018 - 09:55 AM

Doesn't really feel perfect here, but I'm in the jungle, am cooking Ayahuasca, and picking up bits and pieces from a Shaman. We drink alone which might be his laziness. I don't know. But, it's cheap and I drink at least twice a week. Ayahuasca is much nicer to me than mushrooms. The visions are crystal clear and real seeming, snakes and bugs, balls of vines, crystal clear water in a stream. It hasn't been easy, the third time was distressing as hell, very good lessons. But, it feels I'm in a different space now. Will learn and sing icaros next time I drink.
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#20 Guy1298

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Posted 25 September 2018 - 10:15 AM

On an impulse I'm headed back to the states. Though, the last ceremony I drank in showed me the gist of what I was seeking for. Perfect visions, real spirits, etc.

In the future, I'm going to drink Aya. But for now it's time to take care of my life. :). Thanks.
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