Posted 10 September 2018 - 04:18 AM
Anyway. Ever since then, all night, every night sober I keep having this trip. I think I'm finally insane....or worse.
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Posted 10 September 2018 - 04:19 AM
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Posted 10 September 2018 - 05:44 AM
I would try and sleep and get out doors some more, sunlight, both help rebuild serotonin.
Posted 10 September 2018 - 05:49 AM
Posted 10 September 2018 - 01:43 PM
i am sorry your having disturbing thoughts , try looking in blue pages of your local phone book for a free mental health outreach program or clinic , you should find a kind person there to listen ,to share your troubled thoughts with and they will help you . get threw this ,you might find this with simple google search also
or if you have a regular trusted GP Dr. you can talk to .
ether way seek out this kind of support .
the sooner the better ,
Posted 10 September 2018 - 04:45 PM
Posted 10 September 2018 - 05:06 PM
If it was me... I would walk myself into the middle of the woods or some other place of natural beauty and try to connect myself with nature, something that is pure and as untouched by human hands as possible... I would surround myself with the positive energy of nature and try to recenter myself. I would absorb as much of what is around me as possible...
I would also try to put as much positive energy out as possible... If what you are spreading is positive, you will get the same in return... I have found that doing good for others puts me in a much better psychic state than trying to have others do good for me, or cheer me up... Try to do good for others and you will help yourself as much as them, it may help you through this...
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Posted 10 September 2018 - 10:11 PM
I struggled with being able to let go when using LSD and mushrooms. I even struggled on DMT in the beginning. Finally, while using pharmahuasca, I experienced a death/rebirth over and over again. I fought it until I reached the point of exhaustion and literally said "fuck it" and let go.
Ever since that experience I have been able to break through on any psychedelic. You just need to lose the fear
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Posted 11 September 2018 - 12:02 AM
Do you really want help Akari ?
I have 7 years of reading your posts to draw from..........................................
This is a manifestation of your own making.
As long as you feed it fear and negativity, it grows. You are what gives it substance, but you have the option to break the circle.
It would be to your benefit to discard what has never helped you and only dragged you down. You know what that is...........
You need to purge yourself of your old self. Re-learn how to live in a positive light, abandon self absorbed gratification, and embrace what is beautiful and giving in this world without expectation.
You always have the power to say enough......................
Its time to pull the covers off your head my friend, go outside, and watch the sunrise. Let it flow in.....................................................
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Posted 11 September 2018 - 01:38 AM
I agree with Skywatcher 100%. That being said I also believe there are things that can take over and influence us that are NOT of our own making. Considering both sides, is there any local Shaman or medicine person/spiritual guide you could turn to for some Shamanic help? Do you know how to divine with a pendulum? Sorry for the questions but if this is your own making or something you inadvertantly gave permission to, then you can fix it by working with your higher spirit Huna style through a pendulum or at least close off your energy field to outside influences. You will be in my positive intent and tonight I will do a long distance healing for you and your energy field. I know this can be effective as I have had miraculous things happen to me myself through these practices.
Hang in there brother, these manifestations are usually short lived and can be dealt with. Like Skywatcher said we are here for you brother.
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Posted 11 September 2018 - 02:18 AM
I'm dying. I've been having this trip every night sober.
I'm so unbelievably scared.
Posted 11 September 2018 - 03:12 AM
Nothing but good vibes and peace be with you
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Posted 11 September 2018 - 03:40 AM
Posted 11 September 2018 - 03:50 AM
It was like I died, and in my trip, they were trying to wake me up to death or something. Then I had to say all the words, and do the things to die.
I had to say, 'Oh my God!? What the fuck!? God damnit. Sun of a bitch!' over and over.
I'm stuck in a similar loop sober.
Posted 11 September 2018 - 04:54 AM
Accept that the drug mucked up some connections in your brain and that this will pass.
When the weird thoughts come just counter them with that ^^^^^ thought
You aren't dead. You are the master of your fate, or at least this part of it.
There's a good chance you altered or depleted some chemicals in your body. I've had similar bad days after high doses of mesc and MDMA. Taking multivitamins, drinking a busload of water, and eating right seemed to help on those days. Give your body some time to clean up and reset, your thoughts will follow.
And give some thought to those words above your avatar. If you're a Fucking Sorcerer then you think and deal in dark thoughts. Good grief, man, what kind of results do you expect when you combine pre-loaded dark thoughts with drugs? IMHO you need to jettison some baggage before you drug again.
Edited by pharmer, 11 September 2018 - 04:59 AM.
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Posted 11 September 2018 - 05:32 AM
This may be the end of the road as far as usage for me.
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Posted 11 September 2018 - 09:27 AM
The usage is not a necessity to ascend the current state. You have some good advice here my friend, but the crux of the effort falls on you.
You see, it really does not matter if this is a manifestation from the Id, or an entity that has glommed on to you. You feed the beast with fear and negativity and it grows stronger. These things cannot stand in the light, and this needs to be internal.
Seriously, find that inner child within you, and even though you can not go backward, forgive the choices regretted as having been made as what seemed best at the time. Give unconditional love to that child, and those around you. When you have no expectation of gain or reciprocation, it comes back multiplied.
See who can help you help yourself, and know that they will be tools of direction, but you are the one who must see and accept all the facets of your being, and guide yourself to a brighter place.
Positive white and golden light to you Akari....................................................................
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Posted 11 September 2018 - 11:07 AM
Don't see yourself as anything, except maybe just the activity of seeing. Where you have been guided here to do good for others, what I call, "service," try to understand this; don't desire anything at all to come from it, not even relief. Be as nothing in the activity of serving. Do only the best you can, and in that, don't keep any scorecard, for yourself, or anyone you intend to serve. You will see everything as it proceeds, even what looks like your own weaknesses and ego involvements. Be just the seeing of it, for even our ideas of who and what we are are no more that just thoughts.
This changing event passing through your awareness can be what frees you, as awareness alone, of all the baggage of belief in an old identity. What seems the worst thing in one instant can be known as the best turn our path has ever taken in the next. What was fear and dread can become liberation and infinite gratitude.
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Posted 12 September 2018 - 01:59 AM
I know you seem to be suffering some psychotic issues here, and I will probably take some flames for saying this, but I STRONGLY advise you to not go to anyone in a professional capacity and confess this stuff unless you are ready to have this impact your life forever. Once you put yourself into that category it changes a lot of things for you, and can even impact your 2nd amendment rights and will be in your medical records that employers can access sometimes. I also believe that whatever this is, that it is much more likely to be temporary than not. Hang tough my friend, and access that Sorceror inside yourself. You are in control of this situation even if it seems not to be so. Access and speak aloud to your higher self. ASK your higher self for help and protection, and say OUT LOUD that you do not give permission for your energy field to be interfered with by anyone, and that even if you mistakenly gave your permission that you revoke that permission for these energies to influence you in any way whatsoever. This can be a powerful invocation of your own higher self that can change your life once again and for the better this time. Many people here hold you in high regard and I am sure my wife and I are not the only ones projecting protection and positive intent to you right now. Hang tough brother, YOU got this!
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