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Divorce, Gender Roles, The Humor in Painful Relationships


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#21 PJammer24

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 02:32 PM

Talk about slow learners with short memories; my dad was married seven times.   You would think I had been smart enough to not do it once. 

 

<voice="W.C.Fields">

Marriage?  it's a great institution...

But who wants to be in an institution?

</voice>

 

 

I am somewhere between 37 and 45 and I am yet to be married... It's not for lack of prospects, I simply lose interest or at times have scared them away by being too reckless... I have a tendency to throw caution to the wind, hit the road, and go on a run (for lack of better phrase) the moment I get single... Or when I am looking to become single...

 

I have been nearly married 3.5ish times and each time, no dice.... I just can't make up my mind and settle down with one!! There are simply too many beautiful, interesting, and down right amazing women out there!!  I simply can't commit...

 

My mom says I am getting old and that when I am not longer cute and I start shrinking, I will have regrets... BUT for right now... NO REGRETS!!


Edited by PJammer24, 19 October 2018 - 02:32 PM.

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#22 darci

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 03:31 PM

I edited my post because I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I said.

 

In fact, if I could... I would delete everything I've ever said everywhere.  I just hate the picture that it all paints of me as a person.  It just shows that I'm still crazy, I've made no real progress in life since I'm still alone, and I don't want the identity of a desperate, lonely person to hovering over me like some dark mocking cloud.

 

I once believed that I could be someone.  At my age I'm coming to the realization that my life is really insignificant.  People with bigger problems come and go every day, and no one remembers them.  If anyone remembers me, it will be something I probably posted online, and that thought terrifies me.

 

I really just wish I could become invisible, forgotten, and disintegrate, having never existed.  I want the pain over with, I can't endure it any longer.  I just want to disappear.  I feel it really is the best I can hope for most days.


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#23 Soliver

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 04:13 PM

You sound like someone who could benefit from a large dose of shrooms in a comfortable setting with at least one other tolerable person.

 

I've had moments like yours - more than I care to reflect on - but it's all temporary, as is this life and everything attached to it.

 

We're all simultaneously insignificant and supremely important.  If anyone only remembers me from my online posts as 'Soliver' ... well, that would please the shit out of me, actually .... I have a strong sense of irony that carries me through the days and nights.

 

Sometimes I look at myself and wonder "what the hell happened to all the cool shit you were going to do?"  It brings me down.  I'm older and not much wiser and haven't really made anything of myself ... and at this moment, at least I'm pretty OK with that.

 

My most creative stretches have been when I was single and fucking miserable and wanted to jump off a goddamn cliff. 

 

Relationships are great when they work - marriage is a scam perpetrated by emotionally and fiscally disenfranchised people slightly more attractive than you are. 

 

At least that's been my experience  :)

 

soliver


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#24 onediadem

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 04:29 PM

I edited my post because I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what I said.

 

In fact, if I could... I would delete everything I've ever said everywhere.  I just hate the picture that it all paints of me as a person.  It just shows that I'm still crazy, I've made no real progress in life since I'm still alone, and I don't want the identity of a desperate, lonely person to hovering over me like some dark mocking cloud.

 

I once believed that I could be someone.  At my age I'm coming to the realization that my life is really insignificant.  People with bigger problems come and go every day, and no one remembers them.  If anyone remembers me, it will be something I probably posted online, and that thought terrifies me.

 

I really just wish I could become invisible, forgotten, and disintegrate, having never existed.  I want the pain over with, I can't endure it any longer.  I just want to disappear.  I feel it really is the best I can hope for most days.

 

 

You are what you believe you are. Only you can change your world, or viewpoint of the world. And, crazy is subjective.


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#25 Alder Logs

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 04:43 PM

Becoming no one was the greatest blessing of my life.   So, something in us wants a better story.   Big deal, eh?  We are NOT our stories.   We are NOT the idea we have or our self.    When the ideas change, you can bet the demands of the new idea will change as well.  

 

There's an old saying:

 

The mind is a great servant and a terrible master.   Better to see you have a mind than to think you are a mind.   

 

No one knows what's coming, and no one remembers without the filters of personality.    Everyone is crazy when it comes to their identities. 

 

" It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

— J. Krishnamurti


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#26 Zwapa

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 06:48 PM

Hi guys, nice to meet you, bin a while. Just took a walk in space on the local mushrooms and wanted to show u something i made a time ago. Look at it between your "eyelashes" (i don't know how to say it in proper english...)

Just to mention about the relationships...

The chance is u know i'm now living on my on for 1 yea after a relationship of 23 years with 3 beautiful children. What we create, where we come from, what is in us and comes through us, i will never take it for granted anymore. Our ancestors come from a long way... Just coming down so excuse me ... lol

So anyway ..

eum thnx for listening and giving me the opportunity to show what i made and came alive for a brief moment of time..

pff okM01.jpg

 

ok a bit to bright,

but you get the idea?? just take some shrooms and look at it maybe??


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#27 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 07:49 PM

The problem, I think, is we focus on the "cool shit we haven't done". All the cool shit we have done isn't cool anymore. Been there, done that.

How many others look at you and wonder to themselves "if only I was her... Or him", but they may be thinking the same thing.

Desire moves us, but it can be a terrible taskmaster, until we recognize it for what it is.

Help someone achieve their desire, and you may find you have achieved something much greater... something that does not pass along as "been there, done that".

Edited by SteampunkScientist, 19 October 2018 - 08:47 PM.

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#28 Guy1298

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 09:18 PM

Darci, I understand the desire to delete everything you've said. I actually delete everything I write if I can. I can't here, so I'm stuck with it. 

 

I recall telling some friends something, maybe you'll understand this. It's an insight of mine that came with mushrooms. I was in college at the time sitting in a park on campus, in front of a library, and I thought about the person I was throwing away when I had made the decision to use mushrooms like I was. Before this moment, I had been drawn to being a good mathematician. I was ready to study my ass off for it. But, instead of that I started using mushrooms weekly, dropped out of my more difficult courses and became supremely disinterested and a bit crazy. I remember thinking about that person that studied his ass off. I still think about it now. Even now, I think about getting back on that wagon. I find math incredibly interesting when I'm not in school. In any case, what I was confronted with wasn't just that I wouldn't be a "great" mathematician. I was being confronted with the realization that I had fucked myself up. I remember finding that I had HPPD, bad dreams, fear of the dark, etc. I was isolated and had lost most of my friends. I felt terrible. I walked through the city totally disconnected. The couple times when I really tried to talk with someone they walked away and left, probably because I wanted to show them where my mind really was.

 

Anyway, I remember I thought of that person that was me doing well in Math and I felt all the other choices I could have made. They were strung out before me. I saw myself on one path of these many. And the one I was on was that lonely hurt fellow. I was even writing to some friends in obsessive-compulsive form, lost, lost, lost. I met a homeless man similar to me then some years later. The drive to connect wasn't being made, or my ideas were too far out, or I was too self-obsessed and hurtful to others... I couldn't see or know, nor do I even know now.

 

But then, eventually, I saw all of those paths strung out as real possibilities, real versions of myself, worthwhile in their expression of being. Then, it occurred to me that there are already great mathematicians in the world, that I didn't need to be one. The paths strung out opened up into all paths of all people. Then, I saw a person dying a terrible death, having lived burdened by addiction or whatever else, dying thinking that their life is worthless. I knew that all those paths were worthwhile in their expression of being. And they appeared as real versions of myself. Then, I looked back at where I was and I saw it as worthwhile in its expression of being. 

 

The point I'm trying to make is really what I told my friends some months ago. I said "Even if I'm shit." That's the acceptance I'm looking for. And I guess, that's what's unconditional love is. I don't care how many times I've hurt myself, felt terrible, or acted stupid and worthless in my eyes. Even though it never feels good to see that in yourself to want it to be otherwise, it's okay to be it. And unconditional love is a thing, our problems become tears of joy. 


Edited by Guy1298, 19 October 2018 - 09:35 PM.

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#29 coorsmikey

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 09:43 PM

Start a new Account/person and be whoever you want to. BE happy if you choose! Just BE if you want.


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#30 Guy1298

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 10:49 PM

"He who considers himself free is free indeed, and he who considers himself bound remains bound. 'As one thinks, so one becomes' is a popular saying in this world, and it is quite true." - Ashtavakra Gita

 

Unfortunately, I think it can appear much more difficult than that. Feelings and thoughts around personality can appear to be real traps and real hells. And "he who considers himself bound remains bound"... so the appearance of a hellish trap is enough of a hellish trap. 

 

Anyway, what was this thread about, marriage? 


Edited by Guy1298, 19 October 2018 - 11:00 PM.


#31 Alder Logs

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 11:48 PM

I made this from taking a screenshot snap from a video.  I have long had a big version of it as my computer's wallpaper. 

 

 

gallery_131808_1351_10852.jpg


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#32 PJammer24

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Posted 20 October 2018 - 08:58 AM

 

 

Relationships are great when they work - marriage is a scam perpetrated by emotionally and fiscally disenfranchised people slightly more attractive than you are. 

 

At least that's been my experience  :)

 

soliver

 

 

But Soliver.... No one is more attractive than I am!!   :cool: and girl's like guys who have skills....   :chucks:

 

 

After reading this post... I realized I should probably revisit my books on ego death....


Edited by PJammer24, 20 October 2018 - 08:59 AM.

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#33 Alder Logs

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Posted 20 October 2018 - 09:58 AM

I hope the books tell you to throw them away or burn them. 



#34 Alder Logs

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Posted 20 October 2018 - 10:04 AM

I made this from taking a screenshot snap from a video.  I have long had a big version of it as my computer's wallpaper. 

 

 

gallery_131808_1351_10852.jpg

 

 

I didn't want to give the impression that I made this graphic.  Whoever produced the video made it.  I only cropped it from the screenshot



#35 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 20 October 2018 - 10:12 AM

Once a student of meditation excitedly went up to his teacher, proclaiming that he had achieved the ultimate, and was in the state of "Supreme Nothing".

 

His teacher looked him in the eye for a long moment....then suddenly punched the student in the nose.

 

"What Hurts", The Teacher asked.


Edited by SteampunkScientist, 20 October 2018 - 10:12 AM.


#36 Alder Logs

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Posted 20 October 2018 - 10:40 AM

It would be the body that hurts, yes?

 

Unless the student took it personally.


Edited by Alder Logs, 20 October 2018 - 10:48 AM.


#37 Guy1298

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Posted 20 October 2018 - 08:51 PM

When someone thinks they're enlightened, they're probably just really really really high. It's happened to me enough times that I think I'm done thinking it. 

 

Well, as for me, I doubt I'll marry since I like being alone. The issues presented with coming into someone's life as a source of happiness, and eventually as a source of unhappiness, are too heavy for me. People trying to control other people. People trying to fulfill what can't be fulfilled. The two of us seem to miss that we're dying. If I remember too often, then it might conflict with her wishful thinking. I'd rather sit happily alone, with some psychedelic, breathing fresh air of an eternal sense. Or just sit alone, breathing fresh air of the fact that I'm not anything that appears to be me. 

 

That isn't very humorous. 


Edited by Guy1298, 20 October 2018 - 08:52 PM.


#38 Alder Logs

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Posted 20 October 2018 - 11:37 PM

I was conditioned to be half a couple, and that with a father who was eventually married seven times.  The pain of trying to fulfill my conditioning, it was enough to make me get with someone for very unhealthy reasons.    When that was over, I got into the hunt to try again, still not seeing the impetus was to fulfill an image.   I, the learning disordered misfit, lived the torture of trying to fit into a model.    As the ADHD school kid, boy scout, sailor, I learned little of what these curricula intended to teach.   Somehow, I still learned some idea of being half a marital union.   I'm sure part of it was just wanting to get laid, and that was ammunition for that self image to wield over me.  

 

It was the self image that was relentless.  So, I wound up getting laid by quite a few women who I would never have wanted to live with, and the ones I thought I did, they weren't looking at me to fill that bill.  I learned that casual sex most often wasn't casual, and women I was sure I didn't want to live with, who'd told me the one night stand was going to be just that one night, but then were calling me at three in the morning, crying, showing up drunk and crashing their cars into my crap. 

 

I gave up the hunt to discover that I liked living alone.    Falling in love had left some serious scars, because I made dumber decisions doing that than trying to function normally on heroic doses.   Eventually, the longer I lived alone, the more I liked it.   I started to understand my mother, who swore off right after my dad left to marry a few more times.  She had one love before my dad, a doctor (she was a registered nurse) who went down the cocaine suck-hole in the 1940s.   Then the alcoholic naval officer swept her off her feet with his bill of goods.   Then she was happy to go it alone, only being tempted by the doctor whose practice she'd served for decades, but she didn't bite, and when she refused him, he screwed her over financially.   I'd always thought he was an asshole.

 

So, like Mr. Fields, I must ask, "who wants to be in an institution?"


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#39 onediadem

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Posted 21 October 2018 - 12:31 AM

I like being alone. I always have. I think that is why I have no tolerance for super needy people in relationships. It is way too exhausting. And, needy people are very abusive when they do not have their need for attention filled at all times. I do not have the time or patience for any of it. Besides, my picker is broken, and sure as shit every relationship has been with a needy narcissistic asshole except for Robert who OD'd and died on me. They start out crazy good and suck me in, only to find out that I had been swindled. Nope, I am good alone thank you very much! I do wish everyone all my hopes tho for finding a keeper.



#40 onediadem

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Posted 21 October 2018 - 12:55 AM

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