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#1 Guy1298

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Posted 17 October 2018 - 12:03 AM

I am wondering what's brought others to psychedelics and what they learned, spiritually or mystically, or whatever else. I think I'm going to write about myself for the rest of this post with no particular agenda.

 

I like reflecting. Honestly speaking, I was the product of a dysfunctional family. I was intelligent enough to imagine ways of escape. So, I looked at Buddhism with the help of some strange hints in my younger life. And I was drawn into Val Kilmer's portrayal of Jim Morrison, in the desert drinking cactus tea. I read Siddhartha and Steppenwolf. Isolated and generally succumbed to shame, social awkwardness, and embarrassment. Learned quickly that the intensity with which I am drawn to open up to others is undesired, and impossible. 

 

I studied Mathematics in undergrad. Then, isolated for a couple years, while studying Math, and came into mushrooms, looking for Jhana. Then, after having used mushrooms a few times, I looked for insight into not-self. Then, after mushrooms scared the shit out of me, multiple times, I meditated to put myself back together. I came upon the idea that I would ordain as a Buddhist monk then. But, I remember the day I spoke to a monk and he told me that I should face my fear. The fear I spoke of was the terror I had felt on high doses, but I had cast it as the fear of the dark. That stuck with me. 

 

I travelled to Peru once before and drank Ayahuasca. After that, I lost my passport and gave away a lot of things in the streets, being stricken with pure love and a sense of God. Ayahuasca had made me love myself and gave me a sense of safety in eternity. I felt like the blue green of the wet jungle was held up by God, far apart, in a sea of something infinite, being infinite. I expected to die, I think. That was what my high dose mushroom trips were like, being traumatically separated from life. 

 

After that, I lived with a woman deep into academic Buddhism. Drank a lot of alcohol and became desperately unhappy. And occasionally used cactus and LSD for a bit of relief, emotional processing, and insight. Eventually went back to Math for a master's. Once I lived alone again, I went back to mushrooms. Refined my habits, no alcohol, more meditation, more mushrooms. More mushrooms, more mushrooms, but no high doses anymore. And you've been witness to a lot of the things that occurred in this period. Connected with a Buddhist meditation group and met nice people and felt really great feelings, of enlightenment and love, but plenty of anxiety too.

 

At this time, I made my way to Advaita Vedanta. Advaita Vedanta has been the most real of it all. There's a difference between denial of identity from within identity and the unspoken denial of apparent identity from without appearance. If death is an unfailing reality, then who dies? I think for all of my mushroom-use and meditation, without knowing the step that I am not this, really not this, never this, this being what I appear to think of me, then I would have never been satisfied. Death is an unfailing reality, so just let go. And the insight is like magic, appearing out of the ether. A mind taken away from itself looks and sees what's real. 

 

In any case, ate some more mushrooms and drank some more Ayahuasca. Back home, living with my father, telling myself I'm staying here for him. Am I? I think so. Right now, I'm not too concerned about my life. Haven't I already killed myself? Most of my dreams are seen through. Death is a reminder to relax, breathe easy. My mind comes in and goes out. What's left? It's clear enough that I'm not that. And what to do? Nothing. 


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#2 Guy1298

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Posted 17 October 2018 - 11:37 AM

A natural nighttime high leads me to write things like this. Happens often enough. 

 

Anyway, I would like to hear what other people have learned, spiritually or mystically, etc. And invite others to write about their lives and paths with psychedelics. 


Edited by Guy1298, 17 October 2018 - 11:43 AM.

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#3 Guy1298

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Posted 18 October 2018 - 07:04 AM

I suppose that wasn't a good way to produce meaningful sharing. As I guess I might not expect to share my life story with somebody who's drunk and sharing his. Oh well.  :biggrin:

 

Often I find myself writing here under the force of anxiety. Or at least I have in the past, but I'm not right now. With regard to psychedelics and spirituality, I will probably always find that there's a world cut off from my understanding. I'd like to see through the lenses of those people that I can't understand. But, probably, it's like this: in order to understand the mind of someone who smokes DMT, you'd have to smoke DMT. Enter the realms they've been. I've heard of some giant sexual salamander things.

 

But, it's the same all around, not just DMT. And even when one has touched a similar place... there remains the question "Is it really the same?" Is my enlightenment, you're enlightenment? Or does it only use the same vocabulary? Some feelings seem communicable. "Oneness" and "Eternity" seem tied to relatable feelings and perceptions. A sense of "coming home." The more time I spend associated with psychedelics, and people therein, the more the little things are revealed. Someone talks of finding themselves in an eternal place of play, moving and changing with others, bodiless, like children, far and away. 

 

I should be very careful too. I spoke to a girl not so long ago that said something about this life potentially being her last until she took a dive into psychedelics. What's it like to be there? Have I been there? I think I have. The fear I've found was probably to teach me to step back, to be afraid, to not really kill myself. I think I had some strong suicidal ideation before I started with mushrooms. To someone like that, I think I sit on the other side of the table, listening calmly, but there's a part of me that wants to reach out. We can talk about such terrible moments in our life, smilingly, once we're beyond them. But, that person is still there, as a figment. Our emotionally tactile life, the memory of a shattered person, crying in depths, in dreams, for God or something other. 


Edited by Guy1298, 18 October 2018 - 07:21 AM.

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#4 Alder Logs

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Posted 18 October 2018 - 11:19 AM

For me, I could say that psychedelics were something that was on the way to no psychedelics.    The insights of tripping stopped being questioned when the believer disappeared and only being was left.   In being, the questioner was no more.   Advaita's inquiry is summed up rather well by Ramana and Mooji this way: 

 

He who begins the inquiry, does not finish the inquiry, but is finished by the inquiry.

 

I haven't listened to much of Paul Hedderman for a while.  Been busy with so much activity as assignments in the life continue to occupy the body/mind.  But anyway, that wonderful online old friend who originally urged me to "stay as the witness," sent me a Hedderman link the other day, which got me to surfing more of his recent videos -- until yesterday (while I was linseed oiling components for nine cedar benches I have been building for the tee pads on the disc golf course -- not much of a service maybe, but it's nice to let the disc golfers take a load off and watch their friends huck their drives -- especially when there's no doer -- which makes it all feel to the body/mind like joy).  So, I was inside the cabin oiling boards and I turned on some Y'ube to listen to and got this video playing:

 

[Direct Link]

 

I think I will start listening to it again right now. 


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#5 Guy1298

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Posted 18 October 2018 - 11:38 AM

What I like about Paul is that he is so seemingly unpretentious. His message gets through much better that way. 

 

Some people are looking for the spiritual garb, I've never been. I tend to trust people that appear highly flawed, or have no reason not to express flawed lives. I'd trust the narcissist asshole quicker than someone with a loving gaze, most times. Of course, I don't think Paul is a narcissist asshole just an example. 


Edited by Guy1298, 18 October 2018 - 11:44 AM.


#6 JustinAskin

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Posted 17 November 2018 - 11:47 AM

Mycophage,

 

Very interesting post. Read every work and you seem to be a very open person in regards to spirituality.

 

I have not had an experience with mushrooms. But am looking for a purely spiritual use with them.

 

I believe the things people experience on these natural plants is 100% real and not "hallucinations". I truly believe these substances active more of our brain and make us open to what is always their. :tinfoil:  :tinfoil:

I have been practicing meditation and out of body work for 3 - 4 years now, and I am fascinated with, as to what I can learn of myself with the additional guidance of mushrooms.

 

Thanks for sharing!


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#7 Alder Logs

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Posted 17 November 2018 - 12:22 PM

Mycophage,

 

Very interesting post. Read every work and you seem to be a very open person in regards to spirituality.

 

I have not had an experience with mushrooms. But am looking for a purely spiritual use with them.

 

I believe the things people experience on these natural plants is 100% real and not "hallucinations". I truly believe these substances active more of our brain and make us open to what is always their. :tinfoil:  :tinfoil:

I have been practicing meditation and out of body work for 3 - 4 years now, and I am fascinated with, as to what I can learn of myself with the additional guidance of mushrooms.

 

Thanks for sharing!

 

The intention is very positive.  And yet, there may be no actual formula, and what we believe will remain malleable, as possibilities have to extend beyond any concept.  

 

I know not who I quote here.    I just know it was said before and I heard it.   

 

 

 

"Awakening is an accident.   Spiritual practice does not bring awakening, but it can make one accident prone."

 

 

 

 

.


Edited by Alder Logs, 17 November 2018 - 12:25 PM.

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#8 Sikfreud

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Posted 22 November 2018 - 05:17 PM

Hi,

 

I feel that I am on the way to finding more peace in my life.  I was an alcoholic for 30 yrs. and that really held me back.  I took a lot of acid and some shrooms when I was younger.  I think trying to find what was out there or maybe what it would give me.  I've been having self realizations since I've been off the booze for a while now.  I'm actually enjoying being sober.  I've been seeing "truths" in life.  I've been saying greed and envy are the roots of evil.  I've had an earning to feed my spiritual side. I was raised in a strict christian community but never really fit in.  I rebelled and have felt shame most of my life because of it.  I have felt a "holy spirit" and feel that prayer helps and that something is watching over me.  But I cannot accept any of these christian religions that project guilt. I feel that all religions have something to give and teach kindness and love but I cannot accept any man mad rules for my spirituality I don't know :(  It shouldn't be that way.  I believe in being good and helping but I feel like there is much guilting and shaming.  I started looking at Traditional Buddhism and want to study it.  I cannot deny much of what I have read and hope it gives me some guidance I'm searching for.  I think that all natural "drugs" have a place and were put here to help us.  I also don't want to use any of them as a crutch.  Like I said I was an alcoholic and I don't think that any drink, joint or other plant will give you the answer.  But I think that they all have there place to help in our journey.  I just know that I cant handle alcohol and I don't ever want to be addicted to anything.( I quit smoking too yay :)  I do remember shrooms helping me self realize and would like to use it as a tool after I have studied a little more.  Marijuana helped get my wife off of Opiates and am an advocate of it's uses.  I am an advocate for the use of anything that helps anyone to a better place.   I grew some weed for my wife and found I was really good at it and It brings me much joy to garden to see life born and to create medicine.  I hope that this site will help me and that maybe I can help someone as well.  Like I said I was drawn to this place and I'm going for it.  I'm tired of hiding.  I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving.


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#9 Skywatcher

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Posted 27 November 2018 - 07:47 PM

As a young man, I was a wreck. Closeted, suicidal, masking any emotion with stupor. Actually at one point beyond caring about anything but the next dive into dissociation and escape. As with any and all drugs I was running with, LSD was a part of the mix as were inhalants. Heroin was the final endgame, that brought me to a destitute, soulless place, hiding from the law and the world in the desert. Destitute of any spirituality.

 

It was at that lowest point where I met some people who said they could guide me to a turning point. I had virtually nothing to lose.

I was introduced to Rev. Anne at Peyote Way. We talked several times before I desired and went on my first "Spirit Walk".

They supplied the Peyote, both a concentrated tea, and 5 buttons. The experience shattered my previous life, bared all my inner beings, and awakened  an awareness that had been missing a long time. Like a death, much was left behind, including the fear of death.

That became the first of quite a few "Spirit Walks" over many many years. 

That first experience however tore open the veil, and let me see through my self illusions. It brought me to a place where I cared. I had to clean up all my shit in the trail before, and that included some jail time.

 

Once freed of my past I evolved. So many stages along the way.......

I would say the cactus teacher showed me the connecting of all energies. No longer alone, a part of the total. I learned to let all of the parts be, and that there was no real hiding from any of it. Pathways leading to pathways, yet the only one mattering was the one that felt true and was unrestricted, open to any winds that may alter the course.

Spirit was recognised. I became childlike in not assuming. Open.

 

 

 

I would go so far as to say I have now gone past the need to consume, or share flesh with the cactus. I hold that open however should it call to me again. Any understanding I have gained was my own. The teachers just pointed out the direction. I was one who needed a kick in the ass. 

I am grateful.


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