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Living with PSD,Existential anxiety,HPPD,PTSD,Bi-Polar Depression

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#1 Baphom3t



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Posted 30 November 2018 - 10:01 AM

Sup y'all.
It's been quite sometime since I have posted. Outside of the surgeries I had to have that laid me up, I have also been hit with having some spiritual / mental issues. I've been searching out a proper person to speak with about these issues but in the mean time I have been talking to a therapist.
It took me over 25 years to speak with even my own wife about all of what's been going on in me.
She suspected I was bi-polar and has seen from observance of me I fight severe depression.
She knew I had PTSD from a incident that happened to me since we've been married. She knew about my Anxiety attacks.

Now the HPPD has taken me 25+ years to bring to her attention. She knows all to well my use of psychedelics but the only reason I have brought it to her attention is because over the past few years it's gotten to the point to where sometimes it's debilitating and affects my everyday life. I don't drive anymore due to HPPD, I have to be careful with my work at the smokehouse since my work involves knifes, there has been several times I've had to stop what I was doing until the mental stuff and visuals pass. I can go on about how it affects me but you get the idea.
She doesn't know I have PSD or Existential anxiety.
I am trying to work with the PSD and Existential anxiety but am having some difficult time with it because I can't say I quite understand it the way it's meant or what.
Plus I really don't know how to explain it to her.

I refuse to take their pharma poison for shit that has to do with my mind but outside of struggling with being, I am in fantastic health. I'm still looking for another place to move to so I can get my grow on. Since I haven't been able to grow any I ran into a supply of some very nice blotter at 175μg and some at 250μg and kinda stockpiled up on it. :happy:

I've come to realize that I may have over done it. But then duality sets in.

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#2 pharmer



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Posted 30 November 2018 - 10:36 AM

There's a ton of legit research being done in big, well known medical outfits on the benefits of MDMA on PTSD sufferers. Where there's smoke there might be fire. It may be worth your time looking into.


A possibility, and this is my own idea so weigh it accordingly, is the mescaline molecule is almost identical to the MDMA molecule. This normally translates into very similar buzz, very similar spiritual inputs, very similar empathy building, very similar self forgiveness. All of that, and more of course, are what one hears from PTSD sufferers - that they are looking for insights and tools to get out of the box that has contained them for so long. I would guess that PTSD would respond as well to mesc as mdma. The beauty being you can grow your own and not be reliant on dubious head shrinkers and pill merchants.


I'd also guess that the meditative preparation of growing and processing your own would be part of the larger healing project.


You have my attention and support. If I can help.....


Lucky me, I survived all the bad luck a guy of my generation might be shown and still never lost a minute of sleep over it. I'd like the same for you.


And as I understand the mdma therapy it's always tied or paired with baring your soul and thinking out loud to get at the root of the PTSD.  I can't imagine a better therapist than your own wife who one assumes is your soul mate and most interested in your peace of mind. Get cactused' up and give her a try. I can only guess that it's better on not better that both of you dose at the same time as the "talk therapy" is underway.  There's nothing better on this planet than the love of a good woman for fixing us hardheads    :)

Edited by pharmer, 30 November 2018 - 10:54 AM.

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#3 Baphom3t



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Posted 01 December 2018 - 08:13 PM

The PTSD isn't the issue, I can handle that.

The HPPD, PSD, and Existential anxiety are my worst enemy.

#4 scott_1971_h



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Posted 01 December 2018 - 11:01 PM

Look up MAPS, maybe they know of someone who is running trials or post trial studies:

Hope that helps

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