Thanks for the comments, everyone :) Kola, you sound a lot like me!
It's not the change on a spiritual/metaphysical level that scares me (tho, to be honest, it does a bit but in a good way :P)
It's the fact that I don't know how these things will affect me physically/mentally. For the past 5 years, I have lived a fearful life, unable to take part in things I once loved because I didn't know how I would handle it; the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder mixed with daily anxiety attacks made for a scary day to day lifestyle. I have avoided so much so that I could remain in control of myself, and despite my huge progress and growth through this time, I know there is much more I can do/learn, and with the help of these sacred healers, I can achieve all that and more.
The fact that I have learned so much about the mushroom, mostly from here as well as many other sources, makes me realize how important it is for me to use them, but it's the thought of ingesting something that changes the way I feel to something I am not used to that makes me second-guess myself and worry about it. I have used marijuana for years, since my early teens (about 25 years ago), and so I had no qualms about picking it up as a helper through the tough times. I knew how it would make me feel and I could easily gauge what steps to take to make for a safe journey through the day.
Mushrooms is something I have no experience with. Besides trip reports and the like on the internet, and all the lab tests and patient's testimonials, I know next to nothing about what physical symptoms to expect or how it will affect me mentally. I have heard a lot of both sides of the subject, good and bad, and I can't help but hesitate...
I know that a small dose of .5g to 1g(my ideal starting point) is not going to rewrite the fabric of my being, so I do feel safer in that sense... but what symptoms can I expect? Marijuana makes me light-headed and relaxed, giggly and hungry (Tho I have used it so much now that I feel it's more a placebo effect, and sometimes it seems to trigger attacks... I'm hoping to get help from the mushroom for it, tho that may take a larger dose than I am prepared for)
Kola, I am so happy to hear that this site and thread has helped you! I come here daily, sometimes just to re-read things :P but I always feel better learning all I can from the experts here!
Edited by OldAndMiserable, 25 February 2019 - 01:07 PM.