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Just some thoughts


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#1 Guy1298

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Posted 13 January 2019 - 03:33 AM

A couple of summers ago, I tripped. A few days later I was overcome with fear. I was walking away from where I lived in the woods and I found myself looking at all of the terrible things that have happened to members of my family. I took off my shoes and was walking on the dirt through the forest and started crying, thinking it over. I was feeling a lot of fear at the time, having just come out of an episode of panic, where I thought things would fall apart and all of that. 

I suppose I was thinking over a lot of past abuses in my family. Of course, I didn't have to look far to see things much worse in the world, i.e., the news. But, I don't watch the news. So, I was looking at my family. It was a bit of a miracle that my mind did what it did next. I was crying, unable to accept the world, afraid, then, surprisingly, I decided that none of it was real. I actually started to apprehend my thoughts as they told me what my family was, and right in the midst of them saying it, I said "Not real." I continued doing that, until an incredible high overtook me. The forest led into town and I was then walking in the streets looking at everyone taking their mind's to be reality. I settled into a state of presence and felt that everyone was crazy. 

 

I can see now that what I instigated then was something akin to the Self-Realization of Ramana. My apprehension of mind with the statement "Not real," drove me into being what I actually am, which is not in time. Or that's what it appears to be to me, having experienced things very similar, but different, since then. 

The most difficult thing about this for me initially was that it appeared to be denial. Even Ramana's practices come off as total self-denial. Read "Who am I?" and you'll find that the goal of self-enquiry is Mouna, silence, silence of mind, total destruction of the I-thought and the sense of being the doer. 

I do think that denial and healing are similar here. If we're talking about absolute healing, then I might imagine there's no greater healing then waking up from life as a dream. It is denial in a way. It wasn't real, but it's all seen and known. Or whatever's remembered is seen and known. But, why would I care to remember a dream?!? It's not denial. And yet, I'm healed, having realized I am something else. 

 

I think most mental healing is like this. The change in oneself is waking from one version into another version, or one personal world into another. The fact is, denial is only denial in a negative sense when it produces negative outcomes. If denial was the straight path to God, we'd call it something different, and we might forget it was ever known to be denial. Maybe we'd call it "prayer" and "meditation."

Anyway, what am I getting at? Eventually, the wishful thinking that this isn't real becomes easy. No more fighting with notions of denial. It becomes so easy that it's not wishful thinking anymore. When I look I know that this isn't real. I suspect that isn't news to a lot of people here. I don't expect to be shown what's real. If I was shown, it wouldn't be me who sees it. Even the questions asking for purpose and the world's safety and saving are asked by someone that isn't me. And the answers aren't for me or mine either. It seems that I am before the question is asked, and after it, before the question is answered and after it. 


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#2 Alder Logs

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Posted 13 January 2019 - 10:11 AM

When that "I thought, doer" cat seems to be on the scene, is that not seen?   Who or what is seeing it?  Who was that masked man?



#3 Guy1298

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Posted 19 January 2019 - 12:59 AM

You know, I don't feel like the same person anymore. Very, very different. 

 

I guess I found the ease and happiness I was looking for. Too many answers have been provided. And I see no reason to reject them. 

 

I like how Paul Hedderman says "this has been the last answer for me." The implications of that are probably overlooked by most people. The last answer. That's it. There are no more answers. What's left? Be what you've always been. Take it easy. 


Edited by Guy1298, 19 January 2019 - 01:00 AM.

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