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My Experience with Ego Death


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#1 LegoMyego

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Posted 13 March 2019 - 07:40 PM

Today I had one of the most intense experiences of my life.  Thought I'd share with you fine folks.

 

I made tea with 4.5gs dried shroom. Within 20 minutes I lifted off. It started very similar to all the others. Feeling of warmth and connectedness with the universe. While enjoying one of my favorite films (Doctor Strange), the visuals became more intense and I could see the walls "melt" so to speak. Then it took a psychological turn. Around the peak (2 hours and 20 minutes in) I began to experience extreme deja vu. I felt as if I had experienced the moment countless times before. I tried to speak to my partner but everything she said and I said felt as if it happened before. It was like I was not really in control of what I was saying and doing. I felt my sense of self seperate from my body. It was as if I was standing outside of myself and observing what was happening. It felt like an endless loop I had always been experiencing and always would.

 

Long story short, I completely lost all sense of myself. It was one of the scariest and most humbling experiences of my life. While she was able to pull me back to reality, the experience has given me a renewed respect for the powerful, magical fungi. I truly did let go of my ego.

 

Stay safe out there everybody!

 

~LegoMyego

 

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Edited by LegoMyego, 13 March 2019 - 07:52 PM.

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#2 WolfWhiz

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 03:20 AM

Learning scar? so what was the lesson learned?



#3 LegoMyego

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 09:55 AM

Well the first is to stick around 3.5 grams dried.  Second is to stick with my once a month rule.  It was my second trip in a single week so it threw me over the edge.  Third is that if a deja vu loop hits again, focus on the things I know for sure are unique to break it.  Finally, always respect shrooms.  I stopped thinking about them as powerful medicine and instead as a recreation.  My biggest mistake imo


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#4 Billcoz

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 11:12 AM

Wow lol, you really do have to respect the magic. I get so nervous before a trip and during the 'come up', which usually goes away when I notice visuals starting, and I get anxiety from micro dosing. recently I was taking 4-5g at least once a week but I've cut that back now, I'll probably go once a month. When I go too long without tripping, like a year or more, the 'lasting magic' effects start to wear off and I start to sort of forget some of the lessons they teach me, so I remind/make myself do it even if I don't really feel like getting alln anxious for a while, I feel like it's not really recreational the wy I do it, and while I do enjoy the sense of love and oneness, and I do love the visuals, to me it's more like studying and working on my mind. I feel like I make a bit of progress after each trip, but when I don't re-up, I lose some of what I had gained.


Edited by Billcoz, 14 March 2019 - 11:13 AM.

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#5 LegoMyego

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 11:41 AM

Why do you think you get anxious during the come up?  I've found that music and mediation during the first 30mins-an hour really puts me at ease. 


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#6 Billcoz

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 01:05 PM

Why do you think you get anxious during the come up?  I've found that music and mediation during the first 30mins-an hour really puts me at ease. 

IDK why exactly, I get cold and start yawning, then my stomach will gurgle and I'll feel like I gotta shit(sometimes I actually do), I just get anxious, like before a roller coaster or skydiving(I'd imagine, Iv'e never been). When the psychedelic effects start it goes away.

 

As for ego death, I fear it still, my ego wants to control, the mushrooms say, 'no, your in control of nothing', and once you let go, amazing things happen, that's when I've gotten the realest 'magic'. It will never be easy to go through, but IMO it is practice, you get somewhat comfortable with not being in control completely by taking large doses(relatively).

 

To me, doing this, even if it seems like work, gives us the best possible perspective on the world. I believe if more people would have the experience of losing all sense of 'self' and being stripped of all the things that inform our attitudes and perspectives that make ideologies, the world would change for the better. 


Edited by Billcoz, 14 March 2019 - 01:35 PM.

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#7 LegoMyego

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 01:27 PM

Interesting.  Almost seems like your body goes into a panic but when it fully kicks in you're like "oh I remember this and it's pretty great". 

 

How do you usually ingest them? 



#8 WolfWhiz

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 01:42 PM

So I am curious do you think looking at something, a visual might have helped you refocus sooner? 

 

Even something like this that antagonizes the brain for a short moment to reset?

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Edited by WolfWhiz, 14 March 2019 - 01:44 PM.

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#9 Billcoz

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 01:57 PM

So I am curious do you think looking at something, a visual might have helped you refocus sooner? 

 

Even something like this that antagonizes the brain for a short moment to reset?

 

Great suggestion. Also music can help, but for me, the music I like while not tripping is very different from what I like on a psych. I can't really get into Shpongle until even a small dose kicks in.All of a sudden the music starts getting multi-dimenstional, and I start hearing all sorts of things in the music that just is not there it seems when not tripping. It's like one of those eye puzzles, or a 3d movie, when you put the glasses on, shit changes haha.

 

I like metal and hard rock while straight, but even Tool and Mastodon, my favorite bands don't sound good to me on psychedelics. Maybe 'Third Eye' by Tool is pretty listenable while tripping imo, but anything with simple but hypnotic drums, tribal beats, layers of sounds that are not harsh sounding or 'heavy', or at least it has to build up to any 'heavyness'.

 

Somehow Shpongle writes and records their music specifically to listen to while tripping. In the song 'Divine Moments of Truth' there are quiet lyrics that pop out, for me only tripping, that say 'do lsd, do dmt', and I can't for the life of me hear it in the song when I'm sober. The guy's flute playing is like that as well. There are flute lines in there that I can't hear clearly unless I'm trippin'. 


Edited by Billcoz, 14 March 2019 - 02:07 PM.

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#10 LegoMyego

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 01:58 PM

Wolf, it certainly may have.  It is really hard to put into words.  I knew in the back of my mind that I was just tripping but telling myself that did not help.  I really didn't even notice the visuals once the deja vu started.  Once the loop was broken, I no longer even had visuals.  It was almost like my consciousness left my body and when it returned (around the 3 hour 30mins mark), my brain had reset and I was no longer affected.  

 

I've tripped over 50 times in the past 3 years and never had anything like this before.  It was truly frightening, but at the same time spiritual.  Almost like I elevated to different state of consciousness.  Like I was temporarily aware of the infinite. 


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#11 Advocate4TheMT

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 02:24 PM

Today I had one of the most intense experiences of my life. Thought I'd share with you fine folks.

I made tea with 4.5gs dried shroom. Within 20 minutes I lifted off. It started very similar to all the others. Feeling of warmth and connectedness with the universe. While enjoying one of my favorite films (Doctor Strange), the visuals became more intense and I could see the walls "melt" so to speak. Then it took a psychological turn. Around the peak (2 hours and 20 minutes in) I began to experience extreme deja vu. I felt as if I had experienced the moment countless times before. I tried to speak to my partner but everything she said and I said felt as if it happened before. It was like I was not really in control of what I was saying and doing. I felt my sense of self seperate from my body. It was as if I was standing outside of myself and observing what was happening. It felt like an endless loop I had always been experiencing and always would.

Long story short, I completely lost all sense of myself. It was one of the scariest and most humbling experiences of my life. While she was able to pull me back to reality, the experience has given me a renewed respect for the powerful, magical fungi. I truly did let go of my ego.

Stay safe out there everybody!

~LegoMyego


Good stuff !!! Sacrificing your ego will set you free. I have this tattoo that represents that exact meaning. The blood spatter turns into butterflies flying up the side of my neck.

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#12 LegoMyego

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 02:29 PM

Advocate, beautiful!


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#13 Billcoz

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 02:54 PM

Cool tat Advocate.


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#14 WolfWhiz

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 07:19 PM

Wolf, it certainly may have.  It is really hard to put into words.  I knew in the back of my mind that I was just tripping but telling myself that did not help.  I really didn't even notice the visuals once the deja vu started.  Once the loop was broken, I no longer even had visuals.  It was almost like my consciousness left my body and when it returned (around the 3 hour 30mins mark), my brain had reset and I was no longer affected.  

 

I've tripped over 50 times in the past 3 years and never had anything like this before.  It was truly frightening, but at the same time spiritual.  Almost like I elevated to different state of consciousness.  Like I was temporarily aware of the infinite. 

I wasn't making light of your experience... question was genuine on just the state of mind you were at... all is good... I am one who listens to others learning scars in hopes of not following in the same steps...


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#15 Advocate4TheMT

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 07:24 PM

Advocate, beautiful!


Thank you my friend :-)
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#16 LegoMyego

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 08:20 PM

I wasn't making light of your experience... question was genuine on just the state of mind you were at... all is good... I am one who listens to others learning scars in hopes of not following in the same steps...

 

I didn't think you being ingenuine or making light at all friend, my bad if it came across that way.  I was just trying to explain the experience a bit more.  It is really hard to describe in person and even harder over text.  If it ever happens again I'll have to try focusing on a visual to reset as you suggested.  Though I hope I won't have to again.  Once was definitely enough for me haha



#17 Guy1298

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Posted 18 March 2019 - 11:07 PM

Really we're never just tripping, nor are we just living. The magic is always! All of this is the eternal mystery... I'm so in love. 


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#18 Coopdog

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Posted 19 March 2019 - 04:03 AM

Loops are the very worst in my opinion...


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#19 pharmer

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Posted 19 March 2019 - 06:42 AM

Yep, loops. Been there. Absolutely hated that aspect of Acid.

 

I'd submit that looping is not quite ego death but something short of it.

 

To analyze a loop while we're in it implies "I" .   "I" don't like this.  "I" would rather being seeing naked women in neon colors  - kind of thoughts

 

As I understand ego death, and only got there once, there can be no thoughts of "I".   "I" is by definition Ego.

 

Check Alders' thoughts on the "Observer".  It seems to square best with my understanding of Ego Death. No "I". Only observation of what the trip is serving up.

Non-judgemental, not even seeking. Simply observing and accepting what you see. It's very liberating :)   but a rare and hard to hit sweet spot.


Edited by pharmer, 19 March 2019 - 06:43 AM.

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#20 LegoMyego

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Posted 19 March 2019 - 08:18 AM

pharmer, you are right.  It probably wasn't a full ego death.  I called it such because for a short time I did feel as if I seperated from my body and was just observing what was going on.  I lost all sense of time and felt like I was thousands of years of old.  But I was still somewhat aware of myself as an entity.  

 

Maybe one day I'll experience true ego death.  But hopefully not until I'm a bit older and more sure of myself.  It was a bit too intense for me, even if it was just looping.  






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