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#21 Harlow

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Posted 16 April 2019 - 05:20 PM

Time to yourself, like 100% to yourself, is more than important it is needed. Like, it is needed. I am sure I am not alone in saying that I would be there and give you some time alone if I could. I am going to be thinking about you. I am going to try not only to give emotional support but think of something to help you with some time you need. I will be thinking about this. With the step daughter, that is difficult. Is she one you have to take care of, if not how often do you have to interact with her? Not that I have a suggestion right now, but I am curious.

This also may not help with anything, but I used to pee my pants, I mean way later than I should have been peeing my pants. I think it was the situation I was in. Something about it just caused those issues with me, and it looks like I may not be alone.

Okay, I am going to jump from the emotional support to suggestions, but I am still here for emotional support. Take a look at the link below. It contains a link for every state offering some help with child care. I am just taking a guess here, but what if you could get some assistance would even just equate to a couple days a week. If you could do this it would give your wife's mother a couple days break. This would not only help her, but if she could get three days free, maybe she would be willing to watch your kids a weekend day, or even part of the day. I know this seems like something else, but if you could get some free help it would make a big difference. Don't go into it expecting anything, but if you do get something, then that is something to help you.

https://www.care.com...s-and-programs/


And Akari, you can keep updating us. Even if you have a regular day and nothing specific to say. Say hi, tell us you are tired, or had a good day. Say it's Friday and you don;t have to work on Saturday but are going to be spending it at home with your kids, or just log in real quick to say and that you have to log back out. Just to talk with people who want to talk with you.


Edited by Harlow, 16 April 2019 - 05:25 PM.

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#22 Akari

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Posted 17 April 2019 - 08:39 PM

Hey guys. So, I kinda went crazy at work today. I didn't do anything stupid, but I got unduly emotional for a period of time. I was able to reign it back in after talking to a few of the higher ups at my work.

 
I also chewed through this some at home. I'm waking back up. I was stable for the first half of the day, but I was sleep deprived dealing with the present situation, and that made it more difficult to control my emotional state.
 
I just turned 30. I've depended on people my whole life. I'm right at the precipice of being self sufficient. It seems like it just feels more difficult because I'm so close.
 
I've recently met some new witch friends. (I'm a witch if that wasn't obvious.) They're willing to help with the kids some. But the car this effects that at this time.... I'm just in a limbo.
 
But I'm awake now.
 
I'm focused on the goal. For the first time in my life I can see the the end in sight. I can see the part of life I've been working to reach unfolding, and it's killing my ego.
 
It's fighting hard.
 
I've done so much growth in the past two years. I've learned how to change my mind as I said in the original post. I just fell off. Things got harder than they had been since I had this new mind.
 
My wife helped me realize life in a different way. How to do things I enjoy, even though the situation may no be ideal. Like I could go and do things WITH the kids, although it's not as fun as without them, it's more fun that sitting at home with them all depressed. (Keep in mind this is like the condensed condensed version of a 6 hour conversation.)
 
I'm one of those guys who reads the universe. I see shit in numbers.
 
The man at my work who came to talk to me when I went insane has the same birthday as me. It was like we spoke the same language. From the inside. Virgo to virgo. What he said was, "It's time to stop the self pity. It's time to make shit happen. Fix the situation."
 
I've been blossoming. And now I'm here, about to open up, I just didn't it would be so painful.
 
It's like I'm in labor giving birth to my new self.

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#23 SteampunkScientist

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Posted 18 April 2019 - 10:11 PM

Can one imagine a happiness in which all other states are seen to come and go?

Ha ha, Alder, I see what you did there...

Akira,

Glad to hear you throwing off that veil that was over your eyes. It likes to whisper lies into our ears, magnifies our troubles, whilst shrinking our blessings...in our minds.

Blessed be.

Edited by SteampunkScientist, 18 April 2019 - 10:15 PM.

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#24 Guy1298

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Posted 20 April 2019 - 06:41 PM

We've got eternity to figure this stuff out, in my opinion. And to unfigure it out, I guess. 


Edited by Guy1298, 20 April 2019 - 06:42 PM.


#25 Harlow

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 08:08 PM

 

Hey guys. So, I kinda went crazy at work today. I didn't do anything stupid, but I got unduly emotional for a period of time. I was able to reign it back in after talking to a few of the higher ups at my work.

 
I also chewed through this some at home. I'm waking back up. I was stable for the first half of the day, but I was sleep deprived dealing with the present situation, and that made it more difficult to control my emotional state.
 
I just turned 30. I've depended on people my whole life. I'm right at the precipice of being self sufficient. It seems like it just feels more difficult because I'm so close.
 
I've recently met some new witch friends. (I'm a witch if that wasn't obvious.) They're willing to help with the kids some. But the car this effects that at this time.... I'm just in a limbo.
 
But I'm awake now.
 
I'm focused on the goal. For the first time in my life I can see the the end in sight. I can see the part of life I've been working to reach unfolding, and it's killing my ego.
 
It's fighting hard.
 
I've done so much growth in the past two years. I've learned how to change my mind as I said in the original post. I just fell off. Things got harder than they had been since I had this new mind.
 
My wife helped me realize life in a different way. How to do things I enjoy, even though the situation may no be ideal. Like I could go and do things WITH the kids, although it's not as fun as without them, it's more fun that sitting at home with them all depressed. (Keep in mind this is like the condensed condensed version of a 6 hour conversation.)
 
I'm one of those guys who reads the universe. I see shit in numbers.
 
The man at my work who came to talk to me when I went insane has the same birthday as me. It was like we spoke the same language. From the inside. Virgo to virgo. What he said was, "It's time to stop the self pity. It's time to make shit happen. Fix the situation."
 
I've been blossoming. And now I'm here, about to open up, I just didn't it would be so painful.
 
It's like I'm in labor giving birth to my new self.

 

 

Hey Akari,

 

I was very happy when I read this, and re-read it a few times...just needed a few minutes where I could reply.  It's wonderful to read on the changes you are doing and how your are looking at things.  Doing things with the kids is a great idea, they will love it and will love the time spent, and you get out and still get to do some things.  Heck even if you have somewhere you can get out and walk to.  But again, very good to read this.  Thanks for letting us know how things are going, and keep doing so.  :)



#26 Coopdog

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 09:20 PM

I got right to the point you are at now 7-8 years back. I knew if I did not find SOME WAY to change, that I was going to die, and even felt like I would be doing everyone else a favor if I did. I had become poisonous to my own soul, and I truly did not know what I was going to do to survive it. I was driving to work, and praying for a change, and meditating on positive energy and happiness to come into my life. 

 

Suddenly in the midst of my darkness, it was as if a switch had flipped. I was filled with joy and in the course of one minute went from the darkest place I had ever been, to being filled with joy, and I thought I had undergone a psychotic break. I would have driven myself to the nearest hospital and checked myself in, but like you I had to go to work or lose it all. Somehow, some way, something in my mind had snapped, and I was no longer able to go back to that dark place. I thought it was Kundalini energy, but it may have been some God answering my prayers. Whatever it was I remain so damn grateful for it I can't say. I have been dabbling in depression again lately, but it is nowhere close to where it was then, and even at the worst of it I know this too shall pass. 

 

I remember you from my first days here. You have had a good influence on many people here and helped many to learn and evolve. Those kids NEED you, and the thing you are considering is NOT an option brother so please stop thinking about it and consider what options you do have. Suicide is contagious in families, and if you don't want those kids or your wife to follow you down that rabbit hole, then brother don't go there because it is never just one when that happens, it spreads like cancer to those who loved you. 

 

Much love and a HUGE wave of positive energy and protection for you brother. Right now I am gonna burn some sage and lavender that Skywatcher sent to me, and I am going to invoke spirit to help you through this as it helped me in my darkest hour. Love ya man, hang in there and HOLD YOUR HEAD UP!!!

 

Anyone else reading this willing to do this with me? Our own prayer circle with positive intent for you Akari...

 

EDIT:

The whole thing of the pain of being in labor giving birth to yourself...that is what happened to me. I just did my ceremony for you and invoked every power I know to come to your aid. Let it happen and so mete it be...


Edited by Coopdog, 21 April 2019 - 09:33 PM.

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#27 Dimitri2teachme

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Posted 23 April 2019 - 10:54 AM

You know.... Im young...But i have dealt with the cars breaking down... That sent me to the mental hospital on suicide watch... Ive dealt with manipulation and i just cut those people out of my life... Ive dealt with mental breakdowns at work, and i lost those jobs the day of the break down.

Now i have no car, no friends, and no job

My point is you are already so much stronger than i have the ability to be, and i am still kicking. You will probably be kicking longer than I will. You have taken issues that make me crumble like an over done cookie, and turned them into life lessons. Things to grow from.. You are an inspiration.

Those children are lucky to have you, as when I was in their shoes i had nobody... If your stepdaughter doesn't appreciate it now she will. I would...

Ive never seen your face, we have never even exchanged words over the internet.. All i know is reading your posts made me think of myself to an extent, and it pulled some heart strings. I dont want to see anyone end their own life... Especially not someone here..

Good luck with your labor pains Akari. I hope your soul can find its way through the rest of your life with ease. You're a true example of why i wont give into the temptation of giving up. True inspiration Akari.
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#28 Akari

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Posted 12 May 2019 - 06:00 PM

I don't know. I guess I'm trying so hard to avoid negative thoughts that I don't even wanna tell the truth anymore.

 
It's like such a disappointment, looking to the future, waiting to ever have money, and it always seems the thing that could save you never comes. Yeah, I get that you struggle in your 20's or whatever, but I'm absolutely sickened by just living a life of nothingness.
 
I get it. People will always say some shit like. Be happy you're alive, and other people have it worse.
 
Neither of those things help me. Just reading this, you probably think I just want more shit to fill my house, but what I want is simple.
 
I wanna be able to go to the woods sometimes. I'd like to be able to smoke the marijuana I need to endure life. No amount of budgeting seems to stop the inevitable hidden cock that pops up. And then never having anyone to help.
 
It's never a good day today, always tomorrow. And when tomorrow gets here, it's still tomorrow. Just utter poverty. Living daily with no purpose whatsoever. No friends, I got a family but it's needy as kids and an evil in law.
 
When my life is so easy to fix, but I just MUST live my days in misery. I just don't even know if I believe this will end well anymore...
 
Idk


#29 Akari

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Posted 12 May 2019 - 06:19 PM

Ironic signature. Smh


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