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Bullshit!


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#1 Guy1298

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Posted 20 April 2019 - 11:53 PM

Well, I think I'll use this thread for my bullshit. For awhile, at least. 


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#2 Guy1298

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 12:54 AM

The stories of my life are never-ending. 

 

I was considering being quite honest and writing here something like what might be shared in therapy. Heh. But, that won't be fruitful, I'm sure. 

 

How many people have been raped and abused? Too many. Apparently, there are millions of people with millions of stories weighing on them like a million tons. Each and every one treats their own self as God. That's a fuckin' burden. 

 

I'd rather not add more to it. Not today at least. :). 


Edited by Guy1298, 21 April 2019 - 12:58 AM.


#3 Guy1298

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 11:40 AM

Man, I sound serious.  :biggrin:



#4 Guy1298

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 11:59 AM

***Nonsense***


Edited by Guy1298, 21 April 2019 - 02:49 PM.


#5 Guy1298

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 02:18 PM

Just a bit of nonsense.  :tongue: .

 

I've been a bit unhinged this past week or so. So, bear with me. 


Edited by Guy1298, 21 April 2019 - 02:52 PM.


#6 Alder Logs

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 02:55 PM

It's a day for baby chickens, boiled to death in their shells, dyed odd colors, and hidden in the bushes.    That leaves no room at all for bullshit! 


Edited by Alder Logs, 21 April 2019 - 02:55 PM.

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#7 Guy1298

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 03:50 PM

Didn't realize the day actually. Yep, no room for bullshit it seems. 



#8 PasF

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 04:11 PM

Didn't realize the day actually. Yep, no room for bullshit it seems. 

 

I had no idea it was Easter until I went to the store and the cashier wished me a happy Easter.



#9 roc

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 07:23 PM

There's always room for horseshit!

I almost stepped in some looking for eggs out in the bushes.

Silly rabbits day to all!


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#10 Guy1298

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Posted 22 April 2019 - 01:51 AM

Well looks like the storm has blown over. Always a good learning experience!

 

Maybe some horseshit to come... sometime in the future. :).


Edited by Guy1298, 22 April 2019 - 01:52 AM.

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#11 Alder Logs

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Posted 23 April 2019 - 10:31 AM

[Direct Link]


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#12 Guy1298

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Posted 27 July 2019 - 11:27 PM

Seems I'm back to this thread. I'll just share a bit. Is this spiritual and mystical, a bit, I guess.

I've been working on getting a job nowadays. So, I left my dad and brothers, travelled a few hundred miles, and have been training and interviewing. Got a job, so I head home. When I get home I find one of my brothers has developed paranoid delusions. Damn, man.

I'm bothered by this. I already felt like my dad was dying. And I've already had another brother that was diagnosed with schizophrenia and spent sometime in and out of violent and angry psychotic episodes. And this brother now that developed these delusions is one that I felt was really growing positively out of many very negative perspectives. I even brewed him some cactus to help him earlier this year.

I do wonder if the cactus helped manifest the delusions. I don't know. He has abused many drugs in his life, some of which were delirients similar to datura. And he's used psychedelics here and there with no substantial effects. Even the cactus didnt bring on visions. So, no, I don't think so. Emotional stress caused by other sources is the cause, probably.

I suppose I'm just tired. Like the Buddhists say, everything is marked by impermanence, not-self, and suffering. Our bodies fall apart. Our minds become mad or demented. Man, oh, man. What is this world, of all worlds? I wonder. What a burden.

I remember crying and praying intensely during the purge of one of my ayahuasca ceremonies. Basically expressing what I wrote above, but multiples by many hundreds I'd say. To what end?

This world is a mystery, always present. I take all of it for granted. Here it is. Did I miss that it's like a miracle? It is, in opposition, to what isn't. Instead of a void there is this. What am I supposed to do with it? And so damn miserable, some of the time.

As I drove home, lots of thoughts about my coming job and my brother were rioting. Anxiety in the chest. I wondered how long I could stop from seeing them. So I looked away. Immediately, I became happy and started to think that I am ever free from mind, consciousness, sitting in the midst of an insubstantial world. But, what of my brother and my job? If I really turned to the absolute, would could I find? Certainly nothing new.
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#13 Guy1298

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Posted 28 July 2019 - 10:16 AM

Watching my mind judge and evaluate the situation always seems a bit like a religious experience. The walls can close-in, but they're mostly imaginary walls, you know. Just a desperate impulse given energy. Then there's someone trapped! I don't control much of anything... damn. Oh well.


Edited by Guy1298, 28 July 2019 - 10:18 AM.

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#14 clumsy

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Posted 28 July 2019 - 11:21 AM

There is no self. The illusion of self happens to no one. To the degree that self exists (not necessary for life), the role of such is clearly to appreciate, to play the role and enjoy the ride.


Edited by clumsy, 28 July 2019 - 11:24 AM.

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#15 Guy1298

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Posted 28 July 2019 - 10:30 PM

Interesting response, putting all those links hidden in it. :). 

 

Old news for me, of course. Hard to say if that news has really made its mark though, so thanks for the reminders.

 

I suppose it was interesting to find myself crying with regard to my brother earlier this week too. Similar to how I've cried from a break-up. A sense of loss and nostalgia for some simpler times. He'll be okay. If I were him I'm sure I wouldn't spend a moment worrying for myself as I'm sure, regardless of everything, reality wouldn't cease to be. 

 

I remember a few years ago being convinced that my dad would die while I was out west for school. I suppose there's very little security in this life. Especially when as human beings we're seemingly bound to or a part of the radically insecure. We can accept it though, I'm sure. Here and there, I've fully and happily accepted it. 

 

Until next time. 


Edited by Guy1298, 28 July 2019 - 10:33 PM.


#16 Guy1298

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Posted 29 July 2019 - 08:37 PM

Do I exist in time? And am I what I think I am? 

 

I remember when I did more intense self-inquiry, the sort that made me feel like I was going crazy, I often came to an epiphany that I definitely don't exist in time and I am not what I think I am. It was intuitively known and produced bliss. 

 

But, the harder I pushed, the more crazy I felt, and the quicker it snapped back. I'd reach that epiphany, then a day later, just after the epiphany appeared as true, it'd appear as insane or incompatible with life. 

 

Then, there are the issues of using the thought "I do not exist in time" to escape thoughts and feelings about time. I suppose, the emphasis above is on "intuitively known." Intuitively known might mean that it isn't that I think that I don't exist in time... I just don't exist in time.

 

The not being in time recognizes itself which shatters the illusion of life, momentarily, which is forever for a moment.


Edited by Guy1298, 29 July 2019 - 08:39 PM.

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#17 Guy1298

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Posted 30 July 2019 - 09:32 PM

Words can express a catastrophe even when there isn't one!  :biggrin:.

 

I think I'm going to keep writing here for awhile since I'm currently shifting around to whom and where I'm writing. This has always been a good place for little journals. No mushrooms this time around though. Just that constant pressure at my nose and remnants of mushroom'd thinking. 

 

Started a job here last couple days. I suppose I'll see how it goes. I need the money and it's plenty enough, something I haven't had before. 


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#18 Guy1298

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Posted 31 July 2019 - 08:06 PM

Interesting thing I've noticed. I wake up and realize that I don't exist in time. But, I watch my thoughts about the future day go a bit nuts, then I decide to let go of it completely. I don't exist in time. This isn't my day. Then, I find myself at the end of the day, it seemed to be done better than I could have done it otherwise. It wasn't me that did it. 


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#19 Guy1298

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Posted 04 August 2019 - 08:14 PM

Yeah, I really think I am on to something. It reminds me of earlier this year. I really think it's as simple as realizing that "I don't exist in time." Seeing it here and now, recognizing the present, and giving up the past and future now. Not in a rejectful way. I would have had to have actually had them to actually reject them. Giving them up because they aren't actually mine. Giving into a fearless spontaneous flow, intelligent, and even thoughtful, but not generated by me. 


Edited by Guy1298, 04 August 2019 - 08:16 PM.


#20 Guy1298

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Posted 05 August 2019 - 04:00 PM

But, a funny pattern repeats! As soon as I think I have it, it seems to leave. ;). 

 

Driving home today, I was looking at the cars driving in front of me on the highway. This happened very quickly. Stuck in the car, I considered the present moment, as I might, if I consider that I don't exist in time. I recognized that I don't get anything from this moment. There's nothing to get. I even felt a bit disappointed because there's a mild feeling of being trapped while you're waiting in traffic. Just after that, knowing that there's nothing to get from the present moment and feeling the trap of driving through traffic, I considered grander and more timely ideas about my life. Surely, they offer something more?! It went by like a flash, as a feeling. But, just as quickly, knowing the present moment now, and knowing that there is nothing else, I knew the grander, more timely, stories offer nothing. Then, I looked back at the traffic and felt satisfied. 


Edited by Guy1298, 05 August 2019 - 04:02 PM.

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