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Bullshit!


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#21 Guy1298

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Posted 08 August 2019 - 05:57 PM

These past couple weeks I've stopped caring a bit. Well, I wake up and remember that I don't exist in time, like I said before. I go off to work. I see tons of decisions in the past that have led me to be here where I am and I see that I exert no power over those decisions now. If I have no power over it how is it mine? Did I have power once? Was that really me? I think the present moment communicates what's actually the case. Right now, I obviously exert no power over my past decisions. Hence, they aren't mine. And that doesn't seem to change. Seeing that is enough to drop the weight of time. In my experience, things become strangely, sometimes blissfully, easier when time doesn't weigh me down. 

 

So, things are pretty easy right now. What could happen? Times of unrest are never really mine. The present moment doesn't cling.


Edited by Guy1298, 08 August 2019 - 05:59 PM.

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#22 Guy1298

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Posted 09 August 2019 - 04:41 PM

Turns out my cat died on the 3rd. Got hit by an ambulance. My dad let me know. 

 

She was a perfect cat in too many ways. I took a few moments to feel that loss today. Overall, I think I'm all right. I know that she didn't really die. I'll miss her for sure because she was irreplaceable. But, you know, if I can let myself die, it's okay that she does. I wish her well in the journey, but I'm sad that she's no longer in mine. 


Edited by Guy1298, 09 August 2019 - 04:41 PM.

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#23 Alder Logs

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Posted 09 August 2019 - 08:11 PM

 

...Got hit by an ambulance.

 

Once a month, as I drive to my doctor's, I pass the Safe Harbor Animal Hospital, which is immediately next door to the Reed & Hertig slaughter house (the sign says, "Purveyors of Fine Meat") on US Hwy 101. 


Edited by Alder Logs, 09 August 2019 - 08:13 PM.

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#24 Guy1298

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Posted 09 August 2019 - 10:54 PM

I have been oddly high again in those weird ways.

 

For instance when I look in the mirror and I'm a bit confused in seeing myself because body and mind feels foreign. The mind is mostly quiet and things seem a bit automatic.

 

I guess I didn't lose it after all. I remember earlier this year. I was working as a tutor. I'd get into these sorts of states of mind while tutoring somedays and I'd watch as I spontaneously tutored better than I could have otherwise. I wouldn't spend a moment thinking about what I was going to say, how I'd explain a concept, I'd just start explaining it, and I often felt I explained it so well. And that there was sometimes genuine connections made. Often I watched as I felt real care and love for people, students I tutored, family, etc. That's when it gets weird. Where is this coming from? The mind becomes quiet. The obsession of self relaxes. My life seems less important. Finally, a breath of fresh air. 


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#25 Guy1298

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Posted 13 August 2019 - 11:42 PM

Was considering that peace in the present moment is mostly determined the ideas we have of ourself in time. This is something Paul stresses.

99% of the time, for me at least, the present moment provides a calm and comfortable area to be. The only thing that ruins that are the ideas I have. If I reject the world, then I feel anxiety over needing to change it. If I believe I will see things fall apart, I feel things falling apart. Anxiety. With that anxiety I can't come to know that a single moment can provide an eternal rest. Single moments are in eternal supply. But, if I ask to rest for more than a moment, then I'm fucked. Just a moment, but a moment that never ceases.

It's similar to the anxiety felt around the idea of myself not having or being what I seemingly want to be. If I can remove the sense that a moment is too short and in short supply, I feel a infinite expanse. If I can give up the ideas I have of myself, I feel as though I have everything. Certainly whatever is had is greater than everything else I can strive to have, but certainly lose.

Edited by Guy1298, 13 August 2019 - 11:50 PM.

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#26 Alder Logs

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 09:34 AM

I suppose, while we're still stuck using words, that presence really can't be chopped into moments and retain its... its what?  Being?



#27 Guy1298

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Posted 17 August 2019 - 10:33 PM

Presence and moments, eh?

It occurred to me again that I am the light of this moment, looking in, watching something that is completely out of my control. Haha. I'm not the doer? Having said "I am not the doer", who says "I am not the doer."? The one that I am doesn't say it!
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#28 Alder Logs

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Posted 17 August 2019 - 11:51 PM

The seeing of where doership resides, though it can seemingly be so clear to awareness, is so hard to convey in the world where conditioned awareness takes center stage.


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#29 Guy1298

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Posted 21 August 2019 - 10:26 PM

It's funny. I was hired for a job I don't know shit about... not really. I'm in a state of waiting at the moment, but if I crash and burn well that will be fine. I'm just studying as much as possible. I could actually study more which I might do soon. 

 

I haven't forgotten that I don't exist in time. The days are moving quicker and more easily than usual. The questions don't really come up, except possibly when I'm looking up spiritual charlatans. 



#30 Guy1298

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Posted 23 August 2019 - 08:28 PM

I'm recently the roommate of an older woman with some spiritual vibes who I've enjoyed talking with. 

 

So, I'm riding in the car with her. And I decide to tell her that "we're all off the hook." It's something I've come to know. Immediately the reaction was so negative. She asked me, what does a person that kills a child mean? I tried to preface the statement with the statement that it is non-functional. Morality decides right and wrong. But, the hidden secret is that it all passes away. What remains is untouched. Momentarily she had such a negative reaction! 

 

I don't know. I think it's like this thought that "I don't exist in time." It yields no relief if I don't utterly dis-identify with the story of my life in time, body, mind, and world. It yields no relief if I don't dis-identify with thoughts and the thinker himself. That we're all off the hook is maniacal if one actually believes that they are what they think they are. And it's useless to the thinker and the doer. And I'd bargain that if the thinker and doer got his hands on it he'd abuse it. 

 

I think these ideas are like Paul suggest sometimes. Non-duality yields nothing. "I don't exist in time" is useless to the timely. "We're all off the hook" is dangerous for the doers. 

 

It reminds me of another friend who suggested something similar when I spoke similarly about time. He suggested that I'd rape and abuse people. I think I laughed out loud at that. It's just impossible to convey the giving up that lives at the heart of those statements. And people react so negatively! Man. In any case, I know what not to bring up to my roommate again. :).

 

By "non-functional" I suppose I meant that it isn't supposed to act as a formulator of morality. It's meant to be so quick an observation or so that it's like a secret. Known for no time at all and contentless, but like background radiation of unconditional love.


Edited by Guy1298, 23 August 2019 - 09:04 PM.


#31 Guy1298

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Posted 23 August 2019 - 09:00 PM

It might be best to be quiet about it in general. 

 

I once considered a lion eating an ox alive. She was ripping and tearing flesh away as she bit into his thigh. Imagining myself to be the ox, knowing what was the case, I knew that I was strong enough to be eaten alive. Imagining myself to be the lion, I knew that I was vicious enough to eat someone alive. If I'm strong enough to bear hell, or of a nature to be untouched by the experience of hell, then how should I look at the maintainers of hells here and now? The victim and the victimizer are both untouched. If the occasion arises to prevent harm I'll prevent it, but not guided by the idea that there is ever real harm done. 


Edited by Guy1298, 23 August 2019 - 09:01 PM.


#32 Calba

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Posted 26 August 2019 - 07:52 AM

Yes, you're right. If you talk openly about this stuff to those who don't see it, the reaction will often be intensely negative. It's difficult.

#33 Calba

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Posted 26 August 2019 - 01:12 PM

Have you read any Jed McKenna Guy 1298?

I'm not so much recommending him - although I've read most of his books.

It's more that I'm getting a bit of a familiar Jed McKenna vibe from your posts.

If you haven't, you may well resonate with his books.

Edited by Calba, 26 August 2019 - 01:21 PM.

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#34 Alder Logs

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Posted 26 August 2019 - 04:19 PM

Thank you, Calba, for that pointing.

I found these from Jed McKenna on a channel called, "AnorexicPitbull" on Y'ube:

 

[Direct Link]

 

[Direct Link]


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#35 Calba

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Posted 27 August 2019 - 06:13 AM

My pleasure AlderLogs,

Jed was my favourite 'angle' of approach to this whole nonduality thing for quite a few years.

It was great to listen to those YouTube readings and spend some time in that familiar space again.

It was also quite interesting to me that I heard a faint echo of Terrence McKenna's accent in the narrator's voice.

As a Brit I don't know all the nuances of American accents, but I was sure I could hear something reminiscent of McKenna.

Seemed appropriate. :)

Edited by Calba, 27 August 2019 - 06:16 AM.

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#36 Alder Logs

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Posted 27 August 2019 - 10:34 AM

Thanks again for that introduction to Jed McKenna, as he was completely unknown to me.  I listened to a few very enjoyable hours of him yesterday. I posted a longer one in the Pearls of Wisdom thread.


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#37 Calba

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Posted 27 August 2019 - 04:49 PM

Thanks, I'll be sure to listen to that one later Alder Logs. I'm pleased you enjoyed discovering Jed.
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#38 Alder Logs

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Posted 27 August 2019 - 04:52 PM

It rings true.

 

I just put up another one there.

 

There is a Jed McKenna channel at Y'ube that I have found no redeeming value with.   I have to think it's someone besides his.


Edited by Alder Logs, 27 August 2019 - 04:55 PM.


#39 Guy1298

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Posted 28 August 2019 - 06:52 AM

Well, Jed McKenna seems interesting. 


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#40 PJammer24

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Posted 28 August 2019 - 11:45 AM

yes, bullshit will work well in a bulk substrate similarly to cow and horse shit...


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