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#61 Guy1298

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Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:09 PM

I remember reading something Ramana said that I liked. Somebody comes to him and asks what God's purpose is. To this he says, "God has no purpose. What is, is." Haha. I might be paraphrasing. 


Edited by Guy1298, 06 September 2019 - 08:09 PM.


#62 Alder Logs

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Posted 06 September 2019 - 08:44 PM

A thing that really hit me (in a very good way) was that all the noise my stupid mind makes is made in the silence.  I don't identify with any of that noise, not in any really deep way.  Alder Logs has opinions and ideas, and these seem to be some kind of noise, but I can see they happen in the silence.  Everything I experience happens in the silence.  I am not a stranger to it.  I don't have to have the noise gone to know it.  If I check on the silence for even a microsecond, ya know what?  It's t/here.  

 

When I was overcome with the silence (five years ago next month) the states of being were exalting.  I wanted to think that I was those states.  Wrong.  Luckily, I knew I didn't know dick, and so, was willing to get some guidance that helped correct that mistaking.  I was willing to not try to be the wise one who would put it all together, and by doing so, would take the cool states along with.  Not so long after that, I was driving down the road and it just hit me, what a relief it was to not have an opinion on everything.  Yes, there was lots of bullshit, bullshit of my own making.  But a deeper knowing saw it and called, "bullshit." 

 

The inquiry:

 

[Direct Link]


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#63 Guy1298

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Posted 07 September 2019 - 08:20 PM

Bullshit, of course! :)


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#64 Calba

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Posted 09 September 2019 - 08:45 AM

Ramana, Enquiry, a sandwich, Stillness, trying, not trying, seeking, not seeking, a smart phone, thoughts, bodily sensations, Homer Simpson, Jesus, a duck, the moon, your body.

All the same stuff. And your relationship to them all is actually the same. 'You' and a sandwich are both within consciousness.

The sense of identification with one and not the other perhaps is just the clever play of sensation levels on a cosmic mixing desk. Turn the bodymind down and the sandwich up and suddenly you are the sandwich.

But it's all just Stuff arising in Consciousness.

All just experience. 'You' are not the experiencer, just one of the experiences.
The experience of apparent individual consciousness. But 'you' don't have the experience, you are it.

So can you really choose to seek or not seek, try or not try, enquire or be still, pursue Jnana or bhakti? It perhaps seems like it, or there is that experience, at times. But lots of things seem to be.

But how could it be the cause of anything or lead anywhere?

Who has the experience of 'you'?

Edited by Calba, 09 September 2019 - 09:01 AM.

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#65 Alder Logs

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Posted 09 September 2019 - 02:07 PM

 

...Jnana or bhakti...

 

...or seva.  I find it a nice way to mark the time, while that illusion persists. 


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#66 Guy1298

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Posted 09 September 2019 - 09:51 PM

Seva... that's a funny coincidence that I will not speak!

 

Yesterday I spent sometime with a group of older people. It was dreamy and strange. I think self-inquiry leads me to dissociate. At least time feels less concrete and I often find the day passing me by at strange speeds, often wondering how I got to where I got. I didn't feel like I was doing any of the day. Well, hopefully they didn't notice. Haha. 

 

Today, I spent the day with a weight of unhappiness. This has happened with self-inquiry before. I've seen it fall apart, emotionally speaking. It's similar to how those gurus talk about it, I guess. The mind fights back. Then it's one thing after the next, one captivating scenario of fighting against the predicament of dissatisfaction to the next... 

 

Eventually, getting quite tired with the clever sense of lack, I just attentively waited for the next thought. With that, I was relieved. 

 

No method to this madness, unfortunately.


Edited by Guy1298, 09 September 2019 - 10:16 PM.

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#67 Guy1298

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Posted 16 September 2019 - 07:09 PM

It's been interesting since I last wrote. I spent a week strangely coasting along until the weekend. Now it seems I'm coasting along again. 

 

I do suspect that Buddhism's claim that everything is dukkha (suffering) is false. When I was deep in self-inquiry last I told a friend that it's false because there is no one that suffers. I suppose I was at one of those points where the belief that I am what I think I am had fallen away. 

 

I'll take a moment to reconsider that perspective here. I suppose what occurred was like this. Present moment consciousness is seen. And immediately it's realized that this present moment consciousness is not what is meant by the word "I" as it is usually used. Subsequent to that, the thoughts built around the concept of "I" as that one drop off. What's left is happiness like bliss. When the mind rises again out of that it speaks "I have found what I've been looking for," true happiness. 


Edited by Guy1298, 16 September 2019 - 07:10 PM.

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#68 Guy1298

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Posted 19 September 2019 - 04:24 PM

It's a subtle event, if any at all. In the moment I consider what I am, and see that I'm not what's appearing. I am the appearing itself or the basis for the appearance. Or the seeing, consciousness, existence, etc. Knowing that doesn't require any life-long battles. I muster no will. But, it leaves me with an easy happiness like before. 

 

Much earlier this week, I was miserable for a morning. Woke up and my hip was aching like hell. I spent the morning feeling slightly angry at my roommate. But, I guess I was a bit too tired of it. 

 

I've wondered why we try to escape life into another life. I'd only be happy if I left my life as it is and entered into some heavenly one? Is that right? I think it'd be just as nice, if not better, if this life continued, but I felt not an ounce of burden from it. Isn't my life, isn't my body, isn't my mind. What remains? 


Edited by Guy1298, 19 September 2019 - 04:25 PM.

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#69 Guy1298

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Posted 20 September 2019 - 04:08 PM

Well, it seems like I'm in that zone, whatever it might be. I hope to never leave and I suspect I won't. 

 

I've got a good supply of reminders.


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#70 Guy1298

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Posted 23 September 2019 - 06:52 PM

Within the coming months, I'm seriously considering shifting my debts around, from credit cards to school loans, to pay school debt then buying a ticket to India, Thailand, Burma, etc. To either find a monastery that will take me or some other hermit-like thing.

 

Technically, I only need about 3700 to do it. If I save well, that will only take two or three months. Of course, I'll be left with a good chunk of credit card debt and potentially 20k chasing me from some odd contract. Haha. But, I think I'll say fuck it and let it happen. All that debt is forgivable if totally necessary, i.e., bankruptcy.

 

I'm feeling a bit like death is around the corner. I'd rather wait for it in a better scene. I'll give an update 2-3 months from now to see what will happen. 


Edited by Guy1298, 23 September 2019 - 06:56 PM.


#71 Guy1298

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Posted 23 September 2019 - 07:17 PM

It's interesting how much freedom we can possess, monetarily and physically, yet seem trapped. 

 

Here's something. For the last decade, I have not been without some idea of escape. It was there when I was doing my Bachelors. It was there when I was with that odd girl who drove me nuts. It was there when I did my Masters. It was there when I was with my Dad, possibly not when I went deep into self-inquiry. Then it's here where I am now. 

 

Based on these observations, I imagine it will be there wherever I go. Haha. 

 

Well, who knows what's correct. I can fuel the idea of escape and see where it leads me. I'm free to do that, and perhaps not free even to do that. I'm free to see what comes of my life and mind.

 

Who am I? What do I want? Good questions. I don't know who I am. I only want happiness. But, this world is obviously some form of hell! We're so easily possessed by desires that cannot be fulfilled. People beg and choose. What they choose they abuse. The simple day isn't felt with happiness. Complex ideas of humanity's neurosis build and consume. Damn man. There's people gone mad and miserable. 

 

Really, I'd like to get out. But, gradually, the kid learned that banging up against the walls of a cage doesn't work. So I don't. The couple times I went mentally in the areas of suicide I was bitten by the psychedelic teachers. They were like, hey... here's love... The second time they were like, hey... here's hell... 

 

So, I steer clear of that. Maybe momentarily as a mental figment, a wispy imaginal person cries out and tears himself apart, but then I breath and he disperses. So, I bear the days and keep seeking that happiness. If I can't escape then I'll find it here. Even if I'm required to drive myself crazy... let's go. I'll do it. 


Edited by Guy1298, 23 September 2019 - 07:56 PM.


#72 Guy1298

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Posted 23 September 2019 - 08:02 PM

Don't get me wrong though... not sure why I wrote that above bit. I'm pretty damn happy tonight. 


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#73 FLASHINGROOSTER

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Posted 23 September 2019 - 10:16 PM

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#74 Guy1298

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Posted 24 September 2019 - 11:54 AM

No problem, do a J.

#75 Alder Logs

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Posted 24 September 2019 - 12:33 PM

As ever, the Dude abides. 

 

dudeismandpastafarianism2.jpg


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#76 Guy1298

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Posted 24 September 2019 - 07:52 PM

Here we go... what is it that thinks my thoughts? What is it that perceives my perceptions? Can I put my attention on that? 

 

Thoughts make us fools. As soon as its thought, it's mine. Who thinks it? From where did it come? Wherein does this mind, body, and world take place?



#77 Misfit

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Posted 25 September 2019 - 10:52 AM

As ever, the Dude abides.

dudeismandpastafarianism2.jpg

Careful man, there’s a beverage here.
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#78 Alder Logs

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Posted 25 September 2019 - 01:19 PM

 

As ever, the Dude abides.
dudeismandpastafarianism2.jpg

Careful man, there’s a beverage here.

 

 

Some things are truly sacred.


Edited by Alder Logs, 25 September 2019 - 01:20 PM.


#79 onediadem

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Posted 25 September 2019 - 01:41 PM

I read self injury. Damn. LOL, got lots of info on that.



#80 Guy1298

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Posted 25 September 2019 - 03:34 PM

Nope, not self-injury. Just self-inquiry.

 

Who knows how I ended up obsessed with this? Actually I know. Haha. A bit of mushroom microdosing, prolonged mushroom-use previous to it, a tiny bit of self-inquiry, and the doors to bliss and peace opened. Fuck me. I thought I knew happiness and peace. I don't blame myself for being a bit obsessed. The prize is as good as it gets. 


Edited by Guy1298, 25 September 2019 - 03:38 PM.

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