Well I was waking up feeling pretty shitty for some reason. And my roommate started bothering me with how often she kept me going places, various other little things. They built up until there was a small issue in which case I decided to move out. This triggered reflection on past experiences, some particularly long-term friends I've lost throughout the years. It basically took me to that place of misery. Woe is me, you know the place. Haha.
This drove me into self-inquiry via various avenues, youtube, books, elsewhere. I sat through pretty intense negative feelings in the body and mind, just observing. But, as I continued it eased up. Eventually I was sitting there happily. Then, as the happiness grew it opened up into a spiritual experience of sorts. For the last few days my mind has been almost blank. Just as happy as some of my greatest trips... you know the ones when you think you're enlightened or know everything is God... those sorts.
Similar to the other times self-inquiry has opened up there was a temporary, but totally complete, letting go of reality in mind. Basically, I rejected that this world could even be the real world. Or came to see that I am literally not to be found in it. I'm not sure which because it felt like both at times. Mind vanished at times. Etc.
What do I have coming out of it? I suppose momentarily at least I feel a huge emotional burden lifted. My body feels all right for the first time in awhile, no hip pain. Mentally, I feel pretty excellent. Those will go though, just like the blissful experiences.
Ramana says "abide in the Self." What is the Self? It is Pure Consciousness. When the mind is quiet Consciousness is revealed as the underlying reality within which the apparent (un)-reality lies superimposed. It cannot be found because it's like the container for all that is, but certainly it is me. Knowing that that is my real identity I can rest in that. I don't know if the peace I feel right now will last. I know already that I have some bad habits, you know, regret in not doing things well or right might make me get onto myself then I'll forget. It's possible. It's happened before.
I'm quite sure that it isn't not thinking, but it's a change in the way thought is handled. It feels almost like thought is moved out of conscious-view it's on the fringes, almost invisible, conscious, but being taken care of by the unconscious. And when something is needed it pops out of the fringes, a word comes to my lips, an action acts from my limbs. But, I wouldn't want to imagine that this is an unconscious particular to me. The experience points to something grander than that, this world as illusion, myself and others as one. It's not silencing the mind with the mind. It's merely handing the mind over to God. It's not a personal accomplishment. It's surrender.