Monday, May 6th, 2019.
I felt calm and sure as I weighed out the .1g measurement. I was ready for this; deep down, I knew I'd been ready for some time. Why today was any different, I had no idea.
I didn't have any breakfast, which was normal. I resisted my coffee, which was incredibly hard; I had only a sip or two. My stomach was empty, which was the recommended way to do this.
I was ready... but I was also nervous.
This was new to me; the strongest drug I had ever used was marijuana, unless the prescriptions from the pharmacy count. Most info I had read about microdosing said .2g to .5g is the place to start, but I felt more comfortable with a smaller dose, due to my inexperience with the substance. If need be, I could always increase.
My mind raced as I looked at the powder in the spoon. What was going to happen? How would it affect me? Would I even notice a change with such a small amount? These thoughts and more buzzed around in my head as I stood there. I started to think about postponing the experiment, about maybe taking another day or two to sit with the idea and think things through. But I knew that if I turned back now, I would never get to where I wanted to be.
For the past 5 years, I had always turned away from things I was unsure of, never wanting to take a chance. I couldn't turn back now.
It's been 25 minutes, and I feel a tightness in my face and chest, as if a panic attack is coming. I need to get up and move around. Just breathe. This post just went a bit dark, but I want to capture all my feelings and thoughts as I go.
Maybe I just need to eat something. Where's the kitchen...
I'll be back with updates as the day progresses.