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Dear Journal -OldAndMiserable's Daze of Microdosing


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#1 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 07:50 AM

20190506_081217.jpg

 

8:15 am.

 

Monday, May 6th, 2019.

 

I felt calm and sure as I weighed out the .1g measurement. I was ready for this; deep down, I knew I'd been ready for some time. Why today was any different, I had no idea.

 

I didn't have any breakfast, which was normal. I resisted my coffee, which was incredibly hard; I had only a sip or two. My stomach was empty, which was the recommended way to do this. 

 

I was ready... but I was also nervous.

 

This was new to me; the strongest drug I had ever used was marijuana, unless the prescriptions from the pharmacy count. Most info I had read about microdosing said .2g to .5g is the place to start, but I felt more comfortable with a smaller dose, due to my inexperience with the substance. If need be, I could always increase.

 

My mind raced as I looked at the powder in the spoon. What was going to happen? How would it affect me? Would I even notice a change with such a small amount? These thoughts and more buzzed around in my head as I stood there. I started to think about postponing the experiment, about maybe taking another day or two to sit with the idea and think things through. But I knew that if I turned back now, I would never get to where I wanted to be.

 

For the past 5 years, I had always turned away from things I was unsure of, never wanting to take a chance. I couldn't turn back now. 

 

===============================================================================================================================================================

 

It's been 25 minutes, and I feel a tightness in my face and chest, as if a panic attack is coming. I need to get up and move around. Just breathe. This post just went a bit dark, but I want to capture all my feelings and thoughts as I go. 

 

Maybe I just need to eat something. Where's the kitchen...

 

I'll be back with updates as the day progresses.

 

 

 

 


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#2 jkdeth

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 09:18 AM

Remember the anxiety is all in your head. You set yourself up for anxiety. At .1 you aren't going to feel anything.
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#3 raymycoto

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 12:28 PM

Agree with JK. You get what you expect



#4 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 04:23 PM

You are both right - the anxiety was all me; I was worried about what would happen, and afraid of the possibilities. Even after 5+ years of dealing with the anxiety and panic attacks, and believing I had moved past them after not having one for quite some time, it would seem that there is a part of me that tends to overreact. That is one of the things I am hoping to work through with this medicine. 

 

Once the anxiety and panic passed, there was no noticeable difference in feeling, though I was happier in my realization of the fact that I was the cause of that anxiety/panic. Knowing that such a small dose had no effect has me ready to increase the amount for next time; following the regime laid out by Dr. Fadiman (dose day, wait 2 days, dose again), I have time now to work on myself and prepare for the next time.

 

Thursday, I will be increasing to a .2g dose. I am taking it slow, I know, but if I reacted this bad to the smaller amount, I can only imagine how my mind would take a big jump in amounts. I am a bit more relaxed about it, feeling more in tune with how I will react to it and how to handle myself next time.

 

Can anyone offer anything about what I will be feeling when I take the next step? Most reports from others and their experiences say that the .2g amount is where they begin to feel things...



#5 Musher365

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 05:02 PM

My girlfriend suffers from migraine headaches, to the point of throwing up and other difficulties. I suggested she research psilocybin and it’s treatment for cluster/ migraine headache.

So.... for the last 6 weeks or so, she’s been taking 1- .200- 250 mg capsule every third day, after dinner. ( she was doing 250mg, until one day she took one on an empty stomach. Said the TV was coming in in 3D and kinda scared her a bit lol)

She has only had to take 1 migraine pill since starting the microdose plan. That’s a huge improvement up to this point.

Body weight doesn’t seem to matter. I can feel a 250mg cap of KSSS if taken on an empty stomach.
I would suggest you don’t microdose on an empty stomach, if you want to avoid any anxiety.
I’m comfortable saying you’ll be fine taking 200mg after a meal, for a good dosing regimen.

Good for you for stepping out of the box to deal with your issues. My thoughts and best wishes are with you brother.
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#6 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 05:29 PM

Thanks for the comment, Musher!

 

I'm looking forward to the next dose, and your comment has made it easier to expect nothing but good times! The .2g (200mg) dose will be more interesting, I am sure, but I can't wait! The biggest issue I can see is that I'll be doing it in the morning and I'll be alone (the wife will be at work), and if I start to spiral, I don't know what I'll do. I'm starting to wonder if I should wait till the afternoon, when she's home, but the biggest issue with that is that my kid will be home (from school) as well. So many problems! :P 

 

Maybe I should take advantage of the wife being off work for the next couple of days and do the larger dose either tomorrow or Wednesday... Hmmmmm.....



#7 joeya

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 06:28 PM

After only experiencing self-imposed symptoms on the .1g dose, it's rather likely the .2g dose will be a repeat of the first dose. However, since you already have a mindset about not doing it alone, perhaps it would be best to wait for your wife. It's really more about you than the active ingredients at this point, so if you have these concerns you are setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody can be a better judge of what is best for you than you. Good luck, I hope you find the relief you are looking for.


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#8 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 07:53 PM

I was thinking the same thing, joeya. I feel that since I am afraid of the things that could happen if I do it alone, it's gonna go bad. I want to get past those thoughts, and I'm of the mind to think that the only way to prove to myself that it's going to be fine is to do it and see the results. 

 

I spent the better part of 5 years experiencing panic and anxiety attacks, never leaving the house for fear of the unknown. It's only been recently that I have moved past that, going through a sort of 'spiritual awakening' and beginning to realize my true self. I have been out of the house more times in the past few months than I had been in those 5 years, and every time I go out, I realize more and more that life isn't out to get me; it only gets easier! With that frame of thought, and the knowing that tons of people have used these things in WAY bigger amounts and survived, then there is no way that anything bad can happen to me. I will survive, too, and be much better off for experiencing the magic of the mushroom, even if it is a small amount!

 

... I think I just made my decision... 


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#9 jkdeth

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 08:01 PM

A side question, have you had your blood pressure checked, high blood pressure and anxiety go hand in hand.
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#10 Furthur1

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 09:26 PM

Health is #1.


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#11 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 06 May 2019 - 11:33 PM

Not lately, jkdeth. Tho I was on top of it constantly when I was housebound, and it was pretty much within acceptable levels most of the time. I should check it out, tho... couldn't hurt :)



#12 jkdeth

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 12:09 AM

It was an issue I had. I used to have panic attacks, waves of debilitating anxiety. Blood pressure meds helped it. But they also made me dumb and lethargic. I asked the doctor about that, he said, don't worry, that's just your brain getting a lot less blood now. I thought that can't be good. Any way I'm off the meds now and I really think it was regular doses of mushrooms that did it.
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#13 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 12:26 AM

Looks like I should be prepping for doses bigger than .2g :)


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#14 jkdeth

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 12:54 AM

You'll do fine. This microdosing is a good way to put the anxiety behind you and prepare you for larger doses.
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#15 joeya

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 07:38 AM

I hadn't even thought of the blood pressure aspect, even though that's been an issue for me, good call. FWIW, I have been using a new BP drug called bistolic which does not give me those side effects, even though previous ones have. Just wanted to throw that out there in case it's useful for anyone. 


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#16 Billcoz

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 08:04 AM

Good luck dude! 


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#17 raymycoto

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 02:33 PM

 

 

I would suggest you don’t microdose on an empty stomach, if you want to avoid any anxiety.

I suggest to always take on an empty stomach (or perhaps with coffee) for consistency. But that is just a preference. Practically all research drugs are taken without food to keep conditions consistent. A light dose with food may not be noted much in terms of effect but that may be what you want. I like consistency to better assess different grows and preparations. But I guess as long as you keep it consistent then that is what matters.

 

It's good you are being cautious but I really believe you are overthinking the down side to higher doses. The larger doses peel back more of the layers of programmed thoughts and beliefs and eventually self and ego.  You don't want to psych yourself out. You won't have a bad experience with bumping up the dose. It will be great. If you bring negativity into the session then it may be minimized but it will limit the upside. Sounds like you have Fadiman's book. That is a good reference and will serve you well. 

 

Maybe you do need just a bit of coaching for the lower doses - that's what we are here for.


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#18 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 04:20 PM

It's not the down side of higher doses I am worried about; that's what I want! I want to experience it all, but what is holding me back is my fear of what will happen when I take it. It's the fear of the unknown that is getting to me.

 

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I've been dealing with bad anxiety for some time and the panic attacks it would bring daily. I grew to abhor, detest and absolutely HATE those feelings and anything that triggered them (and if you have ever had a panic attack, you know what I am talking about), which is why I was stuck in the house for the better part of 5 years, in an attempt to avoid any and all things that would provoke those symptoms. Only recently, within the last 6-8 months or so, I have been able to get out and begin to lead a mostly normal life, but the nagging sense of fear is proving hard to lose after such an ordeal. 

 

I had used cannabis for those years as a way of trying to keep me at a controllable level, but that eventually developed into an at least once-an-hour crutch that I had to let go of, due to it turning into an addiction and triggering the panic response (this was discussed in a previous thread). Because of that not working anymore, and the horrible side effects I was having from the prescription drugs, I began looking into alternatives and came across psilocybin and the plethora of benefits it held, and I was instantly hooked. It felt like I was being called to it, and nothing could turn me away, even to this day.

 

However, it is the fact that I don't understand how these things will affect me that is making me hesitate. I felt so ready for my first experience, so sure and determined to do it, while things were developing and growing, but now... 

 

When I had my panic attack after taking the small .1g dose, I was set to toss in the towel and never touch the stuff again. It took some time, but I realized the panic was 'self-induced', and once I understood that, I was able to bring myself back. But, the fear of going through that set of feelings again, especially on a higher dose, and having it become something I may not be so easily able to navigate myself through due to my "encumbered' or 'inebriated' state, terrifies me. 

 

The more I think of what it is exactly that I am afraid of, it becomes a bunch of different things:

 

-what will I be feeling physically

-will I have another panic attack

-what if I start 'freaking out' and there is no one to reach out to for help 

-should I get a trip sitter

-should I be doing this at all

 

... and so on.

 

It's really the fear of the unknown that is stopping me, but really, I know that it will be unknown until I do it. I just don't know what to expect, and for some reason that scares me. That and the not wanting to have another 'freak out'.



#19 raymycoto

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 10:53 PM

Don't worry, buddy, you will get there. I do understand. Your fears are real but you will overcome them. Are you still on the cannabis? That does need to be tapered a bit. It hits the dopamine (pleasure) circuits in the brain. Not a bad thing and they are part of our wiring but it competes with the serotonin pathways both neuroanatomically and in terms of the neurotransmitter substrates for both chemicals.

 

From what you describe, you could use a coach (as per Fadiman) for even a larger microdose. PM me if you like and we can chat more.


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#20 justinianIIII

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 11:15 PM

I find it beneficial to be in a comfortable environment with a close friend. If you have access to a location that has both comfortable indoor and outdoor settings, even better! Have lots of cool fresh water handy, keep an open mind, and get ready to have an amazing time.


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