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Dear Journal -OldAndMiserable's Daze of Microdosing


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#21 Billcoz

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 11:27 PM

 

 

Yes, good point Ray, being too worried about a trip can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and end up causing more anxiety than would otherwise happen, but even if your nervous, that does not mean a bad trip is inevitable. 

 

Old and Miserable, Ray is also correct in that your probably overthinking and psyching yourself out. I get minor anxiety from 2-3.5g range, but it's not that bad, not nearly as bad as something like "generalized anxiety disorder", which is a different sort of anxiety than I feel from shrms. 

 

It's not the down side of higher doses I am worried about; that's what I want! I want to experience it all, but what is holding me back is my fear of what will happen when I take it. It's the fear of the unknown that is getting to me.

 

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I've been dealing with bad anxiety for some time and the panic attacks it would bring daily. I grew to abhor, detest and absolutely HATE those feelings and anything that triggered them (and if you have ever had a panic attack, you know what I am talking about), which is why I was stuck in the house for the better part of 5 years, in an attempt to avoid any and all things that would provoke those symptoms. Only recently, within the last 6-8 months or so, I have been able to get out and begin to lead a mostly normal life, but the nagging sense of fear is proving hard to lose after such an ordeal. 

 

I had used cannabis for those years as a way of trying to keep me at a controllable level, but that eventually developed into an at least once-an-hour crutch that I had to let go of, due to it turning into an addiction and triggering the panic response (this was discussed in a previous thread). Because of that not working anymore, and the horrible side effects I was having from the prescription drugs, I began looking into alternatives and came across psilocybin and the plethora of benefits it held, and I was instantly hooked. It felt like I was being called to it, and nothing could turn me away, even to this day.

 

However, it is the fact that I don't understand how these things will affect me that is making me hesitate. I felt so ready for my first experience, so sure and determined to do it, while things were developing and growing, but now... 

 

When I had my panic attack after taking the small .1g dose, I was set to toss in the towel and never touch the stuff again. It took some time, but I realized the panic was 'self-induced', and once I understood that, I was able to bring myself back. But, the fear of going through that set of feelings again, especially on a higher dose, and having it become something I may not be so easily able to navigate myself through due to my "encumbered' or 'inebriated' state, terrifies me. 

 

The more I think of what it is exactly that I am afraid of, it becomes a bunch of different things:

 

-what will I be feeling physically

-will I have another panic attack

-what if I start 'freaking out' and there is no one to reach out to for help 

-should I get a trip sitter

-should I be doing this at all

 

... and so on.

 

It's really the fear of the unknown that is stopping me, but really, I know that it will be unknown until I do it. I just don't know what to expect, and for some reason that scares me. That and the not wanting to have another 'freak out'.

I'll answer the questions in reverse. "Should you?", 50/50. Sorry I won't tell you you should or not, I don't know that you will have the experience I will describe, or that I've had. You gotta decide that. Lol, sorry.

 

If your planning more than like 3 grams(dried, cubes), I'd say definitely have a trip sitter, preferably experienced themselves with psychs, have them read about how to trip sit, they should know what to expect and how to "ground" you when needed, or at least break a negative thought cycle, someone your comfortable with and have no negative relations with at the time.

 

If you "freak out" you should have a tripsitter, but if no ones there, read the tips I'll add below. Also, before I got clean from benzos(Oct 2015), if I was going for a larger(4+g) dose, I like to have a benzodiazepine(valium/xanax/klonopin/ativan, or etizolam) available if needed, which I have had to use before, that usually will settle a hectic trip down quite a bit. I don't use them anymore and my genera anxiety has subsided, benzos exacerbate it when they wear off, so it's easy to get dependent, especially if your an addictive type like me, just be careful with them.

 

It is possible for you to have a cycle of negative thinking that causes a panic attack, but I don't really think it will if all precautions are in place and you feel good otherwise. I had panic attacks from benzo wds, seemed like reality was running in reverse and I had an "impending sense of doom" for weeks, to the point where I went to the hospital. Eventually I had a seizure, in 2 hospitals in 2 weeks and do not remember most of that time. I have had rough trips, but never anything as horrible as the panic attacks. I don't want to say you won't have one for sure, it is possible.

 

As far as what you'll feel, when it kicks in you might feel a bit restless, and you might yawn a lot, your eyes might water, you might feel a little cold. It can feel like your soul is trying to stretch(like when you wake up and stretch/yawn, but your "soul" is trying to do it). Try not to let that bother you, that and the watery eyes/yawning lessens quite a bit or stops completely after an hour or so(for me). You might get nausea, this can subside but can also make you purge, you should feel great afterwards if that happens. You might feel relaxed/tired, you might get a waves of euphoria and have a "light" or "gentle" mood, and start to notice your thinking is somehow different, vision starts to get sharp, can look HD, things start to look like a little bit holographic or 3D. Colors will look brighter/more vivid, patterns will grab your eye, things can start to seem more "significant" than normal, even objects or art/graphics that normally don't catch your eye. Objects/patterns will start to "breath"(that's what it looks like) and seem sort of "alive" and might crawl or wiggle/sway, mostly in your periphery. You might hear patterns in the sounds around you, you might hear a rushing ringing in the ears(mild if at all for me) or something similar to crickets chirping, or frogs peeping(yaknow, spring peepers). You might get chills, your skin can feel a little sensitive to touch.

 

Doses of 3-3.5+ grams, I start to get confusion(not necessarily bad) and see flashes of color and "aztec" patterns and spiral fractals, even full on mandelbrot sets overlaying my field of view, and they get brighter when my eyes are closed, this is more from higher(4+grams) for me. You might start to lose control of your thoughts at these doses, but I have not had too many "bad" experiences(except for when I've tried and not prepared properly, or was in a bad "setting"). At like 4-5 grams, everything in the field of view is a full on psychedelic show, colors and patterns dancing, where things can look really "natural" and alive, trees can have faces, I've seen a grid pattern of millions of eyeballs overlay my vision(that was weird). 

 

With higher doses than that, I start to lose touch with the "me" I am usually trying to be in normal life, at times going through cycles(of thought) where I forget everything I know all together(ego death), this can be tough, because the ego will try to hold on, and it's like you gotta learn to let it go, but once you do it is the feeling of being everything and everyone and yourself all at the same time. Again, it can be hard to deal with, I have been convinced that I was dead before, face down in a field in a rainstorm(never actually was laying there) but if you can let go it's bliss, like being embedded into the living universe(or something like that) feeling the breathing of reality flowing through you, and full on psychedelic "living-waking-dreams" with actual themes, like a story in the mind that seems more real than a dream.

When the effects first start try not to fight the yawns/stretching, it can get annoying to yawn every 20 secs, relax into it as much as possible, I do "mock yoga"(don't really know any real yoga poses), this helps, hard stretching causes some endorphin release which feels really good.

 

Here's some tips- Soothing/rhythmic/percussive tribal music helps keep you(or me at least) from thinking too much about any fears, the band Shpongle is excellent while tripping(but really ONLY when tripping for me, otherwise they don't do it for me Tool on the other hand, is my fav). Music can put you into a "trance" and that can help keep you in a "flow state" which helps keep me from going down a negative thought spiral.

 

It helps SO MUCH to be in nature, as long as your not worried about someone interrupting, or at home, wherever your most comfortable, but for me, doses below 4 grams are best in nature, it seems "spiritual" to be in the woods, or on a big hill at night, watching the sky, you can get the real sense that we are on a rock hurling through space, the stars/milky way looking like a spray of sparks flying off a steel grinder or welder, that's awesome.

 

So it's up to you dude, I am not the greatest at trip reports etc, I just tried to cover the bases without going into too much detail about the negatives, as again, thinking too much about the neg can make it a selrf fulfilling thing, and I didn't wanna give you any worries or bad shit to ponder. The negative is always subjective(so's the positive), and probably over stated sometimes.

 

If you do go for it, start with like 2.5g and a tripsitter, you'll be fine I think. You can take more after like an hour or so if it's weak, I'd go up in .5g increments if needed. GOOD LUCK!


Edited by Billcoz, 07 May 2019 - 11:29 PM.

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#22 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 07 May 2019 - 11:55 PM

Billcoz, thank you! That was a lot of info, and I couldn't help but smile as I read it all; it covered a lot (if not all) of the stuff I have been thinking about through this, and I thank you for writing this all out. The physical descriptions were so awesome - that is the biggest hurdle I have been struggling with, and to have that so simply described is so beneficial!

 

From the bottom of my being, thank you to everyone here for all the amazing help you're providing! As this thread continues, I feel myself becoming more and more eased and relaxed about this. You all deserve medals! 

 

It seems my best course of action would be to go for a bigger dose and get someone to sit with me... any volunteers?  :biggrin:



#23 Billcoz

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Posted 08 May 2019 - 01:50 AM

No prob. Remember this, the shrooms won't give you paranoia quite like cannabis can. Cannabis can be particularly difficult. At times in the past, cannabis has given me paranoia that was way more intense than any paranoia I've gotten from moderate dosages(2.5-3.5g), actually the shrooms(at those dosages) are way easier to handle IME. I don't get much paranoia from weed anymore since I have gotten off of opioids and benzos(3+yrs!), and from mushrooms I usually get a slight anxiety, or more like nervous excitement during come up, and it fades as the psychedelic effects start, nothing too hard to handle.


Edited by Billcoz, 08 May 2019 - 01:51 AM.

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#24 Billcoz

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Posted 08 May 2019 - 01:55 AM

Oh BTW Old and Miserable, glad to see you back posting on here, it's been a while since I've seen a post from you(unless I just missed em). I remember talking to you right after I joined Mycotopia, good to see ya.


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#25 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 08 May 2019 - 08:52 AM

I've been cannabis free for a couple of months now, and the paranoia it gave has all but left. The worry and fear I have about the mushrooms is just a fear of the unknown, but with all the help I am getting here, it's becoming easier to move past that as well. I'm still set on taking baby steps through this, and am working with the idea of stepping up the next microdose to a .2g or .3g. Can't wait to see how this goes! Expect another journal entry for it!

 

And it's good to hear from you again, too, Bilcoz. :)


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#26 Oneyedraven

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Posted 08 May 2019 - 10:28 AM

One thing to keep in mind is to make sure your body has all of the raw ingredients for the MD to work properly. GABA supplements can help with anxiety. As well as making sure the body has plenty of L-tryptophan and L-tyrosine which are contribute to mood stabliization. I have been off of a heavy duty ssri dosage for almost 1 year, with the help of MD ... these supplements and a good therapist to help me integrate with few side effects. I do notice at about the 2 hr mark a "signal loss" type effect similar to the old analog TV's that you might have to tweak the signal if weather was bad. This effect does not last for long and to me this is when I know it's working .. mostly my experience has been a less responsive old learned response (default mode network) which allows me to enter into the experience at hand with a different and deeper perspective.
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#27 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 08 May 2019 - 02:42 PM

My diet has been out of whack for a long time; I'm now working at trying to regulate it as best I can - more fruit and veggies, more water, etc. I've given some thought into the supplement thing... maybe I should re-investigate them. 

 

Thanks for the info!


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#28 JanetPlanet

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Posted 08 May 2019 - 04:20 PM

You're talking about microdosing rather than tripping, right?

When you find the right microdose for you will not be tripping. You won't get any psychedelic effects at all.

 

For the second time I suggest repeating your initial dose rather than increasing it.

Now that you've experienced that first dose, take that same dose again, knowing that you've done it before and that you will be OK.

I'm guessing that first-dose-anxiety you experienced will be nonexistent or much reduced, allowing you to be calmer and tune in to how you're feeling.

You don't have to increase the dose until you're ready, if ever. 

Go easy on yourself! You have all the time in the world to figure out what works best for you. 

 

My experience with microdosing is that it makes me less anxious/depressed, more mindful, more aware of reality outside my head, kinder to other people/more empathetic. I make better choices about food and exercise.

It's not a WOWWOWWOWWOW kind of effect. Rather, it moves me closer to my best self. 

 

Best to you OaM! May you become Old and At Ease. 


Edited by JanetPlanet, 08 May 2019 - 04:29 PM.

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#29 JanetPlanet

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Posted 08 May 2019 - 04:28 PM

I very nearly became housebound in my late 20s due to agoraphobia/severe anxiety.

Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me a LOT. I suggest working with a therapist who works in that mode (don't mention the dosing to them though; probably best to keep that to yourself).


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#30 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 08 May 2019 - 04:44 PM

I have been working with therapists since the beginning, and we've done CBT among many other treatments. It seemed to work for a while, but things got bad again and again. It wasn't until I gave up the pills and began to look into myself for the answers that I started getting better. I chose to not focus on the mental health issues but on the me I wanted to be, the me I really was, and that has been life-changing.

 

I still see my therapist, but nowadays it's for talking about how awesome things are becoming and all the good that's on the way into my life. We've discussed my interest in mushrooms, but she's not a fan :P


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#31 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 08 May 2019 - 04:52 PM

You're talking about microdosing rather than tripping, right?

When you find the right microdose for you will not be tripping. You won't get any psychedelic effects at all.

 

For the second time I suggest repeating your initial dose rather than increasing it.

Now that you've experienced that first dose, take that same dose again, knowing that you've done it before and that you will be OK.

I'm guessing that first-dose-anxiety you experienced will be nonexistent or much reduced, allowing you to be calmer and tune in to how you're feeling.

You don't have to increase the dose until you're ready, if ever. 

Go easy on yourself! You have all the time in the world to figure out what works best for you. 

 

My experience with microdosing is that it makes me less anxious/depressed, more mindful, more aware of reality outside my head, kinder to other people/more empathetic. I make better choices about food and exercise.

It's not a WOWWOWWOWWOW kind of effect. Rather, it moves me closer to my best self. 

 

Best to you OaM! May you become Old and At Ease. 

 

This thread is all bout my microdosing, yes. I'm a psychedelic virgin, so to speak, and I want to take it slow.

 

When I get the chance to dose again, I am planning to do the same amount. Like you said, I've already got my feet wet, so I kinda know what to expect. Now I can take it and actually feel it for what it can offer rather than feel the anxiety. Slow and steady! 

 

Thanks for the comment!


Edited by OldAndMiserable, 08 May 2019 - 04:54 PM.

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#32 Billcoz

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Posted 09 May 2019 - 02:15 AM

My diet has been out of whack for a long time; I'm now working at trying to regulate it as best I can - more fruit and veggies, more water, etc. I've given some thought into the supplement thing... maybe I should re-investigate them. 

 

Thanks for the info!

Hey, kratom can be a helper for anxiety, as well as pain, just a thought. 


Edited by Billcoz, 09 May 2019 - 02:16 AM.

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#33 joeya

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Posted 09 May 2019 - 09:26 AM

 

My diet has been out of whack for a long time; I'm now working at trying to regulate it as best I can - more fruit and veggies, more water, etc. I've given some thought into the supplement thing... maybe I should re-investigate them. 

 

Thanks for the info!

Hey, kratom can be a helper for anxiety, as well as pain, just a thought. 

 

That's interesting, I never would have thought that. I used it for a while to mask knee pain and allow me to focus on my workout at the gym. It kept me going right up until I had the knee replaced. I never would have thought it would be at all helpful for anxiety, but in retrospect I can see where the clarity it provided would have benefit that way as well. 


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#34 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 09 May 2019 - 08:42 PM

Tomorrow, I will be re-doing the .1g dose. I know it's small, but I want to get a better feel for it, and with all the awesome people offering up all the awesome advice and help, I feel so sure that it will go perfectly!

 

I'll start a new post, tho... Keep an eye out for it!


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#35 Billcoz

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Posted 09 May 2019 - 11:14 PM

That's interesting, I never would have thought that. I used it for a while to mask knee pain and allow me to focus on my workout at the gym. It kept me going right up until I had the knee replaced. I never would have thought it would be at all helpful for anxiety, but in retrospect I can see where the clarity it provided would have benefit that way as well. 

 

 

Hey joeya, indo strains of kratom are good for anxiety and panic attacks, they tend to be more relaxing than meng da or malay.


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#36 joeya

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Posted 09 May 2019 - 11:23 PM

 

That's interesting, I never would have thought that. I used it for a while to mask knee pain and allow me to focus on my workout at the gym. It kept me going right up until I had the knee replaced. I never would have thought it would be at all helpful for anxiety, but in retrospect I can see where the clarity it provided would have benefit that way as well. 

 

 

Hey joeya, indo strains of kratom are good for anxiety and panic attacks, they tend to be more relaxing than meng da or malay.

 

maeng da was exactly what I was using. And, I would again if a similar situation were to arise, it worked so well for what I needed it.


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#37 Billcoz

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 12:24 AM

Kratome is the only opioid i will use nowadays, and I love the indo strains. I prefer them, just like with indica weed strains, I am a "downer" head apparently. Actually a good sativa weed strain is good for before work or exercise and stretching(wannabe yoga).

 

Oh yeah, here's a tip, turmeric will potentiate the good effects of kratom, that and large doses of an indo strain will give awesome pain and anxiety relief.


Edited by Billcoz, 10 May 2019 - 12:32 AM.

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#38 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 07:36 AM

20190510_082405.jpg

 

Today is going to be fantastic.

 

While I know that such a small dose will have little to no effect, I am still doing it. My last attempt at this met with some issues (that were self caused), but after a lot of awesome people gave even more awesome advice and motivation, I am ready for this.

 

I have had a small sip of coffee and I have some water to help wash the dose down, but otherwise i am empty (albeit a tad hungry :P). I figure I'll grab some food in about 1/2 an hour or so, so the mushroom has time to do whatever it will.

 

The last time, my day started off on the wrong foot after dosing, but as time went on, I was in such a great mood all day! I was super happy and cheerful, my wife and I had a marvelous time out and about, and it continued all through the evening as well! People say I shouldn't feel anything from such a small dose, but I can't help but think that my having such a great day was helped by it... 

 

8:35 am. I swallow the dose and wash it down.

 

Bring it on!


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#39 OldAndMiserable

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 08:22 AM

9:20 am. I am HUNGRY!!!

 

Gonna make some fried egg sandwiches and eat some pineapple, too!

 

I took my dose and jumped right into a 15-minute meditation. I feel super great!!!

 

This day can only get better!


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#40 joeya

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 11:11 AM

Glad to hear it's starting off on the right foot! I hope you update us often. Honestly, I'm on day 2 of an MS flare-up and mostly bedridden, so I'm hoping for many updates from you with positive vibes!






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