So I've assembled the funds again and am ready to take some time off work to head back to Peru. Getting my passport renewed, crossing my T's, dotting my I's...
I'm going to go to a retreat and confront my remaining demons. I love shrooms and for all they do for me there is something else that I feel like I need, and I'm feeling like it's that time again.
I just want to say a little bit here about my previous experiences with ayahuasca.
I remember being deep within the throes of "the goddess" herself, as she was showing me what she is, where she came from. The vast unspeakable that I can only ever see a glimpse of and still remain alive.
It's very hard to relate what is so clear when you're in the middle of it when we are limited by our cultural concepts and language. English doesn't really have the words but I will do my best.
I remember being confronted with a spirit that was immense. It was like looking up at the twin towers from ground level, feeling the awe at such great engineering, knowing within your body and your mass that the obelisk standing before you was utterly impenetrable, invulnerable, mountainous, ancient, and wise.
She (I say "she" because there was a distinctly feminine aura around this entity) was speaking to me. Not in words, but directly in thought, like telepathy, like a gigawatt radar dish focused directly on my skull - she was speaking to me of what she was. It was like a montage of imagery of life forms, energy, vibration, fractal mathematics, wisdom - ancient wisdom and the architect of so much of what we see around us all the time. The tendrils of a vine, the winding of rivers, the vascular branches of our veins. Her fingerprint is visible on all life as we know it....
She threw art at me at light speed. Showed me millions of years in a moment. Towed me down deep within the earth and the geomagnetic cracks and crevices. Ached and ebbed and flowed with beauty and finesse at the vast stretches of time through which she danced, spilling symphony and grace with every motion.
I'm going back. We are going to say hello again.
I still have a few demons attached to me, like annoying monkeys on my back. I want to rid myself of these parasites. The pain, the trauma, the illusions.
I can feel it. Things are going to get better.
Soon I go!