You are right alder, that what you can put into words is just an abstraction of the complete and utter overwhelming experience this can be at that time, but the mind likes to put things into perspective. If you can stay in that moment you don't need to put it into words or thoughts really and just be. I have experienced that too mixed up in this experience. Those are the parts I cannot really remember because my mind was elsewhere.
In the case of this particular experience this just being wasn't possible for me at most stages, which had some consequences. It can ramp up into things and thought realms where the mind is much more pronounced and can even take over. Not ego loss but the exact opposite I think. Maybe you could call it the super ego, a layer on top of your conscious mind.
I can try and explain better how I see it: it is the mind that I can normally not perceive or be aware of. It is everything I normally do not associate 'myself' with and thus everything that is not me (but actually it is me). This mind works for me, the part of the mind/ego that I am conscious of. It decides and plans things for 'me' (the part I am aware of), normally.
The loss of control here was the 'superego' taking over my normal being and most of the time I wasn't observing what 'it' did at all anymore, at least not in the normal sense - whatever that might be. Felt like switching places for a while, my normal ego buried deeply into the depths of experience and that super ego coming to the front of the stage.
It is so hard to put into words. Probably because it just didn't make real sense, but somehow it did. I feel like I experienced having a mind that has another mind layered on top, both of which I experienced at different times and in different forms, switching back and forth. The conscious and subconscious mind, which I (as the observer) just experience.
Edited by RutgerHauer, 08 December 2019 - 02:18 PM.