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"Eat Me" or the Omelette of doom

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#1 tailsmcsnails


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Posted 15 December 2019 - 05:54 AM

Hello beautiful people-  possibly this story will make some of you laugh.


So I tried hard previously to grow mushrooms, with mixed results.  I've had some successful grows, but mostly contamination gets them early.  About 6 months ago I started some cakes and most contaminated- a couple fully colonised but never fruited.  I forgot about them and moved on.


Fast forward to this summer.  Amongst the kale, suddenly these beautiful clusters of giant brown mushrooms appear. I ignored them for a while, but eventually they were crowding the kale and I had a good look at them.  They look like portobellos or something.  BIG things.  They look a lot like supermarket mushrooms.  I think to know, these are probably growing from the bags of compost I bought at the nursery!  It was probably spent mushroom compost.  HAHA I am getting free mushrooms.  So I spent the afternoon googling how to tell if they were toadstools or poisonous...and based on what I read nope, they were certainly not going to kill me and were 99% FINE.  The interwebs tell me that the only really nasty mushroom in Australia that can be mistaken for a field mushroom (supermarket type) stains yellow and smells like kerosene.  I picked the mushrooms- probably at least 5kg of up to saucer-sized caps and fleshy white stems.  No yellow staining.  Smell like mushrooms.


OK- I am going  to be a scientist...I wash and slice up about a kg of these babies and cook them in a wok.  I like my cooked mushrooms REALLY cooked.  All the liquid boiled off, the flesh almost burned.  My kg of mushrooms cooks down to about a cup of lovely dark brown, delicious smelling mushroom pieces.  I get some eggs and scramble them, and then stir in the mushrooms.  FANTASTIC.  I have just cooked about $20 worth of mushrooms for free.  I am so smart.


I sit down and eat my amazing omelette.  No stomach pain, no cramps.  These are not toadstools.   About 20 minutes pass.  I start to feel a strange but familiar tingle in my brain.  Hmm...I get up and take another look at the mushrooms still in the bucket.  The stems I bruised looking for the yellow stain are turning blue.  "Hello darkness my old friend...."


Even though these were cooked, and I mean COOKED- suffice it to say the next 4-5 hours were an EXTREMELY rough ride.  That was a LOT OF MUSHROOMS.


Trying to explain to my SO that it made no sense- he sheepishly admitted that he threw my forgotten, presumably non-viable cakes into the garden bed months ago.  I could not stop laughing- struggling to grow a few handfuls of tiny mushrooms under strictly monitored conditions, we then accidentally grew a bumper crop of gigantic frighteningly potent heat resistant boomers in the kale patch.  I don't even remember which spores I used on the original cakes.


Spent the next 2 days running the monsters through the dehydrator.


Thank you for coming to my TED talk.





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#2 SacredMountain



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Posted 15 December 2019 - 03:07 PM


What many would give for that gift of surprise.

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