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#21 Guy1298

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Posted 19 January 2020 - 06:05 AM

Decided to take .5g tonight. 

 

Quite nice. 

 

Two moments in particular stand out. There was the moment where I seemed to rest in God, apart from apparent reality. Then there was the moment where seeing the world I recognized it as Maya. Then, it felt like a long lost love melding with me joyfully. 

 

Well, that's what seemed to happen. 


Edited by Guy1298, 19 January 2020 - 06:06 AM.

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#22 Guy1298

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Posted 19 January 2020 - 06:52 AM

A nice re-welcoming. 

 

Even with that little dose, there was a point where there was a bit of that fear. I suppose, we like to be high and happy right? I like to be high and happy with the apparent disappearance of myself in mind. I like to be high and happy with the apparent disappearance of my body and the world it resides. Can I then contemplate their complete loss. Neither world, nor mind. If someone yearns to take hold... then myself in mind reasserts itself. 

 

There was a moment where I recognized that my previous troubles were caused by maintaining myself in the presence of the infinite. But, really, "myself" should slip away as all is slippery. It is easy to imagine the worst possible scenario and make it real. The power to imagine is ours. To make it real... is ours. 

 

 

Still, I'll not be taking any larger doses anytime soon. 


Edited by Guy1298, 19 January 2020 - 06:54 AM.

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#23 Guy1298

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Posted 19 January 2020 - 07:22 AM

Suppose that life really is a play. 

 

In circumstances of apparent evil there appears to be someone who is truly suffering. In circumstances of apparent evil where I'm involved, I appear to suffer. Knowing my own suffering, I know others. I trust that they know suffering as I do. That I'm convinced that I suffer, I know that they're convinced that they suffer. It is real to me. It is real to them.

 

The issue is that that person doesn't know who he is. Who suffers? There is the play that covers up the fact that there is no player. If at all, the player is untouched and equivalent to God. Eternal and fully capable, curious, and in love.

 

What to do? The show goes on, no matter whether it's hell or heaven. I'm a savior, a demon... I can't argue what to do.


Edited by Guy1298, 19 January 2020 - 07:24 AM.

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#24 Guy1298

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Posted 19 January 2020 - 09:22 AM

Don't overthink the low doses.

 

I'm brain damaged, I'm sure...  :biggrin:


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#25 Alder Logs

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Posted 19 January 2020 - 01:14 PM

I'm brain damaged, I'm sure...  :biggrin:

Ah, ever the materialist, I see.  :-)


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#26 Guy1298

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Posted 25 January 2020 - 12:04 AM

The week has been good. I'm taking .01g in the morning every other day. 

 

I had the plan to take it every other other day, or just twice a week. But it looks like I'm doing it every other day. It means I don't really see a day when the influence has worn off. A couple years ago, I remember finding myself just absolutely happy when doing this.

 

That's just about it. I'm quiet. People look more interesting and beautiful. Music sounds nicer. I put it in my ears and feel happy. I go to work. I do good work and the people feel good around me. I solve small issues, so on. The world comes alive.


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#27 Guy1298

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Posted 27 January 2020 - 05:05 PM

.01 seemed a bit too much today. I suppose I’ll be changing it to .005.

#28 flashingrooster

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Posted 28 January 2020 - 07:47 PM

Has anyone had some success with micro dosing and would recommend it to others?

 

Rutger seemed to have mixed feelings on it


Edited by flashingrooster, 28 January 2020 - 07:48 PM.


#29 coorsmikey

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Posted 29 January 2020 - 01:50 AM

Has anyone had some success with micro dosing and would recommend it to others?

 

Rutger seemed to have mixed feelings on it

 

I've had great success with microdosing  and macrodosing! I recommend to lots of folks. I have also learned that YMMV and that it's not necessary for everyone and its definitely not a cure all like we would want to believe. So I suppose that means I have mixed feelings too? Works great for me when I use it for certain things. What I found to be more effective than microdosing ironically through microdosing is that eliminating the factors that cause the ailment that one is seeking to cure, is intact better than treating the symptoms with microdosing. Let's use anxiety for example. I drank a lot of beer in my college days thus the nickname right. At some point in my life I developed anxiety for whatever reason. Standard SSRI's side effects were worse that the symptoms from the anxiety. Ah but when I was self medicating with beer my anxiety would go away temporarily. Cool so relief from anxiety sounds good so I would continue to self medicate with beer. I learned that I could macro dose and get relief for longer periods even. But I can't macro dose everyday right? So the beer wins for the temporary relief for self medicating myself. The anxiety would get worse as my drinking would increase. Well Blah blah blah you all know about this vicious snowball effect I'm attempting to describe.

 

Through Microdosing I was able to see a different perspective. Instead of me believing that the beer was helping me feel better I was able to see that the one thing that made me feel great was in fact the same thing that was making feel like shit. I was using the beer to cure the anxiety and the beer was feeding the anxiety. Any who I still love my beer but I no longer drink it for the same reasons nor in the quantities I did. It no longer gives me anxiety so I don't need to drink in excess to cure the anxiety. I now know that if I drink a case a beer to get to sleep that I will wake up with not a typical hangover like most would think. I will wake to a day of feeling anxious and then want to drink another case to not feel that way again, to only continue the cycle.

 

Microdosing helped me pull my head out of my ass to actually address the issues that I was trying to cure with microdosing. It did not cure the issues but it did and still does "Enlighten" me to make the choices to make the changes I need to do. There is alway gonna be work to do. Microdosing is not a cure all but more just a tool to help one achieve a goal that has been set.That where I believe the "Mixed" feelings come in. People want a cure and and believe that nothing in their behavior is causing the issue. If I Microdose then my problems will go away. Then the problem don't go away so the microdosing is not working. It must be bullshit then. Microdosing will not fix anything without some work work from the operator.


Edited by coorsmikey, 29 January 2020 - 02:29 AM.

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#30 flashingrooster

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Posted 29 January 2020 - 06:33 PM

I have never tried micro but I understand exactly what you mean. I have been more of a weekend warrior dose and I get the same lasting effect. I would say this is one of the very strong properties of the mushroom. It allows you to see yourself in a different light, or situations and allows you to address problems that you were ignoring. Like you were saying about the beer, it does improve your mood when you are on it. But then there are other negative effects from that as well.

 Like the beer when I dose lately there have just been lot's of feeling of serotonin being pumped out. Really good time vibe feelings.  But that only last's as long as a day or two. So you have to figure out what is making you feel bad in the first place

 

Could we say that expecting mirco dosing as some happy pill that is magically going to make your mood better is the wrong approach?

 

More like, it improves your mood by allowing you to clean up your mental closet.

 

Gives you a to do list when sober


Edited by flashingrooster, 29 January 2020 - 07:03 PM.

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#31 Guy1298

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Posted 29 January 2020 - 08:38 PM

It's complicated. It has been a bit like a happy pill in the past, at times.

 

At other times, when I was taking too much, it was very much not a happy pill. In that case, it seemed to enhance the delusional anxious aspects of my mind, as well as produce deeply unhappy periods of self-analysis.

 

I think it is important to find a dose that really doesn't appear to produce noticeable affects. 

 

But, primarily for me, in the past, it seemed to enhance the experiences and insights that tied into self-inquiry. For instance, I remember sitting on my couch after school, looking out at the trees, and possessing a sense of ancient knowledge, peace, and happiness. All the while, I knew a dissolution of ego. I think that's the reason I'm microdosing again now. 

 

That being said, I did speak with a teacher last weekend. He basically told me what happens is like taking off a heavy backpack. When you first take it off you feel like you're flying. As time goes on, you merely aren't carrying the backpack anymore. The relief is known as a constant. So, maybe my efforts are in vain. In either case, I do enjoy the subtle un-anxious high it produces. 


Edited by Guy1298, 29 January 2020 - 09:08 PM.

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#32 flashingrooster

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Posted 30 January 2020 - 12:30 AM

In regards to a weekend dose 

 

 I find the best way to beat the fear dosage wise is to take a lower dose and then a higher dose. You won't get to fly as high for sure overall, this is a more gentle ride. I enjoy it though. Gives you that ankle turn of good feelings without the weird parts. They have their place too but mostly I just want to kick back and have a smooth ride


Edited by flashingrooster, 30 January 2020 - 12:31 AM.


#33 Guy1298

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Posted 05 February 2020 - 09:21 PM

It was my birthday a few days ago. I noticed my dad didn't call. I called the day after to check on him. He seemed well. 

 

I remember what the last thing he told me was. After having a pretty nice discussion, just before we said goodbye, he was caught off guard by the large breasts a woman had on TV. He told me something about how he'd like to milk her. He said it in the perfect way to make it totally appropriate and funny. We laughed and said goodbye. 

 

He'll be missed. Unfortunately, he was found dead tonight. I wish him well on the journey. He was certainly loved by me. I'm sorry I didn't make the right choices in his last year. Both him and his cat died this year. And I find myself 7 hours away. I hope he met death without fear. I know that he meets the ocean, that is love, regardless of his story, as will we all.



#34 Guy1298

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Posted 05 February 2020 - 09:51 PM

He must have died the night that I called him. He had forgot to call me for my birthday and I told him about my brother's daughter's birthday. He was surprised. I'm sure he would have contacted my brother the next day. I told him I was worried. He told me that his doctor told him to get his valve checked out. I told him that the statistics for that valve might be wrong, he might live for another 20 years.

 

I remember a year ago I thought that I wanted to be with him when he died. 

 

I suppose in my experience, his experience must have been no less than psychedelic. The mind and body perish. The ego dies, finally. The ego was never truly real. Who could I mourn? I mourn the ego. But, mourning is only feeling love, expressed in bursts of lovely tears, as an expression of respect for the one who seemingly borne his part in life. For me, it's joyful sorrow. Like I said, I wish him well on the journey.


Edited by Guy1298, 05 February 2020 - 09:52 PM.

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#35 ElPirana

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Posted 05 February 2020 - 09:53 PM

I’m glad you got a chance to have a good conversation and a laugh with your dad. He was fortunate to have someone who loved him, regardless of the distance.
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#36 Guy1298

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Posted 09 February 2020 - 08:55 PM

Of course, losing a father is more complicated than my cat. There's a lot of regret. 

 

I was very fortunate to have him as a father. 


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#37 Guy1298

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Posted 16 February 2020 - 08:55 PM

Well my dad's gone. I don't think he's in pain anymore. At some point throughout the week, through waves of regret, I eventually realized that he's fine. The regret was mostly for myself and something I didn't have control over. He'll be remembered by me as an absolutely perfect part of my life.

 

It does change what I'm doin' here though. 


Edited by Guy1298, 16 February 2020 - 09:00 PM.


#38 Guy1298

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Posted 08 March 2020 - 07:09 AM

Hi there!

 

So, I tripped tonight. I mean this morning! Haha

 

I'd say it was a good one. It was impossible to get away from the evil faces. I kept being put into storied scenarios (dreams basically) that were unwinnable. Like the God of madness just kept me playing along. Always with this edge like I was going to hurt myself or others, something terrible was going to happen. Then, many times, seeing the game that was played, I thought "No." I turned away from the story, stopped playing along. Then, every time I did, there'd be a shock and a flash of an image, and evil faces. 

 

It started to feel the more I approached not playing along the eviler things felt. Like at some point, not playing along was being played into this idea that I was evil or bad shit was going to happen. I just kept not playing along. I saw my part in it, as consciousness. I kept it up until I started just jumping off the cliff at the first opportunity. I'm not playing along. 

 

In any case, it was totally beautiful. Not playing along seemed to take me through a dream-scaped hell and show me angels and all that stuff. Really beautiful. But, hey, I'm not playing along. 


Edited by Guy1298, 08 March 2020 - 07:12 AM.

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#39 Guy1298

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Posted 08 March 2020 - 07:15 AM

If the evil faces tone down, I'll go again. Haha. If not... I'll go again. 


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#40 Guy1298

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Posted 27 March 2020 - 04:27 PM

Today, found myself thinking about my dad. As I seem to occasionally do, I was imagining that he was an entity with a mind that shared in my dad's memories as they were, in mind, that could be spoken to. In a short while after, I considered that given there's so much evidence for the mind's "death" evidenced in change, memory, loss of memory, dementia, I thought it was more reasonable that he wasn't an entity with a mind. In short, death is real loss. Of course, it's the very same loss that occurs from moment to moment. I notice I'm different. I think a different thought. Why should I ultimately cherish continuity that casts an unwhole shadow?  

 

Did my dad even exist? And what did he exist as? For some reason, I find myself quite happy in realizing that death is real loss. Our life's painting is eventually made clear... :). Much better than living and mistakenly dying.


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