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#41 Alder Logs

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Posted 27 March 2020 - 09:06 PM

It's weird what the illusion of time creates in thought.  I don't think anything escapes timelessness, even what we do in an illusion.   The experiences get all hooked up with time, for sure.  But man oh man, I was always there, am always there, as it all rolls through.   The experiences seem real enough.  I can't say the same for anything I might judge about them.  That stuff is all made up.   It seems like we don't lose it unless we try to keep it. 


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#42 Guy1298

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Posted 29 March 2020 - 05:58 AM

What's up with those evil faces last time?!?

 

I liked this last little trip. There was a point where I found myself outside of the world... then it occurred to me that I was going to lose the world. Then, in a very quick way, I seemed to understand, "Oh, but I love everyone." Haha. Then, I seemed to fall back into it. Hahaha. It's a theme of mine. 

 

I think I'm going to just keep these little once-a-month-or-so trips going, with little intention or whatever. I'm not going to try to control the trip, i.e. not play along. I'll just let it be, whatever it seems to be.


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#43 Dabluebonic

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Posted 19 April 2020 - 09:21 PM

Has anyone had some success with micro dosing and would recommend it to others?

Rutger seemed to have mixed feelings on it


I've had great success with microdosing and macrodosing! I recommend to lots of folks. I have also learned that YMMV and that it's not necessary for everyone and its definitely not a cure all like we would want to believe. So I suppose that means I have mixed feelings too? Works great for me when I use it for certain things. What I found to be more effective than microdosing ironically through microdosing is that eliminating the factors that cause the ailment that one is seeking to cure, is intact better than treating the symptoms with microdosing. Let's use anxiety for example. I drank a lot of beer in my college days thus the nickname right. At some point in my life I developed anxiety for whatever reason. Standard SSRI's side effects were worse that the symptoms from the anxiety. Ah but when I was self medicating with beer my anxiety would go away temporarily. Cool so relief from anxiety sounds good so I would continue to self medicate with beer. I learned that I could macro dose and get relief for longer periods even. But I can't macro dose everyday right? So the beer wins for the temporary relief for self medicating myself. The anxiety would get worse as my drinking would increase. Well Blah blah blah you all know about this vicious snowball effect I'm attempting to describe.

Through Microdosing I was able to see a different perspective. Instead of me believing that the beer was helping me feel better I was able to see that the one thing that made me feel great was in fact the same thing that was making feel like shit. I was using the beer to cure the anxiety and the beer was feeding the anxiety. Any who I still love my beer but I no longer drink it for the same reasons nor in the quantities I did. It no longer gives me anxiety so I don't need to drink in excess to cure the anxiety. I now know that if I drink a case a beer to get to sleep that I will wake up with not a typical hangover like most would think. I will wake to a day of feeling anxious and then want to drink another case to not feel that way again, to only continue the cycle.

Microdosing helped me pull my head out of my ass to actually address the issues that I was trying to cure with microdosing. It did not cure the issues but it did and still does "Enlighten" me to make the choices to make the changes I need to do. There is alway gonna be work to do. Microdosing is not a cure all but more just a tool to help one achieve a goal that has been set.That where I believe the "Mixed" feelings come in. People want a cure and and believe that nothing in their behavior is causing the issue. If I Microdose then my problems will go away. Then the problem don't go away so the microdosing is not working. It must be bullshit then. Microdosing will not fix anything without some work work from the operator.

I can relate to this bigtime. I recorded a 2 week depression lift off of a macrodose. In this time i did not feel i needed to drink. My thoughts were clear and goals were being set. My problem is with 2 kids and a full time job its challenging to find the right time to trip. 2 weeks later back in the same old rut. I've read conflicting things on micro vs macro doses and healing but its worth a shot.
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#44 Guy1298

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Posted 17 May 2020 - 09:04 AM

I'm gonna take this week to walk in the wooded areas near where I'm living and find a place I might want to trip. I'm thinking I'll turn the dose up a little, trip during the day. Probably Saturday, next weekend.

 

Maybe the night though... we'll see. If I find a nice enough spot and the weather is nice. I'd like the night more. 


Edited by Guy1298, 17 May 2020 - 09:07 AM.


#45 Guy1298

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Posted 17 May 2020 - 09:16 PM

Took a small dose today and walked the wooded areas, just .25g. It was a very great time. I thought a lot about the future, what I'm going to do, etc. Often caught that I'm not the thinker and the thoughts are arising without my say, the story is playing in mind, which is playing the world, which is playing time. As I'd walk into darkness and, noticing fear, I'd note that the fear is in my mind only, I could know that the fear is not mine and relieve myself of it. Same thing with worry around the story. There's a general direction of flow... whether it leads fortune... that's the fear and anxiety. Knowing that it's not my story, why should I take it too seriously? One persons misfortune is another persons fortune... this story is not my story, nor is their story my story. The general direction is what it is. I'm not walking off bridges, only acting in accordance with the flow of my life as it's seem to have gone. If it all falls apart? So be it. 


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#46 Alder Logs

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Posted 17 May 2020 - 11:55 PM

You are starting to remind me of the Advaita Cowboy.  :smile:



#47 Guy1298

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Posted 19 May 2020 - 10:01 PM

I don't know of the Advaita Cowboy... any chance it's this is him? https://www.youtube....E87yN2V&index=6

 

 

I linked this one because of his response to the guy asking what he could do.


Edited by Guy1298, 19 May 2020 - 10:03 PM.

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#48 Alder Logs

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Posted 19 May 2020 - 11:30 PM

I love me some Advaita Cowboy.  :smile:


Edited by Alder Logs, 19 May 2020 - 11:36 PM.

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#49 Guy1298

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Posted 25 May 2020 - 09:52 PM

Seems I love low-low dose strolls through the woods, went for a second one today. 

 

Seems to me that the little bit of mushrooms lets the mind see it's absence more easily. Of course, what mind sees its absence? That absence is a strange nectar... Really, it feels like joy.  


Edited by Guy1298, 25 May 2020 - 09:53 PM.

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#50 Alder Logs

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Posted 27 May 2020 - 12:01 PM

This mind thing.  Let's set it here on the table and examine it.  Hmmm, I don't see anything. 


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#51 Guy1298

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Posted 27 May 2020 - 09:32 PM

This is kinda strange... do you suppose I have no desires? It occurred to me today when questioning the desires that I take to be mine that they weren't mine. 


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#52 Alder Logs

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Posted 28 May 2020 - 10:31 AM

Watching that 'I' thing, one starts to see what it is that is watching, and it seems to be watchingness, and that, without some thinginess attached to it. 


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#53 Guy1298

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Posted 30 May 2020 - 10:00 AM

Well, headed to the woods to do a larger than usual dose... wish me luck. :). 


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#54 Alder Logs

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Posted 30 May 2020 - 10:11 AM

Lions and tigers and bears...



#55 Guy1298

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Posted 30 May 2020 - 03:50 PM

It was good. No lion, tigers, or bears... unfortunately a ton of people though. The trails I headed to are popular. 

 

Made a last minute decision to eat half of what I brought, which was a good decision. My senses were heightened, felt like I was literally surrounded by other people. 

 

Around the peak, I got totally disoriented. I was taking one trail. Then I thought to myself, that rocky area above, I'll go up there to hide away... as soon as I got there it seemed to turn into another main trail... at that point I just thought... well this is a dream, eh? Followed the trail, found a place to rest after my mind seemed more here... 

 

Some good insights on this one. Nothing particularly Advaita about it. Near the end I was really disappointed with the world, it's relationship to nature, etc. 


Edited by Guy1298, 30 May 2020 - 03:55 PM.

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#56 Guy1298

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Posted 31 May 2020 - 10:50 PM

I forgot most of the experience. I really love mushrooms. I once told a girlfriend of mine that if it weren't for psychedelics, I'd have killed myself awhile back, for sure. Sounds a bit intense, but, yeah, they provide something so precious. In this last experience, I came out of the trail and found myself walking on rocky terrain half underwater at the edge of a river. Here there were people all about on the rocks. My mind was kind of odd. I walked along the rocks, trying to avoid interactions that might require speaking... I probably would have sounded crazy... you know. As I walked, I felt that deep deep happiness. As if life was revealed to be a dream, falling into a soft wave, being overtaken by it, knowing that all is well. There was playful happiness heard in the voices of the people around me. I'm wondering what hides this? Why do I only see it now (which was then)? Later I watched the ripples in the river, eyes wide, seeing all patterns at once, thinking "My God! How could I miss all that beauty? So much beauty!" You see, I didn't take enough to hallucinate, open-eyed. It was just the natural world's beauty. Patterns hidden to eyes not stricken by the mushroom spirit? I'm not sure. 

 

We definitely live in different worlds. Earlier in the week, I started saying something serious to a friend and he was drawn towards his phone. I watched him not even hear what I was saying. It's got me thinking... just like those early days. We miss so much. Attention seems selective. If the mind can't turn us away from it, it confuses us, makes it nonsense. 

 

I think I'll be taking more mushrooms soon... well, 2 weeks to a month, I bet. Maybe the same trail. I know a nice little rock at the edge of the river, a solitary rock. I could take that as my place to be up on the peak, then venture out after that. 


Edited by Guy1298, 31 May 2020 - 10:59 PM.

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#57 Guy1298

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Posted 31 May 2020 - 11:31 PM

I remember considering, in noticing the origin of the world, that no question can reach it as an answer...  It made more sense then. It has to do with trust. Seeking what I'm calling the origin of the world trusting a question and the reasons leading to its answer is similar to asking what can I trust if I am not? But, still there's a way to notice it. Or at least, that's what it seemed like as I walked. 



#58 pharmer

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Posted 01 June 2020 - 08:43 AM

This mind thing.  Let's set it here on the table and examine it.  Hmmm, I don't see anything. 

Alder, you are a funny funny man.



#59 Guy1298

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Posted 06 June 2020 - 09:56 PM

Another great little experience this weekend. :). I do love mushrooms.

 

They decided to be quite visual this time around, which is out of character for me. I was sat on that lone rock facing the river again. I'll try to summarize. 

 

I ate them as soon as I parked my car and walked onto the trail, setting a timer for the 1 hour mark... 45min-1hour is the peak, the time to hide away. I knew I'd rest on that rock during the peak. The come up was ordinary. I watched myself become more interested nature, looking more closely at the trees, etc. I was taking a long way around to get to the rock, but at 30min I noticed stomach discomfort and a different mind, so I took the short way. The walk on the path with other people was quickly paced, generally and mildly stressful. 

 

I reached the path. Immediately, the trees and surrounding nature cast a spell. I felt entranced, but not totally. I continued to walk to the lone rock in a rushed way. I found it soon. It's just isolated enough that I don't need to worry about needing to interact with the passersby which put me at ease enough to feel safe which I find totally necessary. Of course, for relatively low doses like this, it's not totally necessary... but it is necessary to go deeper. 

 

It's already hard to remember what occurred at the peak. I bet I arrived near the 45min mark. I pissed first, and drank more water. The heat and humidity was a bit too much. I felt soaked with sweat, all over my body, in my eyes, my face, my hands... all of it, just drenched. First, a helicopter came flying by, a man stood on the edge... a police helicopter, I'd guess. The peak was taking hold, so there was that paranoia. The sounds of helicopters... a sign saying "the trail's closed"... thoughts rushing in, imagining that I'd be trapped, I'd lose it. I've known so much panic. That occurred in a second... then, just after the helicopter whizzed by, I said aloud, "That's disconcerting!" :).

Sitting on the rock, I laid back and started watching the trees in the distance. I noticed the leaves moving, as if I'd never seen them move before. As I looked the leaves started reaching towards me from all directions. I suppose that's what I meant by more visual than usual. Closing my eyes, the usual imagery was there, circular ancient patterns, stories playing out. My mind filled with voices that weren't my own. A new realization, from the week prior, was that I've been engaged in thinking that is plagued by cognitive dissonance. The dissonance itself was valuable for a time, but I think that time has come to an end. So, I recognized the impulse to think in dissonant ways, and dropped them. 

 

At the moment the leaves started reaching for me it was the 1 hour mark. From there, I spent approximately 40 min on the rock. In my time there, I seemed to drop into trance-y states where I spoke to myself about the nature of reality and revealed to myself that nature. Resting, listening to the many voices, I isolated myself from the cacophony, then I recognized that I hadn't isolated myself at all. I occasionally felt that I was free of my bad habits which goes to show how high, happy, and blissful I really was! Because soon I briefly reflected in fear that it hadn't been long since I last felt overcome by them! 

When I spoke to myself about the nature of reality, it came from a trance-y mindset. I was looking into the rushing water, I was letting myself be taken away by the current, myself as idea. I saw an image of myself shortly after finishing my Bachelor's degree. I saw him as a madman and I recognized myself as I am now as much happier, much healthier. I was happy to let him go. He went with the current. Then, looking at the river flowing, I arrived to a recurrent piece of knowledge. I knew that I had created the world. I considered whether I controlled it. At once, I was grateful that I didn't, knowing that I couldn't stand it, as I am, mind and body. But, it appeared that I knew that I was something more distant too that was really engaged in the control and creation of the world. As an epiphany, I knew the world and myself as one. And I felt so much love. 

 

Appearing above me was a crow, who had the vibe of a messenger. He shocked me out of the trance. I considered taking it as a sign to leave, then I started thinking again. Then, another appeared closer by, only a few feet away and shocked me from it again. At that point, I knew that moving was best. I packed my thing to go. Turning back, I saw the crow standing triumphantly where I'd sat. I smiled. 

 

Coming back to the trail, I found a flower drawn into the rocks. As I looked, the flower felt and appeared more Buddhist, like a lotus. Stories appeared written into the rock, native americans, various other images appearing magically... the flower rotating with native american imagery, Buddhist imagery, then, at first, and at once appearing "1, 2, 3, 4... " trailing off to the right. The rocks towered above me. I was compelled to climb them. I found a path to the left. As I moved up it... my thinking was magical. The novelty of the experience made me feel important, like Harry Potter first discovering magic. Of course, I've experienced things like this before. But, as always, when it hits me hard, I'm lost to it. As I once asked a friend in the midst of a large dose trip... "come with me!" I was asking her to come with me into another world! :). 

 

I found myself in a deserted camping area. Really, just too beautiful.... anyway. I'll make the rest quick. I was so happy and so grateful for my new living situation, the family I've been living with. I thought about how happy I was to have them in my life, to be at the dinner table every night, a community of really good-hearted people. I appreciate the lack of fear they exhibit. Their children are joyful and friendly. Very grateful. 

 

As I walked the trail, I started picking up trash I saw, putting it in my hiking backpack! Hehe. I wouldn't do that, but I felt like new eyes were watching me. I felt like I needed to be the caretaker of the world within my immediate experience. I needed to was it? Or it seemed the best thing to do. I saw owls and a deer with a fawn. I saw a pregnant salamander. I also watched a couple young attractive girls walking ahead of me. I thought to myself about the tight-fitted clothing and the legs, the skin, sexuality, and so on. I thought as I usually do, they are the colorful bird come to choose a mate. Beautiful colors seem innocent enough... sexual desire, sometimes not. More complex than that, but that sort of reflection as always been important to me. What is sexuality seen outside humanity, as if seeing an animal, within it is a complex drive inundated in social programming, love, family, children, lust, craving, fear, abuse, rape... 

 

Anyway... cutting it short. I'm back home. Quite satisfied. I l do love mushrooms.


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#60 Guy1298

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Posted 07 June 2020 - 10:53 AM

Heh. Wonder why I wanted to write a moment by moment retelling this time around?

 

In my opinion, the experiences aren't that important. They're forgotten too quickly. But, I think I'll continue increasing the dose, as time goes on. The journey continues.

 

Who would have guessed that when I started eating mushrooms in college, I'd still be eating them now? 

 

I remember the days when my friends of old were worried. Hehe. Living alone in a little basement room, eating mushrooms every weekend. Seems everything worked out fine though.  :biggrin: . Though whatever happened to those friends of old? I'm afraid they don't talk to me anymore! Bound to happen when you try to understand and express things that are esoteric and wrapped up in fear. Am I right or wrong? Does it matter? I don't think so. 

 

Anyway, until next time. I'm thinking 2 weeks to a month will be best this time. I rushed this most recent one. It will be best to take it easy.


Edited by Guy1298, 07 June 2020 - 10:56 AM.

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