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#61 Alder Logs

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Posted 07 June 2020 - 12:56 PM

In my opinion, the experiences aren't that important. They're forgotten too quickly.

Anyway, they are never remembered as they were, as the experience.  They are remembered as an experience of remembering.  It's one thing to do, I suppose.  The choices are infinite.  Best to not think about that, eh? 


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#62 Guy1298

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Posted 08 June 2020 - 09:21 AM

That last remark reminded me of something I noticed about a week or so ago. I was thinking about the people living in this home with me. I noticed that there was a sense of them being in the home then. They were there, surely. And they might have had this or that condition surrounding them. Then, I noticed I was only seeing an idea. The idea is reasonable... to an extent it's trustworthy. But, it's also the vehicle for creating what isn't there. What I basically trust is the foundation of complex deception. 


Edited by Guy1298, 08 June 2020 - 09:31 AM.

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#63 Alder Logs

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Posted 08 June 2020 - 10:24 AM

Ha ha, I just wrote this on another forum:

 

If, as I postulate, nothing is as we think, then thinking differently about it won’t be it either.

 


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#64 Guy1298

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Posted 13 June 2020 - 10:00 PM

Tripped again... 

 

I think I love the high and the insight too much, that's probably why I keep it up. Nothing beats looking out at a rocky river landscape and thinking "I'm really fuckin' happy." But, I was thinking today since I did it in a slightly bad mood, maybe I should think of it differently. Mushrooms keep me aware of myself. 

 

I'll tell you why. Since I came into it in a bad mood, on account of the week earlier, the peak turned a bit ugly. It's sort of like a deformed part of myself came to the surface. I felt wrong... I've felt it before. I didn't expect the easy bliss of yester-weekend. This is what I remember from the old days, going out to the woods to trip and having everything turn dark, fear... fear... fear... My earliest trips were reckless, just getting my feet wet, and totally unprepared for what mushrooms are really about (as if I know! I don't.). Back then, it really felt dark, like a murderer had possessed my mind. 

Nowadays, fortunately, I understand that mushrooms can open the doors to heaven and hell. And I'm quite confident that it's all in our best interest. 

 

So, at the peak, there's a group that comes by behind my little hiding spot. They must have been smoking some weed. Lots of coughing. But, I'm super sensitive at this point. Time-dilation is in effect. The coughing seemed like it wasn't ending and I couldn't let myself relax. I felt that deformed part of myself there too... somewhat angry... somewhat insecure... very sensitive. I tuned it out with music... I'm just trying to express how I was a bit off, not really able to handle other human presences. 

Then, I close my eyes, when they're closed I see a man who must have drank Ayahuasca, sitting in a chair. He's moving all over the place, freaking out, grabbing his hand, bashing things around him... I don't know why I saw this. Then, I looked towards the light underneath my eyelids, there was a feminine presence, like a goddess. I felt in her embrace, looking at a god-like. It was blissful and sexual. Then, I turned my head down, pitch-black rushed in. Then, the voice in my head started calling on what's wrong, trying to peer into what's wrong with me. It felt determined. I was looking into darkness to find the worst part of myself. Then, I seemed to be seeing disfigured bloody flesh writhing in the darkness which also appeared to have a personal presence... maybe even a face. A little while looking at this and I opened my eyes. 

I'm grateful for the experience. Out of direct experiential context it's hard to show why this was important to me. But it was. 

 

After it, I'm thinking I'm going to continue to trip rain or shine... within professional and social reason. It provides awareness to the limitless personal blindspots. It produces positive pressure to change. It shows me again and again that I am crazy... my personal world is imagined and full of inconsistencies... judgements, wrong imaginations. 

 

It occurred to me while walking later that humans have created their world. The world in news that we hold as common knowledge, so on, etc. We trust it. The idea of it. But, really our world is very direct, very now, very alone. Just a thought. 


Edited by Guy1298, 13 June 2020 - 10:03 PM.

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#65 FLASHINGROOSTER

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Posted 20 June 2020 - 03:22 AM

Reads like you have a good frame of mind guy, your fear of the "fear" has lessened.So far it was my favorite time with me girl mushy

 

 just keep sharing that love no matter what


Edited by flashingrooster, 20 June 2020 - 03:25 AM.

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#66 Guy1298

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Posted 04 July 2020 - 08:42 PM

I was thinking the title of this thread should have been "My experiences" not "Experiences," but that's all right. 

 

I increased the dose just a smidge today. This is still a low dose. But that smidge made a big difference. I'll tell you what happened, the important parts. Somehow I ended up at a totally isolated area off the trail. I didn't plan it. I came out of an area and found myself at the beginning of a small rocky peninsula. Immediately, I looked out at the trees, they were reaching out, spiraling, rotating, then I sat down, having this feeling of knowing the divine. I sat there and I, as if in a conversation with that great spirit, without really conversing at all, seemed to know that this life is a dream. Intense feeling welled up, as I started to feel that this life is really a terrible dream. 

 

Soon after, I follow a path upward on green-covered rocks. I sit down. This is the probably the peak. I don't remember the thoughts specifically. I reach down to tie my shoe. Then, reaching down, I feel as though I've reached down to tie shoes before. It feels that I've tied shoes for all time. I know that my life now is just the tip of eternity. I have tied shoes for eternity. I will tie more shoes. I tie your shoe. It was like looking through my life as if it was glass. The absurdity was overbearing, but relieving. 

Later, I came back down the rocks and found a place to sit. This was a bit odd. I started to think and express things, very intensely, with little control. I remember speaking at my father with so much anger, telling him "Fuck you," in various ways. After that, I noticed how dreamy it was, it wasn't my doing. It seemed to happen, but it wasn't me that did it. I looked back at the trees and they were spiraling and reaching out. In a moment, it was communicated that it was that divine presence that caused me to do and think those things. It was like the trees were winking at me, and I understood. 

 

Anyway, those are the important parts. The rest of the day had a negative sway... very very negative. I recall thinking about escaping into the wilderness to die... I felt the relief in that. Later, I found myself considering how owned and overpopulated things are. I thought about how, if we weren't afraid of death, if we weren't born as children, if we were allowed to survey this world before being born into it, we would certainly choose not. Haha. Then, I imagined a person born, then immediately dying, a skeleton sitting at a tree. He died without playing along, yet nothing was lost. I was relieved to know it.  

 

I'll say that the beginning of this trip was marked by reflections of impermanence and death. It might have played into how it turned out. Overall, a really amazing experience. Loved it, even with all the negative feelings... they seemed to wear off as the day went on, which I knew would happen. How long can I go on thinking that I'm through... I'm gonna kill myself? Not very long. :).

 

I'm also quite happy that mushrooms are starting to produce open-eyed visuals at low doses. It's promising. Promising for what? I don't know. I suppose I like mushrooms and want to continue using them, continue knowing what they let me know, feel, so on. Psychedelics keep me interested in life... they provide what cannot be found elsewhere and satisfy a transcendent yearning, temporarily at least.  


Edited by Guy1298, 04 July 2020 - 09:13 PM.

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#67 Guy1298

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Posted 18 July 2020 - 06:58 PM

Hmm, today's experience was very interesting. 

 

It was really very interesting. 

 

I can't put it all into words and I'm too tired to do it. 

 

I remember walking towards the rocks. Looking at them, I started to see those native american figures again. Then, the figures started changing, eventually I could see evil faces, very evil, beastly, beautiful, everywhere. It seemed to coat one layer of hallucination onto the next, over and over, it felt like the evil figures would appear in front of me. They felt more real, like I was going to look right into hell. It was trying to bust out of the rocks! 

 

Then, I sort of turned away... said "Shit!"... walked up to the rocks to touch them. Mushrooms are very visual for me nowadays. 


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#68 Guy1298

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Posted 18 July 2020 - 07:08 PM

It was a very good trip. I think it's time for a break. :). 


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#69 Dabluebonic

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Posted 18 July 2020 - 10:22 PM

Quick trip report

So yesterday i decided to give the ethanol extraction a try. Last time was a disappointment, 4g extraction and little to no effect. But not this time.

After a nice steamy soak in 190 proof, I rinsed 5gs of my GT two times. I set my concoction in front of a fan for awhile while i took a shower and geared up.

If its one thing ill remember its the taste of mushroom and rubbing alcohol. It kind of mentally and physically stayed with me the whole trip. Anyway i didn't feel a thing for about 30 minutes but i had forgotten that i had a sandwich just before.

All of a sudden i looked at my phone and it was warped inwards. I had to literally squint my eyes to try to see this distant image of my phone. I went and sat on bed for awhile while listening to music. This is where it gets interesting.

While listening to some random guided trip music, i was riped from my body. I could see everyone in my life i have ever met looking at me. People i haven't even thought of in years. I felt very connected with them. Out of nowhere i fell into an arena like setting where the craziest colors were flashing. At this point i could not hear the music. Instead it was this LOUD bright chime just ringing. If anyone's ever played Pokemon, i can only compare it to the audio of the move "psychic" (go figure that would be the name).

After that awesome euphoric ass whoopin, the fear came on. Slowly I started to feel as though i had lost my mind forever. Its a good thing I've already felt mushroom fear, because i was able to quickly come to reason with myself. Unfortunately the euphoria was gone, but i was left with an overwhelming feeling to make better choices.

This has been my hardest trip yet and ill never forget that sound.
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#70 Guy1298

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Posted 18 July 2020 - 10:30 PM

Thanks for sharing. :). 

 

It seems this thread was named generically enough to grab a stray trip report. I'm glad!


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#71 Guy1298

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Posted 12 September 2020 - 12:07 AM

Well, seems I found my most beloved way to trip. In the forest in darkness... so beautiful. 

 

I used to trip in darkness in my room. I'd meditate for almost all of it. Sense of body would melt away, oh so beautiful, prayerful, spiritual...  

 

Then, I started tripping on hikes and really enjoyed what nature did for it. 

 

Now, the combination of both! Yessir! Haha. :).


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#72 Guy1298

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Posted 12 September 2020 - 12:16 AM

But, tell me why I like to trip... 

 

Is it because I like to tear down my ingrained assumptions and delusions... yes. Fuck yes.

 

Too much respect for the experience. I remember after a particularly difficult break-up, I wrote to a friend amidst a trip I was having on the very worst day. I literally woke up wanting to punch myself into a pulp, anxiety, anger, shame, manifesting in self-destructive tendencies. Then, I went for a trip, I remember it was dark, murderous... but amidst it I remember writing to my friend saying "mushrooms are god." 

 

So it is. They are the best thing I've found in life yet... and they show what's to be valued and loved in life in general. True love, without ignorance.


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#73 Guy1298

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Posted 20 September 2020 - 11:22 AM

I have a sweet spot for a low dose. I did it yesterday. 

 

I really love the trips that end up being higher than high, happiness beyond happiness. But, this one was dark and angry. It took a bit of fortitude and care to weather the storm. I actually think I prefer this sort of trip. It's more geared towards positive change. And it makes me not want to trip anytime soon, like I got what I needed.

 

It was unbelievably confusing though. The trip played with how I saw my family and also what I believed spiritually. It was like one moment I'm turning away saying "fuck all of this," the next I'm realizing that it was a trick, settling into a more refined understanding. It might be good to spend a short amount of time realizing that you've been totally fucked by the people around you and that you've fucked them, only to later realize that was only a false point of view. How does it inform my life today? In too many ways.


Edited by Guy1298, 20 September 2020 - 11:23 AM.

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#74 Wimzers

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Posted 21 September 2020 - 09:12 PM

I have a sweet spot for a low dose.

Enjoy reading your experiences and the words you use to explain your perspective.


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