I was thinking the title of this thread should have been "My experiences" not "Experiences," but that's all right.
I increased the dose just a smidge today. This is still a low dose. But that smidge made a big difference. I'll tell you what happened, the important parts. Somehow I ended up at a totally isolated area off the trail. I didn't plan it. I came out of an area and found myself at the beginning of a small rocky peninsula. Immediately, I looked out at the trees, they were reaching out, spiraling, rotating, then I sat down, having this feeling of knowing the divine. I sat there and I, as if in a conversation with that great spirit, without really conversing at all, seemed to know that this life is a dream. Intense feeling welled up, as I started to feel that this life is really a terrible dream.
Soon after, I follow a path upward on green-covered rocks. I sit down. This is the probably the peak. I don't remember the thoughts specifically. I reach down to tie my shoe. Then, reaching down, I feel as though I've reached down to tie shoes before. It feels that I've tied shoes for all time. I know that my life now is just the tip of eternity. I have tied shoes for eternity. I will tie more shoes. I tie your shoe. It was like looking through my life as if it was glass. The absurdity was overbearing, but relieving.
Later, I came back down the rocks and found a place to sit. This was a bit odd. I started to think and express things, very intensely, with little control. I remember speaking at my father with so much anger, telling him "Fuck you," in various ways. After that, I noticed how dreamy it was, it wasn't my doing. It seemed to happen, but it wasn't me that did it. I looked back at the trees and they were spiraling and reaching out. In a moment, it was communicated that it was that divine presence that caused me to do and think those things. It was like the trees were winking at me, and I understood.
Anyway, those are the important parts. The rest of the day had a negative sway... very very negative. I recall thinking about escaping into the wilderness to die... I felt the relief in that. Later, I found myself considering how owned and overpopulated things are. I thought about how, if we weren't afraid of death, if we weren't born as children, if we were allowed to survey this world before being born into it, we would certainly choose not. Haha. Then, I imagined a person born, then immediately dying, a skeleton sitting at a tree. He died without playing along, yet nothing was lost. I was relieved to know it.
I'll say that the beginning of this trip was marked by reflections of impermanence and death. It might have played into how it turned out. Overall, a really amazing experience. Loved it, even with all the negative feelings... they seemed to wear off as the day went on, which I knew would happen. How long can I go on thinking that I'm through... I'm gonna kill myself? Not very long. :).
I'm also quite happy that mushrooms are starting to produce open-eyed visuals at low doses. It's promising. Promising for what? I don't know. I suppose I like mushrooms and want to continue using them, continue knowing what they let me know, feel, so on. Psychedelics keep me interested in life... they provide what cannot be found elsewhere and satisfy a transcendent yearning, temporarily at least.
Edited by Guy1298, 04 July 2020 - 09:13 PM.