darci: Thanks, it's nice to hear you found my reply useful.
I probably spend $150 a month on pot, but my math instincts tell me that saving this amount of money isn't going to land me a husband, 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house, luxury car, 2.3 kids, a manicured lawn and a dog to poop on it.
Ten bucks says she took you having a pet rat as a personal insult to her, like you're trying to humiliate her in front of the world that's always watching and judging. Because that's all that matters.
A friend of mine is the true Master of all Crazy Mother Whisperers, but he's especially well-suited for it since he grew up under the tender mothering of a woman so far off the psycho charts that everyone calls her "Angel" but never to her face. I learned much from watching him interact with crazy psycho-abusive mothers (and there are many). He's also capable of listening to them talk about interior design and random neurotic shit for more than a minute without going bonkers, which I can only assume is because he's both gay (which is probably a stereotype but one that sure seems to check out in this case) and he absolutely adores "crazy" wherever he can find it, much like a collector. And damn does he got stories...
Anyway, he can get them to mellow out when they start to get drunk and excitable and even make them ...sufferable for brief stretches (all of them except his own, of course). Mostly he does that by keeping them occupied in one room refilling their wine glass and listening to them going on about how Formica countertops are for barbarians or whatever so everyone else can relax and socialize without drama in another room. I think he should charge an hourly rate as a consultant and if he ever does I'll let you know.
I don't know how my father tolerated her. I once asked him why he married her, and no shit - he was watching a football game at the time (It was the Dallas Cowboys, how do I remember that?) and precisely the moment they cut to the cheerleaders, he replied "for the pom-poms."
Damn, I felt like I could actually hear his tone of resignation when he said that even through the distance of it being a second-hand quote.
The mother I wrote about who was transformed with some acid in the desert was the same deal. She was really, really damned cute as a not-pregnant 19-year old. So was Angel back in the day. So was Bojack Horseman's mom. They all enjoyed luxurious lives in too-big houses with too-much wine and never wanted for anything, ever, but are also apparently utterly miserable at a fundamental level. The similarities among them are so striking that it's safe to say there's definitely some sort of cultural phenomenon going on. I suspect it involves unmet and probably un-meetable expectations, such as eternal youth.
I'm adding the anecdotes and suggesting checking out that clip from Bojack Horseman to help establish that you are definitely not alone when it comes to Crazy Mother Syndrome.
The phenomenon may be a direct result of a failed attempt to dictate cultural norms from the top-down to her and her parents' generations since the "nuclear family" ideal of American culture was a post-WWII creation for propaganda purposes. We can actually blame the evil and infernal Disney Corporation for a good bit of it (emphasis mine):
As Disney fairytales often begin with a princess’ life portrayed as bleak in the context of lacking family structure, the term “a Cinderella story” now derives its meaning from such a narrative (Stone, 1975, p 42). The “Cinderella story” is entrenched in society due to Disney repeated use of it across films. In The Little Mermaid, Snow White, Beauty, and the Beast, and Pocahontas, to name a few, the commonality of a solution to the princess’ nuclear family is held (Bryman, 2011, p 65-66). Without fail, female protagonists find a relationship with a male character by which the entire conflict of the plot is resolved in a “knight in shining armor” and “the prince charming” manner (Bryman, 2011, p 68). Males are consistently the resolution to the princess’ conflict of lacking a family, whereby the heterosexual relationship allows for nuclear families to be created (Bryman, 2011, p 70-72). In turn, the princess is not a well-developed character, as her solutions to her problems are beyond her control, making her a non-dynamic character. Furthermore, this only demonstrates the lack of agency princesses have over their own lives as they are designed to be dependent on someone else to solve their family issues (Bryman, 2011, p76-78).
It's little wonder that women who were raised to be Disney Princesses and men who were raised to be the Knights in Shining Armor who saved them from the ability to save themselves hasn't really worked out so well in the real world. "Traditional family values" are a bullshit 20th Century construct; the concept is little more than a blatant propaganda campaign that pushed the (thermo)nuclear family model, such as by shows like Leave it to Beaver and The Donna Reed Show.
Those shows were intentionally written to reinforce the pre-WWII gender roles of women staying at home to do domestic stuff because after WWII a lot of women had to be convinced to quit working in factories and give their jobs back to the men whose jobs they "really" were because women aren't "really" capable of operating heavy machinery or knowing how to rivet and weld unless the whole world plunges into war, apparently.
It's probably the case that women stuck in such roles at the very least understand their lack of agency at a subconscious level, and that seems likely to inspire a lot of acting out, resentment, passive-aggression, and probably aggressive-aggression too since nobody likes to be stuck in a cage, even a gilded one. Granted, it's a gilded cage whose door has no lock, but she doesn't know that (yet). That's what the psychedelics are for.
I strongly suspect that I just wrote out a bunch of words that stated stuff you already know or at least intuit, which is why you've got those "glasses" stashed for the day you can convince her to put them on.