So, I've smoked DMT quite a bit.
I know what this statement will sound like.... But... I'm gonna say it.
I think I've smoked DMT more times than anyone ever.
Whether or not that's true. My point is I'm beyond experienced. I had a super traumatic trip last year that kinda broke my wings for a while. I didn't trip AT ALL for months. And when I returned, it was with much trepidation. Over time, I've been able to reduce my fear again. I haven't really really smoked since that trip.
Because I hadn't been tripping forreal, I dug deeper into the craft to fill my cup. So, at this time I'm smoking, my spiritual torch is already lit. I had been working with Kali, and had recently learned an Invocation. I got into the position, and recited the mantra to call Kali into my body.
I put on some Yaima. I lay down and let myself dissolve. I'm just mediating at this point, but as soon as I closed my eyes, I wan gone. Instantly. So I'm pretty excited about smoking at this point.
I hit it once. I started to, instead of speeding up how much I smoke, smoking just a little bit first, and once I'm loosened up, taking the breakthrough it's. So hit it a second time and chill on that for a bit.
I'm feeling pretty good and disolvy already, so I decided to take one more gigantic hit, and lay down. I started making my trip, and then the entities came to assist. They showed me quite a bit about trusting and all that kinda stuff. But, I was so powerful in this state. That I knew it was time.
I've always wanted to smoke to Shpongle's Electroplasm. If you don't know this song, please look it up. It's one of my favorite songs, but the horn sounds near the beginning of the song was always scary for me. So I could never bring myself to do DMT to it.
I had also been wanting to envoke Kali on DMT.
I decided to do them both. since the reason for the fear of Electroplasm was that the song would tear me apart.
I was calling Kali TO tear me apart.
So I get ready to smoke again immediately afterwards.
So, I'm smoking to the beginning of the song. Thinking I had enough time before the actual music started. I did smoke this fast. When the song started, I wasn't really feeling it. So I took one more huge toke and laid back.
So. You know how DMT trips usually start like, you're seeing some dirt shit or something?
First of all. What I was seeing was FUCKING ENORMOUS. For scale, I was the size of the entire universe to see this object, and the object was still gigantic to me. It looked like red fur. But also like fire. Hard to describe. Bigger than the universe, and it was zooming out. They look like cells, all placed together like a beehive, this object. Billions of them. Zoomed all the way out, I could see it was something like hell. Tons of evil entities, suffering people. Billions of this object joined together. Just one of this object was bigger than the universe. (I guess as a human, I'd consider this 'thing' a 'place'.) And this thing I was looking at was a BILLION of these.
And that shit was just ripped to shreds instantly like it was nothing.
And there she was.
this whole time, I'm in the bed, dancing involuntarily. I believe this was Kali, as she is seen dancing, and part of the Invocation was calling her to come dance with me.
She looked like a symbol. I was seeing her non humanized version. This was her pure spirit entity. She was a symbol, more gigantic than the aforementioned objects. The symbol looked something like an m or a w. But with more waves. She was made of stone hair. And she did nothing. I could feel all the entities behind me in awe. I could not see them.
She did nothing. Just stood in pure power. Pure terror.
Then she ripped me apart. I was dismembered like how I should have been in the one trip that caused my PTSD. But I took it without fear. I accepted her, and she ravaged me like a predator. Every piece of me shredded. She stuffed my ego into strange objects, through me around to test my ability to take the terror. I opened my eyes briefly, and the world was so distorted I couldn't even begin to describe. But one thing stood out, I had a jar candle burning, and it was bouncing around like a slinky.
I called my wife in the room just to be sure I was alive. Once my ego came back to by body, this particular oev didn't change.
I wasn't afraid, but I was still sure I was permenantly insane. I just wasn't afraid of it anymore.