I had a mild dose in college with friends and pizza. We just giggled a lot and then it was over.
Years later, I had another dose... only it was an accidental 5-10+ grams (no way to be certain other than how strong the effects were) If I had to pin it down with my best guess I'd say it was about 8-9 grams and I weighed about 105 (47 kilos) at the time.
I'll refrain from a complete description (impossible anyway) for the sake of brevity:
- Felt energy moving through me. Could hear it. Could see it.
- Felt my body stretch out into the infinite.
- 3-dimensional moving art played out in my mind. The most beautiful, unimaginable things. Artistic canons from the most brilliantly creative geniuses across the galaxy were visible to me. Alien art. Music. Light. Thought.
- Began uncontrollable laughter. Saw mental jokes played by a cosmic telepathic jester/magician play out in my mind. Laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. Then it was gone.
- Entered hellish thoughts. War. Death. Torture. Pain. Horrific imagery. Twisted, indescribable forms. Unendurable suffering. Wanted to die. Felt like I did, a hundred times. Felt death from the victim's perspective. Effects of despotism, mass-murder, war. Tasted the ugliness of lies and selfishness wrapped a thousand times around a suffocated soul.
- Lost total grasp on reality. No sensory input locally could ground me. Totally gone.
- Full synesthesia
- Slammed against a mental wall until I could take no more. Utterly shattered. Broken. Disassembled, disintegrated, total oblivion.
- Utter and complete spiritual exhaustion. Giving up. Total surrender. Nothing meant anything. Even the awareness of the absence of thought didn't exist. The images that flickered on the TV screen of the mind - of life and death - the mind's eye itself moved irrelevantly into the infinite distance.
- Awareness became completely silent. Felt outside of time, beyond eternity, a place of pure emptiness... Not even the self existed, not even the observer, not even me.
- Then explosions of thought. Reaching out. Feeling a tsunami of information rushing back in.
- "Touched" "Everything"
- Saw through the "eyes" of all life
- Beheld the progress and dynamics of birth, death, recycling, evolution, and the purposes and consequences behind it.
- Broke through the barriers to new dimensions. Crashed through gateways of vibration, membranes, folded dimensions, alternate realities, wormholes...
- Entity contact: Swimming beings in multiple oceans of vibration/existence. Souls of wanderers. Other travelers, spiritual masters. Mantis/insect aliens. "Self-transforming machine-elves." A Phoenix-like entity, feathers glowing with the emblazoned insignia of the archangels. Awe. Awe. A thousand monks harmonizing Telepathic condemnation for my sins. The hand reaching out for me, like a life preserver amid the galactic ocean, a starry twinkling womb of universality that cradled me in crystalline, silent night. Traveled into a light tunnel into a thread of the mind of god. Confronted the absolute Truth blazing with the fires and light of heaven, brighter than the core of the sun, yet only burned with the purest, most empathic love imaginable.
- Lived lifetimes in other bodies/dimensions/realities. Had children, spouse. Experienced life from the other gender. Seemed so real, so eternal, so forever, so immutable, so impossible, but somehow real. Lost my loved ones as that dimension became unreachable, and the door closed behind me as I was thrust out.
- Cried. Wept. Sobbed so deeply it was as if a thousand years of pressure behind the dam broke through in a Niagara of tears. Vomited repeatedly as if the negative emotions were in my stomach. Pissed myself on the floor, curled up in a ball. Rocked myself for hours, shuddering and crying. Crying. Crying...
- The intensity began to subside. Fell softly, layer by layer through the membranous dimensions like a feather crashing into lower and lower awareness. For hours I fell, until cradled like a baby being placed into a blanket. Waves of revelation ebbed over me as reminders,
- The "real world" came back in. I started to grasp onto it, while the grip of the "other world" let go.
- Cried some more. Thought of everyone and everything I cared about. Realized what was important. Made commitments, promises to myself and god. Resolved to set things straight, appreciate the good things, live in the moment, and to never forget.
"Depression" hasn't been "cured," per se. It's more of a realization of what's really happening with all of us, and why, and what we must do. The pain hasn't left because I still suffer when I see suffering, but now I know that I'm not exiled from creation like I thought I was. I thought my depression was from feeling lonely, now it's from seeing others feel lonely, lied to, wronged. That they do it to themselves, that they do it to each other.
Edited by darci, 10 January 2021 - 03:51 PM.