I have to remember to listen to that little voice in my head that says "Might not be a good idea".
Newbie lesson learned. Don't trip when your mentally stressed to the limit and physically exhausted. Back story on my stress to help put this into context. It's mainly financial. I've been laid off since this stupid pandemic started. I took what they call a "soft layoff" taking whatever bit of work gets thrown my way. Basically just enough to keep the bills paid. I could have stayed off work(hard layoff) and collected the full amount of unemployment but my pride said "No, any money you make will be earned and not a handout"......stupid fucking pride. I truly believe that I did the right thing. Even tried a new job that brought me to a realization that I am not 25 anymore. Needless to say that job didn't work out so I left and that killed my chance to keep my unemployment. Unfortunately the money ran out a couple weeks ago. I just got recalled back to work and put in a 60 hour week. My daughter has some mental issues that keep me at a constant worry. New house plus maintaining my old mobile home that my kids "rent" (they pay the lot rent and the utilities, I don't make any extra money nor do I want to) I refuse to ask for help and think I can do everything myself.
Last night I took just under 2.5g of some TYC that I have been growing over the last few weeks. Thought it would be a fun way to unwind after a 60 hour work week. I was WRONG, so very wrong. Apparently these little guys were extremely potent. About thirty minutes into I was feeling great and about forty-five minutes I wanted to die. Any negative thought in my head hit me like a freight train. I was scared to the point of tears, had a few full blown hyper-ventilating panic attacks. Just wanted to fall asleep and hope this passed as quickly as possible. I went up stairs turned on Pandora's 90's alternative rock station. That seemed to help until they started playing Nirvana then the thought of his suicide popped in to my brain and that sent me spiraling even further down. Then Soundgarden and Stone Temple Pilots started playing(you see where this is going). I knew that this was all induced and that it would eventually pass. My wife was a rock for me. We had some very deep meaningful conversation. She knew and understood I was in a bad way and laid upstairs with me and hung out and just kept me as calm as she could. Every time she left the room I started freaking the hell out again even though I knew she was going to be right back. About four hours the deep horrible thoughts and feeling started subsiding. I did have an awesome moment of pure joy when the song "Wonderwall" by Oasis came on. I am thankful after 24 years of marriage my wife is still my best friend.
Anyway, lesson learned. It's gonna be a while before I trip again. Next time, if there is a next time, I will be sure to listen to the voice in my head and make damn sure that I am in a much better mental state. This may have been a good thing this happened but I sure don't ever want to experience that again. I was really hoping for the trip I had back in July with a 5g dose.