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Listen to that voice in your head Scary AF trip report.


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#1 planetcaravan03

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Posted 10 October 2020 - 05:43 PM

 I have to remember to listen to that little voice in my head that says "Might not be a good idea".

 

 Newbie lesson learned. Don't trip when your mentally stressed to the limit and physically exhausted. Back story on my stress to help put this into context. It's mainly financial.  I've been laid off since this stupid pandemic started. I took what they call a "soft layoff" taking whatever bit of work gets thrown my way. Basically just enough to keep the bills paid. I could have stayed off work(hard layoff) and collected the full amount of unemployment but my pride said "No, any money you make will be earned and not a handout"......stupid fucking pride. I truly believe that I did the right thing. Even tried a new job that brought me to a realization that I am not 25 anymore. Needless to say that job didn't work out so I left and that killed my chance to keep my unemployment.  Unfortunately the money ran out a couple weeks ago. I just got recalled back to work and put in a 60 hour week. My daughter has some mental issues that keep me at a constant worry. New house plus maintaining my old mobile home that my kids "rent" (they pay the lot rent and the utilities, I don't make any extra money nor do I want to) I refuse to ask for help and think I can do everything myself. 

 

Last night I took just under 2.5g of some TYC that I have been growing over the last few weeks. Thought it would be a fun way to unwind after a 60 hour work week. I was WRONG, so very wrong.  Apparently these little guys were extremely potent. About thirty minutes into I was feeling great and about forty-five minutes I wanted to die. Any negative thought in my head hit me like a freight train. I was scared to the point of tears, had a few full blown hyper-ventilating panic attacks. Just wanted to fall asleep and hope this passed as quickly as possible. I went up stairs turned on Pandora's 90's alternative rock station. That seemed to help until they started playing Nirvana then the thought of his suicide popped in to my brain and that sent me spiraling even further down.  Then Soundgarden and Stone Temple Pilots started playing(you see where this is going). I knew that this was all induced and that it would eventually pass. My wife was a rock for me. We had some very deep meaningful conversation. She knew and understood I was in a bad way and laid upstairs with me and hung out and just kept me as calm as she could. Every time she left the room I started freaking the hell out again even though I knew she was going to be right back. About four hours the deep horrible thoughts and feeling started subsiding. I did have an awesome moment of pure joy when the song "Wonderwall" by Oasis came on. I am thankful after 24 years of marriage my wife is still my best friend. 

 

 Anyway, lesson learned. It's gonna be a while before I trip again. Next time, if there is a next time, I will be sure to listen to the voice in my head and make damn sure that I am in a much better mental state. This may have been a good thing this happened but I sure don't ever want to experience that again. I was really hoping for the trip I had back in July with a 5g dose. 


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#2 Boebs

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Posted 10 October 2020 - 06:31 PM

Always listen to that little voice..

My last trip went horrible too..
I did not want to dose.
A friend a my brother inlaw convinced me to anyway..
I was fine.. but they both lost their shit..
Horrible experience having to baby sit them both..
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#3 TVCasualty

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Posted 11 October 2020 - 02:56 PM

The reports I've been reading lately have me wondering if anyone is having relaxed, fun, upbeat/happy trips these days?

 

Is it a coincidence, or is there a "disturbance in the Force" kind of thing going on and these kinds of trips are warnings? My last two DMT trips were so harrowing that I suspect they gave me a mild case of PTSD. I gave away the rest of my DMT afterward so as to not be tempted to try it again for a while.

 

For next time, if I were you I'd either drop the dosage to ~1.5g or boost it to 5+g. Sounds like you got stuck in what I call the no-man's-land of midrange doses, which is where most of the trouble seems to be found. It's the level that's high enough to freak out the ego but not high enough to kick its ass to the curb for a few hours, resulting in a conflict that only ends when we come back down.

 

You also discovered one of the reasons why any music I play during a trip is almost always lacking in any vocals (the other being that words tend to be anchoring in time while music lacking any vocals can feel timeless).


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#4 Boebs

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Posted 11 October 2020 - 05:11 PM

I love emancipator while i am tripping
El ten eleven is another great one.
They are peaceful yet super lucid enhancing to my mind space.
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#5 xlcor

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Posted 11 October 2020 - 06:08 PM

You also discovered one of the reasons why any music I play during a trip is almost always lacking in any vocals (the other being that words tend to be anchoring in time while music lacking any vocals can feel timeless).

 

I do not recommend Death Grips' mixtape "Exmilitary" and especially not the first track, "Beware," for anything but the come-up to a trip. It's my post-dose, come-up-jogging music. I don't recommend it during the trip proper.


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#6 EYMAIOS

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Posted 26 February 2021 - 03:50 AM

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My Brother PlanetCaravan03,
A rule of thumb is never to trip at crisis times seeking relaxation or recreation.

Tripping is to serve a deeper purpose! 

Might be totally different if  you had a deep Quest for consultation from within.
Then you would have an Ally offering guidance, instead of a troubled mind immersed in destruction recycling all the pending problems.
Music is not recommended at all, only a dark silent room to allow you listen to the Voice in serenity.

Anyway, lesson learned is not in vain.
A good Idea, a very wise Idea at crisis periods is microdosing 0,1gr dry every fourth day.

You may discover a bright way out of misery as you strengthen your inner composure.

Remember that when you face a Wall you do not try to penetrate it with your weak body.
All walls have an end, left, or right.

Just walk and the wall ends...
 


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#7 Sidestreet

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Posted 26 February 2021 - 05:52 AM

Always listen to that little voice..

+1


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#8 planetcaravan03

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Posted 10 April 2021 - 12:44 AM

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My Brother PlanetCaravan03,
A rule of thumb is never to trip at crisis times seeking relaxation or recreation.

Tripping is to serve a deeper purpose! 

Might be totally different if  you had a deep Quest for consultation from within.
Then you would have an Ally offering guidance, instead of a troubled mind immersed in destruction recycling all the pending problems.
Music is not recommended at all, only a dark silent room to allow you listen to the Voice in serenity.

Anyway, lesson learned is not in vain.
A good Idea, a very wise Idea at crisis periods is microdosing 0,1gr dry every fourth day.

You may discover a bright way out of misery as you strengthen your inner composure.

Remember that when you face a Wall you do not try to penetrate it with your weak body.
All walls have an end, left, or right.

Just walk and the wall ends...
 

 

Even though it was a crappy trip, not all was lost and there was some positive outcome. The mushrooms still schooled me and it was still educational.


Edited by planetcaravan03, 10 April 2021 - 12:45 AM.

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#9 Coopdog

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Posted 10 April 2021 - 03:45 AM

TVCasualty I think hit it right on the head. Most times I have ever done mid range doses it comes with a HUGE dose of beating myself up, and reliving every negative interaction that my subconscious can dredge up. Did about 5-6 grams recently in the morning when the house was quiet. That was an odd one but jumped right into high gear, closing my eyes and felt like there were scarabs patiently fixing me. I truly needed that, and am still floating from it. Me needs more of that in my life, but they can go either way with me as well. That being said, some of the most therapeutic trips I have ever had were the ones that had me in tears knowing what I need to fix. I truly believe mushrooms are teachers, and they help mold you into something a little better than before. Mushrooms nor DMT have ever really been something I played with. Most times I ever did, I did not enjoy myself. They are better taken with intent. 

 

I kind of disagree that they should only be used when times are good. For me they are a good way to ease the pain this world puts on you. A good dose with the intent to get better has never been a bad thing for me, even if I did shed a few tears. It felt good after. They let you face the hurt in technicolor, and usually after, the pain seems much easier to bear. 


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#10 Coopdog

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Posted 10 April 2021 - 01:41 PM

I also tend to trip when I lose someone. I find it really helps me truly to process my feelings and just get it out. Those have also been some of the best healing I have gotten from these substances. 


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#11 Guy1298

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Posted 10 April 2021 - 10:45 PM

I think I know where you're experience is coming from. Mushrooms are tough in my experience. I'm always prepared to see myself in the worst possible way, if they decide to show it to me. I'm always prepared to play that game, seriously and not, gotta be flexible. Not too tense, not too loose, able to move with the currents. If I need to pray to God and chant meditatively to keep it together I will. But, I think going that route too many times takes the edge off going that route again. Eventually, one's presented with a figurative (or semi-real) hell and the inner response is a doubtful, unconcerned, but respectful, "Is that so?"

 

I'm also incredibly grateful for those moments when I feel deformed and wrong, afraid, and possibly even suicidal. They're sources of growth I couldn't hope for from most of my daily life. 


Edited by Guy1298, 10 April 2021 - 10:49 PM.

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#12 Coopdog

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Posted 11 April 2021 - 01:10 PM

Guy1298 Much respect for the way you have sorted all of that out over the years. The growth I have seen in you is awesome to see. Respect for all the work you have put in and the progress you have made over the last few years. I agree with your post 100%. 


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#13 rockyfungus

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Posted 11 April 2021 - 01:25 PM

 If I need to pray to God and chant meditatively to keep it together I will. But, I think going that route too many times takes the edge off going that route again.

 

I'm also incredibly grateful for those moments when I feel deformed and wrong, afraid, and possibly even suicidal. They're sources of growth I couldn't hope for from most of my daily life. 

You ever feel once the "Lesson" clicks then you are put back together again. That has been my experience. In my youth I prayed to god, or did some type of mantra. Instead just not fighting and accepting the flaws, or it was myself that was wrong has been huge. 

Still some lessons I can't quite get and it still troubles me I'm assuming, but I know when I'm ready it's time to push the limits and see what growth occurs. 


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#14 PJammer24

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Posted 12 April 2021 - 08:58 AM

I have had some awesome trips on L... I have not been eating mushrooms for some time now.

 

I had a REALLY weird K trip a couple weeks ago... It was frickin nuts!! I thought my friend Pokes was a succubus and that I had only now become aware of it... I was pretty sure she was sucking something out of me or getting ready to sacrifice me!! She was trying to calm me down and was trying to talk me through it but I thought it was all part of the deception!

 

I think it was as hard on her as it was on me... She asked if I wanted her to leave... I told her no because I knew it was due to the drugs but at the same time, it seemed so frickin real!!

 

I thought the essential oils she was wearing were some type of potion used to subdue me!!

 

Crazy!


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#15 FLASHINGROOSTER

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Posted 12 April 2021 - 02:26 PM

I also tend to trip when I lose someone. I find it really helps me truly to process my feelings and just get it out. Those have also been some of the best healing I have gotten from these substances. 

 

It took me nearly ten years but it finally happened one night, totally random night just trying to have some fun. Was on M and L, and yeah I would describe it as an irreplaceable healing experience. It allowed me to let go of some things I didn't realize I was holding onto


Edited by FLASHINGROOSTER, 12 April 2021 - 02:29 PM.





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