I took a dry half-pound of Albino Penis Envy mushrooms. This is the highest dose I've ever attempted. For the past three Saturdays, I've taken about 10 wet grams, blended into a banana smoothie. This past Saturday, I blended my dry half-pound into milk-and-condensed-milk smoothie that I mixed with Coca-Cola. This is highly unadvised, it tastes awful. I downed an entire quart of this truly vile muck in five minutes.
There were a lot of red flags that I chose to ignore. I also ignored all of my personal rituals and rules of tripping. I woke up about six hours later with multiple scrapes, cuts, and bruises. I was marathon sore. My room was in shambles. In my maddened state, I destroyed most of my computing equipment and wrecked all of my mushrooming equipment. I'm out about 12 quarts of inoculated WBS, 16 PF cake jars, and two fruiting chambers.
I don't remember much of what I did, or how I felt. I had fun, though. I was angry, and smashing shit was fun. It's normally very hard for me to feel anything at all. I didn't know I was capable of such rage. It was incredibly humbling, and very beautiful.
What few memories I can recall were of merriment and wonder. I remember the come-down and the afterglow. The come-down was existentially horrifying for an hour or so, until I had a nap. I felt much better after that.
I don't think I was in any danger. I feel that I learned about myself. The most important thing I learned is that I'm not ready for such high doses yet. I need to greatly improve myself first. I'm going to take a hiatus from psychedelics to make peace. It feels like it might be months before I'm ready to approach my friend again, but that's okay. I'm not going to push myself.
I look forward to good conversations with the mushroom again, when I have good things to talk about.