It was a good race, fellow Americans, with one of the highest turn-outs in the history of our great nation. Those of you who voted, I truly condemn you; and to the victors, I can only say: oof. ouch. owie. oh hun, you must be so embarrassed.
Nobody can blame me for how this race turns out, I've been advocating cryptocracy for years now. Yes, the person with the biggest BitCoin wallet should run the show (*cough* John McAfee *cough*). I voted Yeezy, anyway. I was really hoping for a sequel to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, dropped from the White House, featuring Secretary of the Treasury Kim West, Secretary of Urban Development Nicki Minaj, and- of course- Surgeon General Dr. Dre, with features by BoJo, Lil Trudeau, and Tha Immaculate Merkel.
I'm not going to be happy until POTUS releases all UFO material (including which planet Elon Musk is from), until POTUS legalizes shrooms, and until POTUS personally invites me for a beer.