84 replies to this topic

[Guy1298]

Well, I've got my Ayahuasca brew. I'll be testing it out this weekend, if all goes to plan. :)

 

May I find the healing I need! 

[Guy1298]

Took it for a test run last night. Just a little bit to get a sense of the potency of the brew.

 

I'll drink more next time. It eased my feelings of anxiousness, regret, and shame. I only took enough to get mild transient visuals and enough to make my dreams extremely vivid. No purge. 

 

Ayahuasca is my kind of medicine. I'm going to stick with this for awhile. 

Edited by Guy1298, 15 January 2022 - 11:00 AM.

[Guy1298]

So, the effects of ayahuasca have been exactly what I needed. I feel like this entire week was transformed and healed and taken care of by ayahuasca. 

 

I am noticing subtle feelings of things returning to normal again this Friday. This is the first day that I felt slightly afraid of losing what had come upon me this week. So... yep. I'll be doing aya on a regular basis from here on out. There is not one other thing that I've come across that has had such a significant positive effect on my self, my life, and my experience of the world. I know this from only this week, but I'm also remembering what effect my first aya ceremonies had on me. 

Ayahuasca is my path to real mental and spiritual health. 

 

Of course, I could be getting ahead of myself. :). But, that's the gist of it. I'm going to begin engaging in mini-personal ceremonies weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly to see where it takes me.

Edited by Guy1298, 21 January 2022 - 11:11 PM.

[bezevo]

i just read this book .

The Ayahuasca Test Pilots Handbook

The Essential Guide to Ayahuasca Journeying

Author: 

Chris Kilham

lots  good  info  about  the sean in peru , but if your drinking THE MEDICIN  at home lots great info in last few chapters how to nnavigate the journy how to interact with   spirts and gain the healing you seek  .good advice .

 

https://cdn.shopify....pg?v=1631715528

[Guy1298]

Thanks, I'll take look at that book sometime

[bezevo]

i bought a slightly used copy with free shipping from Amazon . there is a large print fersion but of course it coasts more

[Guy1298]

Latest thing I started doing is micro-dosing Ayahuasca. I take 1ml on the same schedule I would a mushroom microdose. I'll let you guys know how it goes. Only done it a few times now. 

 

1ml of course doesn't tell you anything, but it feels like a microdose with the brew I'm using. 

Edited by Guy1298, 03 August 2022 - 09:06 PM.

[Guy1298]

I think it's coming time to head out to my usual hiking spot and have a fine mushroom trip again. I haven't tripped at the same spot since I slipped and cut my toe open. But, I think I'll head out there again. It's been quite awhile and the mushroom trips I had indoors were ugly experiences (very very dark, or utterly confusing and nihilistic). 

[Guy1298]

Overall, the Ayahuasca microdose is good. It's hard to put down how it's different from the mushroom microdose. I feel less high. But the subtle influences are there, I feel more connected and find myself positively different socially. But, generally speaking, I'm not doing very well this last week or two. That will change. 

 

I think I'll plan to take a low mushroom dose this next weekend. At the usual hiking spot. It'll be interesting to revisit the area where I slipped and cut my toe. Thinking back, so wild. The toe was cut open down to the bone, but I mostly didn't feel any pain. It was the peak, so I knew I had to come down before I called the ambulance. I knew that'd be a couple hours at least. Knowing that made it so that my toe was mostly painless. And there I was feeling like I was being punished by the gods. Haha. 

For me, it was a good lesson. The toe is mostly functional today. I got away with a minor scratch for my recklessness (was I really that reckless?). But, it's numb a bit, which reminds me of the event. It was stupid. But, yeah, one day, I'll be riding my bike in the street and a car might crash into me. The body's fragile and shit happens. 

[Guy1298]

Tried 2ml this last Sunday. What a difference. 

 

It's been a tougher last couple days. Went for a walk yesterday and thought a lot about things. For moments, I was at the tip of a high, thinking to myself that my father (in death) must bask in bliss. It was a comforting thought, thinking that he was truly at peace. But, much of the walk was characterized by a physical discomfort mirroring various disappointments I have with the world and yearning for deeper spiritual insight, continually informed by the fact that I have conned myself. 

 

I've got a feeling 2ml is a bit too much for a microdose. I might reserve it for the weekend or try it again up until it feels unmanageable for the day-to-day. Will see. 

Edited by Guy1298, 23 August 2022 - 01:28 PM.

[Guy1298]

Anyway, 2ml is definitely too much for the day-to-day. 

[bezevo]

i need to read back  to see what  YOUR Aya  brew You make Guy1298

 

i was thinking of  using  2 to 5 grams of  MHRB boiling it in a slightly acidic water then adding some Harmela HCL extracted from Syrian rue   i bought from ebay ..or perhaps  convert  some harmela  to THH  ? 

i'm just  speculating in my head  ..right now .

'

Any comments / thoughts / suggestions / advice  from any readers of this thread .

THANKS

 

BEZ

[Guy1298]

I'm not much help here. I decided not to brew it myself (might do it in the future). Basically, just emailed a shaman I drank with in Peru and asked if he could send me some of his brew. 

[Guy1298]

I finally did get out for that mushroom trip, back to where I sliced my toe. 

I'll say this, I am never going to stop using mushrooms again. I benefit so much from using it therapeutically in smallish doses on these little hikes. I was really headed downhill lately, not too bad, but I noticed. This trip set me straight, that much I'm sure of. 

 

But, I'm done using it outside of nature. Its vibes are just dark as hell when I trip in home. Sitting on a slab of rock on a peninsula near a river, the sun beats down, then the wind blows, alternating and guiding me through my introspection, reminding me again of what I've forgotten, clearing up the bullshit. 

Edited by Guy1298, 24 September 2022 - 10:42 PM.

[Guy1298]

Recently did a vipassana retreat (though I decided to do samatha meditation the whole way through). Incredibly powerful experience. Not psychedelic, if there were hallucinations and/or visions they didn't persist very long. Though, the experience could be described almost precisely by 1st Jhana in Buddhist texts. For nine days, I entered and didn't seem to really leave a state of bodily pleasure and mental happiness. The periods where I wasn't mediating were similar, lots of spinning thoughts, but the pleasure and happiness didn't seem to drop off immediately from the apparently Jhanic meditation, it persisted throughout my thinking and doing of things (though to a much lesser extent). 

 

The mental state I find myself in after the ordeal is very very close if not equivalent to the sense of well-being I found post my first Ayahuasca journeys. One difference is that I'm much more down-to-earth. Ayahuasca made me excited as if the world had altered in some magical way, I was excited to see a different world with so many people and opportunities, love and what-not. This is different, I possess the quiet happy mind, but little to none of the excitement. I'm just plainly happy and peaceful, and it seems quite persistent.

 

This experience is leading me to think that I ought to incorporate these practices into my life. Perhaps even engaging in a one-day private meditation retreat weekly. I would do anything to maintain this state of mind. 

Edited by Guy1298, 04 January 2023 - 02:48 PM.

[Guy1298]

Another positive is I find is that I seem to have much more control over myself. As if the attracting impulse has lost its power. But... maybe it's because I'm still high and actually still feeling pleasure. 

 

Odd state of mind, but I think it ought to have been the one we were born with. 

 

Yep... meditation is my jam again. I'm hesitant to consider psychedelics again. It seems that the one who would come to know the greater truths is one that is not. Let him be pacified, made happy, and let him die peacefully without fear.

[Guy1298]

Another way I could describe it is like this. Back when I first tripped before things became really difficult and spiritual, the dose made me plainly happy, but the feelings had an ancient vibe, like the happiness was from the beginning of time. It's as if those feelings from those early trips are here to stay, ever-present if I work to maintain them by deliberately quieting the mind. 

 

We shall see, I guess. It's certainly impermanent and requires maintenance. I'm willing to bet most activities would disrupt it slightly. Without reconnecting with it, it would eventually cease altogether.

Edited by Guy1298, 04 January 2023 - 03:55 PM.

[Severian]

Glad to hear you had the opportunity to try vippassana- even if 'vipassana' wasn't in fact what you were practicing

I'm not familiar with the style of meditation you mention, but have lots of experience with vipassana- including a month I spent in a monastery in south east asia-

It's my thoughts that , the 'container ' of the experience may be more important / have more of an impact than the content. In this case, the 10 days of total focus and zero distractions with the intention to focus on consciousness- (italics) this(/I) is really the main thing-

And it seems like it did you good!

Since getting exposed to Vipassana years ago, I've self led a number of retreats- mostly just me, but also with some friends joining on occasion for Vipassana/silent/week camping trips.

Super powerful

It seems to me the nervous system requires this type of sensory fast every so often

Also, I don't believe it's possible to 'maintain that state of mind' in our culture- literally every part of it is set up to prevent it. So don't be too hard on yourself

Though, in my eyes the 'its not possible in our culture' is not a statement of impossibility, but rather a clear indication of the concrete steps necessary to build a life wherein access to these states of being are easier /easier to maintain.

Energy takes the shape of it's container afterall.

Edited by Severian, 05 January 2023 - 02:02 PM.

[Guy1298]

Yeah, definitely, phasing in and out of a silent happy mind these past few days. So, it would seem that it isn't maintainable (at least with only 2 hours of meditation a day). 

 

I'll see what I can do over the weekend. If I can structure my weekly life such that I re-enter this state of mind, possibly by practicing through weekends that would be good. If I can re-enter it, then I can learn to expedite it's re-entrance. Then, I suppose I'll have a means of being quite happy throughout daily life and a means for spiritual insight (without the issues that come with psychedelic use for me).

 

I suppose it might work out since I have a very minimal social life and no romantic relationships or familial obligations. 

Edited by Guy1298, 06 January 2023 - 09:56 AM.

[Guy1298]

Experiment was a partial success. It took about 4.5 hours of concentration meditation to reach a similar Jhanic meditation state. 

 

One issue is that this won't produce the mind I had right after the retreat, 4.5 hours is way different than 9 days. But, I know just about how long it takes. I can keep doing this every weekend with the aim of lowering the time it takes. 

 

If I can get it below 3 hours, then I could aim to do 3 hours of consecutive sitting a day (that's definitely doable). It'd be even better if I could get it less than 2. We'll see.

 

 

Also, I was definitely sloppy with today's meditation. I read during the breaks and had reason to be somewhat disturbed from the day before. So, decreasing the time it takes should be easy, if I make the practice more precise and less disturbed.

Edited by Guy1298, 08 January 2023 - 06:00 PM.