I am afraid to read it worrying that my subconscious may start manifesting these behaviors while in line thus getting me molested. I usually get a shake down anyways lately because they have been cracking down on sandwiches in my luggage and metallic toenail clippers. Sandwiches and fruit really get them worked up but they have never messed with the drugs yet.
I'll never forget a Customs Agent in Dallas pointing/shaking a large Hungarian salami at my girlfriend as he asked her if she had "anything like this in her luggage" too. They found my hard salami log or chub or whatever they're called, which I didn't think would be a problem (but I didn't declare it, either) since they sit around at room temp for months so there's no way they could be carrying agricultural pests or pathogens or whatever. But it was also lunch time, and it was a quality salami. I guess they weren't interested in the cannabis seeds or block of hash under my belt buckle and they didn't use a dog so I was good to go after losing my salami.
I didn't appreciate the way he was pointing and wagging that thing in her face, but I kept quiet about it since I was rolling dirty. I was really proud of her when she looked him right in the eye and lied about not having anything like that in her bag. At home we later enjoyed some of the massive cured ham she managed to smuggle through, which paired well with the hash as we watched our new seeds sprouting. I guess the Customs guy couldn't imagine that she would have the nerve to lie to him, lol.
And one thing I learned the awkward way is that fudge has the same density as plastic explosive and so shows up on the X-ray as such. That's not normally a problem unless like me you infused your fudge with lots of hash before heading to the airport. I learned this while the TSA agent was still holding the jar full of hash fudge that she'd pulled out of my carry-on because it looked like C-4 on the x-ray (she told me this directly). So I basically disguised my hash as a high explosive to get it on a plane, and I got it on a plane. So the TSA is not even security theater. It's just people standing around waiting for someone random to harass, apparently.
Another random tip I just thought of is to avoid wearing pants or shorts with lots of pockets. The porn-scanner seems to project false positives onto baggy pockets so you'll get patted-down by hand (I saw a different pocket shaded red on the scan monitor each time I went through one while wearing those pants, and there was nothing at all in any pocket). Conversely, wearing baggy pants with lots of big pockets might be a good diversion from what's in your carry-on so they focus on fondling your junk instead of searching the bag.
Oh, and I haven't flown internationally in a long time, but if they still give out Customs Declaration forms before you land, always get two.
Get one from a flight attendant, then ask a different flight attendant for another one saying you were in the bathroom when they were passed out. Fill both out, keep them in separate pockets. If at any point before clearing Customs an Agent asks to see your form, give them one. If they write anything on it then put it back in your pocket. Then get the unmarked form from your other pocket to present to the next Agent.
The cryptic note that might get written on your form just tells the next Agent to send you to the room with the big steel tables where you'll be asked to unpack all your shit so they can touch it all while looking at your reactions to what they touch. So if there's anything sketchy in your luggage, take care to not react to anyone touching whatever object it's hidden in.
TSA.pdf 5.68MB
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