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My first trip - 3.3g Golden Teacher (just sharing the nice parts)


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#21 livefrom215

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Posted 08 June 2021 - 06:59 AM

Much love KidBuu!! Thank you for sharing that with us and let me second that your most def not the first to have those thoughts!! The loop your speaking of is the same loop I was stuck in the other night while laying in bed just repeating the same thing in my head "I cant wait for this to be over, your ok, it will be over soon!!! I must have told myself that what felt like a million times!! Its hard at times to piece together what happened or what the trip was trying to tell you, this is also another reason I think its good to make these trip reports and share with a community like this, no judgement just support. If there is a next time your going to trip I hope that its better for you and you can bring what you learned from your first experience into any future experiences. Again thank you!!!


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#22 TVCasualty

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Posted 08 June 2021 - 10:39 AM

Well I guess you're all right, plus I don't think anybody looking for first trip reports will go this far into this topic. I'll explain, but I warn you, it doesn't make much sense.

 

Here's what happened:

So basically the good part lasted for about 2 hours, a bit less maybe. I got up to a point where I was not in control anymore. Everything I was doing was automatic, and I don't know exactly what triggered the hell I experienced, but I suppose that was part of it.

I don't remember the order of events, but I think I first got paranoid thinking I just ruined my life using the phone or by doing illegal drugs at 2 am, I checked if the police was out there.

I started having weird thoughts, something like we should end with humans or life itself (for no reason that I can remember). For some reason I started to think that suicide was the only way to save whatever (nature, reality, idk). I got real scared. Like I was convinced that I had to kill myself. Then I thought I didn't care if I died, not caring what my family or friends would think since I'd be gone.

I wanted to go to bed and end this trip (not my life) but it was really hard because I couldn't get my mind together on what steps I should follow, which didn't help at all. I stopped the music, turned off the computer and the lights.

Then for some reason I thought my time to die had come. I was TRULY TRULY convinced that I was going to die. I laid on my bed, my heart was beating hard, I was totally prepared and convinced I was gonna die. Then I thought it was just the mushrooms and that it was impossible to die that way, and when the effect goes away I'm gonna be alright, so I got up. But then the thoughts came back again, this time thinking I should kill myself, and the loop started. For 2 hours and a half I couldn't stop the loop of "I should commit suicide-It's just the shrooms-I should help save nature-I should commit suicide...." and so on.

All that time I was in my bed trying to sleep, which was impossible. Not only my mind was hell due to the unstoppable loop, my body was still reacting automatically, like my eyes were rolling or my fingers flexing, which led me to think that I had completely fucked up my brain, and that I had become mentally ill forever.

 

Seriously this was shit, and as you may also notice, it doesn't make sense.

One thing I remember is that at some point I felt like I should get rid of some stuff that didn't feel part of me. These were my ear piercings (which I've gotten made 3 months ago) and something I had on my drawer that I'm too embarrassed to say what it is (it's not a gun or anything bad). I didn't remove my piercings but I did move the other thing next to the trash.

 

By the way I must clarify, there were two times in my life where I had suicidal thoughts (but never wanted to actually do it, I just thought it would be relieving to die and that I couldn't care less if I died). One of them was a good portion of highschool, and the other time was last year for a short period of time which I totally overcame.

 

I've died a few times. Sometimes it was sublime, sometimes it was harrowing.

 

There have been very disturbing moments of thinking I needed to do something drastic and regrettable to make it stop, but recognized those thoughts as not my own which allowed me to banish them.

 

I've had a lot of things happen during trips that did not seem to be from my own mind or imagination at all. It was like what I was seeing in my mind suddenly began to act on its own and I was just a spectator being taken along for a ride. In one case a "person" came into my room and showed/explained some things to me that I've thought about every day since (that night was 30 years ago). So it seems plausible that if "someone" (or whatever) can show up in our visions to show us some truth with the intent to help us then someone/something else could also show up to lie to us with the intent to harm us. I don't think that anything we envision while we're on mushrooms can harm us directly. The risk is if we listen to and act out the dark thoughts.

 

Those kinds of trips happen, but with some practice you can learn to break out of negative thought-loops and minimize the fear by consciously reminding yourself that the mushrooms will not harm you and any perceived loss of sanity is temporary. Tripping is something that I believe we can get "good at" with practice, just like any cognitive skill. I figured out how to change the kaleidoscopic fractals of fungi and DMT trips into other stuff by "breathing my intent" into them (don't know how else to describe it). That opens up all sorts of interesting possibilities.

 

Learning how to "steer" a trip to the degree that it's possible doesn't mean you'd be able to avoid all negative experiences (since they are often integral to the therapeutic benefits of tripping) but it does mean you'd be able to navigate through them much more quickly and without getting mired in paralyzing anxiety and fear. It's all part of the fun, and knowing that helps.

 

My first trip was kind of the opposite of yours; I was on the verge of suicide when I ate a whole quarter ounce by myself (I had no clue about dosage, lol) and by the end of that night suicide was no longer an option. I somehow pulled it off with my parents asleep upstairs. At one point my thoughts felt so 'loud' I thought they would wake them up but somehow I didn't.

 

One thing that I strongly suspect helped make that night so productive and life-changing was doing most of it in total darkness and silence. The other was the high dose. Very high (5+g) and relatively low (< 3g) doses are the best IME. Low does don't threaten the ego so don't tend to produce much anxiety. High doses usually obliterate it so there's nothing "there" to freak out. These are just crude generalizations; any dose has the potential to be sublime or hellish since the psilocin is only half of the equation, with the other half being your mind.


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#23 rockyfungus

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Posted 08 June 2021 - 10:57 AM

Never a bad idea to have a benzo on hand incase a trip gets too heavy or dark.

Sounds like you don't need to venture much further past the 3.5g dose. I feel like those naïve to the experience tend to have more profound experiences from low doses. My first 3-4 trips always lead me to a dark place of rumination or being stuck in a loop. Cannabis seems to increase this effect for me. Tobacco used nasally or in another strong strong fashion can really ground one too...But you must be experienced with nicotine before you wanna mess with that (puking and shitting yourself during a trip can be interesting, I'm sure)

Over 20 years of tripping I've lost count of the deaths...I can't say I'm anymore comfortable with pre-trip anxiety or even settling into a high dose sometimes...I fight it still.

 

I will say the hardest trips are always the best trips in retrospect. Nothing wrong with a low dose and some glowsticks and other party type settings...been there a ton. So odd that maybe 3/4 of the group will get some serious reflection or growth in. Then there's a few dudes who are always like give me 3-4x as much as anyone else. They never ever have issues it's just fun! They don't get how anyone sees these chemicals as teachers. Maybe those are the true sociopath/psychopaths and if they turn the lenses in they are going to have a total meltdown?

Biggest thing is to integrate what you learned or the psych gods may smack your ass in ways you never imagined :)


Edited by rockyfungus, 08 June 2021 - 10:59 AM.

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#24 FLASHINGROOSTER

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Posted 08 June 2021 - 02:44 PM

Before hanging out around here I only looked at them as party drugs. Did them numerous times with friends and it was always a pleasant experience that left you wanting to do them again. The one odd strange trip I had in my mom's basement left me a little scared of wanting to do them. Lying in bed wishing it would end, so I took an extended break on them. I then got my hands on some acid years later and it got me back into psychedelics. After that supply ran dry I went in search for mushrooms, eventually leading me to this sweet place. The reality is I have learned more here talking to people than one of those trips could ever teach me

 

I try not to make too many hard rules about tripping but a couple things I try to avoid. It might sound a little silly but one is the bathroom. Something about bathroom, strange things seem to happen in there. Could be the mirror and sink interactions. I don't know, just get in and get out.  :tinfoil: 

 

The other is trying at all cost to avoid the trap of wanting the trip to be over. Nothing worse than flying high as a kite and laying in bed wishing you could fall asleep. It rarely lets you fall asleep when you want to and the harder you try seems to send a guy into a spiral.  A decent way to avoid it is to try to trip earlier in the day, so you are coming down by bed time. Not always convenient but day tripping can have its advantages, the downside being a higher chance of unexpected visitors.

 

 I can get behind the idea that those mid range doses seem to give the most trouble. There is a weird area where you are too high to focus on anything in particular, but not high enough to really enjoy it. Those are the times where one seems to get stuck in those weird loops. Sometimes literally doing laps around your house

 

Like rocky said there are some pharmaceutical cheats around this. I have a crack pot theory. Taking a small dose and then wait for it to kick in. Then do the larger part immediately, it seems to stop the strangeness and provide a more feel good party type experience.  While I would caution it's use due to the addicting nature, MDMA can eradicate the darkness from the trips for obvious reasons. Too much serotonin pumping to have any bad feelings. On higher doses though the mushroom seems to overpower almost any other drug I have taken, so the mixing is better for the lower range doses.

 

 

I figured out how to change the kaleidoscopic fractals of fungi and DMT trips into other stuff by "breathing my intent" into them (don't know how else to describe it). That opens up all sorts of interesting possibilities.

 

This got me thinking about a recent article I was reading about our consciousness and how some theorize that reality is created by our collective conscious. The idea was that reality was a construct that existed due to our interaction or observation of it. Some had to wonder, can we can manipulate said reality on some normally imperceptible level with our thoughts?


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#25 Kidbuu

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Posted 08 June 2021 - 04:23 PM

Much love KidBuu!! Thank you for sharing that with us and let me second that your most def not the first to have those thoughts!! The loop your speaking of is the same loop I was stuck in the other night while laying in bed just repeating the same thing in my head "I cant wait for this to be over, your ok, it will be over soon!!! I must have told myself that what felt like a million times!! Its hard at times to piece together what happened or what the trip was trying to tell you, this is also another reason I think its good to make these trip reports and share with a community like this, no judgement just support. If there is a next time your going to trip I hope that its better for you and you can bring what you learned from your first experience into any future experiences. Again thank you!!!

Thank you for your kind words. That loop you describe is exactly how it was. It felt relieving being able to tell what happened, it's great having a space to talk about this. Thanks for lending an ear.

 

I've died a few times. Sometimes it was sublime, sometimes it was harrowing.

 

There have been very disturbing moments of thinking I needed to do something drastic and regrettable to make it stop, but recognized those thoughts as not my own which allowed me to banish them.

 

I've had a lot of things happen during trips that did not seem to be from my own mind or imagination at all. It was like what I was seeing in my mind suddenly began to act on its own and I was just a spectator being taken along for a ride. In one case a "person" came into my room and showed/explained some things to me that I've thought about every day since (that night was 30 years ago). So it seems plausible that if "someone" (or whatever) can show up in our visions to show us some truth with the intent to help us then someone/something else could also show up to lie to us with the intent to harm us. I don't think that anything we envision while we're on mushrooms can harm us directly. The risk is if we listen to and act out the dark thoughts.

 

Those kinds of trips happen, but with some practice you can learn to break out of negative thought-loops and minimize the fear by consciously reminding yourself that the mushrooms will not harm you and any perceived loss of sanity is temporary. Tripping is something that I believe we can get "good at" with practice, just like any cognitive skill. I figured out how to change the kaleidoscopic fractals of fungi and DMT trips into other stuff by "breathing my intent" into them (don't know how else to describe it). That opens up all sorts of interesting possibilities.

 

Learning how to "steer" a trip to the degree that it's possible doesn't mean you'd be able to avoid all negative experiences (since they are often integral to the therapeutic benefits of tripping) but it does mean you'd be able to navigate through them much more quickly and without getting mired in paralyzing anxiety and fear. It's all part of the fun, and knowing that helps.

 

My first trip was kind of the opposite of yours; I was on the verge of suicide when I ate a whole quarter ounce by myself (I had no clue about dosage, lol) and by the end of that night suicide was no longer an option. I somehow pulled it off with my parents asleep upstairs. At one point my thoughts felt so 'loud' I thought they would wake them up but somehow I didn't.

 

One thing that I strongly suspect helped make that night so productive and life-changing was doing most of it in total darkness and silence. The other was the high dose. Very high (5+g) and relatively low (< 3g) doses are the best IME. Low does don't threaten the ego so don't tend to produce much anxiety. High doses usually obliterate it so there's nothing "there" to freak out. These are just crude generalizations; any dose has the potential to be sublime or hellish since the psilocin is only half of the equation, with the other half being your mind.

 

I read your reply about 3 times. I love how you share wisdom while making the other feel warm and calm.

You make me gain courage to try it again some time. I was thinking I could try a microdose in a few weeks, with ear plugs and in darkness, welcoming any thoughts that may come up and dealing with them in a pacific way. I think it would also be a good idea to define my intentions before doing it, that way I could focus on what I think needs healing, or maybe just let the shrooms take me wherever they want. But I won't be doing any recreational doses until I have solved my problems.

Once again, thank you very very much.

 

Never a bad idea to have a benzo on hand incase a trip gets too heavy or dark.

Sounds like you don't need to venture much further past the 3.5g dose. I feel like those naïve to the experience tend to have more profound experiences from low doses. My first 3-4 trips always lead me to a dark place of rumination or being stuck in a loop. Cannabis seems to increase this effect for me. Tobacco used nasally or in another strong strong fashion can really ground one too...But you must be experienced with nicotine before you wanna mess with that (puking and shitting yourself during a trip can be interesting, I'm sure)

Over 20 years of tripping I've lost count of the deaths...I can't say I'm anymore comfortable with pre-trip anxiety or even settling into a high dose sometimes...I fight it still.

 

I will say the hardest trips are always the best trips in retrospect. Nothing wrong with a low dose and some glowsticks and other party type settings...been there a ton. So odd that maybe 3/4 of the group will get some serious reflection or growth in. Then there's a few dudes who are always like give me 3-4x as much as anyone else. They never ever have issues it's just fun! They don't get how anyone sees these chemicals as teachers. Maybe those are the true sociopath/psychopaths and if they turn the lenses in they are going to have a total meltdown?

Biggest thing is to integrate what you learned or the psych gods may smack your ass in ways you never imagined :)

I'd say cannabis would be the worst drug to do with shrooms, at least for a beginner like me. The paranoia is horrible.

Thanks for sharing your experiences!

 

[...]

 

I try not to make too many hard rules about tripping but a couple things I try to avoid. It might sound a little silly but one is the bathroom. Something about bathroom, strange things seem to happen in there. Could be the mirror and sink interactions. I don't know, just get in and get out.  :tinfoil:

 

The other is trying at all cost to avoid the trap of wanting the trip to be over. Nothing worse than flying high as a kite and laying in bed wishing you could fall asleep. It rarely lets you fall asleep when you want to and the harder you try seems to send a guy into a spiral.  A decent way to avoid it is to try to trip earlier in the day, so you are coming down by bed time. Not always convenient but day tripping can have its advantages, the downside being a higher chance of unexpected visitors.

 

 I can get behind the idea that those mid range doses seem to give the most trouble. There is a weird area where you are too high to focus on anything in particular, but not high enough to really enjoy it. Those are the times where one seems to get stuck in those weird loops. Sometimes literally doing laps around your house

 

Like rocky said there are some pharmaceutical cheats around this. I have a crack pot theory. Taking a small dose and then wait for it to kick in. Then do the larger part immediately, it seems to stop the strangeness and provide a more feel good party type experience.  While I would caution it's use due to the addicting nature, MDMA can eradicate the darkness from the trips for obvious reasons. Too much serotonin pumping to have any bad feelings. On higher doses though the mushroom seems to overpower almost any other drug I have taken, so the mixing is better for the lower range doses.

[...]

Yeah, I'm never going to bed in that state again. I don't know about the bathroom, but I can see how looking at your face while everything is in fractal mode can be scary. It's not like the tiles on my floor that I could see how they changed slowly and progressively. One moment you look normal and the other you're some kind of lsd art. I didn't even try to look myself in the mirror cause I've read someone say a trip got dark after looking at himself in the mirror.

I only went to the bathroom to puke. Amazing how wanting so badly for it to end made me puke.
I've done MDMA twice and I loved it because they seemed pure, I had no amphetamine feeling, but I don't see myself trying it again unless I know the pills are safe.

Thanks for sharing!


Edited by Kidbuu, 08 June 2021 - 04:25 PM.


#26 TVCasualty

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Posted 09 June 2021 - 10:13 AM

Mirrors can be fascinating during a trip (and not in a Narcissistic way, like at all unless you're prone to that, I guess), but they can sometimes fuck with your head pretty hard, too.

 

They can suck your awareness in and be hard to break away from so just use the absolute minimal amount of lighting needed to navigate in the dark and mirrors probably won't be an issue. Or do all your pissing outside. Or turn on the lights and dive in to the mirror and see what happens. There's really no telling how it will go until you look. Two mirrors facing each other is worth exploring at least once, too.

 

 

Sometimes the oddest, seemingly unconnected details seem to have disproportionate effects on our experience. One in particular that's become standard advice to anyone tripping at home is to clean the hell out of your dwelling before you trip. So some of our psychedelic homework is literal. Clean it like you're getting it ready for someone you really want to impress because it will be scrutinized by your harshest critic and that judgmental motherfucker can be pretty intense.


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#27 Kidbuu

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Posted 09 June 2021 - 06:45 PM

I think cleaning is a must, but for a different reason: you never know what you'll end up doing. I spent almost 2 hours on the floor, so I thanked myself for having cleaned  :biggrin:


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