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Rough circumstances thread (Positive input for all)


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#1 Coopdog

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Posted 08 July 2021 - 09:11 PM

I just have to say... life has taken a completely unexpected and rough turn in the last year. My wife has been gone except for a couple months after my surgery taking care of her father, who believe it or not I KNOW needs her more than we all do right now. It just keeps getting deeper. 

 

I am quite frankly struggling with waking up ever single morning, and I am determined to keep on doing so despite IT all. 

 

I know I am not the only one. I would like to offer prayers, positive energy, and even ceremony for anyone who needs it. Deep down in my soul, I know that the only way out is to build up and support others in their time if need. It fortifies you and the recipient of your intent. I want to ask for prayers and positive intent for my brother S, who is a member here. I would like to ask for prayers and intent for my other brother M who is a member here. 

 

This is my small way of paying it forward. This is one of the few places I know where we can truly pay it forward. I wanted to start this thread for anyone who is truly in need. Speak up, and let's start our own prayer and positive intent thread for those who truly need it. I love you all...and I appreciate you all. Let's pay it forward a bit. 


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#2 rockyfungus

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Posted 08 July 2021 - 11:08 PM

Coop! You play an instrument right? I forgot the app but we can lay down individual tracks mix 'em and combine as a social media type of thing. 

 

I've gotten low again I can tell based on my music and sleep. I guess maybe I am bipolar after all. Let's stick this round out and see how we feel brotha

 

I've fallen off the wagon again and I know my wife is getting sick of my shit. She doesn't understand how sad I am that I keep relapsing. I want to moderate, but doesn't seem to be an option. I don't want to blame her, but the other night I couldn't sleep and she brought out the bud she hid.

She doesn't get addiction, of course I smoked it and it was very stimulating and made me super depressed. Minimal sleep for a week, more work then I'm used too. I'm stressed and sleep deprived and bought a sack I'm hiding (FML...pulling the same shit, as always even after a good trip that I didn't even smoke during)

 

Started having wicked jolting nightmares again and I'd love a strong strong indica. 

 

Here's some quotes from a show I recently watched, I'd recommend it if you are looking for a light but deep show. (It's a cartoon but don't let it stop you, Avatar: The Last Air Bender. Uncle Iroh wisdom...Sure they are cliche, but they helped when I heard 'em in the show. 

 

“Many things that seem threatening in the dark become welcoming when we shine light on them"

 

 “Even in the material world, you will find that if you look for the light, you can often find it. But if you look for the dark, that is all you will ever see.” 

 

“At my age, there is really only one big surprise left, and I’d just as soon leave it a mystery.” 

 

“You must look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then will your true self reveal itself"


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#3 Coopdog

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Posted 09 July 2021 - 01:11 AM

I gave up on being on the straight and narrow years ago. The way I see people treating our elders, I sure as hell don't want to be one. Can't get kids these days to empty a litterbox, hate to think of them in charge of my well being. Going for quality over quantity in my life, and intend to ride it hard all the way I guess. Hang in there and there is not a damn thing wrong with smoking a good strong indica brother. That is a mindset more than a sin in my book. 

 

EDIT: I play several stringed instruments. Not sure how all that would work with the music. I ended up a tad bit behind where I used to be playing when I got hurt last year, but I can still play the campfire chords beautifully, and they sound great on my 12 string. Finer stuff is coming back a little at a time, but it's coming. 


Edited by Coopdog, 09 July 2021 - 01:14 AM.

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#4 Myc

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Posted 09 July 2021 - 06:42 AM

Hey Coop. Thanks for the wishes and right back at ya.

I feel the comments on getting old. As I sit here typing at 5 AM because my back got me out of bed - again. I've just been crying all morning and this message really helped me shift gears. Still in pain but I just smoked a bowl so I'll live.

 

Rocky,

You feelings of "addiction" and your wife's views on said "addiction" - were carefully cultivated. The gubbamint sought to demonize a medicinal herb in order to be able to incarcerate certain races and ethnic groups. Several people in power used their influence to spread a campaign of lies and misinformation in order to support the process of demonization.

I used to share your feelings of being "addicted" to smoking pot. Once I started to grow it and got the thrill out of my system.........

It's a phase man. Indulge yourself and get it out of your system. One day, you'll pass on the occasional joint where now you might not consider that an option. I smoke less than I ever have - and give more weed away than I actually smoke. ;)

Gotta do some gardening today - speaking of the herb.


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#5 pharmer

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Posted 09 July 2021 - 07:11 AM

You have my support Coop. Will set aside an hour of meditation time for you this weekend. Going to be in my deer shack anyway, the perfect place for transmitting positive energies.

 

It's hard to remember Life is Good when it ain't. Just keep in mind that this too will pass and the better days will get here in their own good time.

 

Until then, get the good stuff anywhere and anytime you can.

 

This little ditty helps me through the rough patches.

 

[Direct Link]


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#6 rockyfungus

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Posted 09 July 2021 - 07:29 AM

Hey Coop. Thanks for the wishes and right back at ya.

I feel the comments on getting old. As I sit here typing at 5 AM because my back got me out of bed - again. I've just been crying all morning and this message really helped me shift gears. Still in pain but I just smoked a bowl so I'll live.

 

Rocky,

You feelings of "addiction" and your wife's views on said "addiction" - were carefully cultivated. The gubbamint sought to demonize a medicinal herb in order to be able to incarcerate certain races and ethnic groups. Several people in power used their influence to spread a campaign of lies and misinformation in order to support the process of demonization.

I know but how do you convince someone of it, and how do you get regular medicine. Guess I need to bite the bullet and just grow strains I know can work and learn to inspect them trichromes.

Sucks cuz I want to respect it, I enjoy it, she doesn't just enjoy me. I tried to set "hard rules" with her and she broke the big one of allowing me to use it for intense cramps during a trip. I made it through the trip, respecting her wishes, and wanted to smoke to sleep. I made it and still the asshole/contrarian/saboteur/didn't get to channel my trip to fight addiction broke down. 

Crying again too. My brother gets to trip sit me and I think I'm going to eat all my pans when I can spare a moment and a smile or laugh again. 

Coop and whoever else is feeling the summer blues, which is the worse time of year for depression BTW. I think I'm too dependent on the sun. When you wake up and can't sleep move that ass. Dance, yoga, jog, bike, skate, tai chi, swim, w/e, get in motion! 

Well, off to avoid crashing and burning my skateboard, getting my confidence up and trying not to push my speed. Only time i feel zen, runner's high (endocannaboids, dopamine, adrenaline, ASMR??? from wheels on pavement)

[Direct Link]



Just to show what I enjoy, I'm a skier that refuses to pay 979 for a pass. A nice night cruise is relaxing...

 

I'm feeling a free-ride, my balls ain't this big yet. One day :)

[Direct Link]


Edited by rockyfungus, 09 July 2021 - 07:31 AM.

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#7 livefrom215

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Posted 09 July 2021 - 11:30 AM

Sending some love to everyone!!! Addiction is difficult for anyone that has never experienced the weight of it all. I am lucky to have a wife who is in recovery and understands the path I choose earlier in life and one that I still struggle with today. As far as weed goes I don't worry about that when speaking about MY addiction, weed has always kept me on the right path. I tend to think things thru more and shy away from making bad decisions. Now if we are talking about alcohol thats something I have to stay away from it has always given the the "Fuck it" syndrome which always lead to bad decisions.

 

I really wish you both the best... depression can really change the way you view the world and forget all the good you actually have... I try to write down 5-10 things im grateful for every morning and whenever I start to fell like damn this sucks I break out my paper and change my perspective. I also tend to watch videos of my son (he is 5) that always puts me back in the right frame of mind. Thank you Coop for starting this thread and sharing some of your story and Rocky, thank you for your honesty!! Sending a little more love to you both!!! 


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#8 Coopdog

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Posted 09 July 2021 - 03:03 PM

Thanks to you all. I really don't have that much to be down about right now. Money is about as easy as it has ever been in my life, I am not working right now and still doing PT from my surgery to repair my damaged arm. The sun is shining, and life should be good! Just really feeling this distance and time that has come between my and my wife, and I don't like living without her. I didn't plan on this when I sent her home to help her Dad pass, it was supposed to be soon. That was a year ago...I LOVE my father in law, and he has been one heck of a role model for me most of my life in regards to honor and integrity. I would not wish ill on him for anything. I think I just took it hard that she had to turn around and leave a few days after she got here for a 28 day visit, which was also a sore spot in the first place. Life can be tough even when it shouldn't be for sure. All that time comes dear.

 

Loved the videos, when I was younger I loved skateboards and rollerblades. Tried that when I was about 50 for some exercise... that ground was a lot harder than it was when I was a teenager lol. 


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#9 FLASHINGROOSTER

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Posted 09 July 2021 - 03:17 PM

 

I don't want to blame her, but the other night I couldn't sleep and she brought out the bud she hid.

 

That's the little addict inside us. Whenever I go on extended bouts of abstinence sleep is the biggest issue. Or at least the anxiety from the idea of not getting any sleep will easily rationalize a hoot or two to relax. When one is used to mostly passing out like me, naturally falling asleep can be a bit of an uphill climb. I find one thing that keeps me awake is thinking about my life, sorting out what I am going to do tomorrow ect. Thinking about nonsense that has no bearing in my reality seems to ferry me off to the dream world the quickest.

 

I think we are all aware of when we are abusing substances, however that does not mean we cant use them with some restraint. Or at least that is what I tell myself haha. It is a fickle thing for me. On one hand I think my life would be more productive without weed. But honestly am a little scared I will simply replace it with alcohol abuse. The last time I was forced to quit due to work it did not turn out well for me. So here I sit, wondering if my life could have been more without all this constant weed smoking. I don't know. One thing I do know is a stoned me does not appear to mix well with the ladies. It can make me unsure of what to say and become too introverted. Obviously not so great for conversation at that point

 

Read a headline somewhere recently where they said. Having trouble sleeping? try waking up and working out. Sounds like you might be ahead of the game though

 

Sending out positive vibes to you too Coop. As well as mystery men S and M, although I might have a couple suspects haha  :tinfoil:

 

When thoughts of giving up used to creep into my mind I had one constant I could always rely on. The fact that my brother died in his twenties and the drive to live on in his absence, trying not to waste the gift I still have. Has that led me to grandiose things, well no, but it does keep the lights on. Something I have to see through to the end

 

We fall down and rely on each other to help us get back up. I can say interacting with you guys has made my life better so thanks for that ya'll. Hopefully I can pay it forward in some way


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#10 Phineas_Carmichael

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Posted 10 July 2021 - 02:33 AM

I don't often venture out of Botanicals anymore, but the Universe dropped this thread in my lap tonight with a fat-fingered accidental click. I'm here for y'all and I hear you. I owe a huge debt to the people here for helping me through several dark spots over the last decade by providing me with a healing Communitas when I didn't have one in my day-to-day life.

I'm don't know that I believe my *hashtag*thoughtsandprayers will have any tangible effect on your day-to-day lives; I can't imagine that I'm that powerful of a spiritual being. But I want y'all to know that I love you, wish the best for you, and think of you every day.

Keep your sticks on the ice my friends, I'm pulling for you.
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#11 Coopdog

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Posted 10 July 2021 - 02:34 AM

Rooster, man you got it right. Try to get something good out of every day. Recently waking my body up from 9-10 months of inactivity from my injury. It feels really good to be more active. 

 

EDIT: Phinneas, thanks for chiming in. I agree 100%. This community is one of the few that is always there. I love this place. 


Edited by Coopdog, 10 July 2021 - 02:35 AM.

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#12 rockyfungus

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Posted 10 July 2021 - 02:19 PM

A body in motion stays in motion
I'm looking at life in a more physics/energetic sense recently. If anyone wants to spitball let's start a thread... (tripping is breaking the macro down to the micro for me, time dilation, experiencing life through a different filter, wavelength, excitation state, hitting sub particle, been a cell before {cells can't really interact with other cells with their walls to simplify things tremndously})

 

 I don't think anymore the energy/love you make is equal to the love you take. I think it's the only energy & or matter that may not follow our science and laws. Unless it's the <u>same</u> as <u>light</u>. Once we cultivate light and love maybe the aliens will present themselves. They're kind & inter-dimensional beings/entities that we can't open our hearts and minds too (FTL??) Love can be created and it's hard to destroy. It changes with time and I process it differently with time, I'm trying to be more conditional and open with it, you can definitely lose love by not cultivating it

(no clue where I was going here sativa, adderall, finding my lunch 5 hours later, guess I'm gonna taper cuz I be tweaking)

Rambling again, this last trip hasn&rsquo;t let me hit the ground yet&hellip;I guess my ADHD med is way too much from taking a break for a few days.

I'm too open and need to learn to just shut up. It turns people away and it's only taken me 40 years to learn that...

Edited the edit: Holy shit, time to get off my ADHD meds completely,thinking just gonna stick to this sativa...Sorry for the word vomit and formatting

 

[Direct Link]


"There’s a gateway in our mind that leads somewhere out there beyond this plane
Where reptile aliens made of light cut you open and pull out all your pain.
Tell me how you make illegal something that we all make in our brain?
Some say you might go crazy but then again it might make you go sane."

 

Marijuana, LSD, psilocybin, DMT, they all changed the way I see / But love’s the only thing that ever saved my life.


Edited by rockyfungus, 10 July 2021 - 08:12 PM.

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#13 Skywatcher

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Posted 11 July 2021 - 09:06 AM

There never seems to be a shortage of pain, both physical and emotional...

Our state of mind affects those around us as well. Those we care for are sensitive to our emotional state, and we are also affected by their state and condition as well.

I often find I physically feel my partners pain, as acutely as if it were my own.

This is why I am grateful and appreciative of the people and community here. I have no circle around me of people that care about each other, and generate such a safe and positive place as exists here.

 

I find that when I try to generate positivity here, because I do care, it trickles backward lifting me as well. This home away from home is my safety net, and a source of strength at times. It is where I have friends I have never met in person, that I care about more than most around me in RL. This could in part be because I have very few friends left around me there, having gone or departed their separate ways.

 

So I will offer a hug, and generate a positive embrace and some love for all my friends here who have need for any reason.....

I love all you Topiates...


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#14 OldBear

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Posted 11 July 2021 - 11:32 AM

Not up for a long message
but landed here for reason
I feel you close in my heart
& will keep you there
as I commune with the spirits at Bear Swamp today.
Our mycelial web of spirit
Will share our strength in healing
Love you all.
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#15 Coopdog

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Posted 11 July 2021 - 02:55 PM

I sure love you all too. Like Sky says, I don't have a circle anymore. My mentors either moved away or passed away, and as much as I would like to become one for somebody else, nobody in this world seems to give a damn for anything but their phone. It's been quite the mass distraction device, and I truly believe it is the most singular reason for the division and lack of community out there in the world. 

 

I slept in today and woke up feeling a bit more positive today after some not so great dreams. It's a beautiful 70 degree day out there, and I think I am going to go enjoy it somewhere. Big hug for anyone who needs it as well. 


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#16 Arathu

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Posted 11 July 2021 - 05:18 PM

Karma and the laws of the universe provide me with some sense of balance here......when "shit" happens I'm paying my bills so to speak (this is literal in my beliefs) A comfort in my pain and the knowledge of what is happening......

 

ALL will pay the piper, all debts will come due, when we are ready to learn from them and continue on our evolutionary paths.....

 

If I intend negative or selfish things, regardless of if I act "poorly" or not then my results down the line will be in accordance with those intents, the essence of it......the converse also....

 

I really am trying to raise my consciousness to the level of breaking free from these cycles. I'm finding great value in just letting it go, accepting my payments of the debts that I generated for myself......

 

I've reached a place where I can see that "I deserved this or that" in every sense that can be viewed in.....

 

I am becoming deeply grateful for all that has/is/will happen(ed)......there is NO VALUE, no raising, no true gain, in the selfishness and hoarding of anything......we have so much to learn......

 

It is not surprising to me that so many of us here are in similar circumstances, seeking camaraderie on similar paths......if for nothing more than a sympathetic ear and echoing board......

 

Good vibes to you all brothers and sisters......I wish you the shortest path possible to completion and "graduation".......may you learn from each experience and grow....

 

:meditate:

 


Edited by Arathu, 11 July 2021 - 05:19 PM.

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#17 ElPirana

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Posted 11 July 2021 - 05:48 PM

There never seems to be a shortage of pain, both physical and emotional...
Our state of mind affects those around us as well. Those we care for are sensitive to our emotional state, and we are also affected by their state and condition as well.
I often find I physically feel my partners pain, as acutely as if it were my own.

Just last night I finally recognized something similar. For months I’ve been feeling a bit down, sort of like a steady mild depression. I could never place the cause of it. I kept thinking it was something in me that was causing the feelings. My wife has been very depressed for quite some time since her dad passed away and last night it finally clicked that I was literally feeling her sadness all this time. She’s been suffering so much, it doesn’t seem like anything I do or say is helpful. I wish there was some way I could give her some peace, everyone deserves to get some relief from so much suffering.

My heart is with all of you!
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#18 Coopdog

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Posted 11 July 2021 - 10:47 PM

Arathu, El Piranha, being an empath is a rough thing, until your learn to separate it from you (and even then) it is a tough path, and not something you can

really help. Arathu I feel you on the paying Karma for the shit that just seems to happen. I reckon I might still owe a bit. I have been and will always be an empath. I feel it all, and I care. I and we need to start caring. If something seems off, talk about it. People need this right now, and if you have that share it please. 

 

 

Let's get through that...


Edited by Coopdog, 11 July 2021 - 10:54 PM.

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#19 Coopdog

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Posted 23 July 2021 - 12:12 AM

Had a beautiful day of Lead therapy up in the mountains today. Got to shoot my BFR 30-30 revolver today, that was a blast... literally. A day out doing something fun was very much needed and appreciated. So glad my buddy got me out and went shooting with me. Good for the soul!


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#20 FLASHINGROOSTER

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Posted 23 July 2021 - 04:14 PM

Somewhere along the lines It became difficult for me to shoot animals. Used to be a terror as a kid, doing cruel things to gophers I am now ashamed of. We used to think it was a blast...

 

Hell I don't even squish bugs anymore unless they have potential to bite me, like horse flies or hornets. I even respect and rescue spiders if can; helped a little leaf cutter bee get back out of my truck the other day. It just feels wrong to end life unnecessarily now, even those seemingly mindless insects. I think to myself, what if I was that bee, I sure would not appreciate getting smashed because I entered your personal space. Some people might think it a bit ridiculous to slow down to avoid a bird when driving but that's where I am now. I am a tiny bit worried my behavior is going to get me in an accident one of these days

 

People can hunt that doesn't bother me none, I mean I still eat factory farmed meat. These days though all I really enjoy shooting is targets. Can have a blast blowing up two liters and if you really lucky, shoot up a car with a semi auto 7.62 ak variant. Talk of the 30/30 has me thinking about my own pea shooters


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