You're not alone in feeling - down. Many of us have reached a breaking point.
Therapy seems the most productive option. It sure beats sitting around feeling sorry for one's self.
I know from experience that one gets as much benefit from therapy as one is willing to put into the processes learned during therapy.
There is no red pill or blue pill to take that will make everything better (for any length of time). Instead, we form new life processes - ways of thinking, ways of acting, changes in diet and exercise.........All of these minor changes serve to knock the ego off-balance and allow new thought processes to take root. Then, just like with a garden, we have to tend and maintain those processes with occasional pruning, watering, general nurture........And then you look up one day and everything is pretty cool again.
And then one day.........shit happens. But our new life processes help keep us from going into the tank over it.
You and I are on the path together my friend.
Speaking to myself here:
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It is destructive and prohibits the entry of healing ideas.
Make that next step. I too, have an appointment for therapy in the near future and I plan to maximize the process by dismissing my preconceived notions and following advice - to the letter. I promise to avail myself to every tool that is offered. I promise to use those tools in order to be a better friend and lead a better life. Excuses are not permitted. My special condition is going to kill me one day if I don't learn to adjust the way I view life and living. And I just don't want to be that special anymore.
You have friends Akari. And I feel that you've been a member of this community for some time now.
Your feelings of being judged are just that - - your feelings - fostered by a killer ego - just like the one I have carefully crafted over the years. It'll kill you if you let it. I hope we can find a way around the murderous fiend and rediscover life.