Growing up in a Funeral Home showed me the aftermath of suicide among the survivors and stopped me from giving in to my own Temporary Impulses 20 years ago.
[NOTE: Survivors say "Died by" instead of "Committed" suicide. "Committed" is a verb that carries a lot of guilt that we want to avoid projecting onto the victim]
By absolute random chance a few days before the Event that killed my Buddy I started reading a book called called A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby. The premise is that 4 people meet by chance at the top of a tower block (Apartment Building) in London on New Year's Eve, each of them having come there to end their lives by Jumping.
They come together, hate each other, fight, emotionally hurt each other, but in the end have breakfast together on New Year's Day & form a "Gang" of sorts; they continue to hate, hurt, and fight, but they keep each other alive by being assholes & angels to each other...
I'm not quite done with the book yet, but I came across this passage, on page 299 of the paperback edition from 2006 that I just had to share with somebody. I can't share it on the Facebook because it's too little, too late for my Buddy that we put in the ground yesterday and would probably be painful to the rest of the family. I can scream anonymously into the void (and thank you for listening) here on Topia:
I've been there. Being Shut Out of Life is so fucking painful, but getting back into Life isn't as hard as it seems.
I had wanted to kill myself, not because I hated living, but because I loved it. And the truth of the matter is, I think, that a lot of the people who think about killing themselves feel the same way -- I think that's how [the other characters in the Novel] feel. They love life, but it's all fucked up for them, and that's why I met them, and that's why we're all still around.
We were up on the roof because we couldn't find a way back into life, and being shut out of it like that... It just fucking destroys you, man. It's a mercy killing, not a murder.
You can do it!
I'm a little late in Suicide Awareness Month (September) to be posting, I missed Suicide Prevention Day (Sep 10) & Week (the week surrounding the 10th) but every little bit helps, I guess...
If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal ideation please reach out...
In the US:
Text HOME to 741741
Live chat: https://suicidepreve...eline.org/chat/
If you're not in the US, take a second to look at this Wikipedia page for your country:
And if worse comes to worst, send me a private message. I'll be far slower in responding than the above resources, and I'm not a trained counsellor, but I've looked off the ledge and down the barrel in my day. (Permanent solution to a temporary problem and all that bullshit) -- We can talk about how hollow all those platitudes are!
If you give me until Sunset on the day after you message me I promise that we can figure out a way to speak directly and anonymously if you want to...
Keep your sticks on the ice my friends, I'm pulling for you.
Also, thanks for listening.
Edited by Phineas_Carmichael, 19 September 2021 - 04:56 AM.