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#1 ElPirana



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Posted 31 December 2021 - 03:50 AM

I felt the calling for a solo trip. I haven’t taken mushrooms in a while, maybe months now. I had a few old PE stashed away so I took 3 grams in a tea tonight.

I’ve been feeling my fears these days. I knew there was something that I just couldn’t put together for myself. I realized tonight that I’m an alcoholic. I admitted it to myself clearly. I thought that since I didn’t drink like my dad, that I somehow was not affected. But fuck I can see the self-sabotaging way that my life is playing out right now.

It’s affecting me. It affects how I interact with my kids. With my brother and sister and my parents. I have to talk to my wife. I can’t go on this way as it is, it’s destroying me. I can see clearly how my fucked up way is to submit, avoiding my fears. I’ve unknowingly played my part, but how long can I let it go on when I see it clearly? It’s my fear that has been at work the entire time, my fears that are crumbling the foundation that so much has been built on.

I’ve been calm far the past hour or two. But I need to take the next step.
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#2 Salty117



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Posted 31 December 2021 - 09:46 AM

It sounds as though you've taken the the first step in the new direction. You've admitted and acknowledged to yourself that there is a problem, and I always hear about that being the first step in recovery is really acknowleding the issue to yourself.

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Posted 31 December 2021 - 10:18 AM

Whenever I take mushrooms It usually does leave one with the impression that they need to work on issues like substance abuse. Even if all they do is help you talk about it, those first steps are important to getting to where to want to be.


I took a large dose on Monday and it left me feeling similar about my cannabis use. Telling myself it is time to do some serious thinking about it. Decided earlier in the week not to smoke weed today in order to make myself fresher when meeting up with friends for new years. Then I woke up this morning, smoked some weed and logged into topia....


Best of luck EIPirana here's to a new year and new beginnings :hug:

Edited by FLASHINGROOSTER, 31 December 2021 - 10:19 AM.

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#4 TVCasualty


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Posted 31 December 2021 - 01:42 PM

The good news about making major life changes is that they are as easy to maintain as our bad habits used to be before we changed them.


Sure, the changing part is hard as hell. It might require many attempts. But that's because changing direction in any context requires a lot more energy than maintaining a given course. But once we are fully on our new course (old, destructive habits have been replaced by new, sustainable habits) it takes very little energy to stay on it.


The hardest part of change IMO is sustaining the energy required to overcome our cognitive (and often physical) inertia during the transition period from one path to another.


I have to keep telling myself this constantly to avoid giving up and falling back into old habits, with varying degrees of success. So bringing it up in a context like this is also about reminding myself to not give up as much as it is to encourage others to not give up because it won't always be as hard as it is now.

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