My first ayahuasca journey
Posted 23 April 2007 - 05:12 PM
3g syrian rue
(All times are approximations)
My ayahuasca brew measured about 310ml, including nearly 100ml of sediment. I stirred up the sediment into the brew well, then poured off 150ml into a cup. It was cold, and I wasn’t sure if I should drink it warm or not. I heated it in a pot of boiling water, and began sipping it slowly around 10:00am.
The brew did not taste that bad. It was sour and bitter, but drinkable. I tried coating my mouth with olive oil, to see if that would make the brew go down better, but I couldn’t tell a difference either way. By 10:30am, I was nearing the sludgy sediment at the bottom. Each sip began to make me feel more and more queasy, and I was loathe to swallow that last gulp of sediment. Just thinking about it made me feel queasy. I knew if I swallowed that last portion, I would definitely throw up, so I skipped it.
By 11:00am, I began worrying that I had not taken enough. I began to feel very nauseous, and felt the affects coming on slowly. Still, I worried about whether or not I had taken enough. I began to see faint squiggly CEVs (closed-eye visuals) with my eyes closed. They would fade in and fade out, as if I had not taken enough. I began obsessing about the amount I had taken, worrying that it would be a light trip and not strong enough. Yet I was so nauseous! While I considered drinking the rest, I knew that if I did I would certainly throw up. At this point, I decided I had “chickened out” and no matter what, I wasn’t going to drink any more. I was certain this trip was going to be a bummer.
I popped into chat, alerting the room that I had “chickened out”. Rocketman told me to stop being a pussy, told me to drink the other half and down some Syrian Rue seeds. I agreed, left chat, then ran upstairs to lay down and think about mustering up my courage to drink more aya and eat some Rue seeds. At this point, the effects were slowly building. But I felt terrible; I was still certain I was not going to trip “hard”. The nausea was becoming unbearable.
I put on some music on my bedroom computer. I have an awesome 5-speaker surround-sound system for it. Usually, music sounds great. On a mushroom trip, I usually love listening to the Flaming Lips’ “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots”. But this time, the music sounded terrible. The bass sounded horribly distorted, like the speakers were blown. I turned it off.
At this point, I realized that I was tripping too much to even begin to weigh out a few grams of rue, even if I wanted to. But I still felt like I wasn’t tripping hard enough. My visuals were similar to a 4 or 5 gram mushroom trip. There were lots of faint squiggly CEVs a bit brighter than before but they were “clear” and more rounded than the same CEVs would have been on a mushroom trip. I sometimes call these “paisley fish” because I don’t know how else to describe them.
After turning the music off which had bothered me so, I decided I needed to focus myself. I sat down on my zafu and meditated. I began to see that all of my efforts of the last few weeks, preparing the aya, messing around with DMT extraction, growing mushrooms, were a hindrance to my enlightenment. I was spending all this time and energy in a futile effort to produce mind-expanding drugs, when all the while my enlightenment was right here on my cushion. I stopped obsessing over whether or not I was tripping and started to just enjoy being where I was at the time. I realized how silly I was being, worrying about whether or not I was going to trip. It rather snuck up on me! I began to laugh and feel very foolish.
About ten minutes past on the cushion, and I realized I was very thirsty and very nauseous. Vomiting felt imminent. I knew that if I went downstairs to grab a clean glass of water, I would throw up. So I found a dirty one upstairs, all the while carrying around an empty kitty-litter bucket to throw up in if I needed it. (I had been carrying around the bucket for about an hour.)
I made my way into the bathroom and left the bucket outside. I kept the light off, shut the door, and knelt before the toilet, waiting to throw up (I never did). I drank water, and noticed my CEVs still had no color to them, although they began to take on a more defined texture. Soon, my nausea began to recede some.
It was the first nice weekend of spring, and through the bathroom walls, I could hear the humming of power lawn equipment. The sound grated on my nerves. I peered out through the windows all around the house to see which of my neighbors was destroying my trip with their ruckus, but could see nothing. At this point, I decided to go outside and smoke a cigarette.
Being in the front yard was too public for my liking. I never know when neighbors will show up to say hi or ask to borrow a rake or whatnot. So I walked around to the back yard to finish my cigarette. I realized how wonderful the weather was. The sun was shining; a nice, soft breeze was blowing. I decided to go back inside and grab a blanket and lay out under the sun on the fresh, new grass.
With my blanket spread out on the grass, I lay down and smoked another cigarette. I was feeling pretty good at this point – calm, peaceful. I could see the faint outlines of my CEVs in the sky with my eyes open. I began to think of my Roshi (teacher/zen master). I learned just recently that he has major illness, possibly life threatening. I began to cry as I thought of the possibility that I would lose him. I thought about how he is the most important person in my life. I felt like calling him and expressing my love for him, but knowing from past shroom trips that this would not be the smartest idea, I decided to wait until I sobered up. So I just sat there smoking, and enjoying the sun.
My trip had increased slightly while lying under the sun, but not a whole lot. Around 2:00pm, I could tell that the visuals were beginning to fade. I went inside to grab a book, and I tried to read it on my blanket but couldn’t follow along. So I just sat there and smoked. I was hungry, and there were cheese enchiladas in the refrigerator that I really wanted to eat but knew I couldn’t due to the MAOI. So I sat and smoked some more. Around 4:00pm, I was out of cigarettes so I came back inside to read my book on the couch. I fell asleep there, then moved to a recliner, fell asleep there, then went to bed. This morning, I woke up, and as I went to work, I noticed I still felt a minor “glow” throughout my body.
So that was my journey. It was mild to say the least. A lot like a mushroom trip. The visuals were very similar, except a bit more rounded. No visions at all. I’ve received more visions on mushrooms than I did on aya. I had hoped that since I haven’t had a decent mushroom trip all this year that my tolerance would be low. However, it appears that this is not the case. I suspect that I still have quite a tolerance to mushrooms and that this tolerance affected my ayahuasca trip in a similar way. At least with mushroom tea, with the abrupt come-on, I do still get visions. If it were a mushroom trip which had given me similar CEVs, I would have called it a disappointment.
I am still pleased with my trip. It was insightful. I realized how damaging it can be to obsess over mushrooms, ayahuasca, or DMT. I’m not necessarily going to stop doing any of these things, but I need to be more mindful of my behavior and not let any of these things dominate my life.
I also realized that I needed to tell my Roshi that I loved him. Today after work, I wrote him an e-mail and told him so. I’ve had a faint glow of feel-good all day that I don’t normally get with mushrooms. All in all, a pleasant trip if not mild.
I still have half my brew left, and the sediment left-over from my previous cup. I’m going to filter out the sediment, maybe even give the sediment a wash to pull out any magic stuck in it. And I’m going to eat a couple grams of Syrian Rue for good measure. It was a good introduction to aya, but I could have handled a lot more.
Posted 23 April 2007 - 05:40 PM
I’ve had a faint glow of feel-good all day
and that's why ayahuasca is actually medicine,
not just dope.
no other 'recreational' drug
makes you feel better after it wears off
than you did before you took it.
Posted 23 April 2007 - 05:45 PM
In a way, it's good that it wasn't any stronger. My mindset was not right. Now that I know what to expect, I feel I will be able to more fully appreciate it the next time.
Posted 23 April 2007 - 06:19 PM
The best method I have found is brewing the vine and leaf seperately. It takes an extra crock pot, but I find the dosing much more manageable. I usually feel great a week or two after my brews. There is always much to learn.
Posted 23 April 2007 - 06:21 PM
I still have half the brew for next time. Do you think the couple grams extra rue will potentiate the DMT?
Posted 23 April 2007 - 06:35 PM
The best method I have found is brewing the vine and leaf seperately. It takes an extra crock pot, but I find the dosing much more manageable
how so ?
Posted 23 April 2007 - 07:55 PM
If I could tell which was lacking every time it would be very efficient, but boosting the maoi usually does the trick. I have yet to have to drink the entire double dose since I started doing it this way.
Posted 23 April 2007 - 07:57 PM
Posted 23 April 2007 - 10:20 PM
Posted 26 April 2007 - 12:12 PM
I forgot to mention that I believe there is a benefit to dosing the caapi first then the leaf. Brewing seperately also allows for this.
Posted 26 April 2007 - 02:24 PM
Posted 26 April 2007 - 02:38 PM
edited to say that this is done in the spirit of eliminating any possible causes of dud brews other than weak material. You know me hip I try to cover all the bases.
Posted 26 April 2007 - 04:29 PM
Sounds very fulfilling to me. Im not usually one to let my guard down, open my eyes or my heart. This feeling you speak of I am familiar with. I like it, as crazy as it sounds. It makes me open up and feel good about it(weird for some maybe) Shrooms can do this for me "sometimes" and it seems maybe so can Aya.. Thanks for the report, very inspirational.