Paradox
©
Fisana

Jump to content


Photo
- - - - -

Court-ordered Piss-tests


  • Please log in to reply
38 replies to this topic

#21 Fresh Brewed

Fresh Brewed

    Seeker

  • OG VIP
  • 1,236 posts

Posted 16 December 2007 - 10:04 PM

Hip...I have heard of a foley catheter being used to beat a drug test. It's a pretty unpalitable option that has it's own set of health risks and discomfort, but so does prison. I've seen a ton of foley catheters placed, and almost invariably the imagined horribleness of the procedure is worse than the actual discomfort involved...never had one myself though.

#22 Hippie3

Hippie3

    DUNG DEALER

  • Founders
  • 40,642 posts

Posted 16 December 2007 - 10:08 PM

i wasn't referring to your suggestion
which at least is a viable option
for which i thank you.

#23 Fresh Brewed

Fresh Brewed

    Seeker

  • OG VIP
  • 1,236 posts

Posted 16 December 2007 - 10:13 PM

Cool beans...:bow:

#24 kyo

kyo

    Mycophage

  • Expired Member
  • 120 posts

Posted 17 December 2007 - 04:06 AM

My advice, stop as soon as you can. Drink shitloads of water, and take a few multivitamins and b-vitamins a day. I've heard from some friends that taking a dose of creatine every day helps flush the system out too. Exercise, whatever makes you sweat. Maybe even take a detox drink or one of those "body cleanser" detox kits from GNC if you're stressing. Might want to stop the vitamin regiments a few days before the test, in case the test center is extra-strict(let the flow regulate itself back to normal). Just my 2 cents.

Good luck man, hope it plays out well for you.
:bow:

#25 Dimitrius

Dimitrius

    Mycotopiate

  • Expired Member
  • 390 posts

Posted 17 December 2007 - 06:21 AM

What you need is a product by the name of Sonne's #7. It can be found in most health food stores. It's sometimes kept behind the counter(I wonder why??).


Myself, as well as several other friends & coworkers have made the grade many times over by drinking and taking it. It will remove all of what you don't want showing up within a week or so. Or within the better part of a week if you up the dose(which is perfectly safe), guzzle gallons of water and make jogging on a hot day in a black cold-weather UnderArmour and wind pants fun. This is just my experience. Depends on many, many factors, but I'll guarantee you that if you ingest enough(like several times the average dosage), drink loads of water to the point where pissing becomes a full-time job and HALT YOUR SMOKING OF THE HERBAGE IMMEDIATELY, that you will be perfectly fine by January 8th. Sonne's Seven is practically a staple among my pothead friends in my hometown.


However, there is a bit of a catch. If you up the dose several times and guzzle water, as I always did for a quick cleansing, you will become "soberfied" very fucking quickly. Like you can physically feel it leaving your system kinda quick. So eat a bunch of cacao or drink kava or do whatever you might need to do if you feel a bit anxious.


When I used to need it, my hometown health food store carried it for $20. GNC had it marked up to $30. Either way, it's very worth it. A bottle will last more than a few times. The directions say, for the average adult, to take 1 tbsp twice per day, once in the morning mixed in warm water on an empty stomach and once in the evening straight from the spoon, right before supper. However, it can be taken in much higher amounts for short periods of time. Myself, to clean out within five or six days, I was taking 3 or 4 tablespoons in water usually three times a day and 2 or 3 tablespoons straight twice a day. I was purposely overdoing it a bit. I was trying to cleanse myself of paranoia too! I'm sure you know what I mean. Especially if it's for the courts.


Taking it in the warm water serves to cleanse the kidneys. Taking it undiluted serves more to cleanse the digestive system. It's best to cleanse both thoroughly. It will physically, mechanically(as opposed to chemically), remove the cannibinoids from your system. Simple, but effective. Aside from strapping someone else's warm piss to your leg, which is a risky idea in my opinion, this is the only thing I've ever witnessed working time and time again with certainty.


Here's some info about it:

Sonne's Bentonite #7 SO7 -- 32 Ounces :: Intestinal Support :: OnlineWorld.com Wholesale Health and Nutritional Supplements


Oh yeah, by the way, it looks like a big bottle of spermy goodness. It tastes pretty much like goopy nothingness though. Enjoy your big bottle'o jizz!


Edit: As kyo suggests above, about stopping a vitamin regimen a few days before the test, it is also best to make sure you have a few Sonne-free days before your test. You can't be too careful with this sort of thing.

#26 AmBe

AmBe

    ubuntu

  • Expired Member
  • 809 posts

Posted 17 December 2007 - 05:57 PM

probably not good for a court order test, unless no one will be watching you or you have the wizzinator. but, i have taken a few pre-employment test using quick fix synthetic urine with excellent results :)

#27 carl

carl

    STONE FREE

  • Expired Member
  • 395 posts

Posted 17 December 2007 - 06:04 PM

Never give em your first piss of the day.

#28 wildburr

wildburr

    Wildest of Burrs

  • Honorary Former Staff
  • 4,657 posts

Awards Bar:

Posted 17 December 2007 - 06:17 PM

use ready clean, I have used it many times for job requirements as well as court ordered tests and have never! failed a drug test using this product. ... the product states to stop all toxins at least two days before the test, and drink the Ready Clean about 1 to 2 hours before you have to take the test. I have smoked up to the day before and still passed using this product. ... just my experience and ..., it has worked for me ... i beat piss tests every time ive had to drop.

#29 Mermaidia

Mermaidia

    Sober Sister

  • Expired Member
  • 4,173 posts

Posted 17 December 2007 - 09:59 PM

Vales works. Vale Detox

#30 drugs!

drugs!

    FUCK hugs.

  • Expired Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 24 December 2007 - 02:53 PM

Hey dudes

Sorry I kind of dissapeared on yall. It's a crazy time of year.
Thanks for all the advice. I'll have to check out some of these detox things.

Here's what I've been doing:

Last day I smoked: Dec 10th and no weed for a week before that date.

Been drinking the hell out of water and cranberry juice (a diuretic) and, occasionally, man's greatest diuretic- beer! (Shh, don't tell my proby, 'cuz that's what I got busted for.)

Also I am a woman, although I don't have much body fat. This is significant because the THC metabolytes are fat soluble. So I am hoping that not having much fat is going to equal less metabolytes stored(?)


Other than this, I haven't been doing any other forms of detox like pills and stuff. I guess I should look into those. One month is cutting it close, because I was pretty much a daily smoker up until this point.

What's fucked up to me is, I got charged with possesion, was not driving, had no vehicle with me, no prior run-ins with the law- and they're drug testing me? I have to attend 5 weeks of substance classes and my license willl be suspended for at least 3-6 months. However, if I pass the initial test, I probably won't have to worry about any randoms (Hopefully!) But, still it's best to err on the side of caution. I guess I'll just have to walk to wherever I'm gonna get drunk.

So, my life sucks right now. God bless the court system.



But there is some good news: Acid doesn't show up on piss tests :)

#31 gsmith1981

gsmith1981

    Mycophiliac

  • Expired Member
  • 2,070 posts

Posted 24 December 2007 - 05:44 PM

took me 2 weeks to pass when i smoked

#32 witchdr11

witchdr11

    Shamanic Vibes

  • Expired Member
  • 1,302 posts

Posted 26 December 2007 - 05:54 PM

What about dilution the day of the test combined with increased creatinine intake starting 3 days beforehand to keep creatine levels high even after dilution and a few vitamin b-2 to give that nice yellow color. It has worked for me a few times, at least I didn't fail or have to retake.

I believe the old 30 days addage for a heavy smoker may be inaccurate now. This was for older standards of .15 . From what I have heard, the cutoff limit for most urine tests is now .5 giving about a 10 day detection window for a regular smoker and about 3 days for an irregular user.

Goldenseal is useless and detectable, and I think most things like ready clean work because they contain creatinine and b2, and they recommend heavy liquid intake prior to the test, which is about equal to the method I wrote above.

Never give your first piss of the day, its crammed with metabolites. Never give the first part of your pee, it has more metabolites too. Give a midstream flow only.

#33 drugs!

drugs!

    FUCK hugs.

  • Expired Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 29 December 2007 - 02:24 PM

Thanks witchdr, that makes sense.

#34 TVCasualty

TVCasualty

    Embrace Your Damage

  • Moderator
  • 11,653 posts

Awards Bar:

Posted 29 December 2007 - 08:30 PM

What you need is a product by the name of Sonne's #7. It can be found in most health food stores. It's sometimes kept behind the counter(I wonder why??).


Thanks for that bit of info, I'd been seeing those bottles of Sonne's #7 stacked (guess where?) behind the counter at my local health food store. I'd been wondering what was in it, and bentonite is just a type of clay (with ultra-high adsorbency like activated charcoal) so eating lots of it is ok but it will probably pull nutrients out of your food, too.


Also I am a woman


Hmm, I guess the Whizzinator is not the best option for you then...

...but it does create other possibilities. There have been, um, "reports" of successful smuggling of a small bag of clean urine into supervised piss tests by women utilizing a hiding place that men lack. I also hear that it is recommended that water be used for the preliminary testing of whatever apparatus is put together. In one case, the clean urine was stashed in an unlubricated condom that was tied off until it was time to fill the cup, at which point a small hole was poked in the condom with a small pin. Be careful with that pin. One nice thing about this tactic is that you can be sure the urine will be at the proper temperature (that and passing the test are the only nice things about it).

The problem is, people trying to beat piss tests often have trouble finding anyone with clean urine who'd be willing to donate some, but the clean freeze-dried stuff apparently works and can be used in the manner described above.

Good Luck!

#35 drugs!

drugs!

    FUCK hugs.

  • Expired Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 08 January 2008 - 10:24 PM

Whoo! I passed!

They used the 5-panel at-home test. I found that surprising, since I was expecting them to send it to some kind of lab or something. The last time I had any was Dec 10th. With lots of water and cranberry juice in between. I also remembered the wisdom about taking only midstream. Also, I only gave her a tiny bit, didn't even fill the bottom of the cup. (Ew.)

But, what can you say, I was a little nervous.
I got to thinking, if you give them less actual urine, wouldn't you theoreticaly have less metabolytes for the test to detect? This might be a strategy to think about.

And some good news, since my crime wasn't drug related, they say I don't have to take anymore tests. I still plan to keep a low profile and not give them any resaon to re-test. And yeah, its good to be back :eusa_danc

#36 Hippie3

Hippie3

    DUNG DEALER

  • Founders
  • 40,642 posts

Posted 08 January 2008 - 10:29 PM

congrats

#37 Mermaidia

Mermaidia

    Sober Sister

  • Expired Member
  • 4,173 posts

Posted 08 January 2008 - 10:55 PM

:eusa_clap :thumbup:

#38 weepwoop

weepwoop

    Former Member

  • Banned Member
  • 426 posts

Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:58 AM

Glad to hear the negative results. I would be carefull about them claiming you will not have to take another test. They are going to act all buddy buddy them try to screw you, it is there job. I just got off of probation, after two years and didnt recieve a single test till my last check in. That is pretty damn sneaky, so just staying clean is always the best bet.
thanks,
Steve

#39 wildburr

wildburr

    Wildest of Burrs

  • Honorary Former Staff
  • 4,657 posts

Awards Bar:

Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:59 AM

Congrats. :headbang:




Like Mycotopia? Become a member today!