1st Salvia Experiences - psychedelic weekend
Posted 10 April 2006 - 12:20 AM
My buddy tried it first being the braver of us and I filmed it - he seemed to be enjoying it overall - giggly, etc. Of course I had done plenty of research, read many experiences, and I had given him some of the information to read as well. But like I had read, nothing can prepare you for that experience. When I smoked it I took enough to get me to a very high level - literally.
I was sitting there looking at the baby swing and the clock on the wall with most of the lights out except the wall across from me was lit by the hall light - the last thing I remember hearing was my friend saying something close to "you'll know what (we're) talking about." I took my second big hit and the perspective started shifting like I was moving, I thought "wow this is like some awesome ac(id) - what the fuck?" At first I wondered how anyone could enjoy what was happening to me, the way I felt, I was morphing. I just couldn't believe I was supposed to be feeling this way. At the time I really couldn't comprehend it all as it happened fast, but in hindsight I can a little better.
I was all of the sudden a giant, the wall was my pants leg and the ground I was walking on(floating really, but I was moving my legs in the vision and in this reality). My friend and my wife were giants too. I couldn't get it out of my head that they knew what was going to happen to me when I hit this, I forgot that I was the instigator at first. I thought I was being let in on some secret that had been kept from me, it felt like my head was in heaven I was so tall and everything so bright. Of course I was actually scared in a way at first, I thought I was stuck this way even though I didn't really loose track of time - it lasted a minute and thats about how long it seemed. My friend and my wife rubbed my arm and told me everything would be ok - that made me start to think this was some sort of intervention, that the whole salvia market was designed to make people think it was cool and then really fuck with them, that it was a tool to scare people away from drugs. I was sure that when I finally got back to normal, my wife and friend were going to start telling me that I have been doing way too many drugs (that's weird cuz my friend just admitted to me that night that he is struggling with smack and coke and like mentioned earlier I was the instigator). Just as fast as it started I began shrinking with the others and I said "I don't want it!"
A few seconds later I said "This seems like something you would give your kids to stay away from drugs. 'So you're curious about drugs, huh - well try this - heavy huh? and that's the legal shit, hehe.'"
After about ten minutes I was ready for another hit.
This time I only took one and I closed my eyes most of the time. I started to see how I could excert some control over what I was experiencing this time. I could see I was in black space, towards the outer edge of a spinning galaxy-like disc of blue light which I thought was all energy and all life and I was moving with it but it was faster, so I could feel the energy hit me, I was particulate energy btw not a body. What came next is harder to describe - it felt like I was wearing special sunglasses - it was liquid like I was kind of seeing some world half in water and half out of water. I was looking around back and forth, in both realities. At some point I opened my eyes for a second and whatever I had been seeing with eyes closed was combined with the room, so I just closed my eyes again. I felt totally at peace with this experience and in general and that continued after the peak.
Later I chewed 6 grams of dry leaves as long as I could (never again) and smoked some whole leaf. I started getting a more laid back acid type trip which was cool, my friend chewed some as well but fell asleep. I went to bed and realized what an aphrodesiac this stuff can be cuddling with my wife- too bad though, my friend was in the next room and my wife was very tired and had gone to asleep already.
The next day I crushed 3g of syrian rue for each of us and I made myself some ground mushie capsules, 2g worth, and gave my friend my last 2g plain. We ate the rue about an hour before the mushies and we could both feel psychedelic effects just from that. His mushies hit him much faster and harder that mine, but I tripped longer - I figure the capsules made that difference. It came in waves when it finallly hit. On a side note: it was fortunate because my old boss called me to see if I wanted some work which I do and I wouldn't have been able to talk to him if I had felt like my friend. My friend says he thought he was going to die at first, before I got the phone call. Also it was weird enough he had to drop out of the chinese checker game I was playing with my wife and son and that he was "taking a nap" in my bed when the inlaws came to pick my son up, if I had been out of it like that it would not have looked good at all. I think my son, who is only six, knows when I trip - I think he knew something was different about me when he was like 3 or 4 if I was tripping. The inlaws I could handle, they are a little naive, or at least unconcerned - they know my feelings about entheogens although they find it hard to agree. The trip lasted seemed constant with the exceptions of a few intense moments from about 3 till about 9 or 10. I was glad by then for it to be over. I was worrying about my son - he has some issues (we believe some are caused by a combination of his personality, our parenting, and his grandparent's spoiling). Don't get me wrong, he is very sensitive and sweet and though I am sensitive I don't come from a family of very sensitive men and I was raised by a yelling overreactive father and now I struggle not to be one myself. I won't get into that too much, I was beating myself up in my mind though I don't really deserve it.
I was also thinking about my salvia experience alot while I was tripping and I was having a hard time integrating the experience, I was thinking of giving up tripping, wondering it really is for me - I have always wanted to trip super hard, and now I had even though it didn't last long. The salvia experience changed my perspective - I began feel many things in this reality are directly related to the salvia reality. Still I was starting to think that I could not find truth with psychedelics that maybe meditation, lucid dreaming, etc. might not offer a more controllable, varied, true existence. Of course that didn't last long. I have always wanted to escape my body since I was in high school. I still feel that way, but I haven't felt trapped in my body in a long time - at least not since I met my wife. And I began to remember all the other things that people had experienced on salvia it kind of feels like I spent an hour at the Smithsonian. I do want more, though I will wait a while. My friend loved it - tried to get the rest of my extract off me all weekend. He had hit it a few more times than I did. Still he admits he maybe should wait a little longer, as he too was having a time integrating the experiences with normal reality, past experiences. Coming down we watched Shaun of the Dead - first time I watched it since I got it for Christmas and I was shrooming when I rented it and watched it the first time - it lightened things up a bit, I love that movie. Well, that about wraps it up.
Posted 10 April 2006 - 08:16 AM
sally as the anti-gateway drug :lol: might even work, don't tell the dea.
be nice to your son, the shrooms showed you truly.
Posted 10 April 2006 - 09:12 AM
I said to my friend once while we were shrooming that maybe what I need is some corporal punishment, ie an asskicking. He was like, "I'll oblige you." I thought about it, and then realized that wouldn't be likely to help after all. I noticed more consciously than ever before, with a more critical mind, that I have it ingrained in my mind somehow that sometimes intimidation is the only way to change a person's behaviour - and I saw that I am wrong: that intimidation does change a persons behaviour but not the way you might hope. Still, that is only one aspect of my poor behaviour as a father. Not that I'm a terrible, unloving, or abusive father - just not perfect, and my son is a little more sensitive than most people, I think. It's the overreacting, the anger, frustration and disgust that temporarily arise in me, seemingly out of nowhere, in response to some external stimuli, that I must somehow defuse.
I see my son beginning to act like me, expressing verbal frustration about not being able to find the right crayon, just like when I can't find something. AH!
Not only must I be nice to my son, I must refrain from overreacting about all situations in general.
Posted 10 April 2006 - 09:15 AM
what you would hate in yourself
and therein arises
'anger, frustration and disgust'.
Posted 10 April 2006 - 09:42 AM
Posted 10 April 2006 - 10:02 AM
perhaps sometimes you see in him
what you would hate in yourself
and therein arises
'anger, frustration and disgust'.
but it also arises over many things like crazy drivers, slow computing by my computer, lost keys, etc., etc.
I literally hit my computer sometimes:gah:
like that's going to help!
Posted 10 April 2006 - 10:06 AM
Posted 10 April 2006 - 10:25 AM