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Aloneness and courage


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#1 Deepmeditator

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Posted 26 January 2013 - 06:36 PM

I have been a lonely type of person all my life, never had a steady relation ship not interested in one either, dont have many friends very few actually i can count them all with one hand, i might look antisocial to most when hanging out cuz i dont drink alcohol not even beer and dont smoke cigs either so thats a reason i don hang out much lately cuz most folks just wanna get drunk and i find me there in betwen drunk friends having myself a bottle of h20 lol. so yeah my hang out (social activities) is pretty much smoking herb with friends and taking psychedellics in a safe enviorement once in a while.

any how ive been reeding books from the indian spiritual master Osho and he had some very interesting stuff to say about aloneness i thought id share with u guys maybe fellow loners might benefit :)

ive learned quite a few things from this master in the last few years

Question: Beloved Master, Please say something about the disciple’s aloneness and courage.

Osho
: Anand Taral, the first thing to realize is that whether you want or not, you are alone. Aloneness is your very nature. You can try to forget it, you can try not to be alone by making friends, having lovers, mixing in the crowd… But whatever you do remains just on the surface. Deep inside, your aloneness is unreachable, untouchable.


A strange accident happens to every human being: as he is born the very situation of his birth begins in a family. And there is no other way, because the human child is the weakest child in the whole of existence.

Other animals are born complete. A dog is going to remain a dog his whole life, he is not going to evolve, grow. Yes, he will become aged, old, but he will not become more intelligent, he will not become more aware, he will not become enlightened. In that sense all the animals remain exactly at the point of their birth; nothing essential changes in them. Their death and their birth are horizontal — in one line.


Only man has the possibility of going vertical, upwards, not just horizontal. Most of humanity behaves like other animals: life is just growing old — not growing up. Growing up and growing old are totally different experiences.

Man is born in a family amongst human beings. From the very first moment he is not alone; hence, he gets a certain psychology of always remaining with people. In aloneness he starts feeling scared… unknown fears. He is not exactly aware of what he is afraid of, but as he moves out of the crowd something inside him becomes uneasy. To be with others he feels cozy, at ease, comfortable.

It is because of this reason he never comes to know the beauty of aloneness; the fear prevents him. Because he was born in a group he remains part of a group, and as he grows in age he starts making new groups, new associations, new friends. Already, existing collectivities don’t satisfy him: the nation, the religion, the political party… He creates his own new associations: Rotary Club, Lions Club. But all these strategies are just to avoid one thing: never to be alone.

The whole life experience is of being together with people. Aloneness seems almost like a death. In a way it is a death; it is the death of the personality that you have created in the crowd. That is a gift of others to you. The moment you move out of the crowd you also move out of your personality.

In the crowd you know exactly who you are: you know your name, you know your degrees, you know your profession; you know everything that is needed for your passport, your identity card. But the moment you move out of the crowd, what is your identity, who are you? Suddenly you become aware that you are not your name — your name was given to you. You are not your race — what relationship has race with your consciousness? Your heart is not Hindu or Mohammedan; your being is not confined to any political boundaries of a nation; your consciousness is not part of any organization or church. Who are you?


Suddenly your personality starts dispersing. This is the fear: the death of the personality. Now you will have to discover freshly, you will have to ask for the first time who you are. You will have to start meditating on the fact: Who am I? — and there is a fear that you may not be at all. Perhaps you were nothing but a combination of all the opinions of the crowd, that you were nothing but your personality.

Nobody wants to be nothing. Nobody wants to be nobody.
And in fact everybody is a nobody.

There is a very beautiful story…
Alice has reached Wonderland. She came to meet the king and the king asked, “Alice, did you meet a messenger coming towards me?”
She said, “I met nobody.”
The king said, “If you met nobody, why has he not arrived yet?”
Alice was very much puzzled. She said, “You are not understanding me rightly. Nobody is nobody.”
The king said, “That is obvious that nobody is nobody, but where is he? He should have reached here by this time. It simply means nobody walks slower than you.”
And naturally Alice was very much annoyed and forgot that she is talking to the king. She said, “Nobody walks faster than me.”
Now the whole conversation goes on with that “nobody.” She understands that he is saying, “Nobody walks slower than you.”
“… and I am a fast walker. I have come from the other world to Wonderland, a small world — and he is insulting me.” Naturally she retorts, “Nobody walks faster than me!”
The king said, “If that is right then why has he not arrived?”
And this way the discussion continues.

Everybody is a nobody. So the first problem for a disciple is to understand exactly the nature of aloneness. It means nobodiness; it means dropping your personality which is a gift to you by the crowd. As you move off out of the crowd you cannot take that gift with you in your aloneness. In your aloneness you will have to discover again afresh, and nobody can give you the guarantee whether you will find anybody inside or not.
Those who have reached to aloneness have found nobody there. I really mean no body. No name, no form, but a pure presence, a pure life, nameless, formless. This is exactly the true resurrection, and it certainly needs courage. Only very courageous people have been able to accept with joy their nobodiness, their nothingness. Their nothingness is their pure being; it is a death and a resurrection both.

Just today Hasya was showing me a small, beautiful cartoon: Jesus hanging on the cross, looking at the sky, is saying, “It would have been better if alongside God the father I had Allah the uncle. It would have been better; at least if God was not listening, Allah might have helped.”
Having just God for his whole life he was very happy proclaiming, “I am the only begotten son of God.” And he never talked about God’s family, his brother, his wife, his other sons and daughters. In the whole of eternity what has he been doing? He does not have a TV to waste time, to pass time. He does not have any possibility of having a movie hall. What does this poor fellow go on doing?
It is a well-known fact that in poor countries the population goes on exploding for the simple reason that the poor man has no other free entertainment. The only free entertainment is to produce children. Although it is in the long run very costly, right now there is no ticket, no problem, no standing in the queue…
What has God been doing for the whole eternity? He has created only one son. Now on the cross he remembers that it would have been better if God really had a few brothers, sisters, uncles. “I could have asked help from somebody else if he is not listening to me.” He is praying and he is being angry saying, “Why have you forgotten me? Have you given up on me?” — but there is no answer.
He is waiting for the miracle. The whole crowd that has gathered to see the miracle by and by started dispersing. It was too hot, unnecessarily. Nothing is going to happen; if something was going to happen it would have happened.
After six hours there were only three ladies left who were still believing that a miracle may happen. One was Jesus’ mother — naturally, mothers go on believing that their child is a genius. Every mother, without exception, believes that she has given birth to a child which is a giant.
Another woman who loved Jesus was a prostitute, Mary Magdalene. That woman, although she was a prostitute, must have loved Jesus. Even the disciples, the so-called apostles, who became second to Jesus in importance in the history of Christianity, all twelve escaped just out of fear of being caught and of being recognized — because they were always hanging around with Jesus, everywhere. You never can believe the crowd: if they were caught, they might have been crucified, if not crucified at least beaten, stoned to death. Only three women were left.
The third was another woman who loved Jesus. It was love that remained in the last moments in the form of these three women. All those disciples must have been with Jesus just in order to get into paradise. It is always good to have good contacts, and you can’t find a better contact than the contact with the only begotten son of God. Just behind him they will also be able to enter through the gates of paradise. Their disciplehood was a kind of exploitation of Jesus; hence there was no courage. It was cunning and clever, but not courageous.
Only love can be courageous. You are asking about aloneness and courage. Courage comes out of love… Do you love yourself? Do you love this existence? Do you love this beautiful life which is a gift? It has been given to you without your being even ready for it, without your deserving it, without your being worthy of it.
If you love this existence which has given life to you, which goes on providing every moment life and nourishment to you, you will find courage. And this courage will help you to stand alone like a cedar of Lebanon, high — reaching to the stars but alone.

In aloneness you will disappear as an ego and personality and you will find yourself as life itself, deathless and eternal. Unless you are capable of being alone your search for truth will remain a failure.


Your aloneness is your truth.
Your aloneness is your divineness.



The function of the master is to help you to stand alone. Meditation is just a strategy to take away your personality, your thoughts, your mind, your identity with the body, and leave you absolutely alone inside, just a living fire. And once you have found your living fire, you will know all the joys and all the ecstasies that human consciousness is capable of.


The old woman watched her grandson eat his soup with the wrong spoon, grasp his knife by the wrong end, eat the main course with his hands, and pour tea into the saucer and blow on it.
“Has not watching your mother and father at the dinner table taught you anything?” she asked.
“Yes,” said the boy, chewing with his mouth open, “never to get married.”

He has learned a great lesson: Remain alone.

It is really very difficult to be with others, but we are accustomed from our very birth to be with others. It may be miserable, it may be a suffering, it may be a torture but we are accustomed; at least it is well known. One is afraid to step into the darkness beyond the territory, but unless you go beyond the territory of the collective mask, you cannot find yourself.

Groucho Marx has made a beautiful statement for you to remember: “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set I go into the other room and read a book.”


The teacher of a class of ten-year-olds is too shy to conduct the sex-education class and so she asks her class to make this a homework project.
Little Hymie asks his father who mumbles something about a stork. His grandmother said he came from a cabbage patch and his great-grandmother blushes and whispers that children come from the great ocean of existence.
The next day, little Hymie is called by the teacher to report on his project. Little Hymie says to the teacher, “I’m afraid there is something wrong in our family. Apparently nobody has made love for three generations!”

In fact, very few people have loved at all; they have pretended, have been hypocrites deceiving not only others but have deceived themselves too.You can love authentically only when you are. Right now you are only a part of a crowd, a cog in the wheel. How can you love? — because you are not. First be; first know yourself.
In your aloneness you will discover what it is to be. And out of that awareness of your being love flows, and much more. Aloneness should be your only search. And it does not mean that you have to go to the mountains, you can be alone in the marketplace. It is simply a question of being aware, alert, watchful, remembering that you are only your watchfulness. Then you are alone wherever you are. You may be in the crowd, you may be in the mountains; it makes no difference, you are just the same watchfulness. In the crowd you watch the crowd; in the mountains you watch the mountains. With open eyes you watch existence; with closed eyes you watch yourself.
You are only one thing: the watcher. And this watcher is the greatest realization. This is your buddha nature; this is your nature of enlightenment, of your awakening. This should be your only discipline. Only this makes you a disciple: this discipline of knowing your aloneness. Otherwise, what makes you a disciple? You have been deceived on every point in life. You have been told that to believe in a master makes you a disciple. That is absolutely wrong; otherwise, everybody in the world is a disciple.

Somebody believes in Jesus, somebody believes in Buddha, somebody believes in Krishna, somebody believes in Mahavira; everybody believes in somebody but nobody is a disciple, because to be a disciple does not mean to believe in a master. To be a disciple means to learn the discipline of being your self, of being your true self.

In that experience is hidden the very treasure of life. In that experience you become for the first time an emperor; otherwise you will remain a beggar in the crowd. There are two kinds of beggars: poor beggars and rich beggars, but they are all beggars. Even your kings and your queens are beggars.

Only those people, very few people who have stood alone in their being, in their clarity, in their light, who have found their own light, who have found their own flowering, who have found their own space they can call their home, their eternal home — those few people are the emperors. This whole universe is their empire. They don’t need to conquer it; it is already conquered. By knowing oneself you have conquered it.

Source: Osho Book “The Invitation”

Edited by Deepmeditator, 26 January 2013 - 09:48 PM.

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#2 Deepmeditator

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Posted 31 January 2013 - 04:27 PM

I remember using the term lonely or loners in the post but i should have not done so, because loner is a word derived from loneliness wich is totally diferent then aloneness IMO. U see loneliness is an ugly thing, its depressing, its sad, its the absence of the other, u would like the other to be there but the others not and you feel it and u miss the other. aloneness? its diferent, YOU are there, its your presence , its like a positive phenomenon u dont miss the other u meet ur self. ur aint lonely ur with ur self. Lonely u simply are alone, there is no one, ur not with ur self and ur missing the other.

loneliness is negative, its an absence, aloneness is possitive, its a presence. acording to the dictionary their synonimum but in life their not.
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#3 NightWolf

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Posted 31 January 2013 - 07:02 PM

I came into this thread happy that you've bumped it otherwise I would have probably not read it. Now that I have, I don't know what to think.

I'm very similar to what you have described about yourself. I enjoy being alone and don't really seek people. In fact I am alone most of the times.

I'm happy to be alone as long as I know that those that I love are safe and sound but at the same time I would feel selfish to leave those that I love alone.

If personality is a gift of others then it sure does suck because most of the time I have nothing to talk about when with others.

I had some other insights but I kind of lost myself here. The thread definitely makes sense and it reminds me of an experience I had a while ago.

It was not drug induced.

After the experience I felt great for the next few days, it felt great to be alive and life felt great, I went to bed early and woke up early. Though at the same time I didn't feel quite normal, I researched and had deep thoughts about the truffle trips and the MDMA trip. At certain points throughout the week it felt like I was tripping, I didn't want to deep think because I felt lonely and it felt like you could go insane. My mind was quite weird and I felt I needed people. I couldn't get a proper erection through those next few days and although I can get one now it's not like it used to be, porn doesn't really make me as horny, but I'm not really worried about that.

A week and a half later from the MDMA experience I went into a deep thinking process, I started to think about the truffle experiences again and the MDMA and I came up with theories based on own experiences and those that I've read about online. The main theory was that when we take mushrooms it's like traveling back in time. They sort of take you back to an extent depending on the dosages. You can revisit childhood memories and what not. I've read of people experiencing themselves being in wombs and then people that have gone into trips completely out of this reality where they experienced ego death. This got me thinking deep, and I had deep understandings which made me truly believe that shrooms kind of unwind us and this is when I understood what ego death must be like.

With the deep thinking I'm not sure what happened but I started trembling, I was cold and my right pupil became dilated. Finally I watched a Matrix clip about the blue pill and the red pill. This got me thinking even more about reality, and I thought what if this is all in our minds, what if our imagination is so powerful that we're only imagining this. It felt like we were on a spiral, the lower down the spiral you are the more brainwashed you are, the higher you are the more you know. I was pondering whether or not this is true and I thought what if we're meant to escape life by unwinding ourselves, what if this is just a prison for our minds. This got me freaked out so bad that I had to call a friend and then stay up with one for pretty much the whole night. My imagination was working like never before and I was worried that if I kept thinking I would never come back that my body would stay brain dead and I would never come back. I got quite deep and this made me feel really bad as I'm very connected to my family, I love them and I could never leave them behind. It felt like I was going to be forever stuck somewhere alone.


I don't know if it's fear of being alone or fear of leaving others behind but it sure does suck to be in fear.

I can't quite agree with Osho though and I don't know if I would even want to. Either way as good as I feel to be alone, it would be really boring and everything would suck if that was always the case.
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#4 Alder Logs

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Posted 01 February 2013 - 12:14 AM

I didn't read all of it. I am a really crappy reader because I am lysdexic.

I used to be afraid of being alone. I got into a really crappy relationship with a woman who was afraid of being alone once. After that relationship, I tried to get another relationship and eventually abandoned the hunt. I found out that I like living alone and now can't imagine sharing a living space for any length of time. When I think back I think, "what was I afraid of?" I like people (who don't smoke cigarettes or have to have a dog with them at all times) to come by, but I want them to have their own place. I'm old and set in my ways now. Shit happens.




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#5 Uncle G

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Posted 01 February 2013 - 12:44 AM

There is other forums to discuss religion. This is not one of them. While you hit them all. And plus looks more that you cut and copied that then posted it.

#6 Deepmeditator

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Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:19 AM

There is other forums to discuss religion. This is not one of them. While you hit them all. And plus looks more that you cut and copied that then posted it.


ofcourse i oviously pasted most of the post from a book which was specified in the post at the end is this not allowed? just wanted to share a good read, i thought this was an apropiate section, dint know theres one for spiritual stuff thanks for letting me know tho, if any mods would like to move the whole thing over there im cool with that in fact i would apprecciatte it.

Edited by Deepmeditator, 01 February 2013 - 06:06 AM.


#7 wildedibles

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Posted 01 February 2013 - 06:43 AM

:) Storming the Gates would be the place to be :)
Trips and spiritual stuff goes in there drug induced or not :)

I really liked that read I have been in the process of understanding this myself
younger in my life I was lonely a lot felt like a piece was missing
family didnt fill this a boyfriend hubby didnt fill this and children didnt fill this void
when I tried all that to fill my void I realized only I can fill that void with love of my true self ;)
The who I am without trying
I became ok with me who ever I may be ;)
I think my sig fits well with this thread
I feel at one in the sun
this oneness is the Aloneness not lonely
All in all is all we are
is everyone being Alone and yet together and one :)
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#8 Cambo

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 04:55 PM

I have problems feeling the way you do without the regular intake of psychedelics and am quite prone to feeling like OP. Do you manage it with psychs, too?
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#9 MungoFungo

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 06:14 PM

I feel ya bro, I FEEL YA...hehehe! fuck! im so sick of fake M fukerz, Im about to TURN INTO A FULL BLOW FUKIN HERMIT!! I SWEAR!! heheheh!

the real people are the core, but they are hard to FIND.. Better off getting a pet.....People suck basically....

OH SHIT!! but HERE IS THE PROBLEM.. I DON"T CARE HOW MUCH COURAGE U GOT.. YOU WILL GET HORNY... and WHEN THE ALMIGHTY ASS is ON THE MIND 24 friggin HOURS A DAY!! WATCH OUT MOTHER FUKERZ!! i havent been laid in A LONG TIME!!!!

adfasdlkfhaslfhadfoiasd ;foiahspfoihlfh !!! damn it!! now you got me Hitting my head on the KEY BOARD AGAIN.
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#10 Deepmeditator

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 06:50 PM

I have problems feeling the way you do without the regular intake of psychedelics and am quite prone to feeling like OP. Do you manage it with psychs, too?


Well 2 years ago i got da HPPD after taking 8gs dried two portions of 4gs one hour apart, I always say i found this to be a perception upgrade rather then a decease. my doors of perception have been left slightly open, i can see the air, the glow of the electromagnetic fileds, stuff might breath and morph if i stare, i always close my eyes to see a light show. all these and more while sober. meditating is a lot easier too

So ever since this i dont have to take psychedellics to often i only have one experience every other month, every experienece seems to upgrade my perception more and more

before i got the perception upgrade i used to have them on a weekly basis
i do however smoke ganja on a daily basis, i think may be thats one of the reasons the upgrade wont go away but i dont mind, i enjoy it :)

Edited by Deepmeditator, 02 February 2013 - 06:56 PM.

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#11 Uncle G

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 06:58 PM

Policy. But you have had at least two mods be cool with it. So I am cool. I just like topia being religion free. Keeps me from offending and being offended.
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#12 Deepmeditator

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:17 PM

I just like topia being religion free. Keeps me from offending and being offended.


hhm.. i would consider it to be more on the spiritual side then religious but i guess that might get confusing, the text does mention a few religious entities, however not offending any of them or their followers.

I understand osho's words might be a bit raw and hard to digest at times and

I am really sorry if by making this thread i made anyone feel uncomfortable or broke any rules, it truely was not my intention.

Edited by Deepmeditator, 02 February 2013 - 08:30 PM.


#13 Spooner

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 07:41 PM

Spooner is a very content Hermit.
People and fish are initially nurishing,
but tend to stink after a few days.

Perhaps they are best in small doses...




...or maybe as Hannible says, "...with Fave Beans".


I never tried them that way.
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#14 Sidestreet

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 08:39 PM

I feel the observer... once I heard of it I found I could withdraw from all the worldly things that are not the observer and look at them from a distance... keeping that distance helps to navigate life...

"oh, look at what he's doing now... oh, look, he's afraid" (not I'M afraid). "That kind of fear could really hold a being back... luckily the fear AND the being are only illusions."
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#15 Alder Logs

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Posted 02 February 2013 - 09:24 PM

...or maybe as Hannible says, "...with Fave Beans".



I liked your post, but I hated that movie.


#16 wildedibles

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Posted 03 February 2013 - 03:15 AM

hhm.. i would consider it to be more on the spiritual side then religious but i guess that might get confusing, the text does mention a few religious entities, however not offending any of them or their followers.

I understand osho's words might be a bit raw and hard to digest at times and

I am really sorry if by making this thread i made anyone feel uncomfortable or broke any rules, it truely was not my intention.


Yes we know u didnt have religious fighting in mind ;)
This is why its not trashed
we are alloud to talk in storming the gates about our religious experiences

See all religions can spark an argument and
its the arguing that we do not want here
many of our members have different religions

There was a time I couldnt look at Christianity without getting angry
I am not getting into why but I had pent up anger
but I have worked threw this and can read and look again without getting upset
this is the kinda stuff we are talking about
its not alloud cause of the fighting it can cause
but no one here is fighting its just a few words a
and If we dont want to read them we dont have to ;)

there is no fighting in here so its ok dont worry about it
now u know storming the gates is where spiritual stuff goes

I am glad I have read this thread and will continue to
cause fear is something I am working on
and I get the lonly and alone thing

at one time I was terrified to be alone in my own house
I have worked this out and enjoy my alone time now the quiet
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#17 Alder Logs

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Posted 03 February 2013 - 10:00 AM

wr.jpg

#18 Guy1298

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Posted 04 February 2013 - 02:43 AM

I read the first post and skimmed the rest. I enjoyed the read. Certainly it is a perspective that seems positive. Might be worth using.

I also live in aloneness. When I was in elementary school and middle school I would skip school and spend my time alone thinking to myself outside in the woods or in some other hiding place. It's just what I did. And really I have only ever stopped doing things like that when I had a close girlfriend about 5 years back. That was the beginning of a deeper experience with attachment and ultimately sorrow. I really don't think that attachment took a large pause until just this year through use of hallucinogens and practice of meditation. When you go through bliss and intense fear I think you learn to break your attachments the one's you knew you always had and shouldn't have. Maybe you don't do it all at once, but slowly. When you're unattached you are at peace.

I don't think I need to relate to people anymore. Though I do occasionally. I told a friend of mine that I don't feel as though I know anyone. He said, "... what do you mean? I don't understand." I replied, "It doesn't matter." haha.

I like to keep in mind that a teaching is just a teaching. It isn't true until you experience it as a tool in life. And still it might as well be false. lol.

Though I haven't said it anywhere else on this forum. Lately I do have an intention to become a monk in the future, to live alone and really experience meditation. I have had the intention most of my life, but it didn't feel completely decided until just this year. I have spent enough time at a monastery to realize how becoming a monk is a real possibility. All I need to do is pay off my debts which shouldn't be too hard but might take a year or two. Then I can go into the trap that is organized religion. heh. I understand enough about Buddhism to know that it is quite far from what we expect. It is learning to chant, and working with other monks, tolerating old and seemingly useless rules, and often times breaking them. But I know that life at a monastery fixes some problems. As a monk you have time to be alone and to meditate. I don't possess that time here. My time is given to thoughts and obligations that seem in direct opposition to being alone and meditating. So I understand that I need to make that time by breaking away from my conventional life. If not I suspect I will lose the little discipline I have gained lately, fall deeper into attachment, and live an unhappy existence where I continually delude myself again and again trying to understand a million things I don't really need to understand, which often times cannot even be understood.

I suspect a life dedicated to non-delusion is worth living. But who knows? lol. I have a lot of growing up to do. I have yet to experience meditation and aloneness as deeply as I suspect will be required for the actualization of wisdom. I am unwise. I am attached and easily disrupted. And I have always suspected most of younger people are.

I suspect also that we should be a little skeptical about the thing mentioned as aloneness here. Seclusion and being alone has a history of developing insanity, or so it has seemed to me. This teaching is an interpretation of seclusion that might as well be experientially an outlier.

Edited by Guy1298, 04 February 2013 - 03:06 AM.

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#19 onediadem

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Posted 15 November 2017 - 03:10 PM

I am bumping this. There is a new found peace that I find myself enjoying alone. I have very little tolerance for people not on the same bandwidth that I am. As far as aloneness developing insanity, it all comes down to perspective. One mans insanity is another mans brilliance. 


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#20 Alder Logs

Alder Logs

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Posted 15 November 2017 - 06:46 PM

So, this time I read the whole thing.   I find much resonance with Osho's words, which I probably would not have found so much back then, nearly five years ago.   I would have agreed, based on my early explorations with LSD, as one truth gleaned from those experiences was that even if you tripped with other people, laughing and doing things together, it became clear that everyone was on their own trip, and no experience was really shared between any two points of perception. 

 

A change in my experience came three years and one month ago, when a young man who was here to help an old man build his dream of a community shop and perhaps a mushroom farm, a young man whom I even made my sole heir, bailed out on the opportunity, due to a condition he had hidden; borderline personality disorder.   It was not only a return to being alone in the world, but the evident destruction of a dreamed of future for a dreamed of personality.   It was then I became, via intent, "the watcher."   The term I used, was from the guidance of a dear distant friend, to stay as "the witness." 

 

For some reason, I, the witness, became an impersonal seeing of myself and my situation, and that seeing was immediately known as more me than what I had been feeling and believed myself to be.    It was a rather sudden realization that who I thought I was was not what I was, but an image in and of all the stories I had accepted about me, the person.   I saw I was not that.   That seeing was that I was freed from my own bullshit.   In that seeing was the realization that we all get taken down that road, and everyone playing their parts as the other, were doing just their own versions of their own believed in story persons.   I could only be forgiving all of them, as it was clear that kind of seeing is rare. 

 

I was in heaven for weeks after that truth hit me.   And then, there came my memories of it all, and a new personality started to form.  One that pretended to incorporate the experience of the new seeing, but not in the present, but from the new memories of the perspective change.   A new phony me was trying to step into the space, much like my acid induced revelatory visions used to fade away in the afterglow of the most profound trips.    It was just at this time when I found, or was found by, a master of being true.   It was all grace, for this world of illusions has to be seen for what it is, and isn't.  

 

The courage has to be there to be nothing, nobody, just as Osho said.   Being in, and not of the world, no one will suspect at first glance that you are not the person they think you to be.   You seeing you are not your person is your freedom.    The crowd will continue to gift each other with the illusion of togetherness.   We all can see the lie when we are blasted free by the five grams.   Do we see our beliefs of personhood reemerge as we come down and away from the peak?  The memories don't go away.   The beliefs keep lobbying for influence.   But, once all the bullshit stories we have told ourselves have been glimpsed, we have the choice to leave them and their past/future case-building.   All  that is seen truly is seen from the truth of now.   If there is any future/past component, it is the person asserting its claims of existence.   Only the seeing exists.   Awareness, being as one, is alone.  

 

Three years have played past the present seeing.   It only just gets better.    The ordinary is extraordinary.   I look toward anything and anybody who calls me to be present.    I have only thanks for everything that passes what stays as the seeing.   

 

“Knowing I am nothing is Wisdom.
Knowing I am everything is Love.”
~Nisargadatta Maharaj


Edited by Alder Logs, 15 November 2017 - 06:49 PM.

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